Kiss Me and I Bleed

I woke up again to someone knocking on the door. I looked at my clock and saw that is was almost 11. I got up still kind of tired, and went to get the door. I was expecting it to be Morgan or Stephanie but it instead when I opened the door. I found myself looking at my mom. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I knew that Mike left to go tour again, and I thought we could communicate better without him around.” She answered.
I crossed my arms and said. “He only wants what’s best for me, and I’m not going to let you saw a single thing about him in the house he got for us.”
“You make it seem like you care more about him than you do about me.” She said and also crossed her arms.
“I’ve never said that, but I’m not going to let you talk about him when one he’s not here to defend him self and two he’s done nothing wrong.” I replied.
Mom shook her head and said. “Your wrong. He’s taking you away from me. We’ve barely spent anytime together since you started seeing him and Tony too. They’ve taken you away from me.” She tried then tried to make things more dramatic by starting to cry.
I rolled my eyes and said. “There not taking me away from you. You’ve been able to do that all by yourself.”
“How the hell did I drive you away?!” She asked.
“I don’t know maybe when you and dad nearly smothered me to death after my accident. Then when I’m trying to grow up everything I do is wrong. I move in with Mike that’s wrong. I suddenly become pregnant by accident and I’m a horrible daughter because I want to be responsible and take care of it myself. Then when me and Mike get a place together you decide not only to be pissed with me, but you also want to take things out on him too. You’re wrong mom. You need to let me make my own decisions in peace and let me live my own life the way I fucking want to!” I answered.
She paused and wiped away whatever tears were coming from her eyes. “You’re right Nicole. It is your life and you can make whatever decisions you want. I just don’t want you to end up hurt. Can I come in I want to tell you something.” She said. I nodded and let her inside. I showed her to the living room, and we sat on the couch.
“What did you need to tell me?” I asked. I was actually starting to feel kind of bad. Whatever my mom was about to tell me was something huge. Her face and eyes were red, and she fanned her face even though it was really cool in the house.
“I know I have to tell you this. Ever since I found out you were pregnant these has been tearing me up inside. Nobody knows about this except your dad.” She said.
“What is it mom?” I said, and moved a little closer to her.
“When I tell you this I don’t want you to think that I don’t love your dad because I really do. I would never do anything on purpose to ever lose him.” She replied.
“Ok mom just tell me.” I said.
“I don’t want you to hate me either. I didn’t meant to do it. It just kind of happened. Around the time I got pregnant with you and Nathan I made a horrible mistake, and I was in the same position you are in right now.” She said. I was starting to feel kind of angry with her and a little confused. I moved back to where I was sitting when we starting talking.
“What are you trying to fucking say?!” I asked.
“Have you ever wondered why your hair is lighter than you sibling, or why your hair is so curly, or have you ever made comparisons with your siblings and yourself and Nathan?” She asked. I shook my head, and I found that it was getting harder for me to breath. “Before I got pregnant with you I went to go visit your great grandmother in Colombia. I went by myself because your dad and I didn’t want to go through a lot of trouble bring all of your siblings. After your great grandma’s funeral me, and my siblings went out and I drank a little to much, and when I came back I found out I was pregnant. Like you I didn’t know if you and Nathan were your dad’s or that random guy I hooked up with. I was so scared to tell your dad what I had done. I was scared he would leave me, but he didn’t. When you two were born I knew you two weren’t his, but that only made your dad love you even more. He loved you so much more I’d would even say he loved you more than I loved you.” She answered. I shook my head.
“I don’t believe you.” I said even though I did.
“I’m sorry. I probably should have told you and Nathan together. I just wanted you to know. I’ve never talked to that guy ever again. He doesn’t even know you exist, but seeing how you are in kind of the same situation I’m made me so upset. I wasn’t angry at you. I was scared for you. I don’t want you to hurt or be as scared as I was.” She replied. I could feel my anger starting to build. I knew I had to get her out before I flipped the fuck out.
“My situation does not compare to yours. I love Mike and I loved Tony. You just got drunk and hooked up with some stranger. You were a grown ass woman with a husband and kids. What if dad left you? I actually think your situation is a lot more fucked up than mine.” I said.
“I know.” She said. “And your lucky to have two guys who care for you so much. I’m trying to tell you that I didn’t have the right to try and take over or say anything bad about Mike or Tony. But I also don’t want you to throw away your dream and goals. How do you plan on touring and taking care of a baby? When do you plan on going back to touring after the baby is going? Mike and Tony are also busy touring how are you going to plan on finding time for them to see the baby?”
“Don’t question me about that shit right now! I just found out that my dad isn’t my dad, and now your asking me all the questions that I’m all ready stressing over! I don’t want to hear it right now, and I’m not trying to push you away, but I really need you to get the fuck out right now before I fucking snap.” I said. I got up, and walked back to the front door, and waited for her to follow me.
“Are you going be ok here by yourself?” She asked.
“I’ll be fine as soon as you walk out the door.” I answered.
“I don’t think you should be here alone. You don’t want to talk to me about what I just told you. You shouldn’t hold all of this inside.” She replied.
“And what makes me think that I want to talk to you about it!” I said. I new I was on the verge of snapping, but I didn’t actually think I would physically push my mom out the front door, and slamming the door in her face. She was still trying to talk to me through the door, and it was really frustrating. I ignored her, and went upstairs. I picked up my phone, but I didn’t know who I wanted to call. I could have called Nathan and tell him what my mom told me, but I even though I was upset I didn’t think I was my place to tell him. I could have called Dad, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone who knew all along and waited this long to tell me. I could have called Mike, but he was already on his way to Texas and there was nothing he could really do from so far away. I didn’t even know if I wanted to tell Morgan or Stephanie yet. I was still in a lot of denial still, and for the first time really I started thinking about how me and Nathan differed from the rest of our siblings, mom, and dad. I laid on the bed thinking about this. I started picturing my mom getting wasted and hooking up with some guy who looked like me and Nathan, and as much as I tried to think about it the less since it made. Mom was married with four kids already. Why would she do something that could mess up everything? I was starting to drive myself into madness thinking about this over and over until I was interrupted by my phone vibrating. At first I thought it might have been my Mom, but when I saw the ID it was from my Dad. I answered the phone and said. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Well your cant just hold all of this inside.” He said.
“Watch me.” I replied.
“Don’t be so stuborn. Do you want me to stop by?” He asked.
“Please don’t. I just want to be by myself right now.” I answered.
“Ok, but before I leave you belong to me more than that guy ever. He has no idea what he missed out on.” He said, and it sounded like he was about to start crying.
“Its ok daddy. I know that already. It’s just going to take some time for me to get used to this.” I replied.
“Ok, but don’t tell Nathan until we can find time to all sit together and talk. I don’t know why your mom told you like this.” He said.
“I wasn’t planning on Nathan, and mom has literally lost her mind since she found out that I was pregnant.” I said.
“I know, but I don’t want you to be by yourself all day though. You need to talk to somebody.” He said.
“Ok I will.” I replied.
“Good I love you.” He said.
“Love you too.” I replied and hung up the phone. I laid back down and ignored what my dad had told me and spent the whole day in bed. When I finally did get up it was to answer the door again. When I answered it I saw that it was Morgan and Stephanie. “Hey what are you two doing here?” I asked.
“We’re going to stay here until Mike gets back.” Stephanie said.
“What the fuck is wrong with you. You look like shit. You cant let the baby do this to you.” Morgan said.
“Its not the baby.” I said. I let them inside, and we went upstairs. I told them everything my mom told me, and made them promise not to tell Nathan.
“Oh my god that’s fucked up.” Morgan said and Stephanie nodded in agreement.
“Are you ok?” Stephanie asked.
“No not right now? But it doesn’t matter. My dad is my dad and nothing my mom did in her past could change that.” I answered.
“Why did you just sit here all day though? We would have been right over if you had just called.” Morgan asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah, we’re always going to be here for you, and Tony Jr.” Stephanie said, and rubbed my stomach.
“Umm no this is Mikey Jr. right here.” Morgan said, and also started rubbing my stomach. “You’re getting so fat.”
“She’s not getting fat. The baby is just getting bigger.” Stephanie said. “Does it make it uncomfortable when we do this?” She asked.
“Not right now. Only when the baby moves around a lot when I sleep. Then I’m all cranky the next day.” I answered.
“What are you going to name him or her?” Stephanie asked.
I shrugged my shoulders again. “I don’t know. I guess I can wait tell the baby is born.”
“Well I’m voting on Tony Jr.” Stephanie said.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” Morgan asked.
“What? A Tony baby would be so cute.” Stephanie answered.
“Yeah I guess it would be but. It would be a lot easier for our friend if the baby is Mike’s. And why do you want your best friend to have your ex’s baby?” Morgan replied.
“I don’t know. I just do that’s why.” Stephanie answered.
“Can we not talk about this right now?” I asked feeling a little uncomfortable.
“Oh sorry. We didn’t think about that. You look really tired maybe we should go to bed.” Morgan said, and Stephanie nodded.
“Sounds good to me. I’m glad you guys are here. I fucking hate being alone.” I said.
“Aww you really miss Mike. That’s so sweet.” Stephanie said.
“Oh well we’ll see them soon anyway. I know how you feel.” Morgan replied.
“You should have went with him.” I said.
“We’ve talked about this. I love Vic, but its not the same there without you two bitches.” Morgan replied, and we all laughed. I wanted to stay up and talk it was making me feel a whole lot better, but I hadn’t really slept well since Mike left and I was sooo tired. All three of us were able to fit in the bed, and I was able to fall asleep. It wasn’t completely peaceful, but it was better than before.