Take Me To Another World

Days turned to weeks. Not one call or text from Harry. I gave up by the time early August came around. I felt miserable all of the time. A heavy weight permanently on my chest, a rain cloud always in my head. Bills were filing through the door, and I was only just managing to pay them off my part-time job that I had re-started. Although they had gone down. I didn't call as many people, I refused to look on the internet, I didn't watch the television or use the laptop, so that was less electricity and as for gas, I never turned on the heating, partly because of the hot August heat, partly because I used blankets for comfort now that Harry had gone. I wasn't contacting anyone. I hadn't physically spoken to anyone since mid-July.

I was on the living room floor looking through photo albums of me, Harry and the boys. In a way it was comforting, but it was also just shredding my heart even more. I was thirsty, so I went out of the room to get a drink of coffee. As I opened the cupboard and the fridge, I realised I was out of milk, and coffee. I sighed and picked the hairbrush up off the table and ran it through my hair. I checked I looked okay in the hallway mirror before leaving. I didn't look or feel as good or healthy as I had before. My clothes were hanging off my shoulders slightly, and I had to keep pulling my shorts up every two seconds as my belt had gotten lose. I hadn't been eating properly. The last solid thing I'd eaten was a Nutri-Grain bar - two days ago. I was living off coffee. I started wearing a full face of make-up to hide my face. I didn't look or feel beautiful. I was constantly checking my weight in the mirror. I felt incredibly fat. I kept measuring my waist, thighs, hips and arms and whatever the tape-measure said, I always thought the figures were too large. I opened the coat closet and fumbled for my coat and bag. As I did so, I almost tripped over something soft. I bent down to see what had fallen. I picked it up and observed what it was. It was one of Harry's navy blazers. I held it in my hands tenderly. I threw it on around my shoulders and imagined it was Harry, holding me from behind, as he often had done, such as at Bonfire Night and New Year's Eve. I slid my shoes on my feet and pulled the jacket more tightly around me, as it was sliding off my shoulders. I grabbed my bag with my purse and keys and dragged myself to the nearest shop.

As I walked in the door, I headed straight to the milk and coffee. I lined up in the queue, and almost dropped the milk, and my jaw. I ducked out of the queue and wondered over to the paper stand. I bent down to pick up the paper that had caught my eye. There was a picture of Harry. He was in a night-club, surrounded by about three or four blonde girls, dancing quite close to him. He was laughing in the photo, as one of them was licking the tattoo of a little 'A' near the inside of his elbow. I stumbled back into the queue holding the newspaper in my shaking hands along with the other stuff I was about to buy. I decided to read the article back at home. I reached the front of the queue in deep thought, and didn't even realise the assistant had scanned the items.

'Four sixty, please,' he said.
'Huh? Pardon?' I said, as if being snapped out of a trance.
'Your stuff. It's four pounds sixty,' he repeated.
'Oh, right, here you go,' I croaked. It was the first time I'd spoken in a month, and it actually hurt. He placed the items in a bag and handed them to me with my change and receipt. I ran home and slammed the paper on the table as soon as I got in. I unfolded it and read the headline and article;

"Stylish" Night Out

Teen heartthrob, Harry Styles (18) was spotted in a night club last night with a group of young girls, four of which, models. Styles' girlfriend was no where to be seen on the night. As a matter of fact, no one has witnessed Styles and his girlfriend, Tia Headland (18) over the past month.

It is known that last month, in July she visited home. She was snapped with her ex boyfriend, Zac several times during the trip, but no one has seen her with Harry since. Could Styles be taking revenge on the young girl and having a good time himself with several other girls, all of which were dying to be in Tia's shoes? Or could it have been the end of the Harry-Tia relationship that hasn't been publicised?

If that is true, Styles seems to be having no trouble at all getting over the break-up with his girlfriend (possibly ex?) by partying with models and other celebrities alike. It is rumoured that bandmate, Louis Tomlinson was advising Harry to go out and have a good time. He can be seen in the background of the photo above with his long-term girlfriend, Eleanor Calder.

It has also been said that Styles has been staying with Tomlinson for the past three weeks as Headland was at home with her family, and possibly Zac? Only a week ago was Headland spotted home, by down the local newsagents.

One Direction will be appearing on ITV 1 at 8 '0' clock.

I finished reading the article. Was this how Harry had felt when he saw all of the papers about me? And to think of the pressure with it being on live television when he first saw. I wasn't sure if to believe the article or not. It wasn't all fact. After all, I'd only been at my parents house for two days before coming home to try to solve the paper problem with Harry. Of course, that didn't help. Also, the pictures where evident. He was in a night club, surrounded by four drunken models and Louis and Eleanor were at the bar in the background. What also confused me was the the papers where trying to guess what I didn't know myself. Where we still together, or where we not? No words where actually said about that. He'd gone, but we hadn't spoken since, I'd just assumed it was over. I read through the article once more. I did a double take at the last line, that I hadn't paid attention to the first time. 'One Direction will be appearing on ITV 1 at 8'0' clock'. It was five to eight. I ran into the lounge and turned the TV on and switching to ITV 1.

I sat on the sofa, perched on the edge, listening to the chat-show host (one I didn't know) introduce the show and the special guests. When they came on, I saw immediately how happy they all seemed, including Harry. He seemed to be doing a lot better than what I was. I shook with sadness as they sat on the sofa, waving and smiling at the audience and the camera's. I listened to them greet everyone. They spoke about their career and how 'crazy' it was out there when someone tweeted about their next location. They also said that things went pretty smoothly when no one tweeted where they were. They spent about fifteen minutes talking about the Album, Tour and DVD. They also said about the new album that they were working on and hoped to release very soon

'There's at least one song that everyone can relate to and enjoy,' said Louis.
'Yeah, I think there's a bit of something for everyone on it really,' said Liam.

'Now we know you don't get to spend a lot of time with your families and girlfriends, so we've got a few photos of them, they're quite recent, some where actually taken today, you know, snapped by the press, but they're not being published, just for our show,' the host smiled. 'Liam, lets start with you.'

Almost immediately, a photo of Liam's family popped up on the screen. He smiled as the photo and said a little 'aww' before the screen turned to a picture of Danielle. He practically beamed at that. I smiled at how sweet he was toward his family and girlfriend.

'How about, to make all this less awkward, how about you all send a message to your family and your girlfriends, anything you want to say, say it to them after the photos,' suggested the host.
'Guys at home, I love you all. I really miss you all and I can't wait to come home and see you. And Danielle, you're amazing at dancing and I think that you are the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you and miss you,' Liam said to the camera. Next a photo of Louis's family popped up, followed by a picture of Eleanor.
'You know I love all of you. To my girls at home, I'll be home soon, I'll be coming to see you and I'm really looking forward to that because I miss you so much. And Eleanor, you know I love you, and even though I only saw you earlier, I miss you anyway,' and he winked at the camera. Zayn's family followed by Perrie popped up on the screen next and he smiled and said;
'Love you and miss you all. These messages are sounding very similar, so I'm going to say that when I come home, I want my amazing family to remember that when I leave, not to start crying because you know I will be back soon, and, Mum, you'd better not be crying at this.'
Niall's family photo came up followed by a photo of his friends from Mullingar. He smiled at them and said;
'What's the craic? Um, I can't wait to come home, and I miss going down the local pub with my family so, yeah, can't wait to do that again. Love you all.'
Finally a picture of Harry's family appeared on the screen. He took a breath in to talk - but then my picture appeared in the screen from walking back from the shop. My hair was pushed back from my face. I had my sunglasses on and my full face of make-up. My arms and legs were quite pale in the picture, and the shorts were very roomy. I was pulling the jacket over my shoulders with my one hand, and holding my bag and the shopping bag in my other. Harry's jaw dropped a little as he took in my appearance. It suddenly dawned on me that that photo was only taken half an hour ago. Harry blinked once or twice before turning to the camera and saying;
'Mum, Dad and Gemma, I love you and I really, really miss you. I will be back soon and I can't wait to see you all again. Tia - ' he paused, nodded and looked back up at the camera and smiled slightly, 'I'm stuck for words.' Niall and Louis looked down for a second and Zayn and Liam looked at Harry.

'Really?' asked the host. 'Now, rumours have been saying that you haven't had any contact with your girlfriend for a while?'
'Yeah, I've been staying at Louis's for, um, because of work and stuff,' he lied.
'So, do you miss her?' he asked. Harry hesitated, considering his answer carefully.
'I don't need to answer that. She knows the answer and that's all that matters really,' he replied.

He looked completely indifferent. He wasn't smiling like the other boys did when their friends and family and girlfriends where on the screen. It was his fake smile. It was so hard to pick up on, but another give away, was that he'd gone to talk before my picture had come up. He wet about the interview as if it had never happened. I got to my feet slowly. I dragged myself into the kitchen and looked back at the paper. Now I believed it. He seemed so happy on the show and he certainly seemed happy in the club with the girls and Louis. I collapsed into the nearest chair and started at the paper. It was like somebody had just torn out my heart and thrown it on the floor. It was as if they were jumping on it, sending it to shreds. It was a sickening pain in my chest and head. I held my head in my hands. Thoughts were swirling around it like an angry swarm of wasps. I wanted it to end. I jumped up without thinking, my actions and thoughts were blurred. I hadn't cried in almost a month, I didn't think that I'd any tears left in my body, but there where more stinging my eyes and running down my cheeks. Harry was over it. It was evident, and it was killing me. I wanted it to end. I leant against the sink but put my hand on a steak knife that was sitting on the counter. It fell to the floor. I picked it up and held it in my hand, staring at it. The interview had been going on for an hour now. I walked into the lounge to find them getting up off the sofa and walking off the stage, followed by the end credits. I fell back into the kitchen, still holding the sharp knife. My hand was bleeding from where I'd cut it. I stretched out my arm and looked at the knife in my other hand.

I practically dropped the knife on my arm and raised it again. I repeated it several times, in anger, in sadness, in depression. My arm was soon pouring blood from large slices down my left arm. I swapped the knife to my other hand and repeated the process on my right arm. It stung. It was excruciating. I was crying, not over the pain, but over Harry, and everything else that had ever gone wrong in my life. I missed him, I loved him but he didn't love me any more, after the stupid mistakes I'd made. I stopped and swayed on the spot. My vision became completely clouded. Blood was dripping all over the floor. My hand loosened and dropped the knife. After a few seconds of standing, immobile, I fell to the floor, still.