Glitter, Guts, Glory

I am going to throw myself in front of this bus, I keep telling myself. My poor excuse of existence will be over and Daisy will move on. But countless buses come and go and I can't seem to move my legs. Just do it, Leo. Don't be a pansy ass. My phone vibrates in my back pocket. Tessa. I don't make any move to answer it. I don't want to talk to her. I stand on the street corner for I don't know how long, but enough that my bladder borders on emergency evacuation status. I run into a fast food place's restroom and notice that I'd been standing there for almost three hours.

I figure I have three options. The first one is to tell Daisy and let whatever is bound to happen happen. She can slap me, spit on me, I wouldn't care. I just hope, maybe foolishly, that she'll forgive me.

The second is to not tell her ever and keep this from her. I'm not so sure I can keep something like this a secret, though. And Daisy doesn't deserve that.

The third is to run away like a prissy little coward and go AWOL. I consider this for a second, but decide that honesty is the best way to go, right? I sigh. Being honest won't make up for what I did. I twirl my wedding ring on the way home, trying to calm my nerves. It's nearly midnight when I get inside and close the door, cringing at every and any noise.

"Daisy," I whisper, crawling next to her in the bed. "Dais, I have to tell you something." She mumbles something, so I shake her shoulder. "Daisy. Please, wake up."

She opens one sleepy eye. "What, Leo?"

I lose it right then and there. I start weeping. "I'm so sorry, Daisy," I manage to get out. She sits up right away and places a concerned hand on my shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry, Leo," she says quietly. "We don't have to have kids anytime soon. It's okay. I shouldn't have been expecting that out of you, especially after what happened." She thinks it's her fault. She thinks the dumb argument we had was her fault and she's apologizing to me. It makes the shame filling every inch of my body even worse and I cry even harder.

"I-I," I hiccup. She keeps making shushing noises and tries to calm me down. It kind of works. I'm able to blurt out, "I fucked Tessa." She freezes and stares at me.

"What?"

"I got drunk and fucked up. I'm so sorry, Daisy. I had no idea what was going on and I feel terrible about all of this-" a sharp thwack against my face shuts me up. Daisy stands up, right hand on her chest.

"You asshole!" she throws something at me. From the way it sparkles in the moonlight seeping through the blinds, I can tell it's her cell phone. She was aiming for my face but it grazes my ear.

"I'm sorry!"

"If you were so sorry," she hisses, hauling everything she can get her hands on at me. A boot, a book, some pens. The book hit me right in the temple and I saw stars for a second. "You wouldn't have done it in the first place!"

"I'm an idiot, okay?" I shout. "But you were mad and I was mad, then I was drunk and upset and Tessa came out of nowhere-"

"Being drunk is your excuse, then?" by this point she's moving at warp speed, taking armfuls of clothes and stuffing them haphazardly in her tote bag. "You told me you stopped doing that shit." I get up and grab her wrists.

"I'm sorry, God! What else do you want me to say?"

"Nothing, Leo," she tries breaking free but I have a steady grip. So she knees me in the crotch. It works and I stagger onto the bed, clutching the boys. "What part of 'one and only' didn't you understand?" she whispers, kneeling across from me. We said that in our wedding vows. The memory brings fresh tears to my eyes. She clears her throat and for the first time, I see tears streaming down her face too. "I think it's best if you leave for a while," she gets up, throwing the bag at me. So those were my clothes she was throwing in there. I open my mouth to say something, but I don't know what.

"I'm not going to tell Baby Bruce or anyone, don't worry," she mutters, obviously thinking I was going to ask that. "They love the both of us too much and it would break their hearts." She practically pushes me out the front door and I notice red marks on her wrist from where I grab her. Great. I just can't stop hurting her, can I?

"Daisy, I'm so-"

"Get bent." She slams the door in my face. Our neighbor on the right, a middle aged, balding man with an extreme case of beer belly, opens his door in nothing but boxers.

"Why don't you wake up the whole goddamn building while you're at it?"

"Fuck off, baldy," is all I say. This guy's hated us ever since I moved in. He didn't mind Daisy, who was quiet and kept to herself. But I guess he's been able to hear us through the walls every few nights. Then I remember that he's a retired wrestler and takes a step toward me, so I run straight for the stairs.