Kiss Me and I Bleed

“Don’t say shit like that.” Mike said. “It’s hard for me to admit this, but he does want that baby, but his mind is to full of shit right now that he’s say things he doesn’t really believe.”
Out of no where my sadness for upsetting Tony turned to anger. “No Mike your wrong! He really doesn’t want him or me! And that’s perfectly fine with me!” I said. I walked over to the couch, and sat down. “I don’t even know why I was so worried about him. He doesn’t mean shit to me. He’s just the guy that I used to sleep with.”
“Now you’re saying shit you don’t believe. I think you should go lay down.” Morgan said.
“I do believe what I’m saying. I don’t want Tony. So why should I give a shit on if he wants anything to do with me and my baby?” I replied. For a moment neither one of them said nothing. They both looked like I had slapped them in the face. “Look, I’m sorry if I offended you guys, and my anger wasn’t meant for you two it was for Tony.” I said. “I think I’m going to go lay down.”
“Ok, I’ll see you two tomorrow then.” Morgan said, and slowly walked out the door.
Mike walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. This time my anger went back to sadness, and I started to cry.
“Why would he say that about a baby?” I asked to no one. “I was the one who hurt him. He shouldn’t be upset with you or the baby.”
“I know, and like I said. He doesn’t mean it he’ll be back to normal soon. He just needs to sleep on it.” Mike said. I nodded my head, but I still didn’t really believe him. I got up, and pulled Mike up with me. I lead him to his room. We laid down in the bed together and Mike positioned himself on top and pressed him lips on mine. The kiss was long, and it was getting harder to breath. Neither of us wanted to break the kiss, but then we were interrupted by the front door opening. I started to get up, but Mike gently pushed me back down.
“You should wait tell the morning to find out. You’ve had enough stress for today.” Mike said. I was about to say something else, but Mike started kissing me again and again I didn’t want to be the one to break it. I loved moments like these with Mike, but then I heard Tony’s voice in the living room and I snapped out of my happy place with Mike and into this horrible reality. Again I tried to get up, and Mike didn’t push me back down, but this time he walked out of the door with me. Everyone was in the living room except for Morgan. I saw Tony, and he looked calm, but really sad. When he saw me, and Mike I saw tears come to his eyes. He looked me in the eyes, and looked no where else.
“Tony really wanted to talk to Nicole. Alone.” Vic said.
“But I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Stephanie said. She looked sleepy, and worried for me and Tony. Everyone shook their heads in agreement with Stephanie.
“I don’t think so either.” Mike said.
I was curious about what Tony wanted to talk about this time, but I didn’t really want to be alone with him. I did realize that I should have been resting. That all this bullshit was bad for my baby, but I agreed to talk to Tony anyway.
“Are you sure?” Angela asked.
I nodded and said, “Yeah. I just want this night to be over with soon, and if Tony wants to talk we’ll talk.”
Everyone left, but I could tell Mike didn’t want to leave me and Tony alone. I kissed him, and hugged him to let him know that I would be fine. Then it was just me and Tony again.
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked.
He didn’t waste time saying anything. He just went ahead and asked, “Why him? Why not me?”
“Because Tony He wasn’t dating another girl while telling me over and over how much he loved me! He was there whenever I needed him or wanted him! And because I fucking love him Tony! And I know tonight you tried to make things right and say you were ready to leave Stephanie, but guess what. Its to fucking late now. I love him. Not you.” I answered. Tony didn’t say anything. He shook his head and stood there and like before I saw tears in his eyes. He rushed over to me, and grabbed the sides of my face like before.
“I don’t believe that.” He whispered.
“Well you should.” I replied.
“I want you to look me in the fucking eyes, and tell me that what we had is completely gone. That you want nothing to do with me.” He said. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t look him in the eye, and I could admit that I did sometimes think about what we had. “Am I going to get an answer?”
“Fuck you Tony!” I said and was starting to turn around and head back to the room, but Tony was still holding me, so he only had to grab my wrist and pull me until our lips touched. It felt completely how it used to when I first fell in love with him. I loved the way our kisses held the emotions we were both feeling at that moment, and when they were brought together made the kiss stronger. When he held me it didn’t feel like it did when we were sneaking around. It was perfect like I was meant to be there. During the kiss I lost my mind for a few seconds, and forgot to break the kiss like I should have. We stood there kissing for what felt like hours, but was probably only a few seconds. Tony broke the kiss not me. We were both breathless, and I could finally think again. My lips felt tingly, and my heart was beating fast, but I was still angry.
“What the fuck was that?!” I yelled.
“I knew it. You still do love me, but you just don’t want to admit it. Nicole, if were not together we’re just going to be miserable forever. We need each other and want each other. There’s not point trying to deny it. I know you felt what I felt. If I were to do it again we wouldn’t be able to stop.” He said.
“Shut the fuck up! You can speak for yourself, but I don’t need you or want you! I cant stand you, so please get the fuck out!” I said. This time when I tried I did get away from Tony. I took several steps back, and then we were back to starring at each other.
“I’m not trying to make you mad Nicole, but you can’t keep lying to yourself. I hope that you’ll realize that eventually because it’s hard to be without you. I miss those times when I got to kiss you like that, and waking up with you, and laughing with you.” He said. He did look very sad, and I only got angrier because every word he was saying was true. When he mentioned those things I realized that I missed those moments too. He walked over to the door, but didn’t open it. “Maybe I’m wrong, and if I am. I guess I’ll just have to be happy seeing that your happy, and maybe we can be just friends.” He said without looking at me. “Please Nicole tell me that I’m right. That you do still love me, and you’ll leave with me.” Finally these were the words that made my anger go away completely. I kept on breaking his heart when there was possibly nothing left to break.
“I do love you, but I can’t go back to you Tony. I just can’t not now.” I said.
“Then I’ll wait tell you can. I can feel it you will come back to me, and I’ll wait.” He said, and opened the door. Before he left he said, “Tell me when your next baby appointment. I know Mike already told you what I said, but I do want that baby, its mother, and my friend. I don’t want to miss anything.”
I was crying and could barely speak, but I did manage to say, “Ok, I promise.”