Kiss Me and I Bleed

I walked further into the living room. I could have acted like a bitch, but then Mike probably would have sensed something was wrong. They noticed me and Tony walk in the room. “Hey!” Stephanie said smiling up at me. I noticed that when she looked at Tony her eyes didn’t light up like they usually do.
“Hey. You didn’t tell me you were coming today.” I replied.
I don’t think anyone noticed how cold my voice sounded except for Tony. He looked down at me and I saw a warning in his eyes to stay calm, but I didn’t need a warning. I was cool for now. Stephanie shrugged her shoulders and said. “I know, but I’ve been coming here like everyday. So I didn’t think today would be any different.”
I still didn’t like that they were sitting so close together even with Chris laying in between them. I softly picked up Chris trying not to wake him, and I sat down in between them. Tony also sat down watching me carefully. “Yeah but usually you come here with Morgan.” I said.
“She was going to come, but she said she had something to do.” She replied.
“I guess that means you have nothing better to do than come here everyday and-”
“Nicole!” Tony said cutting me off.
“What did you do to her?” Mike asked assuming that Tony had probably pissed me off.
Tony shook his head and got up off the couch. I watched him leave, and the room was filled with tension. Unlike Mike, Stephanie sensed something. “What’s wrong with you?” She asked.
This time it was my turn to shake my head and leave. “I’m going to put Chris in his crib.” I said. When I got to the nursery I saw Stephanie leave through the window in the nursery. After that it was kind of quite and until I heard Mike making his way up the stairs. I met him in the hallway. I thought he was going to start questioning me right away, but instead he pulled me to him and held me tight. I started to cry. I could already fell the guilt building up ready to pour out, but I couldn’t tell him. Not if I really wanted us to work.
“What did Tony do to you?” He asked softly. I wanted to tell him so bad but instead I shook my head.
“Its not Tony.” I whispered.
“Than what is it?” He asked.
I decided to go for a lie. Well, it wasn’t really a lie I did feel uncomfortable with him and Stephanie and I told him that. I also mentioned how I felt that time I told him about Tony and me, and I saw the way he hugged Stephanie. Which was the same way he held me.
When I was finished he shook his head and kissed me. His kiss was filled with so much love, love that I didn’t deserve. “Me and Stephanie are friends. We’re cool, but I don’t love her the way I love you. I just think she’s really nice.” He said and kissed me again. “Now, can we go to bed?” He asked.
I smiled to let him know that I was ok with his answer, but I kind of wasn’t. “I think I’m going to take a bath first.” I said. I was surprised he couldn’t smell the sent of Tony on me, but I could and I wanted it gone. Mike went in the room, and I went to the bathroom. I was in the tub thinking about everything that I had done. I had so much guilt that I had to get out, but Tony told me to never tell anyone. There was only one way I could think of to get that guilt out. I got of the tub, and looked for a razor under the sink. I hadn’t cut in a really long time, but I felt like I needed to do this. Yeah, I know that I had promised that I had promised Vic I wouldn’t hurt myself in any way anymore. I felt guilty for betraying that promise, but soon the guilt would pour out as soon as the flood starts flowing. I wasn’t going to cut as deep as I did the first time. I didn’t want to die I had to take care of Chris. I was about to make my first cut when there was a small knock on the door.
I hide the razor blade under some towels grabbing one and wrapping it around me. I went to the door, and saw Tony looking back at me, and he looked pissed.
“What the fuck was that about?!” He said.
“I wasn’t going to tell. I just wanted to send your ex a message to stay away from my fucking boyfriend!” I replied.
“Do you see how stupid your being?! If you had come out and started accusing people of shit they’re not doing! Then people are going to suspect your ass of what we did!” He said.
“I wasn’t going to start accusing her! I knew what I was doing!” I said. We were both breathing heavily and we starred at each other for awhile. Tony quickly wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. I already knew he moved fast because if I had time I would have left. When Tony broke the kiss. I was trying so hard not to cry. I shook my head. “Tony tonight was a mistake.” I said.
“No it wasn’t. Tonight was perfect. Everything is perfect when its just you and me. And if you could let yourself see that it could be you and me all the time. And we would have Chris, and I would marry you and everything would be perfect.” He said.
I closed my head and lend my head on his chest. “You’re right tonight was perfect, but we will never have that.” I said.
“We could all you have to do is let go of Mike. I know it’ll be hard, but you’ll be so happy with Me and Chris.” He said.
I gently moved pass Tony, and in the hallway. “But I am happy with Mike. I want to be with Mike. I’m a 100% percent sure he is what I want, but I keep getting confused. I cant let go of you. No matter how hard I try.” I turned around, and made my way towards my room. Mike was still up and he reached out his arms. I instantly fell into them. “I love you so much.” I said.
“I know, and I love you too. I have actually have to tell you the reason why Stephanie was here.” He said. My heart started to beat faster and I could feel that I was about to cry anyway. Mike smiled and shook his head. “It’s not what you think. Today when you and Tony went to the beach I called Morgan and Stephanie. They know what you like, but like Stephanie said Morgan wasn’t able to make it.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small box out. I started to reach out for it, but Mike held it out of reach.
“What is it?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I was going to show you what was inside tonight, but you were being kind of mean to the girl who actually picked it out. So you’ll have to wait until I’m ready to give it to you.” He said.
I leaned down to kiss him and he kissed me back. He laid me down. I thought he was going to lay on top of me, but instead he laid back down on his side. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at me, and he looked just looked at me and shrugged my shoulders. “I also taking sex away from you until I feel like you’ve learned your lesson.” He said. I laid back down and smiled at Mike.
“Yeah right. I can always make you want to have sex with me.” I said. He shook his head, and closed his eyes. “You’re not gonna fall asleep on me.” I said, but he ignored me and I could see him smiling even in the dark. I watched him for a moment longer, and then I could feel my eyes getting heavier. When I feel asleep. I dreamt of Tony, and what it would be like if we were together. When I woke up the next morning I couldn’t decide if it was a good dream or a nightmare.