‹ Prequel: Sluts in Love
Glitter, Guts, Glory
Cypress.
I asked my parents if they were even sad at all about Rose. But you know, I was angry and upset and pissed off that they didn't show a hint of remorse or tears.
"Do you even care that she's dead?" I practically shouted at them. My sisters looked at me, shocked.
"What's wrong with you?" Poppy began but dad cut her off.
"I think we need a minute to talk to Leo," he said. They left the room and I heard the back door sliding open. I couldn't even sit down. I was just so angry at them, at Rose for being so stupid, and myself for not having been able to help her.
"What you don't realize, Leo," my mom finally spoke. She hadn't said a word since we found out, hours ago. "Is that we-your father and I- have tragedy etched into our blood."
I tell them, I don't know what that means. Mom lays her head on dad's shoulder. He lights up a cigarette, the first one since meeting Daisy. He had told me he was nervous she wouldn't like them. "We didn't have very normal childhoods," he said vaguely. I stopped pacing to sit on the arm of the sofa. And they told me things I was certain they'd never told the others. The whole time I'm thinking, Jesus. Is that why they're so whacked? I ask them that too.
"Mostly, we did a lot of drugs," dad says so casually, like he's talking about the weather.
"Are you serious?"
"Yep. LSD, heroin, but weed mostly. I don't know how we even lived to be this old," he shrugs and looks at mom. She nods, but looks like she's falling asleep. I could almost laugh that they were junkies, but Rose is in the back of my mind.
"Did Rose know?" I almost don't want to hear the answer.
"No," he says after a pause. "I think she just wanted to rebel a little bit, and got too far into it." We're silent for a long time until mom speaks again.
"That's why we're not really surprised," she says. "We've been scared to death since the time all of you were born that something was going to happen. I've been expecting it. We weren't very good people at your age. I thought the universe was going to send all that bad karma back at us and for a while, it didn't. But it finally did."
We're silent again for a long time, until it gets late and my sisters go home. I sleep on the sofa because I didn't feel like moving. My dad waits a few hours until he probably thinks we're asleep to start the waterworks.
A few days later I have to speak at Rose's funeral. There aren't a lot of people, but I can spot Rose's stoner friends in the very back of the church and it makes me mad. Why do they get to live when Rose can't? What's so special about them? Daisy squeezes my hand before I go up, right after Violet. I look at the note card I wrote on, but the ink seems to spread the words into one and I can't make anything out. So, I just look up.
"Rose was-" my voice breaks and I clear my throat. "Rose was my baby sister." The coffin was closed, but I feel like her eyes are burning right through it and onto me, judging me and daring me to do a shitty job. I see one of her friends, a chubby girl with electric blue hair, laugh at something a black haired boy says. She's fucking laughing at my sister's funeral. "You know, Rose hated the color pink. And if any of you gave even two shits about her, these flowers wouldn't be fucking pink." I can't breathe. My tie is trying to kill me. The last thing I notice before running out is mom. Her eyes are closed and she's clutching my dad's hand so tight her knuckles are white. Even with her eyes closed, I see the tears streaking down her face.
"Do you even care that she's dead?" I practically shouted at them. My sisters looked at me, shocked.
"What's wrong with you?" Poppy began but dad cut her off.
"I think we need a minute to talk to Leo," he said. They left the room and I heard the back door sliding open. I couldn't even sit down. I was just so angry at them, at Rose for being so stupid, and myself for not having been able to help her.
"What you don't realize, Leo," my mom finally spoke. She hadn't said a word since we found out, hours ago. "Is that we-your father and I- have tragedy etched into our blood."
I tell them, I don't know what that means. Mom lays her head on dad's shoulder. He lights up a cigarette, the first one since meeting Daisy. He had told me he was nervous she wouldn't like them. "We didn't have very normal childhoods," he said vaguely. I stopped pacing to sit on the arm of the sofa. And they told me things I was certain they'd never told the others. The whole time I'm thinking, Jesus. Is that why they're so whacked? I ask them that too.
"Mostly, we did a lot of drugs," dad says so casually, like he's talking about the weather.
"Are you serious?"
"Yep. LSD, heroin, but weed mostly. I don't know how we even lived to be this old," he shrugs and looks at mom. She nods, but looks like she's falling asleep. I could almost laugh that they were junkies, but Rose is in the back of my mind.
"Did Rose know?" I almost don't want to hear the answer.
"No," he says after a pause. "I think she just wanted to rebel a little bit, and got too far into it." We're silent for a long time until mom speaks again.
"That's why we're not really surprised," she says. "We've been scared to death since the time all of you were born that something was going to happen. I've been expecting it. We weren't very good people at your age. I thought the universe was going to send all that bad karma back at us and for a while, it didn't. But it finally did."
We're silent again for a long time, until it gets late and my sisters go home. I sleep on the sofa because I didn't feel like moving. My dad waits a few hours until he probably thinks we're asleep to start the waterworks.
A few days later I have to speak at Rose's funeral. There aren't a lot of people, but I can spot Rose's stoner friends in the very back of the church and it makes me mad. Why do they get to live when Rose can't? What's so special about them? Daisy squeezes my hand before I go up, right after Violet. I look at the note card I wrote on, but the ink seems to spread the words into one and I can't make anything out. So, I just look up.
"Rose was-" my voice breaks and I clear my throat. "Rose was my baby sister." The coffin was closed, but I feel like her eyes are burning right through it and onto me, judging me and daring me to do a shitty job. I see one of her friends, a chubby girl with electric blue hair, laugh at something a black haired boy says. She's fucking laughing at my sister's funeral. "You know, Rose hated the color pink. And if any of you gave even two shits about her, these flowers wouldn't be fucking pink." I can't breathe. My tie is trying to kill me. The last thing I notice before running out is mom. Her eyes are closed and she's clutching my dad's hand so tight her knuckles are white. Even with her eyes closed, I see the tears streaking down her face.