This Is A Love Song In My Own Way
Part Three.
He always imagined it on a Saturday at home.
Something about the smell and breeze of the city hitting them both would allow the phrase to be heard in a way his best friend would feel the honesty. Pete took in the moment of silence as a reminder that this was a Thursday and they were not roaming the city, but discussing pizza in his mother's kitchen. He shut it down. Still, they both knew he wouldn't get through the night without throwing in a cent or two.
The temptation to let it out dimed when Patrick shifted his balance to the other side. Pete's attention diverted to the contrast of their skin as he watched him grab the smallest piece. The younger male held it with both hands before taking a medium size bite. The more he analyzed every movement his friend was making, the less he wanted to eat. It was down to his breathing; all of it spoke more confidence than Pete ever thought he'd see out of him.
"<i>Seriously, Pete, sto-</i>" Patrick's hand extended, as if waving pizza in Pete's face was going to break whatever trance he was in. "When did this happen?" He cut him off. That was nothing new, and he knew he was the only one who could pull it off. "You look fucking incredible. You never looked anything but fucking incredible, but body language is telling me you know that now." Patrick finished the piece, grabbed a napkin to clean his face of sauce and threw it away before he even begun to answer. Pete wondered why he needed a pause before answering the question. Pete never saw any question he ever asked to be something that would need any brain matter to answer. He found them all simple for others to answer, but not for himself.
"<i>Did you forget how miserable we were? Do you think I wanted to continue feeling that way on my own?</i>" Blue eyes met hazel for the first since the reunion. Pete wasn't going to break the eye contact. Not if it meant losing everything he had in the process. Patrick held it much longer than even he was use to. His jaw tightened almost to the point of being noticeable.
He did remember. He remembered every detail of watching the guys suffer. He remembered how the hatred he had for himself reached a new high when he was too selfish to let it all go, for them. He remembered how exhausting it was trying to make it work. He remembered the promise he made to them and to himself, that he would never give up.
Pete knew this was the time to be careful with what he said and Patrick knew this was the time to walk away. He didn't go far, however. He never did.
The bassist watched the one he counted on most to stay strong sit down on a couch that had seen much better times for the two. His legs carried him where his mind found itself skeptical about going. His eyes were forced to adjust to the low setting of light in the living room once again. The couch took on more weight as the man sat down, but only on the edge. The situation had not reached the comfort level needed to lean back. His uncovered arms rested on his legs with force. "If you think I'll ever forget that.. You're wrong" When the silence hit, it hit hard. Small movements between the two seemed to substitute for communication. Also to show that each of the men were battling with themselves on how to break this.
Pete knew no matter how many times he had told him, Patrick wouldn't get why this was so hard for him. He knew no one understood how hard it was for him not to lose what the media saw as pride and break down. He wanted to shut down. That was never an option with Patrick. He always had the right words, the right looks to open him back up again. He also knew when it was best to let Pete breath. Problem was, Pete was never good with the reverse of that. The vision he had for this moment was shattered the moment he let go. His body turned to the right to face Patrick. He leaned in, shutting his eyes harder than he thought he could. Resting his head on the stiff shoulder, Pete made sure his lips were close enough to his best friend's ear so the breath from his words would be felt as well as heard clearly. "and if you think I never meant it when I said I loved you, you're wrong about that too."
Something about the smell and breeze of the city hitting them both would allow the phrase to be heard in a way his best friend would feel the honesty. Pete took in the moment of silence as a reminder that this was a Thursday and they were not roaming the city, but discussing pizza in his mother's kitchen. He shut it down. Still, they both knew he wouldn't get through the night without throwing in a cent or two.
The temptation to let it out dimed when Patrick shifted his balance to the other side. Pete's attention diverted to the contrast of their skin as he watched him grab the smallest piece. The younger male held it with both hands before taking a medium size bite. The more he analyzed every movement his friend was making, the less he wanted to eat. It was down to his breathing; all of it spoke more confidence than Pete ever thought he'd see out of him.
"<i>Seriously, Pete, sto-</i>" Patrick's hand extended, as if waving pizza in Pete's face was going to break whatever trance he was in. "When did this happen?" He cut him off. That was nothing new, and he knew he was the only one who could pull it off. "You look fucking incredible. You never looked anything but fucking incredible, but body language is telling me you know that now." Patrick finished the piece, grabbed a napkin to clean his face of sauce and threw it away before he even begun to answer. Pete wondered why he needed a pause before answering the question. Pete never saw any question he ever asked to be something that would need any brain matter to answer. He found them all simple for others to answer, but not for himself.
"<i>Did you forget how miserable we were? Do you think I wanted to continue feeling that way on my own?</i>" Blue eyes met hazel for the first since the reunion. Pete wasn't going to break the eye contact. Not if it meant losing everything he had in the process. Patrick held it much longer than even he was use to. His jaw tightened almost to the point of being noticeable.
He did remember. He remembered every detail of watching the guys suffer. He remembered how the hatred he had for himself reached a new high when he was too selfish to let it all go, for them. He remembered how exhausting it was trying to make it work. He remembered the promise he made to them and to himself, that he would never give up.
Pete knew this was the time to be careful with what he said and Patrick knew this was the time to walk away. He didn't go far, however. He never did.
The bassist watched the one he counted on most to stay strong sit down on a couch that had seen much better times for the two. His legs carried him where his mind found itself skeptical about going. His eyes were forced to adjust to the low setting of light in the living room once again. The couch took on more weight as the man sat down, but only on the edge. The situation had not reached the comfort level needed to lean back. His uncovered arms rested on his legs with force. "If you think I'll ever forget that.. You're wrong" When the silence hit, it hit hard. Small movements between the two seemed to substitute for communication. Also to show that each of the men were battling with themselves on how to break this.
Pete knew no matter how many times he had told him, Patrick wouldn't get why this was so hard for him. He knew no one understood how hard it was for him not to lose what the media saw as pride and break down. He wanted to shut down. That was never an option with Patrick. He always had the right words, the right looks to open him back up again. He also knew when it was best to let Pete breath. Problem was, Pete was never good with the reverse of that. The vision he had for this moment was shattered the moment he let go. His body turned to the right to face Patrick. He leaned in, shutting his eyes harder than he thought he could. Resting his head on the stiff shoulder, Pete made sure his lips were close enough to his best friend's ear so the breath from his words would be felt as well as heard clearly. "and if you think I never meant it when I said I loved you, you're wrong about that too."