Kiss Me and I Bleed

When I woke up the light was so bright I couldn’t open my eyes my eyes at first and when I did my vision was blurry. Not only was it really bright , but there was an annoying beeping noise too. I sat up and looked around and saw that I was in a hospital bed hooked up to a machine. I saw the wire it was connected to and took it off, big mistake. The machine started going off and doctors started to run in with more machines. They saw I was awoke and called my parents in. They immediately rushed over to me and hugged and kissed me. Not long after they came in the rest of my family came in. “You scared us to death.” my mom said. She was crying now we were all crying as a matter of fact. When I did what I did I didn’t stop to think that they would be so upset.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I sobbed.
“Shh you have nothing to apologize for.” Mom said.
“But I ruined Leslie’s party.” I replied.
“It was just a stupid party. I didn’t want one anyway.” Leslie said. I looked around the room and noticed I had a table full of flowers and balloons. I also notice that neither Tony or Mike was here. I asked everyone where were they and for a moment no one said anything.
“I wanna talk to Nicole alone.” My dad finally said. Everyone reputedly left giving me hugs and kisses before they left. He walked over to the chair and my room and picked up his guitar. “You most likely don’t know this but I was playing this the whole time the doctors were trying to save you and while you were sleeping. I was hoping that the music would bring you back.” He walked back to my bed and sat next to me. He started to play softly. “I remember when I played this guitar to you when you and you would sit there on the floor and watch me play for hours. I remember when I was teaching you and you would give up until every note was perfect.” “Do you remember when your grandmother died and you handed me the guitar?” He asked.
“Yes, I wanted you to feel better.” I answered, and when those words came out of my mouth I knew what he was trying to say.
“If those guys are going to make you hurt yourself” He started to say.
“Its not their fault. I don’t know what happened. I was confused, I couldn’t think, I was hurt. I just wanted the pain to go away.” I interrupted. This time I was crying so hard I couldn’t talk anymore. Dad set his guitar back on the chair and rushed over to hug me. “I’ll be stronger I promise. I don’t wanna be weak anymore.” I managed to get out. Dad didn’t say anything he just healed me. I felt like a child in his arms who was being comforted by her dad after thinking she saw the boogeyman in the closet. I’ve never felt safer anywhere else.
I had to stay in the hospital for a couple more days. In those days they monitored me and gave me numbers for different physiatrists for me to talk to. I guess they didn’t want me to notice, but I was never left alone. I was always with some except for when I went to the bathroom or went to sleep. When it was time for me to be discharged I was glad to go. When I got home I had to beg my mom to give me my phone back. After I got it I didn’t know what to do with it, so I decided to write some songs instead. I think they might have been the most personal songs I had ever written. Morgan came over later. I was really glad to see her after being stuck with family all week. “Are you going to school next week?” She asked.
“Yeah, I guess I’m tired of being stuck in the house.” I said. I didn’t mean to but I glanced over to where my mirror used to be. It was now an empty which is kind of how I felt.
“Well maybe I can convince your mom to let me take you out.” She suggested.
“Good luck. My mom is super strict and checks up on me like every 5 minutes. She even went as far as to take the fucking lock off my door.” I said.
“Well, we’ll just tell your mom how you feel. I’ll tell her I’ll watch you the whole time.” She said. I told her we could try and we went down stairs. I could tell that she didn’t want us to go, but was worried about upsetting me.
“I think she should go.” Angela said. “Its not good for her to be stuck here the whole time. She needs to get out.” We all looked in Angela’s direction, and she looked up from the book she was reading and continued, “Why are you looking at me? That’s what this book says.” We turned our attention back to mom and she reluctantly agreed. I got dressed in some purple shorts and a white tank and some black vans. Since I was so exited to be getting out the house I actually put on some makeup. Morgan and I decided to go to the mall we never went to. I wasn’t to sure how I felt about running into some people from school yet. It was okay. They didn’t really have clothes I like but I got some cool accessories. At one time we did see some girls that went to school. They also saw us and whispered something and walked away.
“If you got something to say. You can say it to our faces.” Morgan shouted.
“Its ok Morgan. I’m so sick of the girls at our school.” I said.
“Its not ok, and I know what you mean. Thank god we only have two week of school left.” She replied. “Are you and Nathan gonna try and get some gigs during the summer?” She asked.
“Yeah I guess. I’m not sure how that gonna work out with everything’s that going on.” I answered. Before Morgan took me home we stopped to get something to eat, and we ran into more annoying people from school. Morgan dropped me off at home and drove off. I was walking to my door when something made me look in the direction of Tony’s house. I don’t know what made me do it, but I found myself walking in that direction. I got to his door and I that’s the only time I stopped to think. I knew I probably should have, but I knocked on his door anyway. I heard him call out he was getting the door. He opened the door and we both looked at each other shocked. “Nicole.” He finally said.
“I don’t know why I’m here.” I said. He gently pulled me inside his house and for a while he just looked at me.
He then started to cry and kiss me all over my face. Everywhere but my lips. He looked at me like he was looking at a ghost. “I thought we were going to lose you.” He said. We were both crying by now. “Nicole I don’t know what I would have done if you had died.” He said. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be talking to me.”
“I don’t know why I’m here. I needed to see you. I can’t go another day without seeing you.” I scared of how I might feel if I kissed him, but I did it anyway. I was right to be scared. The kiss was just as passionate as before. We both needed each other. We both wanted each other. The kiss started off sweet and careful. We both knew we probably shouldn’t be doing this, but the getting more stronger. The longer the kiss lasted the more Tony wanted me and I wanted him just the same. He lifted me up with my legs wrapped around his waist and he carried me upstairs to his room. He threw me down on his bed and continued to kiss me. He kissed me so hard it was starting to hurt a little bit, but I liked it. I removed his shirt and he took of my shorts. Eventually all of our clothes were on the floor. He lifted my waist up to him. His mouth and tongue went up and down my body. I don’t know if his parent were down stairs or not, but I was starting to moan loudly anyway. When he put himself in I dug my nails into his back. He was sweating and groaning on top of me as he started to move faster. He was always perfect and catered to my needs and wants, but this time I wanted to return the favor. I rolled him over so that I was on top and kissed him just like he had kissed me. I positioned myself on top and grabbed on to my waist as a rode him. “God you’re fucking amazing.” He said. I leaned down so I could kiss him. I started to move faster as I felt myself coming to my climax. Tony rolled over on top and finished, and when he did I followed a little later. We were both sweating and breathing heavily. “I love you.” Tony whispered in my ear.
“I love you too.” I whispered back. Laying their with Tony, I knew that’s where I was supposed to be, but knowing that didn’t stop me from visiting Mike the next day.