Who Needs A Hero? I'll be Your Villain.

"You used to care"?? What in the fucking hell was I thinking! how could I say that shit? Fuck me.. He can't know.. I'm straight damn it... As straight as... oh fuck.. I'm a fag... I can't be!! All that time spend getting rid of these thoughts and feelings have been a waste. I'm gonna die.. He's gonna kill me if he finds out.. I'm lost.. I'm so confused.

My hands began to shake as I balled them into tight angry fists. Then I blacked out for a few seconds. When my mind steadied and my breathing slowed I realized what I had done. White chips were sprayed sporadically across the hard wood floor of my room. My left fist was covered in white powder and droplets of red. The wall had been victim to my shameful rage. A gaping hole lay open on the far wall across from my bed. Falling to my knees in regret, I knew my father would have my ass for this so I decided to cover it with a poster. I could only find duct tape in my desk drawer, but even if it looked sloppy I could just use the male gender role stereo type of being messy. Hopefully it would buy me a few weeks, months, maybe even years before it would be discovered with definite punishment in its wake.

When I was done with my project I headed into my bathroom to assess the damage of my left hand. It wasn't so bad after all. Just one cut on my ring finger that oozed a bit of blood, and a few scratches all around. I'm not a damn pussy, this was nothing. Nothing compared to the beating I got when... Damn I just want to forget that day. Nevermind with these thoughts, I have to ignore it all. I can! I will! I have to fight these unnatural urges.. I can't give in.. or he might do it again.. I can't go back to that hell hole.. They do it again.. that room.. My hands trembled as I placed a few bandaids on my hand and bandaged my ring finger. I can't go back...