Mute

The first time Alex sees Jack is in a coffee shop near his workplace. Jack just smiles, says Hey I’m Jack and takes a seat opposite of Alex.
Alex can just stare at him, with eyes wide in shock, while he opens and closes his mouth again and again, like a little fish.
Jack laughs softly and shakes his head in an amused way.
“You really don’t like talking much, don’t you?” he asks still laughing and Alex blushes, while he shakes his head frantically.
Truth is that Alex can’t speak in public. He’s not just shy; it’s more like a disease.
It all started in kindergarten. He really couldn’t talk to the other kids.
His school-time had been an absolute nightmare, with just two friends, who always stuck at his side.
In college he was still not able to speak properly and he almost failed his graduation, but somehow managed to nail it. He still doesn’t know how, but he doesn’t really care.
Nowadays he works with deaf kids and that is totally okay, because he can communicate in sign-language without a doubt, he just can’t speak.
“I’ve seen you here really often.” Jack says suddenly and Alex flinches. “You never really speak with anyone. You always communicate with post-its and stuff like that. Why? Don’t like to talk to other people?”
Alex shakes his head “no”
“Other people annoying you?”
Again Alex shakes his head.
“But, what else?” Jack asks and he seems to really care and so Alex pulls his post-it pack out of his pocket along with a pencil and writes down the following words.
I can’t speak with people
Jack reads it and his brows furrow.
“Why?”
And again Alex writes his words down.
Don’t know. It’s always been this way.
“So you’re shy?”
The older boy shrugs and then nods, because in some way Jack’s right.
He can speak with his parents and the rest of his family and he can speak with Rian and Zack, his two best friends.
He just can’t speak with strangers.
“Well then we should meet more often, shouldn’t we? It would be really nice to hear your voice.” Jack laughs and again Alex blushes. He hates himself because of his shyness but he can’t help himself.
In some ways he’s really weird. He knows that and it’s okay.
“So would you like to go on a date with me?”
Alex eyes are wide in shock for the second time this day.
A Date?
He’d thought more about hanging out in some friendship way and not the dating kind of way.
He bites his lip unsure, while he looks at Jack, who’s still smiling at him and his eyes are sparkling with excitement
Alex sighs inside. His last relationship ended because of his issues and he doesn’t want to get hurt like that again.
It had felt like his heart shattered into millions of pieces and it took so long for him to put the pieces back together.
But Jack seems to be different than other boys. He hasn’t laughed about the fact Alex can’t speak and he wants to go on a date with him although.
And so Alex writes the third message, this time to a pink post-it.
Why not
“Awesome. Next week Thursday if it’s okay? We could see a movie. So you don’t have to speak?”
The elder just smiles, nods and takes another sip from his coffee cup.



“So you can really speak in sign-language?”
Alex nods smiling.
Told you so he writes down on the little notebook he has with him this time. He and Jack are on their sixth date and Alex can already feel the familiar warmth in his gut every time Jack smiles at him, looks into his eyes or takes his hand.
They’re at Jacks apartment after they’ve been out for dinner in some fancy restaurant at the city.
“So you don’t have a problem speaking in sign-language with other people? But you can’t speak to them face to face? I mean really speak? Gosh that sounds strange.”
A soft laughs escapes Alex lips and the smile on Jacks face grows bigger.
“I love hearing you laugh.” He admits, which causes Alex to blush, but he smiles shyly before he grabs the notebook again to answer Jacks question.
No, sign-language isn’t a problem. Just the speaking
Jack sighs softly. “How do you live like this Alex?” he blurts out and Alex looks at him, shock creeping on his face.
He doesn’t have to write his next question down, because Jack seems to read his facial expression.
“I mean, it sounds so difficult. I can’t imagine not being able to order a coffee or something like that; left alone not being able to speak to people. How’d you survive high-school and college?” he sounds serious.
It was hard, I have to admit that. But I managed it somehow. But the truth is, sometimes I hate myself for not being able to speak to people. For being so god damned shy.
Jack looks in shock and disbelieve at him.
“Don’t say that.” He whispers and uses the word say with full force. “You’re beautiful Alex. No matter what. Hell, I don’t care if you can speak to me or not. I really enjoy your company. For me it doesn’t matter. Of course I’d love to hear your voice, but if you can’t that’s okay for me. I really like you Alex, no matter what. And even if we aren’t boyfriends yet, I would really love to call you my boyfriend someday. But please don’t say you hate yourself. It hurts reading words like this, knowing they’re from someone like you.”
The coffee colour haired man just looks at the younger. Tears are already starting to well up in his eyes, while he forces himself to do what he wants to do. He has to take two or three deep breaths, before he opens his mouth and whispers softly, his voice scratchy and shaky.
“I really like you too Jack. And I would love to be your boyfriend.”