The Steel Magnolia

“Mulan, what the hell's the matter with you? Don't you remember what happened last time?!”

Mushu trailed at Mulan's heels, whining profusely about her poor choice of time to bathe. Mulan resisted the urge to stomp on him.

“Calm down, Mushu. I'm a lot safer now. If anybody comes down, I'll be mostly covered by the water, and when they see who I am, they'll be so embarrassed they won't have anything else to do except run away.”
“Mulan, it seems as though you do not remember that YOU ARE A WOMAN! These are men, girl! Sex-deprived man plus one unmarried woman equals disaster!”

She glared down at her 'guardian'.
“I can take care of myself, thank you.”
Mushu huffed stubbornly, rolling his eyes and turning to occupy his post. Khan, also snorting in disapproval, stepped in front of his mistress dutifully to guard her from prying eyes anyway. Mulan threw her uniform over a nearby branch, and then draped her towel on Khan's neck before jumping into the cool water, splashing everyone present. Her body made large ripples in the pond, which disappeared as she swam away.

She dipped her head back into the cool water, scrunching her fingers through her hair so as to dislodge the dirt. The last time she had truly washed her hair was when preparing for the matchmaker's seven months ago, she thought in horror. It was a wonder it didn't smell like panda droppings by now.
The water was refreshing and cool on her skin, like a breeze in the summer. Droplets of moisture stayed on her skin for minuscule seconds, then slid freely down until joining the rest of the water. She rubbed her wet arms vigorously, scratching at mysterious spots of caked mud on her skin. She wondered how on Earth she could have gotten this dirty so quickly. But, it seemed, everything was a mystery lately.

Back on the shore, Mushu had engaged Cri-Kee in many fair matches of Tic-Tac-Toe in the dirt. Khan, who was grazing on an odd spot of grass, raised his head and picked up his ears when he heard distant whooping.
He snorted worriedly in the direction of Mushu, but alas, the red dragon guardian paid him no attention.

Then, Khan's eyes widened and his wildly flailing tail dropped limply in horror, his snorting halted. Mulan's three comrades were running down the path without clothing on.

Mulan picked up on the sound instants later, taking a risky peek at the shore and then darting behind a rock at warp speed.
Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po shouted loudly as they cannonballed into the water, sending huge waves rolling throughout the calm pond that bubbled to a stop where she hid. They shortly engaged in a splash fight, drowning each other in the clear waters. The men acted rowdily and noisily, but even so Mulan stayed very still, making sure not to create any sound that would give her away.

As she looked around frantically, a tall figure not far from the Gang of Three had come down the path, a towel draped over its arm. She could clearly deduce his gender, what with there not being women in thousands and thousands of li (aside from her of course). His hair slightly brushed his shoulders as he removed the cloth ribbon from it. Even though her situation was serious, she struggled to suppress a wistful sigh at the sight of him. She quickly brushed those thoughts away. She had other imposing problems.
After she had realized her lapse of ogling, she hid herself completely behind the curtain of stone.

A sense of dread rose in her as she felt a sneeze summoning itself to her nose.
Oh, this was not a good idea... She thought, the pressure of the sneeze hovering ominously in her head.
No, no, no no no no...

She couldn't hold it in any longer.
“AaahCHOO!” The sound of her high-pitched, dainty sneeze permeated through the air, just loud enough to catch the attention of all four men in her midst. Their eyes immediately were fixated to the rock she hid behind.

“Did you hear that?” Ling asked quietly.
“It didn't sound like anything from around here...” Chien-Po replied, a quizzical tone to his voice..
Horror spread across their features; realization permeated their minds, and a moment of silence drifted through the air around the Gang of Three.

“It sounded like...like a woman.”

Yao's voice trembled, almost losing its gruffness momentarily. They all knew there was only one woman in the vicinity.
Though it was almost hopeless, they silently prayed it was only an animal. Their general, however, decided to take different actions.

“Who's there?” he called, burying any evident trace of trembling deep into his diaphragm. Mulan held her breath, not even bothering to breath through her nose, most likely turning blue. Be veeery still, she thought to herself. Don't even move. Not...one...inch...
She was desperately yearning to peek out from behind the rock, just to see where her consorts stood. But, seeing as that would reveal her, she stayed put. Though, this proved hard, as random itches sprung up all over her skin. In any other situation, she would scratch once and the itch would be forgotten, but in a moment of pure silence such as this, one move she made would be immediately detected by the sharp ears of her friends.

“I said, who's there? Answer now, that is an Imperial order.”

Mulan's heartbeat reverberated around the walls of her skull. One couldn't deny an Imperial order; being a person of relatively esteemed rank, she more often than not used this to her advantage. It now seemed to be turning on her.
As she slowly peered out from behind the rock, the first thing that came into view were the Gang of Three; they were looking dreadfully and intently at the rock she stood behind. She was able to see them before they saw her, but when they did spot her, it took them a moment before they reeled back in shock.

And then, when her head was fully visible, Shang caught sight of her.

This was awkward indeed, he thought to himself, despite the embarrassed expression growing on his face. Here was the woman he admired and had recently promoted to captain of the Imperial Army, naked and hiding behind a rock (from him, he might add). Oh yeah, He had to remember. I'm naked, too.

The color drained from everyone's face when Mulan made her presence known. It took all the strength Shang could muster (and that was a lot) to keep himself from imagining what her form might have looked like underneath the water.

Mulan, remembering that her towel was still draped over Khan's back, contemplated on how to get out without exposing anything embarrassing. The water was too deep for Khan to come to her rescue, and she was not about to remove herself uncovered. It would just seem silly to ask them to turn around while she jumped out. Someone else would just have to bring her the towel.

Almost as if reading her mind, Shang called out, “Do you need your towel?”
Her head still in place, she nodded quickly. Shang felt the biting sensation of blood rushing to his face as his gaze never left her.
Stuttering slightly, he asked, “Wh-who would you be most comfortable with bringing it to you?”

This question forced Mulan to halt her thoughts and think about his question. Who would she want to bring it to her? Having Shang do it was out of the question; she wanted to prevent as much awkwardness as possible, though some would be inevitable. She was in deep water, so keeping the towel dry and swimming simultaneously would prove impossible for Yao, and if she knew Ling well enough, he wasn't the most skilled swimmer. Through process of elimination, she was able to choose who.

“Chien-Po,” she called softly, barely audible from were her comrades were standing. The corpulent man nodded, scanning the land behind him for a towel. He was finally able to lay his eyes on it, but it was on the back of Mulan's troublesome horse.
Chien-Po breathed, then whistled for the muscular black horse. Khan neighed in disapproval, sharply turning away from the man.

“Khan, please give him the towel.”
Upon hearing his mistress's pleading voice, the horse rolled his eyes and reluctantly trotted down the sandbar, letting Chien-Po pull the towel away. The man waded carefully out to Mulan's rock, looking away politely as he held out the towel. He nodded as her barely audible but grateful thanks met his ears, feeling the weight of the towel being relieved from his outstretched arm.

Mulan wasted no time. Hastily wrapping the towel around herself, she dove under the water and reappeared near the shores, barreling past Shang and scurrying back to the camp. Mulan ignored Mushu's constant reprimands as she threw herself inside her tent and dressing herself as quickly as possible, using a nearby robe to truly dry herself.

“That's the last time I take a bath for a looong time.” she huffed through labored breath.