If You Only Knew

Kaley's POV

Waking up Friday morning all I wanted was for everything that had happened to have just been a terribly horrible dream. But the fact that I had a pounding headache due to an obvious hangover was like a constant reminder that it wasn't a dream. It all really happened.

But through all the haziness of my hangover, one thought stood out in my mind.

I need to leave, I confirmed as I quickly struggled to pull myself out of bed. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't be here when Darren came back. If I stayed then he'd be able to win me over with his adorable charm. But I didn't want to be won over. I felt so mad and hurt. I'd never felt anything so painful before. It was like as if my heart had been shattered. I loved Darren with all of my heart and he broke every single piece of it.

I blindly stumbled over to my dresser, furiously wiping at the tears that were starting to form in my eyes.

No! I can't cry over him anymore! I scolded myself, pulling open the drawers and taking out random shirts. I didn't need to take much with me. My parents still had some of my stuff at their place and I'd be able to come back once Darren forgot about me.

That won't take long, I thought bitterly as I threw another couple of shirts onto the bed. I added a couple of jeans to the mix and then went searching for a sweater. There was one specific one that I was looking for, one that I always took comfort in. It was a plain, purple zip up hoodie. I don't know why, but I just really loved that sweater.

I spotted it hanging on the back of my computer chair, so I quickly went over and picked it up, unveiling a shirt beneath it. Darren's Michigan shirt.

I slowly picked up the shirt and held it in my hands and just stared at it. I could feel the anger and hatred boiling inside of me as I stared at it. As the fabric started to clench between my fists, I had to wonder how quickly I had gone from loving this shirt to hating it. Not wanting to look at it anymore, I threw it against the wall in the far corner of the room.

"Kaley?" Leah's voice suddenly spoke up from behind me. I turned around to find her standing in my doorway with a surprised and concerned expression on her face. She quickly looked from me to the shirt then back to me again.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

And that did it. I started to break down in tears, collapsing onto my bed as I buried my face in my hands.

"How could he do this to me?" I bawled, not caring that I was crying over him even though I had said that I wasn't going to. I just didn't care anymore.

"Oh Kaley," Leah sighed softly, coming over to sit beside me. She rubbed small, comforting circles into my back as she tried to calm me. "Men are stupid. They don't think before they do things. And they don't care as deeply as we do. They're just a bunch of pigs! We don't need men like that! You don't need a man like that! You don't need Darren! Honestly, we should have seen this coming since day one! Remember how rude he was to you? It was only a matter of time before that jerk in him showed its ugly head again! You're so much better than that, Kaley! You're so much better than him!"

"You're right," I sniffed, lifting my head up as I wiped the tears away. "I don't need him. Screw Darren Criss! I'm done with him!"

"Good for you!" Leah applauded with a smile. Then she looked at the mess of clothes that we were sitting on. "What are you doing with all of these?"

Oh right. My plan.

"I'm leaving," I told her, standing up and moving out into the hallway.

"You're what?" Leah exclaimed, following me as I went to the hallway closet to find a big enough backpack.

"I just can't face Darren right now," I explained, grabbing a suitably sized bag before returning to my room with it. "I'm not that strong. He hurt me, Leah. And that's not something that I can instantly bounce back from. He's coming home tomorrow morning. So I'm leaving tonight."

"Please, don't go!" Leah argued. "We don't have to let him in. You don't have to see him. You don't have to leave."

"Yes, I do," I sighed as I slowly started to put the clothes into the bag. "Everything here just screams of Darren right now and I don't need that. I look at my bed and I see us there cuddling. I look at my computer and I think of all the pictures of us together online. Or worse, I think of those new ones with Vanessa. Even looking at my clothes I see him!" I pointed over at Darren's shirt lying discarded in the corner.

"I just need to get away from all of it for a little while, get him out of my system," I sighed. "I'm afraid that if I stay and I see him again, that I'll just break and go running back to him. I love him so much that I would. I wouldn't be able to help myself. So yes, I need to leave because I need time to forget about him and to make my heart stop loving him. And I don't know how to do that yet."

There they were again. The tears.

"Oh, Kaley," Leah said softly, pulling me into her arms and holding me tightly. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. We're gonna get through this. Listen to me. When you get back, we're going to pig out on ice cream and sing a bunch of Taylor Swift songs and draw mustaches and unibrows on our ex's faces, alright? Actually, scratch that. We're having ice cream now."

"Alright," I sniffed, giggling a little. Leah always knew how to cheer me up. And ice cream was always a good place to start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After about three bowls of pistachio ice cream and multiple doses of Advil to soothe my aching head, my mind was still made up.

"I need this time away," I explained to Leah as I finished packing. "I think the separation from New York itself will be a good thing. I'm a small town girl. Maybe the big city is too much for me."

"You're not thinking clearly, Kales," Leah sighed. "Yes, go take your time away, but never think that this is too much for you. You love it here, Kaley. This is home now. You belong here. We both do."

"Maybe," I shrugged. "But not right now." I picked up my bag and my laptop carrying case and, after doing one final sweep of my room, decided that I had everything that I'd need for the time being.

"Be good, Leah," I attempted a smile. "No wild parties while I'm gone, okay? And apologize to Chris for me, okay? I wish I could have seen him again before I left, but I'm sure that I'll see him again. I know you're not gonna let him slip through your fingers that easily."

"It's going to be okay," Leah said, embracing me. "You're going to find a guy that treats you the way that you deserve to be treated."

"We both will," I whispered, hugging her tighter.

"Kaley..." Leah started to say, taking a step away from me and taking a deep breath. "I have something that I should tell you..."

"What?" I asked, looking into her eyes with concern. I could see that there was something weighing heavily on her mind, but she was conflicted about it.

"I-" she started to say, but then suddenly shook her head and smiled. "Never mind. It's nothing. We can talk about it when you get back, when you're feeling better."

"Are you sure?" I persisted.

"Yeah, it's fine," she smiled, hugging me again. "You just focus on relaxing and clearing your mind and your heart so that you can start over again. It's like opening up a new word document, starting a new story."

I frowned slightly at this comment.

A new story? I thought bitterly. I haven't even written one to begin with! Maybe writing just isn't the way to go for me...

"Hey! Hey now!" Leah snapped. "I see that look! No going to that dark place, Kaley! You are stronger than this and you are stronger than him. Whenever you think about him, I want to picture you slapping him across the face!"

That brought a small smile to my lips.

"There's my girl," Leah smiled. "You take care of yourself, okay? Call me when you land."

"I will," I promised, giving her one last tight hug. "And you too. I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

And with that, I turned and walked out the door, not totally sure if I would ever return there again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The airport was busier than I expected it to be, but then again, it was a Friday night. A lot of people could be flying out of town for the weekend, maybe on a business trip, or maybe just to visit family.

I wonder what people thought when they saw me, a single girl carrying only a backpack, a purse, and a laptop bag. Would they think that I was a college student flying home to see my family for the weekend? Or maybe a girl traveling the world, packing lightly, not needing any of the man-made splendors of the world because she was going to see the natural splendors of the world? Would they see how heart-brokenly shattered I felt? Or would they only see the calm front that I pushed forward?

My phone buzzed in my pocket again. Upon pulling it out, I found that it was Darren. Again.

"Leave me alone!" I whispered furiously at my phone, turning it off completely. I wouldn't need it until I landed anyways. I quickly checked the time on it before it completely shut down. It was about seven thirty now. Leah would probably be having dinner, alone. I felt bad about leaving her alone there, but I just couldn't stay. I needed to get out of there.

Passing through customs had been a breeze and now all I had to do was wait for the plane to arrive so that I could board.

And go home, I thought to myself as I window shopped on my way to the waiting section. I spotted a cafeteria area and decided that I might as well grab a bite to eat. I wasn't super hungry so I decided to just grab a muffin and a drink from Starbuck's, which actually may not have been the smartest move because as I sat at a table picking at it, I was reminded of the muffins and coffee that we had had in Chris and Darren's hotel room, the morning after Darren and I officially started dating.

"I think I've lost my appetite," I mumbled to myself, pushing the uneaten muffin away. I instead resigned myself to sitting back and sipping my chai tea latte as I watched the people around me. I saw a couple of teenage girls a couple of tables away chatting animatedly amongst themselves. Did they know who Darren Criss was? Or worse, did they know who I was? What if someone recognized me and asked me questions about our relationship? What would I say? Would I break down crying again?

No, I decided firmly. I'm not going to be weak.

"Jess said that she saw him running through the airport, screaming for her," one of the girl's voices floated over to my table. I turned my attention more fully on them and slightly eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Apparently three security guards had to come and restrain him," the girl, a young brunette continued. "But he just kept yelling, "I have to find her! I have to stop her!" Like how crazy is that?"

"I think it's adorable!" one of the other girls, a blonde, objected.

"I think it's kind of stalkerish," a redhead remarked rather snobbishly. "I mean, he followed her to an airport to stop her from leaving? Can you say desperate much?"

"I prefer to think of it as romantic," the blonde pouted.

"What if he was like a psychopath or something and this girl finally escaped and now he's trying to catch her and take her back to his lair?" the brunette pitched in, earning her odd looks from her friends.

"Amy, you have one sick, twisted mind," the redhead sneered. "Have they even identified the guy?"

"Jess said that it's hard to see," the brunette, Amy, replied, looking down at her phone. "There's a lot of people there watching, but there's some speculation as to who he is."

"Who?" the blonde asked eagerly.

"I don't know," Amy shrugged. "Jess won't tell me. She said that she wanted to be her in person when she said it- Oh my gosh! She knows who it is! She'd better hurry up and get here now!"

"Do you think he's a celebrity?" the blonde asked excitedly, making me tense up slightly.

"Or maybe an escaped convict," the redhead shrugged. I couldn't help but snort at the girl's comment. She always had a negative answer for every statement.

The redhead suddenly turned sharply to glare at me.

And that's my cue to leave, I decided, standing up and moving over towards the garbage to dump my empty cup. I passed another brunette on my way, whom I assumed must have been Jess due to the sudden screaming of her name behind me.

I wasn't even ten feet away when they started screaming again. I chanced a glance back to see them all huddled around Jess' phone, looking at something.

Must be the guy they caught, I guessed, slightly disappointed that I hadn't stayed longer to find out who it was. Oh well. I'm sure that it'll be on the news somewhere or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darren's POV

"Please, you don't understand! I have to get through there!"

These security guards were as stubborn as a brick wall. After speeding through traffic to reach the airport in just over a half an hour, I was now being delayed by heartless thugs who just couldn't understand why it was so important for me to get through.

"If you want through, you buy a ticket and wait in line like everyone else," one of the security officers said sternly. He looked rather intimidating staring down at me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Look, Officer-" I squinted my eyes to read his name tag. "Andrews. I don't have time to wait in line! The flight to Toronto leaves in like half an hour and I have to get there before it leaves!"

"Well, then you should have gotten here earlier," he replied, still not budging an inch.

"I didn't know that I'd have to come here earlier!" I exclaimed. This guy made me want to rip my hair out. "Look, there's this girl-"

"Of course there is," Officer Andrews cut in. "And there's one right there and there and there. And oh look. There's even one there. At the back of the line."

"But she's not just any girl!" I argued. "She's-"

"Let me guess," he cut me off again. "She's the love of your life."

"Yes!" I exclaimed, feeling like I might be starting to make a break through here. "And I have to stop her from getting on that plane or else-"

"Or else what?" he scoffed. "You might die? There will be more girls. You're young. You're only what? Twenty-something? You'll meet other girls."

"But I don't want other girls!" I could feel my voice starting to rise. "I want her! Kaley! Kaley Grant! The girl who I have fallen in love with and I don't think that I could live without!"

"But she's not here right now," Officer Andrews pointed out. "And you're still alive."

"That's not what I meant!" I huffed. "It's not a physical death, but more like an emotional, mental death. I need her in my life. She's my missing puzzle piece."

"How sweet," he replied in a monotone voice. "Well you can find her once you make it through the line like everyone else."

"Ok, I didn't want to have to play this card, but I'm Darren Criss," I told him. "Isn't there something you can do to help me bypass this line?"

"I'm Lyon Andrews," he replied. "And no, there isn't. Now get to the back of the line before I have you forcibly removed."

I looked back at the line behind me. I didn't have time to wait in line. By the time I'd get through, Kaley would be gone.

"Alright," I sighed, starting to turn away. "I'm sorry to have wasted your- Hey! What's that guy doing?"

The second that the man turned away, I booked it past him, tearing through the metal detector, which went off almost instantly, and headed straight for the waiting sections, quickly glancing at the signs as I ran.

"Toronto. Toronto. Where are you, Toronto," I mumbled under my breath as my eyes slid over the signs.

And then I spotted it. Flight to Toronto, Gate A29.

I'm going to make it! I cheered internally as I headed towards the A section. I'm going to make it!

I've never been body slammed into the ground before. And honestly? I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. Having the wind completely knocked out of your lungs as your body slams into the floor. Add the weight of a forty-something year old sitting on your back, pinning you down, and it makes for a very unpleasant experience.

"Please, let me go!" I begged once I regained the ability to breathe again. "I have to find her! I have to stop her! Please!"

The weight on my back suddenly lifted, but then so was I. Rough hands grabbed my arms, trying to restrain me, but I couldn't stop fighting. I had to find Kaley! I had to stop her!

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down," one of the men was saying to me, but everything just seemed to be blurring around me. This couldn't be happening. The good guy always made it. He always stopped the girl from leaving. I couldn't let Kaley leave. I just couldn't.

"Kaley!" I screamed, feeling tears starting to stream down my cheeks. "Please! Don't go! Kaley, I need you!"

"Ok, we need to get this guy out of here," I heard one of the men say. "He's causing a scene. Let's get him into one of the rooms." And then suddenly the voices were talking to me again.

"Sir, do we need to restrain you, or will you come with us willingly?" an older man was asking me.

"Please," I whispered, hiccuping through the tears. "I need to find Kaley. I have to stop her from leaving. I need to stop her."

"Let's go have a chat in private and see if we can sort all of this out, okay?" the man said, suddenly motioning to the men holding me. They started to turn me, away from the A section, away from Kaley.

"No!" I suddenly screamed, trying to break from their hold again. "No, she's so close! I can't- I need- Please don't-"

"Cuff him," the older man ordered, and suddenly my arms were being forced behind me and shoved into cold, metal bracelets.

"Please," I begged as they started to turn me away again. "Please."

I looked back one last time towards the A section, towards Gate A29, towards the love of my life and whispered one more plea before they forced me away.

"Kaley, please don't go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaley's POV

The plane to Toronto actually wasn't that big. Then again, it's not that long of a flight. The seats were in rows of twos by threes by twos. I was seated in one of the outside twos and was lucky enough to snag the window seat, which was my favourite spot. I loved to watch the take offs and landings, to watch the ground disappear from sight and then reappear again. And I loved seeing the clouds. It felt like one of the most peaceful places to ever be, flying above the clouds. They looked so soft and warm and just plain beautiful. One of the many natural wonders of the world.

My dad told me once that the first time that I ever flew on a plane, which was when I was really young, I looked out the window at the clouds and asked, "Are we going to see God up here?" I think that that memory has definitely played a big role in why I love clouds so much.

I quickly settled down into my seat, stowing my backpack under the seat in front of mine as I don't like being separated from it. I slid my laptop down on top of it and my purse on the floor by my feet.

I hope that I have a nice neighbour, I thought as I glanced over at the empty seat beside me. Across the aisle from me was an elderly couple settling into their seats. The older gentleman was struggling to get his small suitcase into the overhead storage compartment, so I quickly got to my feet and helped him slide it into the compartment.

"Thank you, young lady," he smiled at me. His eyes squinted slightly as he did so, in an adorably old person charming way. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Say, you look familiar," the old woman in the seat, whom I assumed was his wife, commented. The smile fell from my face.

"I must have one of those faces," I shrugged, moving back to my seat. I did not need anyone recognizing me right now.

To further distance myself from them, I pulled my headphones out to listen to some music. I needed to escape. Escape from everything. Ironically, the song Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood came on.

I said I needed to get away, not be reminded of what I'm leaving! I thought unhappily as I quickly changed the song.

The next song, though totally right to how I was feeling, helped even less.

It's not right
But it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Pack your bags up and leave
Don't you dare come running back to me

It's not right
But it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Close the door behind you
Leave your key
I'd rather be alone
Than unhappy

What made it even worse was that it was the Glee version, in which Darren was singing the song.

Well, I did what you said, Darren, I mentally lashed at him. I packed up my bags and left. So don't you dare come running back to me. Because I won't be there.

Rather than changing the song, I just let it keep playing. I didn't even realize that I had started crying until I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, which startled me.

"Kleenex, darling?" the old woman from the seat across from mine offered.

"Thank you," I whispered, accepting the tissue from her.

"Bad day?" she asked.

"You could say that," I laughed halfheartedly.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

"Not really," I replied softly. "It's just a problem I have with choosing the wrong guys."

"Ahh, the love life," she smiled sweetly. "We've all had our fair share of those. But it'll be okay. Gerald, my husband there, and I had problems when we were dating, but we've always found ways to work things out. If it's meant to be, it will be."

"Thanks," I smiled at her. "That's really sweet. I'm glad that things worked out for you, ummm..."

"Marie," she filled in for me. "Marie Johnson. And it's no problem, my dear. I have to get back to my seat now, but if you want to talk any more during the flight, I'm just a seat away."

"Thank you, Marie," I replied, feeling better than I had all evening. "I'm Kaley, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Kaley," she said as she stood up. "Don't worry. You're not alone."

That sent another pang through my heart as it reminded me of Darren's song.

Baby, you're not alone
'Cause you're here with me
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down
'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need to make it through...

But you're not here with me, I thought sadly as I turned my attention back out on the moving employees on the ground. And I don't think that we're going to make it through...

And of course, just thinking about Darren again somehow made my iPod decide to play another one of his originals, Sami. It's ironic, because I used to picture Darren singing this song to me. My name fit perfectly into the song. Kaley. Kaley.

That's funny, I thought as I listened to the song. It almost sounds like he is saying Kaley. I can literally hear Darren's voice saying my name... Wait a second...

I slowly pulled my earphones out, but I could still hear his voice calling out my name.

"Kaley?" that was definitely his voice. I peeked up over the top of the seats in front of me, and sure enough, there he was, standing in the aisle a few rows away, his eyes frantically searching the plane.

"Darren?" I said softly, almost in disbelief. How the heck did he get here?

It was almost as if he heard my voice because suddenly his eyes fell on mine.

"Kaley," his voice sounded breathless as he said my name, his eyes welling up with tears. We stayed there, frozen for a moment, just looking at each other.

And then he started to move towards.

And my heart started to race.

What was he doing here? How did he get here? Why was he here? But before I could ponder more questions, he was suddenly standing before me, reaching out to embrace me.

"Kaley, I-" he started to say, but I quickly pushed him away.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest, not letting him touch me.

"Kaley, I came to find you," he said, his eyes filling with hurt. "I know what you're thinking, but Kaley you've got to believe me when I tell you that I didn't cheat on you." He gently reached out and tried to place his hand on my shoulder.

"Right, tell that to the hundreds of photos of you all over your ex!" I snapped, shrugging his hand off.

"Kaley, none of those are real!" he argued. "Well, they are real, but they're not! She tricked me, Kaley! I didn't know that she was going to kiss me!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't," I retorted. "Was she the something that came up? Blow me off so that you can go blow her?"

"Kaley!" Darren exclaimed, slightly alarmed. Frankly, I was a little alarmed with myself too. I wasn't really sure where all of this was coming from, but I was going to use this fuel and let the fire burn.

"I never was good enough for you, was I, Darren?" I demanded. "I mean, when you have so many beautiful women to chose from in LA, why choose a nobody like me?"

"Kaley! Look at me! Look at where I am!" Darren said, grabbing my hands. "Do you think if I didn't care, if I didn't want you, if I didn't choose you, that I'd even be here right now? Kaley, I ran through an airport to find you! I nearly got arrested to find you! To stop you, to beg you not to leave. Kaley, I can't live without you in my life! You mean everything to me!"

"But Vanessa-" I started to argue, though I knew that I was starting to lose this battle.

"Vanessa is nothing to me," he stated firmly. "She asked me out to dinner seemingly to apologize but then she revealed her true motives. She told me that she still loved me and that she wanted to get back together with me. But I told her that I wouldn't, no, I couldn't get back together with her because I had already fallen in love with someone else."

He paused for a moment to fully let what he had just said sink in. I felt my eyes go wide as my breath caught in my throat. Darren noticed my reaction and smiled as he looked deep into my eyes and said the words that I never thought I'd hear him say.

"I love you, Kaley."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darren's POV

"But I told her that I wouldn't, no, I couldn't get back together with her because I had already fallen in love with someone else."

I could see the moment that my words fully sunk in because Kaley's eyes grew a little wider and her jaw dropped a little lower. And then I finally knew that it was time to say what I had wanted to tell her for so long.

"I love you, Kaley," I whispered softly, but clearly, pouring my entire heart into those four words.

"Aww, isn't that just so sweet!" a voice suddenly declared from behind me. Puzzled, I looked over my shoulder to see an elderly couple watching us.

"Gerald," the woman said to the man. "Do you remember when you used to talk to me like that?"

"I sure do, Marie," the old man, Gerald smiled. "And remember when you used to sing to me every night in the park."

"How could I forget?" Marie sighed. "And remember when-"

"I'm sorry," I cut in. "I don't mean to interrupt, but I'm kind of trying to tell the woman I love how hopelessly head-over-heels in love with her I am and why she has to stay with me and not go back to Toronto."

"Oh, sorry, sweetheart," Marie blushed. "Well then, carry on. She deserves a sweet man like you."

Her comment kind of puzzled me, but I quickly brushed it off as I took a deep breath and turned back to look at Kaley again, ready to continue on with why she couldn't leave me. But the words never left my mouth.

Of all the kisses that we'd ever had, I don't think that we'd ever had one as passionate as this one. Her lips pressed desperately against mine like as if she were afraid I would disappear if we ever parted. Her hands were laced through my hair pulling me closer and I quickly brought mine to rest on the back of her head and her lower back, pulling her closer to me as well, because I certainly never wanted to let her go either.

We finally did have to break apart because we unfortunately need this thing called oxygen. We didn't completely separate though because she instantly leaned her forehead against mine, making our faces so close that our noses just barely brushed. Her eyes opened and looked up at mine as a smile spread across her lips.

"I love you too," she whispered softly, breathlessly. "I always have."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaley's POV

"You really ran through the airport to stop me," I giggled. "That is so cheesy!" We were walking back through the airport now, my backpack hanging loosely off one of his shoulders as another was curled protectively around me.

Darren reacted to my comment with by giving me a hurt, offended look, furrowing those adorably thick eyebrows into a pout.

"No, seriously!" I laughed. "Think about it! All of the cheesy rom-coms have the guy running through the airport to stop the girl that he loves from leaving. This is just so unreal!"

"Well, I guess that you can add our story to that list of cheesy rom-com moments then," he grinned, flashing me a charming smile.

Our story, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of it. Our story...

"That's it!" I exclaimed, my eyes suddenly widening with excitement. "I've got it!"

"What's it?" he asked, his brows furrowing again, but this time in confusion. "You've got what?"

I smiled as I kissed him again.

"I finally know what to write about!" I beamed proudly.

"What?" he asked curiously, tilting his head adorably to the side slightly.

I couldn't help but smile even wider as I answered.

"Us."