A Taste of Vengeance

Third person
Steve leaned his head atop Ash’s black hair, enjoying the moment of silence that had fallen between them. He couldn’t help but be grateful for Ash in every way possible. The first few weeks after he had accepted that he would never see Peggy again were filled with misery and sadness. He was sure he would never find a woman like that again, with such fire and determination. But he had. Sort of.

Ashlynn Bane was every bit of fire that Steve loved and was attracted to. She was strong, could defend herself, and she did not take anything from anyone. She was one of those people who could live her whole life alone and be perfectly content. But that’s where the comparison died between the two women, because where Peggy was strict and orderly, Ash was a rule breaker and was impulsive. She was every bit of opposite of Peggy, and maybe that’s what drew him to her.

“Agent Coulson is down,” Fury said through the earpiece, ruining the moment of piece between the couple. Steve went rigid but before he could do anything, Ash was standing, erect and stiff as a flagpole. She seemed to be searching for something, although he wasn’t sure what.

“A medical team is on its way,” Agent Hill assured, her tone attempting confidence. Steve found solace that the medical team would be able to fix him.

“They’re already here,” Fury deadpanned. Steve heard it in the voice, the way he spoke. He had sounded like that when Bucky… “They called it.”

“NO!” Ash’s shrieked not only allowed but mentally, the words racking his mind. She bolted for the door but Steve grabbed her waste, holding her back as savage, animalistic screams ripped from her throat.

The girl in his grasp thrashed and screamed like a beast, hitting him as hard as she could-, which was extremely painful- and even punched him in the face. But despite her efforts and shoving, she was already too overwhelmed to fight him seriously. Her screams continued until she was choking on sobs, screaming the words ‘no’ over and over. She was shaking so violently that Steve worried for a moment she was having a seizure, but he shook his head. Her loss was deep and it would dig into her. he knew how this felt, this emotion.

Ash finally went limp in his arms, bawling loudly, uncaring of the noise. Her hands covered her face, her shoulders hunched. Careful to avoid disturbing her hurt shoulder, Steve pulled her backwards into his chest, sliding carefully down the wall, holding the broken girl in his arms.

The loss in Steve’s heart was incredible, but he had duties to do. Ash had jobs to perform as well, but he would not mention that, not when her loss was so palpable and strong. He knew that Ash only had two people left to claim as her family, and one of them was just ripped out from under her like a dirty rug.

“I’m so sorry,” she cried, but he got the feeling she wasn’t talking to him. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Steve held Ash close and looked up as a figure stood over them. Tony looked stunned, and heartbroken. As heartbroken as Tony Stark could look, anyways. Tony and Coulson had been somewhat friends, Steve recalled. It must have been extremely hard on Stark, to feel the loss of the first solider. It was sad to say it got easier as life went on, but it was true.

“You should take her back to her room,” Tony got out, looking at Ash with sympathy. “She won’t want the other’s to see her.”

Steve stood, carrying Ash bridal style. She didn’t even seem to be aware they were moving. “Do you think she’ll be okay?”

Tony grimaced, something flickering across his face that Steve didn’t understand. “Just get her into her room, okay?”

Steve complied.
*
Tony walked aimlessly to the armory to return his suit for repairs, the image of Phil pressed in his mind like a stamp. It was surreal, that Phil Coulson had been killed in action. He was such an idiot for taking on Loki, but Tony knew that he was brave all the same. Pepper would be devastated by the news. They were not used to these types of things happening.

Tony was familiar with loss. The loss of his parents had not been particularly emotional for Tony, but he had always felt the gap in his heart, always felt the emptiness at their absence. He thought that he was just normal, with the way he used to drink and party. He never attributed it to his desolate life. Until it was pointed out.

After returning the suit, he thought about paying Ash a visit. Tony had known very vaguely who she was before he had ever met her. In a lot of ways, she was like him, in one way more than the others. Tony remembered the dig Loki had made as Ash for her self-destructive habits. Unlike everyone else on the ship, he knew that Loki hadn’t meant her temper issue, and that he had meant the self-medicating alcoholism. Tony just hoped dearly there was no alcohol on board, or an already bad day was going to get a lot worse.

*
Ash lay in bed motionless. Her heart hurt, and she didn’t know what she was supposed to do about it. The voices in her head wouldn’t shut up, and after Steve had left, she felt very alone, despite the fact that every single thought on the ship was racing around her head, bouncing off her skull like a bouncy ball.

Her face was stiff from dried tears, and her eyes felt tired. Trying not to think about one of the men that had raised her after her parent’s death was impossible, and all she really wanted to do was drown in her sorrows and put the thoughts in her head and those around her on mute.

Distracting herself with laying there was futile. She could hide from her own thoughts as much as she wanted, but there was no way to block out the others, no way to dull everyone else’s pain that just seemed to intensify her own- her head popped off her pillow. She hadn’t used the tactic sense her Uncle’s death, and she was almost positive that there was nothing on board to aid her, but she was beginning to get desperate. The thought’s surrounding Phil’s death was bombarding her mind and she needed a way out. She needed refuge.

Sliding out of her bed she opened her mind, flinching at the pain and images she saw, but hunted for a single thing, just one tiny word or suggestion at where she could find what she needed. She brightened when she found it in an unlikely place, but then again, had heard of it being used in such practices there.

Leaving her room, Ash headed for the sick bay.

*
The room was silent. Steve, Tony, Fury and Agent hill were the only people in the control room. All others had been dismissed to repair the damages done to the ship, and to mourn their comrade’s death. The heavy grief on the room was thick, and to make it worse, Fury pulled out Coulson’s blood spattered Captain America collectable cards, causing Steve’s stomach to lurch.

“These were in his pocket when he died,” Fury remarked with a sour tone. “I don’t suppose you ever got a chance to sign them, did you?” Fury threw them on the table, blood smearing across the glass.

“Figures,” a voice spat. “To flash to sign some fucking cards.”

The all turned as Ash came stumbling out of the darkness, collapsing into the first chair she saw. Her face was read with drinking and her eyes were puffy and glazed over. Everything about her screamed drunk, including the scent of whiskey coming from her breath. Tony closed his eyes, knowing what this must of felt like for her, what her loss entailed.

Ash raised her hand and drained the brown liquid from the container, gulping the whiskey like it was water. It burned her throat and she coughed some. Glancing at the bottle she tossed it over her head, not caring for the empty glass. It shattered against the floor, making her grimace and giggle at her mistake.

“Agent Bane,” Fury raged. “where, may I ask did you get whiskey?”

“Ooohhh,” she said obnoxiously, leaning on the table. It took her several tries to place her chin on her palm. “Somebody sounds a wiiiitttle bit angry.” She scrunched up her nose. “Has anyone told you that you look like pirate with that eye patch?” She tapped her own eye, poking herself and howled in pain and fell into fits of laugher.

“Ash,” Steve called to her, completely shocked at this woman. “What did you do to yourself?”

She stopped laughing then and swiveled her head to him, a sudden rage in her eyes. “Excuuuuse me, Captain America,” she slurred angrily, pointing a finger at him. “But I don’t like the tone you’re using.”

“Of all times to drink, you’re doing it now?” He demanded. Tony stood up quickly and walked over to Ash, murmuring something to her but she snarled at him and stood up from the chair too quickly, collapsing on her drunken legs.

“You tried to do it too!” she yelled at him, swatting Tony’s helping hands away with no precision whatsoever. “Don’t get pissed off just because I figured out they use whiskey as a way to clean wounds in the sick bay. I wouldn’t of had to hit the nurse if Fury didn’t-"

“You hit the nurse?” Agent Hill demanded. She was in no mood for these childish games of Bane’s. She never had been much of a fan. “You are out of line, Bane.”

Ash took a few moments to standing, swaggering over to hold on to the chair. She threw Hill a scathing look. “Off, is in the general direction in which I would like you to fuck.”

“Agent Bane-“ Fury started.

“I’ll take her to her room,” Tony interrupted, throwing glares at them all. Not one of them understood what it was like, although Steve had clearly been uncomfortable when Ash had accused him of trying to drink away his problems.

“I’ll myself- I’ll take you- I’ll take myself to my room,” she garbled, waltzing off with an intoxicated stagger. Tony went after her but she whirled on him, placing a very decent punch for a drunk. “Don’t touch me.”

Tony turned around to Steve. “Help me get her to her room. She maybe be drunk but she stills packs a punch like Mike Tyson.”

The next ten minutes were spent grabbing a secure hold on Ash, who even though was inebriated, could still fight and hit like a practiced boxer. None of them had expected the savagery, but eventually she got to tired and to disoriented with all of the alcohol swishing around in her stomach, and subsided into a fit of curses and slight jerks towards freedom.

Steve carried her to her room, ignoring the stares at they passed and glaring at anyone who whispered behind them. He didn’t care that he didn’t agree with what Ash had done, all he cared about was that despite her attempt at numbing the pain and self –destruction-

“That bastard,” Steve hissed as he put Ash on the bed gently. She snarled and rolled away from him, much like a caged dog. “Loki did this on purpose.”

“Good job, on figuring that out.” Stark’s voice was dripping with harsh sarcasm. “Now out. As much as you want to stay, she isn’t going to want her boyfriend right now, not when she’s like this. She’ll talk to you when she’s sober.”

Steve looked long at Tony, and realized that he really did care for Ash. She had just lost a father figure, and drank herself silly. Right now she didn’t need a boyfriend- she needed a father.
Steve nodded. “Come and get me when she’s ready.”

He closed the door and Tony turned to look at Ash who had rolled and leaned against the wall, glaring at him while tipping another bottle. He had no idea how she had stored another one in here and snatched it away, about to toss it. instead, he took a long swig before tossing saying, “Kid, what the hell are you doing?”