If You Only Knew

Darren's POV

"Screw you!" I yelled into my phone before stabbing my finger at the end call button. I threw my phone at the seat on the other side of the limo, wanting it to be as far away from me as possible. I had never felt more hurt and dejected in all of my life. The girl that I had been in love with for almost two years had cheated on me. And it wasn't the first time either.

I furiously wiped away the tears that I could feel brimming in my eyes. I wasn't going to cry over her anymore. She had caused enough of my tears to fall since we had started dating and I was done with her. Done with her, done with all of the lying and the cheating, done with all of the fighting! It seemed like all we ever did was fight! But despite all the bad times, I still loved her. She had made me so happy... Of course I would forgive her that first time... It was a mistake, she had said. It would never happen again. And that's what she had said the next time. And the time after that. And the time after that. I just couldn't take it anymore.

They say that you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, but I guess it took five "mistakes" for me to wise up and break it off with her. It still hurt though. I loved her. I still do. But yet I hate her for that. I wish that we had never met. Then I wouldn't be sitting here alone, feeling so hurt and betrayed. I knew that Chris was probably waiting for me at the hotel. He always seems to know when something's wrong, but I just can't talk to him right now. My emotions are just too jumbled. That's why I told the driver to go to the theatre.

There's something about being in a theatre that just relaxes me. That and having a guitar in my hands. But since my guitar is at the hotel, I'll have to settle with the theatre. Going there will give me the chance to check out my dressing room and make sure that all of my outfits made it. I needed to do something to keep my mind off of her.

We finally pulled up to the theatre. I pulled my hoodie up over my head as I stepped out of the limo so that no one would recognize me. It was already getting dark out, which helped disguise me as I slipped into the building, stopping only once to show my ID to the guard on duty.

Once inside, I let my hood down and shook out my short, curly brown hair. It felt weird having it short. I missed having it long. I couldn't help but smile as I thought back on my A Very Potter Musical days. My hair had been so long then. That felt like the real me. I slowly ran my fingers through my short unruly hair. At least there wasn't any hair gel in it right now. It felt free, not held down and constricted... Like how my heart felt. I let out a heavy sigh. I needed to find my dressing room.

Looking around, I didn't see anyone. It was getting late, but surely someone must still be here who can show me where my dressing room is. I slowly started to make my way down the hallway before me. I passed a door that read: Stage Door, but I continued past it. I didn't want to go to the stage. I continued along down the hall, almost running into a girl with light brown hair who very suddenly appeared before me. The door she had exited from clicked shut as it closed behind her. She quickly made her way down the hallway, kind of oblivious to the fact that she had almost run into me.

"Excuse me, miss!" I called out after her. She didn't stop. I felt my eyebrows furrow with confusion. Why didn't she stop?

"Miss!" I called out again, starting towards her. "Excuse me, miss, can I talk to you?" Again she ignored me. Then I just kind of snapped. Who was this chick that she would just totally ignore me? I had been polite when I called for her, yet she continued to be ignorant and rude towards me, not even acknowledging that I was there. I felt anger boiling inside of me as I quickly caught up to her and grab her shoulder, turning her towards me.

"You almost ran into me and then wouldn't stop when I called after you. Did you not hear me?" I demanded. She just looked at me oddly, her deep brown eyes wide as they stared back at me.

"I'm sorry?" she furrowed her eyebrows at me. I don't know why but her response irked me. It was not the kind of apology I was expecting.

"You're sorry?" I scoffed. "Was that a question or an apology?"

"I-I-" she just stuttered, which just continued to irk me.

"Forget it!" I scowled frustratedly. All I wanted to do was just find my dressing room and be alone and this brown haired girl was doing nothing but irritating me. I moved to pass her, kind of bumping into her harder than I expected to, when I suddenly noticed what she held in her hands. I stopped and quickly turned towards her, staring hard at what she was holding. It was my clothes.

"What are you doing with those?!" I demanded, grabbing at my clothes. Then it hit me. She was stealing my clothes!

"I'm-" she started but I cut her off.

"Not only are you rude and ignorant," I huffed. "But you're a thief too!" I quickly took my clothes from her hands, then grabbed her arm, tightly so that she couldn't get away, deciding that I would report this thief to whomever was in charge. I quickly pulled her along back towards the stage door I had seen earlier. I spotted Ryan right away talking to a tall blonde woman who looked like they might be in charge, so I took the girl over to them.

"I caught this little thief stealing my clothes!" I announced, pushing her towards the woman.

"Kaley?" the woman sounded confused and alarmed, which made me feel the same way, especially when I realized that she knew the girl's name.

"I didn't... I wasn't..." the girl stuttered. She kind of sound scared... She actually almost sounded like she was about to cry. The woman just grabbed the girl and hugged her, which surprised me even more.

"You do realize that you are accusing one of our employees who works in the costume department, whose job it is to handle your clothing, of stealing that which she was hired to take care of?" the woman exclaimed. "You accused her of stealing your clothes because you found her with them in her possession, but did you ever stop to think that maybe she was supposed to have them? Did you ever think that maybe she's taking them to your dressing room, which is her job?" I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as I realized what she had said. I had accused the costume manager of stealing my clothes. I now felt even worse than I had before I had walked into the theatre.

"N-n-no," I felt myself stutter as I hung my head in shame. I couldn't bear to look at Ryan. I could just feel the disappointment and shame emanating from him.

"I'm ashamed of you!" the woman scolded me.

"As am I," Ryan said suddenly, which made me feel even worse. Disappointing Ryan was something that I had never wanted to do. I felt horrible.

"Just because you're famous doesn't give you the right to treat our employees this way!" the woman continued. "Honestly, you were the last person that I would have ever expected to act like this!"

"I'm sorry," I muttered. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable standing there under their disappointing glares.

"Don't say it to us," Ryan sighed. "Apologize to her." I looked up at the girl who was now turned towards me. She kept her head down, as if she were afraid of me. I felt anger bubbling in me again as I stared at her. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be in this mess right now. I didn't really want to apologize to her, but I could feel Ryan and the woman watching me intently, so I finally said "I'm sorry," again, this time directed towards the girl.

As soon as the words fell from my lips, her head slowly rose and her eyes fell on mine. Her face suddenly changed to a shocked expression and she quickly looked away, nodding her head as she did. I suddenly felt bad as I realized that my anger must have shown on my face and that she would have seen it. Truthfully, I knew that it wasn't her fault. I was the one who had acted out. I was just so frustrated and angry and I had taken it all out on her.

That was when I noticed it. The white wires of head phones hanging over the edge of the neckline of her shirt. She had had earbuds in. That's why she hadn't heard me. I suddenly felt like I wanted to be sick.

"May I go now?" I asked Ryan, wanting to get as far away as I could.

"Go, rest up," he replied with a wave of his hand. "You need to be rested for the show tomorrow. I sincerely hope that there are no more problems. You may go now."

As soon as he had finished talking, I turned on my heel and hurried away. I didn't care where I was going. All I care about was getting away.

I walked blindly through the back hallways of the theatre. People whispered as I passed by them. Apparently news travelled fast here. It seemed like everyone already knew about what had happened. I finally happened upon a door with wording that I recognized. Inside the star hanging on the door it read: Darren Criss. At that moment, I couldn't help but think that it should be replaced with: The Biggest A-Hole of Life. Because that was how I felt right then.

I quickly turned the doorknob and slipped into the room. The racks around the room were filled with my clothes. I looked down at the ones that I still held in my hands and felt sick. I quickly threw them away from me, disgusted by them. Disgusted by myself. Then I actually felt like I was going to be sick. I ran into the small room that was adjoined to mine, praying that it was a bathroom, which it was, and soon emptied my stomach into the toilet bowl. As I flushed the toilet, I heard a knock at the door.

"Go away!" I yelled at it. But it didn't listen. Instead, all it did was open to reveal Chris and many of our fellow cast mates. His bright, understanding glasz eyes connected with mine and in that silent exchange I knew that he knew about what had happened.

Within seconds, they were all huddled around me and my eyes were overflowing with tears, tears that were, for once, not over her.