For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

Falling asleep was virtually impossible. As many times as I closed my laptop to be rid of the nasty thoughts, within seconds I found myself opening it right back up.

I was alone and disappointed, and oddly enough in myself more than Harry. My self esteem was taking countless blows right to the gut and all the hateful words were just fuel to the fire. Harry was in one of the most successful boy bands in the world as of right now. The lads were making history and a part of something truly incredible, which left me questioning how I fit into the equation.

My long and rough battle with Leukemia had left me rather frumpy and boyish. I looked through some of my old pictures, my hair was rich and long, my body was curvy and my skin actually had pigment. I’d forgotten what it’s like to feel beautiful and sexy. Now loose skin practically hung from my boney frame. All of my clothes seemed to hang off my body where they used to cling in all the right ways. My face was the most repulsive. Sure, my hair had managed to grow a bit since I shaved it but nonetheless it was still shorter then Harry’s, Niall’s, Liam’s, Louis’, and Zayn’s. Models would have killed for my cheekbones as of now, the dark circles under my eyes didn’t appear to be leaving, and my albino skin tone made my lips look like a chapped red. I spent hours staring at my body in countless different angels, but all of them left me disappointed. I couldn’t find one appealing thing about myself so when I looked for reassurance on the internet, I found it.

I never really paid much attention to my own opinion of my appearance, I was always my harshest critic that’s just how it was, but if there are thousands of other people agreeing with me, it was only a matter of time until Harry thought the same things. What if he already did?

Harry was hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me; I couldn’t let that slip away. Something needed to be done. As of what, well I haven’t a clue.

Harry’s POV

I got home around three o’clock that night. I tried my best to slip in through the door and throughout the house without making much noise and I did a good job until I got to the kitchen. I flipped on the switch and that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. The kitchen was full of food, all beautifully prepared and the dining table set so elegantly in the next room over. I truly felt horrible about cancelling; I could only imagine how angry Quinn was with me. I skipped my cup of tea that night and rushed upstairs into our room.

I pushed the door open slowly, only making it creak louder. There was a bright glow coming from Quinn’s laptop placed on my side of the bed. I kicked off my shoes and quickly undressed before I softly sat on the bed. I pulled the laptop onto my lap. To say I was confused would have been an understatement. On the screen was an old picture of Quinn, it must have been from a school dance. I must say it barely looked like her. Her hair was dark brown, long and curly. She was wearing black high heels and a dark purple dress that looked brilliant on her curvy body. There was a post it stuck to the keyboard.
“Just a reminder of what I could be. I’m trying... x”

What did that even mean? I shrunk the picture of Quinn to see the other tab open. My stomach instinctively sank to the tips of my toes. The page was full of negative comments about Quinn; every word broke my heart more and more. I’ve been in this place before and it killed me to know what she must be feeling, and even worse, feeling like this was all my fault.

How could I let her feel this way? I loved everything about Quinn and I thought she knew that. I always tried my best spoil her with compliments and my love, but it was obvious I was slacking.

I shut the laptop and set it on the nightstand. I crawled under the covers and right against Quinn. I pulled her in close to my body and kissed up and down her neck and shoulder until she stirred awake.
She inhaled deeply and acceptingly rubbed my arm that was tightly wrapped around her frame. “How was it love?” she asked.

“It was good.” I paused. “But what’s all this rubbish about a reminder of what you could be?”

She groaned at my question. “Lets talk about it in the morning Harry, it’s late.”

I threw my body on the other side of hers, so we were facing each other now.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

I cut her off. “I need you to know this Quinn; you have to hear it now.” I paused. “I don’t care what you could look like or even what you look like now. I’m head over heels in love with Quinn and what’s inside of you and that’s not going to change. Everyday you look more beautiful to me and it isn’t because you’re getting closer to ‘what you could look like.’ It’s because you’re getting healthier and happier and I can see it in the way your eyes light up or the way you smile. You could look like how you are right at this very second for the rest of our lives together and you’d still be the most beautiful girl I know and you know why? Because you look like this because you won the hardest battle a person could face. Everyday I look at you it reminds me of what you went through so we could be together and how much stronger you are then me and a majority of the world. You are gorgeous, every inch of you.”