‹ Prequel: Snowflake
Status: completed
Fool
01.
I never thought my life would turn out this way. When I was a child, I used to think that I'd become a psychologist, or I'd become a famous lawyer and have a shit ton of money. I never thought I'd turn out like this. I never thought I'd be kicked out of school, never thought that I'd waste my days away at college doing something that bored me, and I never thought that I'd be played for a fool so many times.
I never thought that a single person could simply take control of your life, of your feelings and of your actions. I used to think of myself as strong, others think of me as a strong person, but is that really the case? Am I really as strong as others percieve me to be? Because I can tell you one thing, in no way am I strong at all. I put up a facade of strength, I fool you all with my mask, my painted-on face. Underneath the mask, I'm no better than the rest of you. I'm weaker than the majority of you, unless you are all hiding underneath masks of your own, and are just like me, weak.
I didn't think I'd be so weak when it came to you. I've never let a man control my life, my feelings, how I act, or how I thought, until it came to you. And you're totally unaware you're doing it. I feel like a woman obsessed.
And the thing is, you don't want me, because the mask slipped around you.
That night when I cried infront of you, that night that I showed you the part of me that nobody's seen before, and you turned away. You played me for a fool, and for that, I can never forgive you. I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for making me weak.
But in one sense, I love you. I love everything about you, from your smile to your attitude, the way you talk to me, and the way you act. I love the quiet, intimate moments we share, when we're sleeping in the same bed, and the way you hold me close, and when I'm worried you try and distract me. But I hate how complicated you are, and how difficult you are to read. I hate how you hide your feelings from me.
We're getting older and getting on with our lives, we could easily grow apart or we could easily grow closer. Anything could happen. I'll always harbour some feelings for you... but I will never know your feelings unless you tell me.
I never thought that a single person could simply take control of your life, of your feelings and of your actions. I used to think of myself as strong, others think of me as a strong person, but is that really the case? Am I really as strong as others percieve me to be? Because I can tell you one thing, in no way am I strong at all. I put up a facade of strength, I fool you all with my mask, my painted-on face. Underneath the mask, I'm no better than the rest of you. I'm weaker than the majority of you, unless you are all hiding underneath masks of your own, and are just like me, weak.
I didn't think I'd be so weak when it came to you. I've never let a man control my life, my feelings, how I act, or how I thought, until it came to you. And you're totally unaware you're doing it. I feel like a woman obsessed.
And the thing is, you don't want me, because the mask slipped around you.
That night when I cried infront of you, that night that I showed you the part of me that nobody's seen before, and you turned away. You played me for a fool, and for that, I can never forgive you. I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for making me weak.
But in one sense, I love you. I love everything about you, from your smile to your attitude, the way you talk to me, and the way you act. I love the quiet, intimate moments we share, when we're sleeping in the same bed, and the way you hold me close, and when I'm worried you try and distract me. But I hate how complicated you are, and how difficult you are to read. I hate how you hide your feelings from me.
We're getting older and getting on with our lives, we could easily grow apart or we could easily grow closer. Anything could happen. I'll always harbour some feelings for you... but I will never know your feelings unless you tell me.
♠ ♠ ♠
2:10 am drabble, overthinking and stuff.