Beasts

I yank the necklace off from around my neck, the charms falling to the floor with a loud clatter. She bought me that on our trip to Maine. I wore it every day but now it felt like a disease that I needed to rid myself of.

“Was that the best she could do?” I growl, kicking the beads across the room. They scattered, pinging off anything they smacked into. I move to the dresser, beads cracking under my feet, and started yanking the drawers out, tossing them into the wall. Her clothes litter the floor as the drawers crash to the ground, bits of wood splintering off into the air. I turn on the stuffed animals next, ripping the heads off fluffy white bunnies and smiling brown bears.

“Did she think I was seven? That I actually liked these things?!” The stuffing flew everywhere, silently landing on the floor. I couldn’t stand the damn things anymore; they brought back too many memories that needed to disappear. Heads hit the walls and drop down to the ground with a quiet thud. My room was now the site of a tragic teddy bear massacre.

Breathing heavily, my heart pounding, something gleams in the corner of my eye: A photo of us. I snatch it harshly, quickly throw it to the floor, glass shatters and pieces bump into my foot sharply; small shards fly into the air and rain back to the floor. I pick up the picture, glass to rolling off onto the littered floor, glaring at her smiling face. My heart twisted in anger and pain. I couldn’t stop myself.

“You deserve this.” I hiss, ripping it in half. At least I’ll never see her face again. I felt a slight relief rush over me but it was momentary.

“Kixx, what the hell are you doing?!” I jump hearing my name, trying to calm my frantic heartbeat, “Look at this mess!” Toshiya booms entering the room, avoiding the broken glass, splintered drawers, broken beads, and slaughtered stuffed animals. His eyes scream in rage, but I’m instantly in his arms, my mouth glued to his. I needed to forget about everything and just focus on something purely physical, and Toshiya was the perfect refuge.

“Worry about it later,” I pull away whispering, “Be with me now.” I plead. His eyes are momentarily washed over with concern and confusion, but he wastes no time in pinning me to the bed. I just needed to feel something. His cold fingers along my warm skin were the perfect remedy. His lips against mine were intoxicating. His teeth clamping down hard enough to bruise was my addiction. I couldn’t get enough; the feeling of our bodies moving together. It was solid ecstasy.





I felt cold, numb, and my head buzzed. Opening my eyes, I’m greeted by black emptiness. Perfect. I have no clue where I am. I need to stop partying. Sitting up, I grimace at the familiar, pulsing sensation of a hangover. I throw the covers off my body, thankful to discover I was still clothed; although, I wasn’t sure if they were my clothes or not. I ran my fingers through my hair, rubbing my eyes and temples. My skin was clammy and had a bit of heat to it. Not much but just enough. I could go for a glass of water right about now.

I heard a cough next to me, as well as a shuffling in the bed. My body went ridged instantly. I was prepared to defend myself if needed, and in this situation it wasn’t too far from my thoughts. Cautiously, I looked to my right, squinting hard. Right now would be the perfect time for my glasses, but of course I didn’t have them on me nor did I know where they were.

My fingers explored the bed, feeling along their way blindly until I touched something solid and warm. The object didn’t move, so I continued exploring the mound. It felt like feathers, but why would there be feathers in a bed? I poked and prodded, running my fingertips along them lightly, ruffling them slightly. Oh yeah, they were feathers.

“Stop, that tickles.” A man’s voice groans, making me leap from my spot. Before I can even process the thought to open my mouth and scream bloody murder, a warm hand is clamped over my mouth like a vice and I just sat there, completely rigid.





“You know, I just came over here to show you the pictures we took on our trip.” Toshiya chuckles, his fingers trailing along my bare shoulders. I allowed my head to loll to the side, allowing him access to my neck and collar bone as well.

“Well, you got a little more than you bargained for.” I tease, snuggling closer to his warm body, inhaling his scent causing me to bite my lower lip lightly before trailing tiny kisses over his cold, bare chest.

“I’m not complaining.” He smiles that crooked yet so perfect smile of his. “What were you so upset over anyway?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” I reply dryly. He nods in response. I was never good at controlling my temper, and the situation would just make me explode all over again or break down and cry. Anger was the more likely chance though, which would lead to me breaking more things.

“Would you like to see the pictures then? They turned out to be really good.” He perked up, brown eyes lit with an internal smile. God was he sexy.

“Sure.” I shrug out of his embrace, quickly tracking down clothing. I settle on an oversized tee-shirt thrown in the corner of the bedroom. I hear Toshiya leave and return quickly, spotting a large photo album in hand.

He hops on the bed, being mindful of the broken glass shards and other various broken items scattered about the floor. I groan quietly realizing what a mess I really left behind in my wake of solid rage. Pushing the thought from my mind, I sit down next to the tall man as he gently drops the album in my lap. I flip through the pages, smiling at the photos of the two of us, my eyes scanning over how good the pictures did turn out.

“I love this picture of us.” I grin nuzzling into his shoulder. My fingertips lightly traced over the photograph, taking in every little detail and etching it in my mind.

“Good, it only took you about a million times to get the right shot.” He teases rolling his eyes. I pout playfully, smack his knee, and continue roaming through the pages.

“These caverns were so beautiful!” I exclaim, a small smile on my face.

“We should go back sometime.” He offers.

“No!” I shout without thinking. He jumps, obviously not expecting my sudden protest. “Uh…what I mean is, why not explore some new caverns? There’s a whole world out there!” I lie, plastering a sheepish grin to my face.

Images fill my mind of what went on in those caves; images I’d been fighting to let go of. I shook my head, face momentarily scrunched up with many emotions that I didn’t even want to analyze.

“That makes sense.” Toshiya answers, pushing himself off the bed. “I’ve got to take a leak. I’ll be right back.” He explains. I nod absentmindedly, not paying much attention to his exact words. My concentration was fully devoted to the photo album in my hands, if only for a moment.

I set it aside once he leaves and quickly open the drawer on my nightstand. A single long, black feather resides inside. I shut the drawer again, begging it not be there in the morning. Maybe it was all just a bad dream. I shake the thought from mind as Toshiya re-enters the room, bouncing and landing on top of me. I’d worry about my nightmarish memories later. Right now though, I poured all my mental, emotional, and physical attention into the man nearly straddling me.

“Round two?” He wiggles his eyebrows, smirking. I smile in response, letting the photo album fall to the floor with a solid thud. What a way to forget the past.