If You Only Knew

Kaley's POV

"Okay, enough is enough!" an angry voice exclaimed somewhere beside me. I rolled over and opened my eyes to see a very irritated Leah staring down at me.

"Get your lazy butt out of bed right now!" she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

"No," I mumbled as I rolled back over and pulled my blankets above my head.

"Kaley!" she huffed. "You haven't left the apartment since you got back on Wednesday! It's time to get up and get back into life! It's not healthy for you to be lying around like this, moping!"

"I'm not moping," I groaned from under the blankets. "I'm recovering!"

"Kaley, it's been three days!" Leah exclaimed. "You can't spend your life locked up in our apartment!" Her voice softened as she continued. "I know that what you went through was traumatic, Kaley, but you can't let what happened control your life. You can't let him control your life. You're stronger than that. I know you are. The Kaley I know wouldn't mope around in defeat! No! She'd go back out there, back to that theatre, and show everyone just how strong that I know she is!"

"I'm not ready," I whined, pulling the blankets tighter around me as I squeezed my eyes shut. "You don't know what it was like..."

"Kaley," I felt the bed shift slightly as she sat down beside me. "I dated him, remember? I know what he's like. Luckily, he never got the chance to try anything with me, but now, because of you, he won't be able to hurt anyone else. He's gone, Kaley. He can't hurt you anymore."

"You don't know that," I whispered, my thoughts flashing back to the constant nightmares that I'd been having. He was hurting me every time that I slept, but no one knew.

"Okay, that's enough!" The blankets were suddenly ripped off my body and I rolled over and looked up at Leah in surprise. "The guys only have three more shows here! Are you really going to waste that precious time that we have left with them lying in bed in fear of something that's past?"

Leah's words, though I didn't want to listen to them, were true. Darren only had three shows left here until they were done. Then what? Darren would be going back to L.A. to start shooting the new season and I'd stay here in New York. I know that we had agreed that we weren't going to let our relationship end, but how long did long distance relationships really ever last?

James' words in my nightmares weren't just his biting remarks. They were also my worries. What if things didn't work out between us? What if Darren was just using me for comfort while he was here? What if Darren found someone else when he went back to L.A.? These thoughts, combined with what had happened with James, made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Come on, Kaley," Leah sighed softly. "It's time to get up and get back into life. The guys need you there. Darren needs you there. I need you there."

With a small sigh, I turned and swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

"Happy?" I asked.

"Very," Leah grinned, standing up as well. "Now hurry and get dressed. We're going to be late."

"Late?" I asked, moving over to my dresser to get some fresh clothes. "Late for what?"

"The show, of course!" Leah exclaimed. "The last show of the day starts in about twenty minutes! And I know it would help Darren to have you there. He's been worried sick about you. He hasn't been able to concentrate, he's been messing up his dance steps, and the smile on his face is forced. I know because the second that he steps off stage, it disappears. He needs you there for him just as much as you needed him here for you."

"Okay," I sighed, knowing that Leah was right, once again. I quickly pulled out a random shirt and a pair of dark pants and turned back to look at Leah. "Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darren's POV

"What is going on with you today, Darren?" Ryan asked, stopping me as I aimlessly wandered the halls. I looked up at him blankly, not fully registering that he was there for a second. Ryan's expression seemed to soften as he saw my face.

"This is about Kaley, isn't it?" he asked softly, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. I blinked a couple of times before I slowly nodded.

"She's going to be okay, Darren," he continued, just as softly. "She's a tough girl. She's going to make it through this."

"It just hurts so much," I said, trying not to cry. Zayna would kill me if I ruined my stage makeup... Though she might make an exception in this case. "I can see how much she's hurting because of this, but I feel so helpless! I want to help her, but I don't know what to do. If I could take all of that pain away for her, I would. Even if it meant that I'd have to bear that pain myself."

"You really care about her, don't you?" Ryan asked, to which I nodded again.

"More than anyone that I ever have before," I replied. "I don't want to lose her, but I can already feel her slipping away and it's killing me. I can't lose her, Ryan. I just can't."

"Because you love her," Ryan stated, startling me.

"Y-Yes," I nodded slowly. "How did you-"

"Darren, I've been in love," he smiled. "I know what it looks like and I can see it in your eyes. You're in love with her." He paused for a second before chuckling slightly. "You know, when you first pulled her up to me that first day back two weeks ago, I never in a million years thought that you two would end up where you are now. But then, over the next few days, I started to see a change in you, Darren. You seemed... happier. I know that it's not my business to get involved with your personal life, but I could see how much your relationship with... Victoria, was it?"

"Vanessa," I corrected him, though I could really care less about her.

"Right, Vanessa," Ryan nodded. "Well, I could see how much your relationship with her upset you. I noted the countless times that you would come to a shooting looking upset and frustrated. But one thing that I've always loved about you is how you can leave all of your personal baggage at the door when you come to work. But today you didn't. And that's because you really care about Kaley. You can't just leave her at the door because she not baggage to you. She's not a burden. You love her."

"I do," I nodded. "She means the world to me and I'm so worried about her."

"It's going to be okay, Darren," Ryan said, giving me an awkward side hug. "She's strong, and so are you. She'll make it through this. You both will."

"Thanks, Ryan," I gave him a small, but real smile. As strict as Ryan could be sometimes, it was moments like these that reminded me that he was just as caring as he was strict.

"You're welcome, Darren," he smiled, patting me on the back. "Now, I know it's hard, but please try to focus. We've only got three shows left here and we want to be able to give the fans a great show, right?"

"Right," I nodded. "For the fans."

"And for Kaley," Chris' voice announced from behind me. I quickly turned around and was met with a pair of beautiful brown-green eyes.

"Kaley!" I exclaimed, quickly moving forward and pulling her into my arms. I gently lifted her up and spun her around happily. "I'm so happy that you're here!"

"Me too," she gave me a small smile too as I stopped spinning her and stared into her eyes. She slowly leaned down and pressed her lips to mine. I smiled as we broke apart and I gently set her back down.

"What convinced you to come?" I asked. I had sorely missed her presence here, though I understood why she had been hesitant to come back.

"Let's just say that some people won't take 'no' for an answer," Kaley grinned, shooting a glance over at Leah who was trying her best to look completely innocent. "And I heard that you kinda missed me."

"Yeah, kinda," I grinned, still holding her close to me. "I kinda think that you might be my good luck charm cause my performances just haven't been as good since you've been gone."

"Well, then I'm sure that this show will be your best one yet since I'm back now," she replied lightly, staring up into my eyes. The sight took my breath away. Her eyes seemed to sparkle as the light hit them and I could practically feel the warmth and love emitting from them... Wait, love?

I stared deeper into her eyes, searching for the depth of that emotion. I was ready to tell Kaley that I loved her, but was she ready to say the same thing to me? It only took me a couple of minutes to decide that she wasn't completely ready yet. She was still too sensitive right now and I had meant it when I said that I wanted it to be extremely special and romantic when I told her for the first time.

She's not ready yet, I decided. But she will be soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaley's POV

It seemed like it was all too soon before Darren had to leave to go finish getting ready for the show. As I watched him walk away, I noticed that he seemed a lot happier than when I had first seen him with Ryan when we had arrived.

Chris had met us at the door the instant that we had arrived, Leah having undoubtedly texted him that we were there.

"Thank goodness you're here!" he exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug. "Seriously, I don't think that I could have handled Darren moping around like this for much longer!"

"He's moping?" I asked, suddenly worried about him. The last few days that I had cooped myself up at home, I had only really been thinking about myself and not really how other people were feeling. I slowly started to feel bad as I realized how worried Darren must have really been about me.

"He started acting like this yesterday," Chris confirmed as we started walking down the hallway. "Usually he's pretty good at covering up his emotions while he's at work, but yesterday he just broke, during one of his performances, of all times. At first, I thought that he had just tripped or something, but as the show went on, I started to notice that he was stumbling a lot and messing up his choreography, which isn't like him. He's always been one of the better dancers in the cast, apart from Harry, Kevin, and Heather, so the fact that he was messing up surprised a lot of us. We could all tell that he wasn't able to focus. And I instantly knew that it was because of you."

"Me?" I furrowed my eyebrows at his accusation.

"I don't mean it in a bad way," Chris replied quickly. "I just mean that he's been worried about you, so he's been having a hard time focusing on anything else. He really cares about you, Kaley, and- Oh! Speak of the devil, there he is!"

I looked up to see Darren standing a little farther down the hallway, talking to Ryan. His shoulders were slumped and his head was hanging slightly. His whole body just seemed to express his unhappiness.

"It's going to be okay, Darren," I heard Ryan say as we got closer. The older man pulled Darren into an awkward-looking side hug as he continued. "She's strong, and so are you. She'll make it through this. You both will."

They're talking about me, I realized.

"Thanks, Ryan," Darren replied, giving him a small smile. I was kind of surprised by this side of Ryan. This sweet and caring side was a side that I had not seen from him before, at least not in person.

"You're welcome, Darren," Ryan smiled in return, patting him on the back. "Now, I know it's hard, but please try to focus. We've only got three shows left here and we want to be able to give the fans a great show, right?"

"Right," Darren nodded slowly. "For the fans."

"And for Kaley," Chris suddenly piped up from beside me, a huge, mischievous grin on his lips. Darren spun around at the sound of his voice, his eyes lighting up as they fell on me.

"Kaley!" he exclaimed, rushing towards me and pulling me into his arms. I felt my feet leave the ground and suddenly I was spinning around as Darren held me tightly to his chest. "I'm so happy that you're here!"

"Me too," I replied, giving him a small smile as he stopped spinning me, and as the words left my mouth, I knew that I had meant it. I was happy to be there, as uncomfortable as it felt, but I knew that Darren needed me there, so there I was.

I stared down into his eyes, which were so bright and full of happiness, and suddenly felt the urge to kiss him. So I did. I slowly leaned down and pressed my lips to his, having sorely missed his touch. A smile lit up his face as we broke apart and he gently set me back down, though he did not let go of me.

"Let's just say that some people won't take 'no' for an answer," I grinned, shooting a slight glare over at Leah, who gave me an innocent look. "And I heard that you kinda missed me."

"Yeah, kinda," He grinned as well, holding me closer, as if he was afraid that I was suddenly going to disappear. "I kinda think that you might be my good luck charm cause my performances just haven't been as good since you've been gone."

"Well, then I'm sure that this show will be your best one yet since I'm back now," I teased lightheartedly, staring up into his eyes. I could never get tired of looking into those dazzling, golden hazel eyes. He stared back at me with such passion that I felt my heart thrum in my chest. We didn't have to say anything. All of our feelings and emotions could be conveyed through our connected eyes, saying things that sometimes you just couldn't find the words for.

I think that I might be in love with you, I silently admitted, secretly wondering if he was able to read my unvoiced thoughts. When a heartfelt smile spread across his lips, I knew that he had. But there was still one question on my mind. Do you love me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darren's POV

Just knowing that Kaley was nearby greatly improved each of my performances. I was able to focus on the show, knowing that Kaley was close enough that if she needed me, I could be at her side in an instant. A couple of times when I had glanced off stage or when I was rushing by to change outfits, I would catch slight glimpses of her watching me, a smile on her face.

The moment that the show was finished, I quickly rushed off the stage, expecting to find her right away, but she was no where in sight.

"Have you seen Kaley?" I asked one of the stagehands who was passing by. He looked at me, his eyes squinting slightly as his mind worked to figure out who I was, the answer clicking quickly as his face fell into a scowl. His reaction shocked me. I didn't think that I had ever seen him before, so how could I have upset him?

I quickly took in his appearance, double checking to see if maybe I did know him from somewhere. He had shaggy black hair and heavily tanned skin. He was short, shorter than me, but he also looked younger. I figured that he might be around fifteen or sixteen, which was surprisingly young to be working here.

Why isn't he in school? I wondered, frowning slightly. He looks to young to be working here... I quickly shook off those thoughts as I continued to look him over. He had a small scar running alongside his slightly crooked nose all the way down to just above his thin, scowling lips. His eyes were a deep blue colour, but almost seemed to flash red at that moment with flames of hatred.

He does look kind of familiar... I realized, furrowing my brows in confusion. Where have I seen him before?

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" I asked cautiously, wary of the dark look that he was giving me. The dark stagehand clothes that he was wearing made him look even more unpleasant, almost evil-like, and made shivers run down my spine

"Yeah, you did," he spat back, the scowl still heavy on his face. "My brother's in jail because of you."

I blinked in surprise at his words. It was then that I realized why he looked so familiar.

"James," I gasped.

"Yeah, you and your pansy girlfriend cost my brother his job and now he's facing jail charges!" I could hear the anger building in his voice. "Because of you, we might not be able to pay our rent this month!"

"First of all, it's your brother's own fault, not mine and especially not Kaley's," I snapped, feeling my own anger building inside of me. I took a deep breath to calm myself, waiting until I was in control again before speaking. "Look, man, I'm sorry that you're-"

"Don't call me that!" he growled. "Don't call me 'man', like as if I'm one of your friends, cause I'm not!"

"Then what should I call you?" I asked, starting to get annoyed with him.

"Jordan," he replied. "Jordan Carter. Remember that name, Mr. Criss, because you haven't heard the last from me or my brother. You will pay for what you've done."

"I've done nothing but served your brother a heaping plate of justice," I chuckled slightly. "He got what he deserves and I hope that his years in jail will give him plenty of time to think about what he's done and make him think twice before trying to rape an innocent girl."

"Innocent?" Jordan laughed. "Oh your girlfriend is far from innocent. From what I've heard, she was practically throwing herself on my brother, begging him to scr-"

"Shut up!" I growled, grabbing the front of his shirt and lifting him off the ground slightly. My free hand clenched into a fist, which quickly rose, ready to punch him for what he had said, but, taking a deep breath, I dropped my fist and released him.

"You're not worth it," I said, staring him down. "You can thank Kaley that I didn't knock your brains out because she's the one who taught me that. That it's not even worth it to bother with people like you. You're not worth it." And with that, I turned and left him standing there, brooding over my words.

Still not sure where Kaley was, I decided to try my dressing room, thinking that if she wasn't there that I could at least change before I continued to look for her. But I quickly found that that would not be necessary. I spotted her the moment that I opened the door, curled up in a pile of my outfits (yes, I tend to leave my clothes on the floor when I'm changing in a rush), sound asleep. I carefully went over to her, kneeling down and brushing a piece of hair from her face, which I quickly noticed had a small, happy smile on it.

I wonder what she's dreaming about... I thought as I watched her peaceful slumber. It seems like she's not having nightmares, for once...

That was when I noticed it. In her hands, Kaley was clutching a white polo shirt, my shirt, close to her chest, almost protectively. I reached down and tried to gently pull it away from her, but her grip just tightened on it, refusing to give it up. Her lips fell into a frown as she fought to keep the article of clothing and as soon as I let go, she pulled it closer and inhaled slowly, the smile quickly returning to her lips.

She thinks that's me, I realized suddenly, a smile slowly spreading across my lips. I'm the one making her happy, keeping the nightmares away. I'm the one making her smile.

A quiet buzzing sound pulled my attention away from Kaley and I slowly stood up, looking around for the source. I spotted my phone sitting on the counter and walked over to it. When I picked it up, I found that I had a new text message.

Chris: I saw what happened back there. I'm proud of you, Dare. Two weeks ago, you would have knocked his lights out, but you didn't. Kaley would have been proud :)

I smiled as I sent him a reply.

Me: Thanks :) I find that I'm doing better with controlling my anger now.

Chris: You've changed because of her... But in a good way :) I'm happy for you.

Me: Thanks, man :) I'm happy too :D

I quickly glanced back down at the sleeping form on the floor.

Happier than ever before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaley's POV

I slowly opened my eyes, surprised to find myself in my own bed.

How did I get here? I wondered, blinking away the sleep from my eyes. The last thing I remember, I was in Darren's dressing room...

"Oh!" I exclaimed softly, suddenly noticing the arm draped across my waist. My heart started to pound, in fear of who was lying beside me. They suddenly shifted beside me and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

"Kaley... I... you... don't... me..." I was only able to make out ever other word that was mumbled from his lips, instantly relaxing as I recognized Darren's voice.

He's talking in his sleep! I grinned. Ever cute! And he's dreaming about me! My boyfriend is so adorkable!

My boyfriend. I could not get enough of saying that. Darren Criss was my boyfriend. Yep, I definitely would never get tired of saying that.

I wonder what my dad's going to think of Darren. I'm not sure how thrilled he'll be with me dating a celebrity, but I hope that he'll be able to look past all of that and see what an amazing guy Darren is.

I carefully shifted back closer to Darren, taking comfort in the feeling of his body pressed against mine. As I moved, my hand brushed against something soft. Looking down, I noticed a shirt lying on the blanket beside me. Is that...

Darren's shirt. Suddenly it all came flooding back to me. How I had ended up on the floor in Darren's dressing room. Darren had been on stage, performing one of his songs, when I decided to go get a drink. As I walked into the green room, I was met with a sight that made me shake with fear. There, in the middle of the room, was a familiar dark haired man. He had his back to me, but I was still able to recognize him.

"James!" I gasped, causing him to turn towards me. His dark blue eyes quickly fell on me, full of anger and hatred. I quickly took a couple steps back, afraid that he was going to attack me again.

Wait, I realized suddenly. James' eyes are a lighter blue...

I blinked a couple of times, suddenly noticing that James did not look the same. He was shorter, his hair more shaggy, and he had a thin scar running from his crooked nose to his thin lips.

"You're not James," I said slowly, making him roll his eyes.

"Ding! Ding! Ding!" he clapped. "Congratulations! You win a prize, Captain Obvious!"

"Who are you then?" I asked, standing up straighter. He was not James. James was gone. He couldn't hurt me anymore.

"Jordan," he smirked. "Jordan Carter."

"Carter..." I repeated slowly, suddenly making the connection. "You're related to James."

"Wow! Two for two! Looks like we've got a genius in our midst!" he announced sarcastically.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. "What do you want?"

"I work here," he snapped, scowling at me. "My brother was able to get me a job helping out, that is until you got him fired!"

"Do you really think that they would keep someone like him here after what he did to me?" I exclaimed.

"What he did to you?" he laughed. "As if you didn't want it."

"What the heck do you mean by that?" I demanded, getting angry. "You think that I wanted him to rape me?"

"It's not rape if it's consentual," he shrugged, as if this were a normal conversation topic.

"You think that I-" I started to say, completely flabbergasted and outraged by his casual-like response.

"You know what?" he said, cutting me off. "I'm done talking to you. I don't want to listen to any more of the lies that are spewing from your mouth." He quickly moved towards the door, stopping beside me for a second on the way.

"You know, I don't even know why my brother was interested in you," he commented, looking me up and down. "You're not even pretty. I don't know what my brother saw in you. Maybe it's actually a good thing that he got fired from here. Now he doesn't have to stare at your ugly face anymore." And with that he gave me a cheeky, smug grin and turned and walked out the door, leaving me standing alone, completely stunned.

Well, he definitely shares his brother's arrogance, I thought, starting to move towards the fridge in the far corner of the room. I quickly opened it and pulled out a bottle of water, though I really didn't feel that thirsty anymore. Now I just felt uncomfortable.

You're not even pretty. I had been told that by many of Darren's jealous fans over Twitter, but I had never had it said to my face before. It actually hurt more this way, actually hearing someone say it.

You're not even pretty. His words continued to echo through my head as I headed back towards the stage.

I know that I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I'm at least a little bit pretty, right? I stopped to look at my reflection in one of the mirrors along the hallway. I mean, Darren thinks I'm pretty, right? He says I'm cute... Okay, so that's not the same as pretty, but it's basically the same thing...

I let out a deep sigh. I was letting Jordan's words get to me. I knew that they were just that, words, but it was still hard to get them out of my mind.

I need a Darren hug, I decided, resuming my walk towards the stage. I need my cuddle monkey.

But my cuddle monkey ended up being busy, wowing the audience with his amazing voice and talented footwork. With another sigh, I turned away from the stage and headed towards Darren's dressing room. I didn't bother knocking before entering, since I knew that he was on stage, and even if he hadn't been, I was used to seeing him without his shirt on by now.

I looked around the room, frowning at the clothes that Darren had left lying on the floor.

And this is why we have to wash all of his clothes after every show, I silently laughed, shaking my head. I carefully crouched down and started to pick up the clothes that were piled on the floor. As I draped one of his shirts over my arm, I caught of whiff of Darren's scent and I couldn't help but smile, feeling by body relax. Just being here, in Darren's room, surrounded by his stuff, helped to calm me. I eyed the pile again, this time somewhat mischievously.

"Oh, what the heck," I laughed, looking at the pile. "Why not?" I gently flopped down on the pile, smiling as Darren's scent surrounded me. I slowly closed my eyes, relaxing. It almost felt like Darren was there beside me.

I guess that I must have fallen asleep like that, I decided, glancing over my shoulder to look at Darren, who was still fast asleep beside me. I went from picturing that he was beside me, to actually having him beside me. I think that I like the later better. I smiled as I watched him softly inhale and exhale.

Yes, much better.