Never Alone

John crossed his arms on the table and relaxed his head on them causing Jenna to look down at the bright eyed boy.

A grin hit her lips and she moved her hand to his hair, "What's wrong?"

"I just wish I could fix everything for you. Make you as happy as you make me." He whispered honestly and she frowned, "You do make me happy."

He shrugged as she played with his hair. Truth be told he realized then that he would always be competing with a dead guy. Although she had forwarned him, he realized it didn't compare to the harsh reality of it. He would never be her number one and that seemed to crush his heart for some reason.

She leaned in and kissed his cheek as he stared at her in thought.

"I'm going to go make some calls real quick ok?" She said brushing her hand over his stubled cheek.

"Ok." He mumbled and she kissed him on the lips before climbing from the seat. A sigh escaped his lips as he sat up and leaned against the booth.

Garrett walked in at that time and he gave John a questionable look, "What is it?" He asked, he could read the boy pretty well by now. John shook his head as the boy sat across from him.

"I just, I knew what I was getting myself into, well I had tried to prepare you know? But, it's just, I love her and she, well, she loves Eric. I'll never compare and she'll never love me as much as she loves him and yeah, I can't lie and say that it doesn't hurt because it does. I'll never be good enough. She'll always wish it was him instead and that fucking hurts." He said honestly.

"Oh don't say that dude. It'll change. You just have to give it time. It's still fresh on her mind. But two years, three years from now, well time heals everything, man. Just wait. It'll be different." Garrett said trying to make him feel better which wasnt really helping.

John let out a sigh, "Just don't know if I can keep doing this to myself...it's not fair you know?"

"Yeah and I won't say that you're wrong because you aren't dude, but you love her and you use to think she would never even like you and look at you two now."

John nodded knowing he was in fact right. Maybe as much as he wanted to, he couldn't quit yet. He had gotten too far to do so.

"Just so stressful. I just want to be with her. Fuck all these complications."

"Yeah, well it might not have been worth it without them."

"Yeah..." John whispered back as he took in the boy's rather smart words. Garrett was right for once. He needed to just relax.

"And people say I'm just nerdy." Garrett said causing John to chuckle as the boy left him alone. Jenna reappeared after a few minutes of him sitting there in silence, lost in thought.

He gave her a grin and she slid onto his lap.

"You ok ladybug?" He asked wrapping his arms around her waist.

She nodded, "Are you?"

"Yeah."

She sighed and relaxed her head against his chest and he absentmindingly ran his fingers over her back.

Apparently this day wasn't going to be good for anyone.

The day went by slowly and by the time it was time to perform John felt like shit and he didn't know why. Between Eric not being here and being in love with someone who didn't care, it was just all around horrible.

"So this show is dedicated to an amazing dude, one of our best friends, who you may know as Halvo. It's his birthday today and I wish more than ever that he was here right now. So this is to him. Happy birthday buddy. We miss you." John said into the microphone, holding up his beer before they played their last song. He was already intoxicated more than he usually got during a show, but everyone assumed it was understandable afterall. Jenna watched from the side of the stage a bit uneasy. She honestly hate that John felt like she did on some level. She didn't want anyone to experience it.

Once the song ended John downed the rest of his beer and headed off the stage. He pulled off his shirt and fell onto the couch with a sigh. Even drunk he felt like shit. Jenna cautiously walked over and sat beside him.

"Hey, go shower and we'll go get you something to eat." She said rubbing his knee and he shook his head no, "I'm tired."

"Ok, then we will sleep."

He nodded and she helped him from the couch before he headed to the showers. A sigh escaped her lips as her brother walked up beside her, "He loves you, Jenna. He really does. You don't understand how scared it makes him to know that you may never feel the same."

"I never said I wouldn't."

"I know, he just, it bothers him. He's never put himself out there like this and I think it's just getting to him."

Jenna nodded unsure what she could say to make it better. She did love him in fact. She was just scared to say it for different reasons.

John finally emerged from the showers with wet hair that was everywhere and a white v neck hanging loosely on his frame followed by skinny black jeans with a hole in the knee.

He looked at her immediately as he rubbed the back of his neck and her heart raced rapidly just from the sight of him. He had gotten oddly more attractive to her and she just noticed. She unknowingly stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his torso taking him a bit off guard drunk or not.

She pressed her lips to his tattooed chest that was showing from the low v-neck.

"Let's go." She finally managed to say and he nodded in response allowing her to drag him from the venue and to the bus rather quickly. He fumbled to kick his shoes off once inside and eventually climbed into the bunk after her.

"You're so amazing." He mumbled into her hair as he held her close.

"...And you're intoxicated."

"Just not a good day, ladybug."

"I know..."

"I'm sorry." He mumbled kissing her cheek.

"No, I'm sorry. I some times forget it's hard on you as well."

He stared down at her and she leaned up to kiss him, "I, uh, I like you a lot John. I hope you know that." She whispered her fingers finding his hair.

"I know." He mumbled his eyes shutting slowly. She kissed over his face and he placed his arm around her waist, holding her to him.

"I like you a lot too, Jen." He whispered, opening his eyes only to come in contact with hers.

"You like me or you love me?" She asked boldly and he rolled his eyes, "I love you, Jenna. Just didn't think you wanted to hear that."

"I don't mind."

He pulled her face to his and kissed her lips, "Fine. Then I'll say it everyday. I don't want you to forget." He whispered against her lips.

"I won't. I promise."

"Rather say it to you just in hopes of one day you saying it back."

"One day I will. I know it." She responded honestly and he kissed her softly, "I really hope so, ladybug. I really do." He whispered playing with her hair as he started to fall asleep.

She laid there watching him sleep for several minutes. She wasn't tired probably because she had so much going on in her head. She eventually climbed from the bunk and went to the table with her laptop. She just needed to focus on something else right now.

Of course that led her right to Eric's facebook page where tons of people had already told him happy birthday. She read through them with a grin as some of them wrote meaningful or funny memories. She then decided to write to him herself not caring what his 'fans' thought.

'Happy 24th birthday my love. I wish you were here to celebrate it with everyone. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I hope you know that. I truly realize how blessed I am to have been able to have you for as long as I did. I like to think you knew how much you meant to me. I hope you did. You were my first love, Eric. Truth be told I honestly don't know how to survive without you beside me. It hurts so much knowing I won't wake up in your arms anymore, or see your smiling face, hear your laugh. I literally called you for two days straight after the accident just to hear you voicemail. I'm not going to ever get over you, Eric. But I know I need to live life not just for me, but for you. You will always be a part of me. That will never change and I am so thankful for that. I love you forever and always and I can't wait until we are together again. <3'

She hit send and stared at the profile picture of him and her causing an aching in her chest.

"I wrote on there." Kennedy said startling her and she looked over as he slid in beside her.

"I know, I read." She said with a grin.

"He knew you loved him Jenna. He knew how much he meant to you. Trust me. He did." He said with a weak grin and She nodded, "I hope so."

"What is wrong?" Kennedy asked as he fell beside Eric on the couch. The boy shrugged, "I just miss Jenna and she misses me and I hate that."

"You hate that she misses you?"

"Yeah cause it's a sucky feeling and I don't want her to feel that way."

"Well wouldn't you worry if she didn't?"

Eric chuckled, "Well, I assume so."

"She loves you so she misses you. It happens."

"She does huh?" He said with a smile on his face causing Kennedy to chuckle, "Yeah. She does."

"Dude. It's like, why me?"

He laughed, "Why you what?"

"Why me? Why does she want to be with me? I'm fucking weird as hell." He said with a grin and Kennedy chuckled, "Yeah you are."

"I know and yet when I get home you'd think I had been gone for years by the way she acts. Just don't get how I got her is all." Eric said with a shrug.

"Dude, me neither. She's hot as hell."

Eric glared at the boy who started laughing, "I'm kidding. I don't know man. She loves you. You won her over some how and you have her. Why question it?"

"Guess you're right. Just blows my mind some times."

Jenna leaned her head against Kennedy's shoulder and he stared at the picture of the two.

"I know it's hard Jenna. I can't imagine, just don't lead John on. He loves you a lot."

"I like him. I do. I just...it's hard you know? I mean, It wasn't like I chose to stop loving Eric. I didn't and it's still here regardless. It doesn't go away that easily."

"I know. Just don't focus on that or you're going to be miserable."

She sighed and fiddled with her hands, "I love John. Maybe not in the way I loved Eric, but it's there. He makes me happy. I'm just nervous."

"Why? He isn't going to hurt you."

"I know, maybe it's stupid, I'm just afraid to get close to someone again and then lose them."

Kennedy sighed, "Isn't going to happen, sweetie."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

She sighed and he kissed her head, "It'll be ok, Jen. Stop being so closed up. Tell him. He'll never be Eric. He doesn't want to replace him. He just wants to be with you. Start over."

She nodded and shut her eyes. Kennedy was right. She needed to stop over thinking everything and just focus on being happy and right now more than ever, John made her happy.