Falling in Love for the Night

when i can't feel you, im not alright;

When the funeral home came into view, I rounded a corner into the parking lot. I saw a group of fimiliar faces were on the front lawn. I stepped out of my car and walked over to the front of the car where I grouped with my best friend and big sister. My big sister Shelby dated Dunn when we were younger, everything they did was their first together.

"Ready?" asked Tatiana. I nodded and walked on the lawn over to the steps. I got glances but tried to ignore them. When I got inside the funeral home, it was jam packed. I heard the sad music playing which usually played at funerals, and it made my stomach drop. I saw to the right was a room with the casket. My stomach dropped and I took a right to the room with the slide show, journals, and a big sign. I took a seat next to the big board which read 'Ryan Dunn July 11th '77 to July 20th '11'. Sighing, I took out a sharpie marking, signing my name with a heart and pot leaf next to it. He is the one that got me into it. I smirked and stood up, studying the people around me. One person with sharp blue eyes just went right through me, just like they did when I was younger. I noticed they were getting closer to me, and I turned around to look at the boards of pictures. I felt someone stand next to me and I glanced to my right. Brandon.

"Hey." he said softly, sadness swimming in his eyes.

"Hey." I replied, just as quiet. I small tear ran down my face and I quickly wiped it away.

"It's nice to see you again." Bam continued, turning towards me.

"Too bad it's at a time like this." I sighed, grabbing a tissue from the box on the table.

"It's hard to believe." he croaked, rubbing his red and poofy eyes.

"I'm still having trouble with it." He nodded and we both sunk our heads down. A quiet sob sank in me as I continued. "I should have came out with you guys on his birthday." I felt a strong pair of arms around my waist and I felt just like I had when I was 16, and even when I was 22. I hadn't felt Bam's skin against mine for 7 years, and it still felt perfect.

"Everyone's going to feel like they should have done something with him before he died, Sarah, but he knows we care, and we know we can't go back." I nodded into his chest and held him tighter. When I pulled away and smiled up at him and turned to my sister. She couldn't help but sob as I collided with her into a hug. When we pulled away, Shelby went into Bam's arms, and I held her tight.

"Oh Sarah, hunny." I heard someone almost whispered. I turned to see April who covered with greif. I didn't have tears spring down my face until I felt April's body shake in sadness against mine.

"It's so horrible." she whispered. I rubbed her back and held her tight. I nodded and pulled away rubbing her arm.

We sat down for the slide show, Tatiana, my sister, myself, and April. There was a picture of Ryan and I at the home coming parade, Senior year, our theme being Woodstook. I smiled and then saw a group pictures of everyone on my 21st birthday, since I was the 'baby' of the group.

We walked over to the casket and I signed the guestbook, my hands shaky so my name was barely readable. I knelt down beside the casket and did a quick prayer, blowing a kiss to the casket.

I walked back and I saw Bam standing with his head down. My heart pounded but I felt like I was being drawn to him. I wrapped my arms around him in a hug, him kissing the top of my head. I felt him shutter and I wrapped my arms around him tighter. I felt someone wrap their arms around the both of us. The pair of arms belonged to Johnny Knoxville. Warm tears ran down my face as I got weak in my knees. When we pulled apart I looked at Bam who couldn't take his eyes off the casket.

"Want to go outside?" I asked. He nodded and tears remained swelling in his eyes.

"This is such shit!" he groaned, taking out a pack of his cigarettes. It was around 8:30 at night, and the 'Jackass' crew came to our side for comfort. I hugged all of them and finally reached my sister.

"We should go hit up the bar in spirit of Dunn." Dico suggest. I nodded in agreement, and I wasn't the only one.

"I think I'm going to go home with Tom." Shelby said, nodding.

"Are you sure?" I asked, rubbing her arm.

"I'm sure. Maybe I'll call and find where you guys are later." she nodded, going towards Tom. While I was watching her walk away, I saw someone who hadn't changed since the last time I saw them.

"Raab." I blurted, knowing the guys hadn't talked to him in years. He looked up at me, drained from complete energy.

"Hey Sarah." he whispered, opening his arms. When I hugged him I could hear him trying to catch his breath. I held him tighter and didn't want to let go.

When we pulled away, he was joined by what seemed to be his girlfriend. Raab waved at the guys, not sure what to do.

"Hey Raab." Bam said taking another drag of his cigarette. Raab stopped and turned around to look at Bam. "We're all meeting up at Square Bar later if you want to join us." I smiled at Bam's offer, knowing that they haven't seen spoken to eachother in years.

"I'll stop by." he smiled, adjusting his arm around what I assume to be his girlfriend. I turned back to the group and saw that Shelby had left with Tom. I sighed and cuddled into Steve-O's arms.

"Should we go now, or wait around." he asked, looking at his phone.

"Now." we all said in unison. I laughed and walked to the car with Tatiana.

"You so want Bam!" she yelled as soon as we got into the vehicle.

"Shut up, no I don't." I remarked as I took a left following Johnny's car.

"Liar." she smirked, crossing her arms.

"Well what do you expect, he was my first everything." I said, looking over at her. She nodded and played with the radio.

"I think you guys should go for it." Tatiana suggested. I smiled and shook my head.

"We're all in a state of weakness. I don't want people to think that I'm doing it because of that."

"You're doing it because you're still in love with him." she stated as we pulled into the parking space. There was one single star in the sky and I looked up through my windsheild.

"You gotta stick by me Dunn, make it happen." I pointed, blowing a kiss. When we got out of the car, we met infront of the doors before we walked into the bar.

We got to the counter and Johnny shouted. "A round of shots for everybody!" I smiled and looked around. The group was Bam, Tatiana, Rake, Dico, the Jackass Crew, Jess, and myself.

"I want to make this shot dedicated to one of the craziest Jackass's I know!" Johnny yelled, holding his glass up.

"To Random Hero!" Chris yelled, raising his glass.

"To every kid's scuffed elbow and bruised knees!" I yelled, raising my glass. Everyone raised their glass in the group.

"To Ryan Dunn!" Bam said. Everyone else raised their glass.

"To Ryan Dunn!" we all shouted.

---

2 hours later, I was drunk. We were playing a game where everytime someone came up with a 'Remeber When' for Dunn, we took a shot.

"I got a good one." Dico laughed, slering some of his words. "Remember that time we all went camping? Bam and Sarah were fucking in Jess's truck and Dunn had an idea to piss on the windows." Dico laughed histarically and everyone else besides Bam and I joined in. I laughed lightly and took my shot.

"Lets go dance, I don't want to have to get my stomach pumped again." Steve-O laughed, wobbling to the dance floor.

Everyone got up and Bam whispered in my ear, "I'll be right back. I have to piss." I nodded and looked at the door. Just then Raab walked in.

"Raab!" I yelled, trying to stand up. He caught me and helped me back onto the stool.

"Already shit faced?" he asked joking. I nodded and smiled. "Awesome."

"I'm gunna go dance, wanna come?" I asked, pulling his arm.

"I'll get a couple drinks in me first." he smiled, rubbing his stomach. I nodded and wobbled to the dance floor where I found Tatiana. I danced with her until Johnny pulled her away.

"Get some!" I yelled, clapping my hands. Everyone laughed and I felt an arm snake around my waist.

"Want to go outside?" I heard Bam ask. I nodded and we led me to the door.

There was a silence as we sat on the side walk. "So.." I awkwardly stated.

"I miss you." Bam said, looking into my eyes. I sighed and looked at the changing stop light.

"I miss you too, Bam." I replied, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Lets go for a walk." he said, standing up, almost falling over.

"Bam, we're wasted." I laughed, looking up at him.

"Who cares?" he smiled, holding out his hand with the cigarette in it. I smirked and he laughed, switching hands. He pulled me up, into a hug. We began to walk the familiar park and sat down at the picnic table.

"So how have you been." Bam asked, staring at his cigarette.

"I was good. I have my own Salon now." I nodded, wondering how business was.

"That's awesome." he nodded, looking down at me. I nodded and stood up.

"Come." I said, holding out my hand. He raised and eyebrow and I pulled him to the merry-go-round.

I jumped on and held on as he spun me. "Oh my god. I'm gunna barf." I laughed, trying to sit down.

"I'm coming." Bam said, about to jump on. He went to jump on, but slipped, falling off into the treeline. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh my god Bam. Are you okay?" I laughed, still spinning. He was laughing along with me too.

"Stop! You're gunna make me pee myself." I yelled as the merry-go-round slowed down. I jumped off and walked over to him. I looked up at the busted streetlight, and realized this is where Bam and I had our first kiss.

He held up his hand for help, but just pulled me down when I locked my hand with his. I landed ontop of him and laughed, looking up into his eyes.

In the pit of my stomach I could feel something, something I haven't felt since the last day I remember kissing Bam.

I lowered my head and kissed him lightly until I felt his arms go to my waist. I turned the kiss more passionate, loving the feeling of his lips against mine; I've missed them for so long. When we pulled away he smiled and I rested my head on his chest.

"I'm still in love with you." I blurted, biting my lips as I waited for him to reply.

"I'm so happy you said that. No matter what, I always think back to you." Bam replied, pulling my chin up so my lips met his. We looked up at the single star and saw it shine brightly, then fade out.

"Do you think Dunn put us up to this?" he asked as we were walking back to the bar.

"I think he had everything to do with this." I smiled.

"We love you bro." Bam said, looking up at the sky. I slipped my arm around his waist and he kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes and walked back into the bar, regrouping with everyone.

As we sat down at the counter again, I felt a cold breeze on my arm. I smirked and chugged some of the beer that Dave England ordered me.

A couple hours later we walked to the van that was taking us all the Bam's "castle" to crash for the night. I stood out on Bam's balcony off of his room, looking up at the same single star. Bam walked out and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Sarah, I wanted to ask you this earlier, but I was too drunk and nervous to." he whispered, kissing the side of my head.

"Ask away." I whispered back, laying my arms over his.

"Will you be my girlfriend, again?" he asked. Quickly he continued. "You know exactly what to do to make me come out of the state I was in before I saw you earlier. I need you, and I know you need me to."

I smiled, and turned around. "I would love to." Kissing his lips, I turned back around and continued to look at the star. I watched as it twinkled brightly, and shot across the sky.

"Goodbye Ryan." I whispered.

"So you think he passed on now that we're together?" Bam wondered as we laid down on the bed.

"I do." I smiled, snuggling up to the person who made my heart race faster than it ever has.

2 years later on October 18th, I said those same exact words at the alter.

9 months later, on Ryan Dunn's birthday I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy we named Matthew Ryan Margera. We had 2 kids after that, one girl and another boy.

Matt had brown curly hair and blue eyes, but when he grew up, his hair had a shade of red. Every holiday and year anniversary of Ryan's death, we visit where he was burried and where the accident was, leaving flowers and letters. He made my life better, unconditionally in many ways. We love him, and he will forever live on.

<3- I started this the day after Ryan Dunn's tragedity, but I'm just finishing it. I obviously didn't know Ryan personally, but the people who did...I can't imagine going through what they've been through...Ryan will never be forgotten, and always in our Jackass hearts -<3