A Taste of Vengeance

“The first man I ever killed was a Russian hit man who worked for the Orekhovskaya mafia group,” I began. We were sitting on the training room floor, backs pressed against the wall. Steve was watching me intently as I forced myself to tell him of my past. “He was the best killer in history, and he was untouchable. An old friend of Logan’s- an x-man and mentor- knew a man who was in need of my type of services. I had trained for years to be an expert in killing. I was quiet, sneaky and unparalleled in killing from afar. Logan’s friend wanted this man killed, because he had escaped from his prison, where everything he knew was safe. Unleashed, the man had enough dirt on my hirer to put an end to him, as things always go.

“The man thought Logan was crazy, when he brought him a thirteen year old- don’t make that face. Logan is a good man, and he understands what it’s like to have this pain that follows you no matter what. Logan and I are alike in a lot of ways, and I was the niece he never had. He felt he owed it to me, to help me get my anger out the best way he could.

“Anyways, the man thought we were crazy, but when I showed him what I could do… he would have been crazy not to hire me. I tracked his target for a week. It wasn’t hard to find him, once I was able to identify his mind. I had found him in New Jersey and followed him on a flight to Greece. Alexander Viktorovich Solonik was his name. I cornered him in a motel in the slums of Greece, drunk but still armed and still to this day the most skilled fighter I’ve ever seen. I was only able to kill him because I seized his mind, torturing him with visions of his childhood in Russia until he was catatonic and couldn’t fight back.

“I took on the name the Black Bane because I was a curse. It seemed that everything I touched crumbled before me. The moment I have ever loved anything, it was ripped away from me like God had the right to take it. For a long time, I thought God was the cause of all of it. But that wasn’t true. He had given me a path and a choice a long time ago, and I had chosen not to take it the moment I turned down training to be a professor at my uncles school.”

Some how, I could not bring myself to look at Steve. It was near impossible to not feel shame in front of this man, who from the beginning had done so much good in the world, had strove to make the world a better place. And here I was, a murderer and assassin, only killing people because they paid me well. I had killed my fair share of bad guys, but I had killed my fair share of good people too; business competitors, office holders, anyone who got in the way of someone else’s glory, I killed.

Steve was silent for a while, and I wasn’t sure if his silence was worse than him telling me how wrong it was. I imagined he would have told me it wasn’t a way to solve my problems, that I should have followed what my uncle would have had me do. I could almost hear the disapproval in him, and I wanted to listen to his thoughts so badly, to understand what he was feeling about what I had told him.

I didn’t want Steve to hate me. More than anything, I wanted him to see past the horrid things I had done, to understand that I had made mistakes. But no one with a pure heart like his could get that. There was no way, that someone who looked out for the well being of others, could ever understand someone who took life away like it was her god given right. Because it wasn’t.

“Did it ever help?” he asked finally. I looked at him, brows furred. “Did it ever help relieve the anger?”
I smiled repentantly. “I thought it did for a while. I figured if I was the best, that I could never be snuck up on like my parents, that I could never be murdered for my talents because it was my job to catch people unawares.”
“And that changed,” he suggested, trying to get me to explain further.
“And that changed,” I agreed. “Did you know that Natasha and I hated each other when we first met? The first time I met her, she was prepared. I wasn’t. SHIELD had been watching me for years, and had finally decided that I was a weapon of mass destruction that needed to be put down. In the wrong hands, I could have done more damage. Natasha had trained for my meeting with her- she was quieter than anyone else, and she had learned to close off her thoughts from me. I never saw her coming.
“She caught me unawares in Ukraine. It was a hell of a fight, seeing as it results in her having three cracked ribs, internal bruising and a concussion. I on the other hand, was knocked unconscious. That’s the one weakness she was able to find- I could do nothing if I was knocked out.
“I’ll have to remember that one,” he joked then. I was surprised at how light his tone was, and my heart swelled at the fact that he wasn’t completely disgusted with me. I bumped his shoulder, mock annoyed.

“Do you want to hear this story or not? I will happily go back to bed.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I woke up in SHIELD headquarters to a not so happy Natasha. She was still pissed about the ribs and I was just as pissed off about the headache. I think we would have gotten in another fight if Fury hadn’t walked into, totally taking me by surprised. I’ve known Fury for a long time, before he was a director of SHIELD. After a long talk in which both Coulson and my Uncle Charles participated in, they convinced me they were doing a kindness by taking me under their wing and using my services for the better.

“After Uncle Charles died… well I went home and took over the school like I was always supposed to do, and that’s how I’m here,” I finished, shrugging my shoulders. There was nothing else to tell, for I was not going to venture on the topic of my uncle’s death or Jean Grey. She had been like a mother to me… and yet… she had betrayed me.
Steve let out a long whistle, sighing. “I have to hand it to you, my past wasn’t that…”
“Bad?”
“Colorful.”
I grimaced. “There was nothing colorful about it. It was filled with black hatred. I’ve never known love or affection, or even friendship.”
“And what about now?” The tone of his voice had changed suddenly, and I glanced up at him.

The way Steve looked at me was different. It was like he was seeing a whole new light, and for a moment I felt my anger rise, thinking it was pity. But it wasn’t. It was some form of understanding mixed with a level of care, and it made my chest feel tight with emotion. It was like he didn’t care that I had an ugly past, or I had killed countless others.

As if reading my mind he whispered, “I don’t mind where you’ve been or what you’ve done. Under those sheets of ice, there’s a warm human being in there, and even though you don’t like to show her, she’s nice to have around.”
I looked away from him, feeling the blush creep into my cheeks. He touched my chin, pulling my face to look at his. “Look, your blushing, which is human if you ask me. Looks like you did get better at making friends.”
“Look’s like you got better at talking to girls,” I quipped.

Steve smiled at me. I looked up at him and realized how close our faces were. Our shoulders were touching, warmth radiating from his skin. I felt a tingling sensation where he touched me and I fought the urge to shiver. Steve smiled widened, as if he could feel me shiver anyways and bent his head down. My eyes fluttered shut-

Human sentiment, a cold voice laughed through my head, causing me to recoil. Steve looked at me, hurt flooding his face. Just when I thought you had none. the voice was undoubtedly Loki’s and I jumped up from where I stood, searching the room. His presence was all round me, suffocating me and I could feel his conscience. He was reaching me from the other end of the helicarrier.

“Ash, I-“
“I have to go,” I snapped, running away from him and out of the door. If Loki could break into my thoughts that easily, we were going to have a problem.

My feet beat down the hallways as I ran to the prisoner. Angry coursed through my veins and I felt the sudden urge to cry. I was sure Steve had been about to kiss me and I had jerked away… the pain on his face slapped me in the face as I turned a corner, running full force at the double doors leading to where Loki was kept prisoner.

I raised my gun.