My Body Is a Cage
One of One
Things were never supposed to be like this. She felt as if her world kept crumbling down around her, brick by brick. There weren’t many bricks left. Alaric was there, and despite the fact that part of him had crumbled, the rest of him was solid. It was this solidarity that helped Elena hold it together; she felt that at any moment she could explode into a pile of dust.
It was a long time coming too; first with her parents’ death, and now with the death of Jenna along with the departure of Stefan.
Her friends tried to help, but it was only Alaric that could keep her from floating away and slow the seemingly constant stream of tears. She couldn’t help but feel that everyone she cared about was leaving her in some way. Who was next? Jeremy? Damon? Maybe even Alaric, her solid brick with the chipped corners.
---
She wasn’t really sure how things turned out the way they did. Alaric had started out as someone who could comfort her so easily and now he was someone she kept secret.
Their relationship had turned into one that hid behind closed doors and whispered words. She saw him in a new light and she was in awe.
She was already aware that she loved him, and not in the familial way. Elena’s love for Alaric engulfed her entire heart in a way she had never experienced before. It was the reason she snuck into his bedroom in the dead of night so she could feel the comfort of his arms around her and his hot lips on her throat.
Alaric needed Elena too, just as much as she needed him, if not more. He didn’t say it, but she could tell by the way he looked at her and the way he held her that he wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for her.
---
“I love you,” he whispered one night after she had crawled into his bed. His gaze was intense and she couldn’t form words.
Her initial reaction involved her lips pressed hungrily against his as he pulled her on top of him. His hands moved under the tank top she was wearing, sliding up her sides before resting solidly on her back, pressing her closer to him. She could feel his heart beat against her own, both quickened by their desire.
Finally, she pulled away.
“I love you too,” she gasped out, her breathing falling heavy on his face. He breathed in deep through his nose, delighting in her scent and enjoying the warmth she brought him.
Nothing about this moment felt wrong, but they both knew there was no way to explain it to their friends. They would never understand what was between them.
---
Things seemed to become easier and more difficult all at once for Elena. Getting out of bed and going about her day had become easier. Her relationship with Damon and Stefan became more difficult.
Stefan had returned and because of the amount of time she had spent with Damon, he believed she had fallen for him. Her care for Damon had definitely grown, and perhaps she did love him, but she had figured out that it was nothing more than a friendly way. The same went for Stefan, even if he didn’t buy it.
She felt horrible for stringing them along, making them think that she was in fact debating which brother to choose, but how could she possibly choose Stefan or Damon when she already had Alaric?
---
She was completely caught off guard when she found herself caught in Esther’s trap. She could feel her heart breaking as she saw Alaric die, knowing that when he awoke and completed the transition to vampire he would no longer be the Alaric that she fell in love with. He would no longer be warm and caring, but instead deadly and full of hate.
Alaric’s brick had finally broken and there was nothing there to hold her together. She was slowly cracking.
She was somewhat relieved when Alaric killed Esther and decided he would not make the transition. At least her final memories of Alaric would not be tainted by his “dark side” so to speak. But she couldn’t help but blame herself for what had happened, even if Alaric tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault… the guilt was there. At least she could leave that tomb knowing that Alaric didn’t blame her, that he didn’t hate her.
He held her tight in their final hug, both of them unable to put into words some sort of goodbye that might comfort the other. There was no good or easy way to get through this. Her solid brick was leaving her.
“You should go,” he muttered quietly, pulling away from her embrace. Walking to the entrance of the tomb, she stopped in surprise to see everyone there, all of their friends. They were there for Alaric, and she hoped with her whole heart that this would give Alaric some comfort, knowing that all these people were there for him.
She went to join them, tears silently sliding down her face, trying to ignore the fact that Alaric’s death was soon going to be complete. That he would no longer exist in this world. But as she looked back at the opening of the tomb, and their eyes met for a brief and final moment, she knew that there wouldn’t be any comfort for either of them.
---
She was shocked when she got a call from Alaric’s phone the next day, believing it to be a prank caller. She almost fainted when the voice on the other end of the line was his. Alaric was alive.
The hope that had built up instantly went away just as quickly when she realized what this meant. He had completed the transition. This wasn’t the Alaric that she loved.
But when she went to the school as he requested and as he threatened her own life, she could see that he needed her…even if it wasn’t the way he had needed her before the transition. His life now depended on hers.
It was this fact that kept her from fighting her way out of Matt’s truck which was sitting on the bottom of the river. But Matt… he didn’t need to die. That’s why she forced Stefan, when he showed up to rescue her, to save Matt first. He had already saved her life once before. Besides, if she died, Alaric would die. She knew he didn’t want to exist like this.
---
When she awoke, she felt different. She felt solid and broken all at the same time. Her despair consumed her. She let out a choked sob.
“Here drink this,” said a voice she recognized, but didn’t have the energy to identify. She smelled something mouthwatering and in that moment she was suddenly dying of thirst. She had never felt this thirsty in all of her life, and eagerly she accepted whatever it was she was being offered. And suddenly she felt the veins around her eyes tightening and two of her teeth elongating…
She focused on her surroundings, noticing that it was Stefan who was standing beside her, an empty blood bag in his hand. She sat up quickly, looking around her with a new clarity.
“Am I…?”
“A vampire?” Stefan finished. He held up the empty blood bag. “Yeah, since you’ve now finished the transition.”
Instinctively she drew her knees to her chest and pressed her face against them.
“Is Alaric…Is he dead?” she whispered.
“Yeah,” Stefan answered quietly. “You drowned…Damon called, said that Alaric died.”
“Why didn’t you just let me die?!” she yelled angrily at him, lifting her head from her knees to glare at him.
“I wasn’t going to let that happen,” he said. “I know you haven’t made a decision, but I love you, Elena. I wasn’t ready to lose you. Dr. Fell had given you vampire blood when you were in the hospital, and when I realized you had drowned, I wasn’t going to let you not complete the transition.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make.”
She pressed her hands to her face as a new round of sobbing overtook her. She didn’t want to be here. Not if that meant there was no Alaric.
---
She couldn’t help but think of one of the last moments with him…with Alaric… especially now in her hour of need. She needed someone who could actually comfort her. Stefan was too busy focusing on getting her to feed on animals; Damon was too busy trying to go against Stefan. Jeremy hadn’t talked to her in days; he said he needed some time to process everything.
Elena remembered how she had managed to sneak over to Alaric’s place while he was still there under lockdown. It was one of the few nights he had been trusted to be on his own.
She remembered how he had held her as she talked about her worries and fears.
“I’ll always be here for you,” he had whispered, kissing her softly. “No matter what.”
“You promise?” she had asked in reply.
“I promise,” he said. She remembered how her love for him had surged through her in that moment. How he had kissed her and treated her like the most precious thing on the earth.
She knew she would never have that with anyone else, and it was that thought that depressed her the most. Especially now, especially because she was a vampire, doomed to live forever.
And though he had promised her forever, no matter what, “in spirit” just didn’t cut it.
It was a long time coming too; first with her parents’ death, and now with the death of Jenna along with the departure of Stefan.
Her friends tried to help, but it was only Alaric that could keep her from floating away and slow the seemingly constant stream of tears. She couldn’t help but feel that everyone she cared about was leaving her in some way. Who was next? Jeremy? Damon? Maybe even Alaric, her solid brick with the chipped corners.
---
She wasn’t really sure how things turned out the way they did. Alaric had started out as someone who could comfort her so easily and now he was someone she kept secret.
Their relationship had turned into one that hid behind closed doors and whispered words. She saw him in a new light and she was in awe.
She was already aware that she loved him, and not in the familial way. Elena’s love for Alaric engulfed her entire heart in a way she had never experienced before. It was the reason she snuck into his bedroom in the dead of night so she could feel the comfort of his arms around her and his hot lips on her throat.
Alaric needed Elena too, just as much as she needed him, if not more. He didn’t say it, but she could tell by the way he looked at her and the way he held her that he wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for her.
---
“I love you,” he whispered one night after she had crawled into his bed. His gaze was intense and she couldn’t form words.
Her initial reaction involved her lips pressed hungrily against his as he pulled her on top of him. His hands moved under the tank top she was wearing, sliding up her sides before resting solidly on her back, pressing her closer to him. She could feel his heart beat against her own, both quickened by their desire.
Finally, she pulled away.
“I love you too,” she gasped out, her breathing falling heavy on his face. He breathed in deep through his nose, delighting in her scent and enjoying the warmth she brought him.
Nothing about this moment felt wrong, but they both knew there was no way to explain it to their friends. They would never understand what was between them.
---
Things seemed to become easier and more difficult all at once for Elena. Getting out of bed and going about her day had become easier. Her relationship with Damon and Stefan became more difficult.
Stefan had returned and because of the amount of time she had spent with Damon, he believed she had fallen for him. Her care for Damon had definitely grown, and perhaps she did love him, but she had figured out that it was nothing more than a friendly way. The same went for Stefan, even if he didn’t buy it.
She felt horrible for stringing them along, making them think that she was in fact debating which brother to choose, but how could she possibly choose Stefan or Damon when she already had Alaric?
---
She was completely caught off guard when she found herself caught in Esther’s trap. She could feel her heart breaking as she saw Alaric die, knowing that when he awoke and completed the transition to vampire he would no longer be the Alaric that she fell in love with. He would no longer be warm and caring, but instead deadly and full of hate.
Alaric’s brick had finally broken and there was nothing there to hold her together. She was slowly cracking.
She was somewhat relieved when Alaric killed Esther and decided he would not make the transition. At least her final memories of Alaric would not be tainted by his “dark side” so to speak. But she couldn’t help but blame herself for what had happened, even if Alaric tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault… the guilt was there. At least she could leave that tomb knowing that Alaric didn’t blame her, that he didn’t hate her.
He held her tight in their final hug, both of them unable to put into words some sort of goodbye that might comfort the other. There was no good or easy way to get through this. Her solid brick was leaving her.
“You should go,” he muttered quietly, pulling away from her embrace. Walking to the entrance of the tomb, she stopped in surprise to see everyone there, all of their friends. They were there for Alaric, and she hoped with her whole heart that this would give Alaric some comfort, knowing that all these people were there for him.
She went to join them, tears silently sliding down her face, trying to ignore the fact that Alaric’s death was soon going to be complete. That he would no longer exist in this world. But as she looked back at the opening of the tomb, and their eyes met for a brief and final moment, she knew that there wouldn’t be any comfort for either of them.
---
She was shocked when she got a call from Alaric’s phone the next day, believing it to be a prank caller. She almost fainted when the voice on the other end of the line was his. Alaric was alive.
The hope that had built up instantly went away just as quickly when she realized what this meant. He had completed the transition. This wasn’t the Alaric that she loved.
But when she went to the school as he requested and as he threatened her own life, she could see that he needed her…even if it wasn’t the way he had needed her before the transition. His life now depended on hers.
It was this fact that kept her from fighting her way out of Matt’s truck which was sitting on the bottom of the river. But Matt… he didn’t need to die. That’s why she forced Stefan, when he showed up to rescue her, to save Matt first. He had already saved her life once before. Besides, if she died, Alaric would die. She knew he didn’t want to exist like this.
---
When she awoke, she felt different. She felt solid and broken all at the same time. Her despair consumed her. She let out a choked sob.
“Here drink this,” said a voice she recognized, but didn’t have the energy to identify. She smelled something mouthwatering and in that moment she was suddenly dying of thirst. She had never felt this thirsty in all of her life, and eagerly she accepted whatever it was she was being offered. And suddenly she felt the veins around her eyes tightening and two of her teeth elongating…
She focused on her surroundings, noticing that it was Stefan who was standing beside her, an empty blood bag in his hand. She sat up quickly, looking around her with a new clarity.
“Am I…?”
“A vampire?” Stefan finished. He held up the empty blood bag. “Yeah, since you’ve now finished the transition.”
Instinctively she drew her knees to her chest and pressed her face against them.
“Is Alaric…Is he dead?” she whispered.
“Yeah,” Stefan answered quietly. “You drowned…Damon called, said that Alaric died.”
“Why didn’t you just let me die?!” she yelled angrily at him, lifting her head from her knees to glare at him.
“I wasn’t going to let that happen,” he said. “I know you haven’t made a decision, but I love you, Elena. I wasn’t ready to lose you. Dr. Fell had given you vampire blood when you were in the hospital, and when I realized you had drowned, I wasn’t going to let you not complete the transition.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make.”
She pressed her hands to her face as a new round of sobbing overtook her. She didn’t want to be here. Not if that meant there was no Alaric.
---
She couldn’t help but think of one of the last moments with him…with Alaric… especially now in her hour of need. She needed someone who could actually comfort her. Stefan was too busy focusing on getting her to feed on animals; Damon was too busy trying to go against Stefan. Jeremy hadn’t talked to her in days; he said he needed some time to process everything.
Elena remembered how she had managed to sneak over to Alaric’s place while he was still there under lockdown. It was one of the few nights he had been trusted to be on his own.
She remembered how he had held her as she talked about her worries and fears.
“I’ll always be here for you,” he had whispered, kissing her softly. “No matter what.”
“You promise?” she had asked in reply.
“I promise,” he said. She remembered how her love for him had surged through her in that moment. How he had kissed her and treated her like the most precious thing on the earth.
She knew she would never have that with anyone else, and it was that thought that depressed her the most. Especially now, especially because she was a vampire, doomed to live forever.
And though he had promised her forever, no matter what, “in spirit” just didn’t cut it.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks for reading! Feedback is much appreciated.~Sally