If You Only Knew

Kaley's POV

I knew that there was a possibility that this could happen. It's spin-the-bottle. Anything can happen. But this was probably the last thing that I wanted to happen.

Leah looked over at me nervously, trying to decipher my thoughts from the expression on my face. Though it's just a game, it's still awkward and uncomfortable to kiss your best friend's boyfriend right in front of her. Though I had kissed two of Darren's friends in front of him, it was different because they were actors and they were used to having to kiss girls that maybe had boyfriends or while they were in relationships themselves. It was part of the job.

Leah, however, had only ever kissed Chris and, let's face it, nothing was going to happen there, even if she and I both wanted it to for her. So Leah was about to kiss her first straight boy, a boy whom she had also had a huge crush on at one point.

What if she starts to have feelings for him again? I started to panic. What if she starts to resent me for dating him because now she likes him too and then we'll fight and hate each other forever? Or what if Darren likes kissing her? What is he falls in love with her?

Okay, I know that I might have been over thinking this, but I couldn't help it. I was a natural born worrier.

"Oh, just kiss already!" Mark exclaimed, taking another swig from his bottle. Darren looked over at me with a conflicted look. Well, at least he was worried too.

Realizing that he was waiting for some sort of response from me, a gave him a slow, hesitant smile.

"Just kiss already!" I agreed with Mark, trying to play it off lightheartedly. It was just a kiss, nothing was going to happen.

Darren smiled, nodding slightly as he moved to the center of the circle to meet Leah. Both of them cast one last wary look at me before they moved closer and pressed their lips together.

It was a very uncomfortable sight.

Chalk that up as something that I never want to see again, I grumbled to myself.

Why was this three seconds not ending?

By the count of two, Darren suddenly reached his hand up and cupped Leah's cheek as he deepened the kiss.

This was not happening.

Leah let out a moan of pleasure that made my stomach churn uncomfortably.

What was going on? This wasn't right. This wasn't supposed to happen!

The count hit three, but they didn't break apart. Instead, Darren pushed Leah down so that her back was pressed against the floor, hungrily pressing his lips against hers as if she was a drug that he couldn't get enough of. Leah's hands snaked up and twined through his hair, pulling him down closer to her. Leah's mouth opened to release another moan and Darren took the opportunity to dip his tongue into her mouth.

I couldn't watch this anymore. I quickly buried my face in my hands, trying to block out the sight of them making out. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening!

"Kaley?" I heard Jenna's voice say, followed by a poke to my arm. I opened my eyes to look at her. "Are you okay? It's just a kiss, you know." I opened my mouth to argue that that was not "just a kiss", when Leah caught my eye.

She was sitting alone in the middle of the circle, looking at me with concern and worry. Darren was sitting in his spot on the outside of the circle, also looking at me with worry.

"Oh, just kiss already!" Mark exclaimed, taking a swig from his bottle.

Wait, what?

"They haven't kissed yet?" I whispered to Jenna, who gave me an odd look.

"No, they haven't yet," she shook her head. "They're both being reluctant because they don't want to upset you. But honestly? Don't worry. It's just a game. It won't mean anything."

Really?!?! I internally smacked myself in the face. I had just imagined the whole thing?!

I looked back at Darren, who looked very uncomfortable and conflicted. Leah looked just as uncomfortable, waiting alone in the middle of the circle. I could tell that she felt very awkward, being put in this position.

It's not her fault, I told myself. It's just a game. Nothing will happen. You worry too much. I turned back to Darren and gave him a small, hesitant smile, telling him to just do it. Darren nodded slightly before moving to the center of the circle. He gently leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

One.

Two.

Three.

And they broke apart.

"Screw the bottle," Darren said, suddenly turning and crawling over to me. He placed both of his hands on my cheeks and pulled my lips up to meet his. There was that hunger that I had imagined earlier. But instead of for Leah, that hunger was for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darren's POV

I would be lying if I said that Leah wasn't a good kisser, because she was.

For being someone who hasn't really kissed anyone before, she sure knows how to kiss! I thought as my lips pressed against hers. She kind of tastes like... cherry. Katie Perry's song, I Kissed A Girl, suddenly popped into my head. If I wasn't in the middle of kissing Leah, I would have chuckled.

That's the second time that that song has popped up! I realized suddenly. First Chris won't stop singing it in the shower every morning, and now here I am, thinking about it while kissing my girlfriend's best friend!

I really had strange thoughts sometimes.

"Three!" everyone shouted and I instantly pulled away from Leah. Like I said, she wasn't a bad kisser, she just wasn't Kaley.

Screw it! I decided firmly. Why do I have to wait for a stupid bottle to tell me when I can kiss my girlfriend?

"Screw the bottle!" I declared, quickly turning and crawling over towards Kaley. Once I reached her, I instantly pulled her towards me and pressed my lips firmly against hers.

This was so much better. Kissing Leah had felt wrong. Kissing Kaley though, felt right.

I let out a deep sigh of satisfaction as we broke apart.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly. "I wish that I didn't have to do that."

"It's just a game," she replied. "And I trust you."

Those words hit me hard. I trust you. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Without it, it's hard to make a relationship last. So to hear her say that, it meant that she believed that our relationship was going to last. We were strong. Nothing could break us apart.

"Alright, break it up, you two!" Naya huffed unhappily. "Some of us still want to play. If you don't anymore, then please, and mean this in the nicest of ways, GET A ROOM!" I couldn't help the grin that spread across my lips.

"No need to get feisty, Nay-Nay," I smirked. "I'm sure your turn to spin will come soon enough and then you can make out with Kevin for as long as you want!" Naya's and Kevin's cheeks turned a deep shade of red as everyone else laughed. A lot of the fans were shipping McVera right now and we liked to tease them about it.

"Oh, just go away and make out with your girlfriend," Naya snapped sharply, though I knew that there was an undertone of playfulness to her comment. Sometimes Santana seemed to rub off on her, making her a little sharp tongued, but, in reality, Naya was one of the sweetest girls I knew.

"I intend to," I grinned in reply, quickly standing up and scooping Kaley up into my arms.

"Darren!" she squealed as I lifted her off the ground.

"What?" I chuckled. "I'm taking you away with me."

"I can walk, you know," she retorted lightly.

"But where's the fun in that?" I pouted, giving her puppy dog eyes. She just rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Fine," she caved, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Take me away then."

"With pleasure," I grinned, stepping away from our friends and heading towards the stairs to go up where it was more quiet and private.

"There's condoms in the bathroom!" Naya called out after us.

"Naya!" Kaley exclaimed, her eyes widening as her face turned beet red.

"Just saying," she shrugged as she picked up the bottle. "Okay, so who's next?"

I quickly took Kaley away, up the stairs and into one of the bedrooms, gently setting her down on the bed.

"I'm not ready for that," Kaley said softly as I turned away to close the door. I paused for a second, noting the fear and worry in her voice, before shutting the door.

"I never said that we had to," I said, coming back to sit beside her on the bed. "You know that I would never pressure you into doing anything that you're not ready for, right?"

"I know," she nodded. "And thank you. For understanding."

She wasn't looking at me, but I could tell that her mind was whirling with thoughts.

"What's wrong?" I asked, gently brushing a piece of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear.

"Have you... Have you ever done it before?" she asked hesitantly.

"Well-" I started to say.

"Actually, don't answer that," she cut me off before I could fully answer. She wrapped her arms around herself, looking very much uncomfortable.

"Kaley, what is it?" I asked softly.

"I've never... done it," she admitted. "I've never even been close to doing it before... well, except for, you know." I nodded as I rubbed her arm. What happened with James was going to be a very sensitive topic for a long time, which I completely understood.

"I had a boyfriend before," she said suddenly, finally turning to look at me. "We weren't together for very long, only a couple of months. But he kept pressuring me to do things that I didn't want to, that I wasn't ready to do. That was ultimately why we broke up. He wanted things that I wasn't ready to give him. It wasn't until weeks later that I realized what a complete fool I'd been to even date him in the first place. My parents had never approved of him, my friends weren't that fond of him, even my dog didn't like him. But he liked me. And no one had ever liked me in that way before. He made me feel special. He gave me attention and affection and all of those things that I had yearned for in a relationship. But it wasn't a healthy relationship."

Tears started to well up in her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms and kiss those tears away. But as much as I wanted to do that, I knew that I had to let her finish.

"H-He was abusive," she said softly, her voice cracking slightly. "I didn't realize it at first because I was still caught up on the fact that somebody liked me as more than just a friend. But my friends saw it and they tried to warn me, but again, I didn't want to listen. I was too in love with the idea of love to realize that what I was in wasn't love at all. It wasn't until one day, when he came over, completely drunk out of his mind, that I realized that something was wrong. He was mad because I wouldn't give myself to him and while he was ranting, he let it slip that because I wasn't putting out, he'd had to find other ways to get what he wanted. Which basically meant that he was cheating on me, messing around with other girls. It was then that I decided that I was done with him and I told him to leave. But he didn't want to. He grabbed my arm and pushed me back against the wall, threatening me and telling me that I couldn't break up with him. Luckily, my friends that I was living with at the time came home right at that moment and forced him to leave. A couple of weeks later, Leah brought up the idea of me moving to New York with her and, well, here I am."

"Kaley," I whispered her name softly, my voice conveying all of the sorrowed emotion I felt for her, that she had to go through that.

"I-I'm sorry," she gave a half-hearted smile. "I kind of killed the moment... but I wanted you to know. Relationships are about trust and understanding and acceptance of everything about a person and I felt that you needed to know the truth about my past so that you could understand why I'm not ready to move forward in some aspects."

"It's okay," I smiled, placing my hand over hers. "I understand. And I just want you to know that I will never force you to do anything before you're ready. I want you to be comfortable, so that I can be comfortable."

"Really, Darren?" she gave me incredulous look.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I want you to be comfortable so that I can be comfortable?" she laughed lightly. "Pulling out your Glee lines much?"

"Opps," I blushed. "I swear, that was completely unintentional!"

"Completely?" she raised an eyebrow at me.

"Okay, maybe not completely," I admitted. "But you've got to admit, it's a really good line."

"You're such a dork!" she laughed, playfully shoving my shoulder.

"A dork that's crazy about you," I smiled. She froze suddenly, as if she had stopped breathing, and I was worried that I had said something wrong, but then she suddenly smiled and threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

"Imhffyew," she mumbled into my shirt.

"What?" I laughed, pulling away from her.

"Um, nothing!" she blushed, quickly looking away. She was just too cute.

"Hey, Kaley?" I said softly, brushing her hair out of her face so that I could see her eyes. "Is it okay if we still make out?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she grinned as she turned back to me. I smiled as well as I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers.

It was hours later before we rejoined the party downstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaley's POV

"You two were gone for a long time," Lea commented slyly as I came to stand beside her. Darren had gone off to find us something to drink that wasn't alcoholic or fizzy.

"Nothing like that happened," I laughed. "Our actions were completely innocent."

"Completely?" Lea persisted.

"I guess you'll never know," I winked playfully, making her laugh.

"You're good for him," Lea said suddenly, turning to look at where Darren was standing over by the bar. "In all the years that I've worked with him, I've never seen him as happy as he has been when he's with you."

"Thanks," I blushed, ducking my head slightly. "I like to think that he's good for me too. I've never felt so strongly for someone before and I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve a guy like him."

"I know what you mean," she sighed, looking over at Cory, who was laughing at one of Chord's many impressions. "Sometimes I wonder how I was lucky enough to get a guy like Cory."

"But you work with him," I argued. "And you're Lea Michele! You're gorgeous! How could you not get a guy like Cory? But me? I'm just Kaley. Before meeting Darren, nobody even knew who I was. So how is it that Darren would choose to like somebody like me?"

"Because you don't treat him like he's Darren Criss," Lea explained. "Because you treat him like Darren, just another average guy."

"But he's not average," I argued.

"No, but we all like to feel like we are," Lea sighed. "It's not easy always being in the public's eye, but Darren said that he feel comfortable with you. You don't make him feel like he's some big celebrity. You just make him feel like a normal guy. Like come on, we've all heard about how you and Leah grilled him when you guys first met. He was so nervous to go apologize to you, but he kind of liked it, feeling nervous like that. He'd never been put in a position like that before and he liked how you didn't just stare at him with wide, starry eyes. You were actually mad at him and gave him a piece of your mind. That made him feel normal. And then when he got to know you, you never really ever treated him like he was a celebrity. He was just your friend, and then later, your boyfriend."

"I'm not going to lie, I was a little starstruck by him when I first met him," I admitted. "Like, I'd had a crush on him for years, but after meeting him and becoming friends with him, I realized that I actually liked him more than just a silly little celebrity crush. And you're right, he wasn't Darren Criss to me. He's just Darren."

"I hope I'm just Darren," Darren laughed from behind us. "Or else I'd be very confused right now." He handed me a cup of some sort of red juice. "It's punch, but it's not overly fizzy, so I hope that's okay."

"It's perfect," I smiled, taking a small sip.

"Like you," he grinned, making me blush.

"Oh shush, you!" I giggled, covering his mouth with my hand. He made me feel all giddy and blushy when he talked like that. He kissed my palm that was covering his lips, making me blush again.

"Do you two need to find a room again?" Leah suddenly asked, coming over to join us.

"No," I replied quickly, looking at her. "And where were you off hiding? I didn't see you when we came back."

"I was-" she blushed slightly, almost unnoticeably, as she glanced over at Chris. "Just off exploring the house. It's pretty big."

"Find any secret rooms?" I asked eagerly. I loved the idea of a house having secret rooms or passages. I had detective, mystery novels to thank for that.

"No," she shook her head. "I didn't find any, but maybe I wasn't looking hard enough."

"Too busy looking at something else?" I asked curiously.

"No!" Leah answered quickly, blushing again. "Oh look, my cup's empty. I'm going to go get a refill." She quickly turned and bolted away before I could question her further.

What is she hiding? I wondered as I turned back to Lea and Darren.

"You know what I haven't gotten a chance to do yet?" Lea commented suddenly.

"What?" I asked, playing along.

"Sing with you," she smiled. "Will you sing with me, Kaley? You've sang with Darren and Chris, but you've never sang with me. Please?"

"Alright," I caved. "What song?"

"You'll see," she grinned, grabbing my hand and leading me over to the stage. She stopped and whispered something to Heather, who was standing by the karaoke machine, before taking me up on the stage. Lea nodded to Heather, who hit the play button and as the words floated onto the screen, I couldn't help but smile.

"Leah told me it was one of your favourite duets," Lea smiled.

"She was right," I smiled back, raising the mic to my lips to start the song.

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today

My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so
Damn unpretty

I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein' stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me
(Hey!)

My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin'

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so
Damn unpretty

I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me

Tonight
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
Tonight
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
Tonight
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
Tonight
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)

I feel pretty
(You can buy your hair if it won't grow)
Oh, so pretty
(You can fix your nose if he says so)
I feel pretty and witty and bright
(You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make)
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so
Damn unpretty

I feel pretty
But unpretty

The room fell silent before erupting into applause.

"That was so much fun!" Lea exclaimed happily, suddenly giving me a tight hug. "I'm so glad that I got a chance to do that before I leave!"

"Me too," I smiled brightly, returning the embrace.

"Unfortunately, this is where I must say goodbye," Lea said sadly. "Cory and I are flying out early tomorrow, so we need to get back to the hotel and finish packing up."

"You're leaving tomorrow?" I frowned.

"Yes, some of us have earlier shoot times on Monday, so we have to head back earlier," Lea sighed. "But it was so nice getting to know you and I hope that you'll come visit us in L.A. sometime soon, okay?"

"I promise I will," I replied, giving her another tight hug. We then joined Darren, Cory, Chris, and Leah, each of us giving the two of them hugs goodbye.

"Make sure that you two come visit us soon, okay?" Cory smiled at Leah and I. "I loved getting to hang out with my Canadian girls."

"We will," we both laughed, giving him another hug. "Have a safe flight!"

Soon after Lea and Cory left, a few other people started to depart as well, each of them giving us hugs on their way out. And then suddenly, there were only five of us left: Me, Darren, Chris, Leah, and Mark, who was now passed out on the couch.

"I guess that we should probably get him back to the hotel," Chris sighed. "I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him alone here." The rest of us agreed so, after calling for a limo, we were all on our way back to the hotel.

"Do you guys want to stay here tonight?" Darren asked once we reached their room. They were going to put Mark on a cot in their room instead of taking him to his own room (which he didn't have to share with anyone), because, again, Chris didn't want him to be left alone in the state he was in.

"That sounds like fun," Leah smiled, instantly bouncing onto Chris' bed. "Dibs!"

"Are you sure you're okay with sharing with Chris?" I asked, though I already knew what her answer was. The question probably would have been better suited directed at Chris.

"Of course," Leah smiled, looking at Chris. "It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before." She suddenly blushed heavily. "I mean, cause, you know, what happened last Friday. And besides, Chris is my cuddle buddy, just like Darren's your cuddle monkey."

"Cuddle monkey?" Darren chuckled, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"It's what I call you," I blushed. "Because I love cuddling with my monkey plushies and you're like the biggest monkey of them all, so you're my cuddle monkey."

"I like that," he smiled, tapping my nose with his finger affectionately. "It's cute."

"What are we going to do for PJs?" Leah asked suddenly, looking down at her nice outfit. "I'd rather not sleep in this."

"I've got some spare pajama bottoms and t-shirts, if you don't mind wearing my clothes," Chris offered, moving over towards the dresser. "And I'm sure that Darren wouldn't mind sharing with Kaley."

"Of course not," Darren grinned, moving over to the dresser as well. "What's mine is yours."

"Does that mean that I can have your car?" I grinned, lying down on the bed in a way so that I was still facing him. Darren just rolled his eyes before tossing some clothes at me.

"Only if you move to L.A.," he laughed. Though it was said jokingly, his comment still made both me and Leah tense up. We still hadn't really talked about what was going to happen if things progressed further with our relationship. As much as I would love to go to L.A. with Darren, I couldn't just abandon Leah here.

"Come on, Kaley," Leah said suddenly, hopping off the bed. "Let's go change in the bathroom so that they can change out here."

"But-" I started to argue, thinking about Darren being shirtless, but she just grabbed my arm and pulled me off the bed, quickly taking me into the bathroom with her. After closing the door behind her, Leah turned to look at me.

"Are you going to do it?" she asked seriously.

"Move to L.A.?" I asked, to which she nodded. "No, Leah, I wouldn't leave you like that."

"But I don't want to be the one to keep you apart from Darren either," she sighed unhappily.

"Leah, you're not keeping us apart," I argued. "I'm still going to see him on the weekends and I can go visit him there in L.A. and there's Skype and stuff. We're not going to break up just because we live in two different states!" I paused, suddenly realizing just how far apart we were going to be from each other. We were going to be in two separate states, on opposite sides of the country!

That's a very long distance long distance relationship, I frowned to myself.

But we will make it work, I fought against my doubts. I know we will.

"We'll make it work," I said, starting to change into Darren's clothes. "And it's my choice to stay here, Leah. I'm staying here not only for you, but for me too. Darren and I have only been together for one week. I don't think that we've hit the "move in with me" stage yet. Besides, I think that my dad would kill me if he found out that I was living with a guy. You know how protective he is of me."

"Don't I ever!" Leah laughed, starting to change as well. She had had to fight hard with my parents to convince them to let me go live in New York with her. Although I was already living away from home at the time, they still weren't approving of me moving away to a different country. They liked having me close. Like I said, they were very protective of me.

We quickly finished up in the bathroom and rejoined the boys, each of us climbing into our own respective beds. It was mostly dark in the room now, one of the few sources of light coming from the glow of the television. I cuddled into Darren's side as he channel surfed with the remote, my hand brushing softly against his chest. I could feel his body thrum with pleasure as I trailed my hand up and down his chest.

As my eyes slowly started to drift shut, I felt Darren gently press his lips to the top of my head and my body swelled with warmth and comfort. As sleep started to consume me, I could have almost sworn that I heard a whispered voice say, "I love you."