Status: It's on like Donkey Kong. :)
Born to Love You
Sad Childhood
Two days have passed, and now I'm back in London with Josef. We just moved into our new flat together and I couldn't be bothered to be ecstatic about it.
Moving in together was not a good thing for both of us. Why? Because this whole engagement was all a sham for me. None of it was real for me. I wasn't in love with my fiancé. I'm in love with my ex-boyfriend who's now reverted himself into my secret lover.
As a law student, I knew a handful of things about arranged marriages and how to get out of them; especially when you're 18 and above. I'm 18, but I don't know how to get myself out of this because I am subjected to do what is right for my country. Marrying Josef is the right thing to do, says my brain... But my heart says something different; it says that running away with Liam is the right thing.
I've contemplated on jumping out the window of our new flat so that I could escape all of this; permanently. But I thought about Liam and how my death will tear him apart even more. He most probably won't grant his promise of moving on if I came to pass. And that was what worried me.
I sighed and moved away from the window; making the feverish flashing of flash bulbs cease from the other side of the street.
Josef entered our bedroom and shut the curtains on all the windows before sitting down next to me on the bed. He ran his hand down my cheek and pressed a kiss to my lips. I halfheartedly responded to the kiss and then slumped back when he broke off.
"Do you really love me, Josef?" I asked quietly as I tilted my head up to the side so that I could look at him.
"Of course I love you, Arie." He answered softly and ran the tip of his index finger down the side of my cheek.
"Josef, I have something to tell you..." I blurted out before I could catch myself. It was now or never. If I didn't tell him now, I would regret not telling him and possibly making things a bit less crowded on my plate.
"It's about Liam, isn't it? I already put the pieces together on the day that we arrived here." He answered quietly. I closed my eyes and let the tears silently fall from them.
"I'm so sorry." I managed to whisper through my onslaught if tears.
"I understand. You love him and there's no chance of you ever stopping. I think we would be better off with our initial plan; just act like we're madly in love." He murmured and wiped my tears away with his fingers.
"I'm so sorry, Josef. I tried... I really did. But I couldn't stop loving him. I'm so sorry." I apologized and felt his warm body lie next to me before wrapping an arm around my waist and nuzzling my cheek with his nose.
"I know you did. And no matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving you. Love is all about giving that special someone just about anything that would make them happy. I can't give you your complete freedom because that's not in my hands, what I can give you, though, is emotional freedom." He whispered and kissed my cheek.
Sobs wracked my body and Josef kissed the corner of my mouth before pulling away. I turned to my side and put my head on his chest before clinging to the soft material of his shirt.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered and started crying even more when I heard him let out a quiet sob as he ran his fingers through my hair. I knew I'd managed to hurt him where it mattered the most... and I wished that I could take his pain away.
***
"I, personally, don't agree to this arranged marriage," Aunty Camilla stated firmly as the two of us sat in one of the tea rooms at Clarence House. "It was a daft idea in the first place."
"I agree, Aunty Camilla. But that still doesn't change the fact that I cheated on Josef with Liam. I feel like such a whore." I admitted quietly before taking a sip of my tea to distract myself from the onslaught of tears that were about to ensue.
"Arabella, whores work in brothels. You are, by no means, a whore." She said softly and reached out to pat my cheek.
"Is there any way out of this?"
She shook her head, "I don't think so. Unless your grandmother has a change of heart and decides to call off the engagement. But, you know how she is."
"She's so old-fashioned. I know. She took care of me when my mum was gone." I stated with a sad smile as my gaze flitted down to the clear, light yellow liquid in my tea cup.
"Have you ever been to Thorpe Park?" She asked sympathetically which made me appreciate her effort to be my confidante during this event in my life.
"I've never been to an amusement park in my entire life. I guess clubs used to serve as my amusement park." I admitted bitterly.
"Not even when you were a child?" She pressed me for information.
"Never in my entire life. I've been to countless places in the world, but I've never been to an amusement park. I had a lonely and sad childhood.
Moving in together was not a good thing for both of us. Why? Because this whole engagement was all a sham for me. None of it was real for me. I wasn't in love with my fiancé. I'm in love with my ex-boyfriend who's now reverted himself into my secret lover.
As a law student, I knew a handful of things about arranged marriages and how to get out of them; especially when you're 18 and above. I'm 18, but I don't know how to get myself out of this because I am subjected to do what is right for my country. Marrying Josef is the right thing to do, says my brain... But my heart says something different; it says that running away with Liam is the right thing.
I've contemplated on jumping out the window of our new flat so that I could escape all of this; permanently. But I thought about Liam and how my death will tear him apart even more. He most probably won't grant his promise of moving on if I came to pass. And that was what worried me.
I sighed and moved away from the window; making the feverish flashing of flash bulbs cease from the other side of the street.
Josef entered our bedroom and shut the curtains on all the windows before sitting down next to me on the bed. He ran his hand down my cheek and pressed a kiss to my lips. I halfheartedly responded to the kiss and then slumped back when he broke off.
"Do you really love me, Josef?" I asked quietly as I tilted my head up to the side so that I could look at him.
"Of course I love you, Arie." He answered softly and ran the tip of his index finger down the side of my cheek.
"Josef, I have something to tell you..." I blurted out before I could catch myself. It was now or never. If I didn't tell him now, I would regret not telling him and possibly making things a bit less crowded on my plate.
"It's about Liam, isn't it? I already put the pieces together on the day that we arrived here." He answered quietly. I closed my eyes and let the tears silently fall from them.
"I'm so sorry." I managed to whisper through my onslaught if tears.
"I understand. You love him and there's no chance of you ever stopping. I think we would be better off with our initial plan; just act like we're madly in love." He murmured and wiped my tears away with his fingers.
"I'm so sorry, Josef. I tried... I really did. But I couldn't stop loving him. I'm so sorry." I apologized and felt his warm body lie next to me before wrapping an arm around my waist and nuzzling my cheek with his nose.
"I know you did. And no matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving you. Love is all about giving that special someone just about anything that would make them happy. I can't give you your complete freedom because that's not in my hands, what I can give you, though, is emotional freedom." He whispered and kissed my cheek.
Sobs wracked my body and Josef kissed the corner of my mouth before pulling away. I turned to my side and put my head on his chest before clinging to the soft material of his shirt.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered and started crying even more when I heard him let out a quiet sob as he ran his fingers through my hair. I knew I'd managed to hurt him where it mattered the most... and I wished that I could take his pain away.
***
"I, personally, don't agree to this arranged marriage," Aunty Camilla stated firmly as the two of us sat in one of the tea rooms at Clarence House. "It was a daft idea in the first place."
"I agree, Aunty Camilla. But that still doesn't change the fact that I cheated on Josef with Liam. I feel like such a whore." I admitted quietly before taking a sip of my tea to distract myself from the onslaught of tears that were about to ensue.
"Arabella, whores work in brothels. You are, by no means, a whore." She said softly and reached out to pat my cheek.
"Is there any way out of this?"
She shook her head, "I don't think so. Unless your grandmother has a change of heart and decides to call off the engagement. But, you know how she is."
"She's so old-fashioned. I know. She took care of me when my mum was gone." I stated with a sad smile as my gaze flitted down to the clear, light yellow liquid in my tea cup.
"Have you ever been to Thorpe Park?" She asked sympathetically which made me appreciate her effort to be my confidante during this event in my life.
"I've never been to an amusement park in my entire life. I guess clubs used to serve as my amusement park." I admitted bitterly.
"Not even when you were a child?" She pressed me for information.
"Never in my entire life. I've been to countless places in the world, but I've never been to an amusement park. I had a lonely and sad childhood.
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay. Thank you so much to those who have helped me fend off those plagiarizers. The copied stories have been taken down and, as a token of my gratitude... As well as to celebrate Liam's 19th birthday, I have updated even though half of my right hand is swollen, painful, and itchy as hell.I think it's because I ate dried fish with fried rice last thursday/friday and I've developed an allergy to it. Now half of my right hand (my thumb and index finger) look hideous as if they were beefed up.
I'll try to update (since I type the chapters on my iPhone) when the swelling goes down. Ugh.
I love you guys and please tell me what you want to happen. Your ideas give me an insight to what should happen. Basically, I'm making this up as I go. :) xx