Something Beautiful.

This is it.

I look in the mirror again, trying to convince myself that I look good. Actually, I think I look pretty sexy if I'm going to be honest. My jeans fit tight in all the right places and my shirt matches my jacket perfectly. It's just the hair. I run my fingers through it again, struggling against the part of myself that wants to run and straighten it really quick. One look at my watch tells me I don't have time though, so I internally cringe. There are so many curls. I have to tell myself over and over that even if I don't like it, Noah likes my curls, and tonight is all about Noah.

I bought everything we'll need, made arrangements for Tiger to stay at Jules, and called the place already to ensure tonight would be okay. We cancelled our tutoring session after school and Noah went home with Nick so he could get ready. I'm supposed to pick him up at 5:30 and it's 5:20 right now. It takes a total of a minute to get to his house, so I have a few extra minutes to spare. I decide to check the garage again, even though I know everything will still be exactly where I left it. Newspaper? Check. Booklet? Check. Best kit I could find in town? Check. I don't know if I've ever looked forward to a date more than I'm looking forward to tonight.

I pull out my phone and text Noah. Don't forget to dress warm, I tell him, but I don't think I have to worry about that. He'll probably be in a hoodie like always. I had to get a little creative when I came up with this date because I knew Noah wouldn't want to be around a crowd, so when I saw the ad in the paper I decided it would be absolutely perfect. A fifteen minute drive out to the place, however long we want to be there, a fifteen minute drive back, and the rest of the evening at my house. Not a lot of pressure, nothing at all to freak out about.

Then again, it wasn't me that was freaking out here. I left that to Nick. To say he didn't like the idea of me taking his little brother out on a date would be an understatement. When I told him I was going to ask Noah out Nick all but hit me at first. He was totally pissed, which made no sense to me. Nick was my best friend for crying out loud!

"No. No way. You're not asking Noah out. You can't do that," he'd replied. I left fourth period early yesterday to catch him before lunch because I wanted to let him know before I actually asked Noah. Nick's eyes narrowed at me and he crossed his arms as he glared at me.

"Why not man? I like him. A lot. I want to ask him on a date," I had said. Nick was being totally unfair about the whole thing. I mean yeah, he had been totally overprotective when Noah and I worked on the French project, but he'd been pretty cool since then so I thought maybe he'd gotten over the whole thing, but apparently not. I mean, Nick's the one who asked me to befriend Noah and then suggested I offer tutoring. If anything, this attraction I feel towards Noah was helped along by Nick.

"The friendship code? No dating a friend's little sister. Everyone knows that." I stared at him blankly for a second, taking in what he just said to me.

"Um Nick, Noah's a boy," I pointed out.

"Whatever! The rule extends to gay little brothers' too!"

"Nick," I had said carefully, trying to pick out the right words. "I'm your best friend. But I also care about Noah, and I promise I won't hurt him. The thing is though, your brother is old enough to make decisions for himself. I wasn't telling you this so I could get your blessing. I was telling you, because, well, I like to tell my friends before I take I do anything in my love life. So I'm telling you this as a friend, not as a guy getting permission. I'm going to ask Noah out for tomorrow even if you don't like it." We stood there for a minute longer while Nick's eyes bore into mine. He didn't seem fully convinced, but he also saw there was no way out.

"Whatever," he had grumbled before he sauntered off. Nick had ignored me for pretty much the rest of the day, but he texted me and apologized for overreacting after I dropped Noah off when we finished our tutoring. He said that Noah was happier than he had seen him since before the move, and that if it made Noah that happy he was okay with it. Sure, he gave me a speech about a not hurting him and threatened me with a swift kick in the balls if I did hurt Noah, but at the end of the day Nick and I were still best friends and Noah had agreed to go on a date with me. I had pretty much been in a perfect mood.

Jules, of course, went crazy. I didn't tell him I was going to ask Noah, but when I got home from dropping Noah off he was laying on my bed. Jules squealed like a little girl when I told him Noah said yes and gave me a bone-crushing bear hug. Even if he was a little pissed I'd be missing the football game he was legitly happy for me, and I was happy too. Heck, this was going to be my first actual date since I was a sophomore!

Jules had been in a great mood all afternoon yesterday. After the whole French class thing he was 100% certain Madison was going to cave soon and he had been dancing around planning dates all day. When I told him my plan he was totally jealous and begged me to wait and make it a double date. The thing was, there was no guarantee we would ever have a double date, and this was a date that had to be done soon. It was almost Halloween, so we only really had this weekend and next weekend to make this date work. In the end, Jules had agreed to take Tiger for the night, buying that I didn't want her in the way.

Now everything is ready. Another look at my watch tells me it's 5:25, so I get in my truck to go pick up Noah. The ride over is short and I pull up to his house at 5:27. Nick opens the door for me and when I get inside their mom smiles at me from the kitchen. That makes me wonder if Noah told his parents. I mean, it's obviously a secret that Noah's gay (not that it will remain a secret much longer, if tonight goes well and there's more dates following. People will pick up soon enough), but Nick knew before Jules let it slip that we were suspicious. Does that mean his parents know too? Shiiiiit, his dad scares me a little. I glance around but don't see him, which is just fine with me. I'm not used to this whole pick up someone for a date thing. I guess I'm the man in this relationship? Scratch that, there isn't a relationship here. Yet. Still though, Noah is obviously more girl-like. In my last relationship that was me, and my boyfriend was the one who was picking me up, getting the scared-shitless speech from my father. This reversal of roles for me is totally different, but I think it could be a good different.

Nick makes small talk with me for a few minutes, talking about the football game he's going to with Jules and their plans for after the game. I hear footsteps on the stairs and Nick tells me to remember what we talked about last night. I smile back at him and give him a friendly hug. I'm not going to hurt Noah. Nick knows that, he's just scared, and quite honestly I don't blame him.

"Be home around midnight!" Noah's mom calls from the kitchen, and both Noah agrees. "You too, Nick. I know Jules isn't going to be here until later, but I want both of you home around midnight, okay?" Nick grumbles an okay to his mom as he gives Noah a quick hug, and we're out the door, Noah hesitantly inching forward in front of me.

When I realize what he's wearing I almost stop dead in my tracks. He has on a loose pair of skinny jeans, vans, and a beanie as usual. The difference in his attire, however, is his jacket. He's not wearing a huge hoodie that covers almost to his knees and completely swallows his small frame. Tonight he has on a zip-up jacket that hits mid-butt and is only a couple inches too long for his arms.

:You're not wearing a hoodie?" I ask him quietly. It might have not been the best thing to slip out of my mouth because he turns to me bright red. Noah raises a hand to cover the lower half of his face, but when he looks at me I smile gently and he slowly lowers his hand.

"I wanted to look nice is all," he grumbles as he climbs into the passenger side of my truck. He picks at his jacket sleeve looking like he's questioning whether or not this was a good idea. The nervousness really sets in as I start to pull out of his driveway. I have so much riding on this night, but already an awkward silence hangs in the air.

"You do look nice," I tell him. "You always look beautiful." Noah stares at me in disbelief and silently shakes his head no. He doesn't believe me, and by the look on his face he's never going to believe me. I wish he could see himself as I'm seeing him right now though. Sunlight is filtering through the window and bathing him in a golden light that just enhances his features. Even though he's small and frail looking and afraid, this moment is picturesque. The sad boy in my passenger seat is someone I know I can make happy, and I've seen that before. There's something in me that wants to see that again today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. Even if it's way too soon to look past tonight, and even though we're walking on needles, I can't help but want to reach over and take one of his small hands in my own. I restrain, though, because he still hasn't answered me, and I know this is a fragile moment.

"Where are we going?" Noah finally asks me, breaking the silence that hand't even been filled with music as per usual.

"That," I reply, "is top secret." I smile at Noah before returning my gaze to the road. We're almost out of Comfort now, about ten minutes left before we get there. Keeping this a secret was part of the master plan. Everything is so much more fun when you don't know what to expect.

"Shane, I don't do surprises. Seriously," he says lowly, and one look at his face tells me he's serious. I falter, trying to decide what to do. I want this to be a secret, I really do, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable.

"Trust me."

Noah looks at me with an odd expression. His mouth barely hangs open and his eyebrows are furrowed as though he's thinking hard about something but also slightly confused. It's like he wants to believe that he can trust me, but trusting me would go against everything he knows to be true. I'm asking him to trust me on one little thing, one little surprise, but Noah's looking at me as though I just asked him to trust me to save the world.

"Okay. I'll trust you, Shane." Noah gives me a small, hesitant smile, and I realize that if it came down it, I would save the world, if only for him. He picks up my ipod and chooses a random song. Ironically, Picturesque by Chase Coy comes on. Noah lightly taps his fingers on his knee like it's nothing, but I look over at him again and smile. This is going to be a good night.

*****

"No way. We're picking pumpkins?!" Noah grins at me excitedly, clutching his cup of cider tightly. The wind is blowing from the north, so it's actually almost cold outside. Noah and I are sitting close together on a square hay bale in a flatbed trailer pulled by a tractor. This place has row after row of pumpkins and there's all different kinds, from white ghost pumpkins to tiny orange miniatures. I had never even heard of this place before, but apparently they've been around for a few years and get a lot of business from local families. There's only five other people here besides Noah and I, a mom and dad with a little boy, and a young dad with his daughter. I'm not sure what they're here to get, but the man on the tractor is just pulling us to the middle of the field. From there we can pick whatever we want, and pay when we leave. Noah and I are looking for pumpkins to carve later and I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited.

"You bet we are! I'm not sure where we're getting dropped off out here, but I was thinking we could pick one each and go back to my place and make some jack-o-lanterns since Halloween is soon. I took Tiger over to Jules house for the night and maybe we could grab a bite to eat on the way back?"Noah's looking at me with a mysterious look on his face and he doesn't reply. for a few moments. In our silence, the little kids are giggling with each other and the parents are talking quietly. After a few more moments of nothing but the laughter of small children Noah speaks quietly.

"Shane, this is the best date idea. Like, ever."

I thank him and smile back fondly, but inside I'm beaming. I came up with this date without help from my mom or Jules. I came up with all of this and Noah loves it. This is perfect.

When we finally get dropped off the two families run after their kids, leaving Noah and I alone by the tractor. After talking to the guy that drove the tractor, we head in the direction of the pumpkins he said are best for carving. The whole time we're walking we make small talk and as always, I feel completely natural around Noah. The conversation between us flows effortlessly, covering everything from favorite food places to least favorite class.

We walk down row after row of pumpkins, but none of them are good enough for Noah. Either the pumpkin is too big or too small or too ugly. I know he's looking for a perfect pumpkin, but I don't really know if one exists. After nearly fifteen minutes Noah smiles at me and points to a good sized pumpkin in front of him. We pick it and I carry it back to the trailer, but when we get there the two families are already ready to leave.

"You boys ready too?" The man asks us. Noah bites his lip and looks at me apologetically, knowing I haven't had time to find one for myself yet. I want to ask for more time, but one look at the small children and the expressions on their parents' faces tells me the kids are going to be completely out of hand if the trailer doesn't start moving really soon. I place a hand on Noah's arm and smile at him to let him know it's okay without having to speak.

"I need one more pumpkin," I tell the man. "It'll just be really quick, I promise." The parents look pretty pissed off, but the man just nods at me so I jog off, leaving Noah sitting on the back of the trailer. The closest row of big orange pumpkins is about 200m away, and when I get there I pick the first pumpkin I lay my hands on before hurrying back and sitting beside Noah with my pumpkin in my lap.

When we start to move I put my pumpkin next to Noah's at our feet. Noah takes one look at my pumpkin and wrinkles his nose. I'll admit, my pumpkin looks terribly out of place next to his. In my rush I picked the possibly most ugly pumpkin on the whole farm. One side is taller than the other, and it's shape is closer to that of a cube than a sphere. The bottom is uneven and every bump we hit causes my pumpkin to tilt back and forth. There's growing scars and wart-looking bumps plaguing one side of it, and if we're going to be quite honest, it's one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. The thing is, at the same time it's going to make a perfect jack-o-lantern.

"What's wrong with it?" Noah asks me, running his hand over the uneven surface of my pumpkin. He seems to be captivated with it's obvious imperfection, but his captivation is a disgusted kind of captivation.

"Nothing," I reply simply and Noah looks at me like I'm high. Of course there's something wrong with the pumpkin. The only thing that's actually right with it is the color, and, and even the orange is slightly lighter than usual.

"Shane, it's so ugly. Why did you pick it?" He's still looking at the imperfections, running his fingers over the scars again and again, picking at the warts with his nails. I watch him for a moment and try to figure out what I was going to say. Why did I pick the pumpkin? It was obvious that it was deformed before I picked it, but I grabbed it anyways. I see the scars and warts in my design of a face, making a perfect face for the jack-o-lantern.

"It's not ugly," I say. I reach over and trace a scar on the face of my pumpkin also and Noah looks up at me. "I mean sure, it has it's problems, but everything does. Who really cares if it has some scars or warts or is uneven? It's a pumpkin just like all the rest, and after we start cutting it up what does it matter how it looked before? The end result is what matters and its going to make a perfect jack-o-lantern." Noah is looking at me thoughtfully again, but before he can respond the tractor stops and it's time for us to get off the trailer. I grab his pumpkin because it's larger and he carries my deformed one. After I pay for the pumpkins we load them into my truck. The night's only just begun.

*****

"You have to be home before midnight, right?" I ask Noah. We're sitting in my garage now, newspapers spread out and our pumpkins in front of us. It's about 9:20 or so right now, and to think I have less than three hours left with him disappoints me. The night really is going great. We didn't actually leave the pumpkin farm until a little after seven, and after eating and watching a little TV there's only two and a half hours left until I have to take him home.

"Mmhm," he replies as he shifts through the pages of the design booklet. Due to my general lack of creativeness I already know I'm just carving a simple face into my pumpkin, but I got the booklet also just in case Noah wanted to be more creative than I am. "Hey, I was just thinking, do you have a small like tupperware bowl I can use? I think it'd be cool to make some roasted pumpkin seeds from what we get out of here."

"Yeah, I'll go grab one. But roasted pumpkin seeds? That just sounds nasty." I like sunflower seeds, but pumpkin seeds? I've seen and smelled the goo that comes out of raw pumpkins, and even though I love pumpkin pie and bread, the thought of the slimy seeds being eaten totally grosses me out.

"I promise they're good Shane," Noah replies. "And if you don't like them you have absolutely no taste in what's good." I'm standing up now but Noah looks up at me seriously before breaking into a smile. "I promise, they're yummy."

I just laugh at his expression and disappear back into my house, looking for a bowl. Over the course of the night I've gotten to see more of Noah, and the more I see the more I like. The thing is, I can't ask for him to be my boyfriend - not yet. After the pumpkin field I drove us to a bigger town another ten minutes on the other side of the farm we went to so we could go to dinner someplace other than the 24hr diner here in Comfort.

We ended up at a Chinese place where I learned Noah loves orange chicken, but will only eat fried rice without peas but with extra carrots. He also loves fortune cookies, and is totally a sucker for believing the fortune word by word. Our waiter was hilarious, the food was great, and all in all dinner was great. There was a little mishap when I tried to hold his hand, but the fact that we're still laughing and having a good time gives me hope. He's just not ready for that yet.

While we were waiting on our food we were talking about Jules and Madison and his hand had just been laying on the table. I wanted so badly to find out if his skin was as soft as it looked, so I reached out and placed my hand over his. As soon as I touched his hand he stopped mid-sentence and looked at me with a panicked look in his eyes. He slowly pulled his hand away, placing both in his lap and lowering his head to look at the pattern on the table. I had opened my mouth to apologize, but I was at a loss of words. Luckily, our waiter reappeared with our food and within a few minutes the flow of conversation was back on track.

For those few moments I was at a loss of words I was scared, and even looking back on the incident now I'm still scared. I don't understand how, but Noah has so much control of me already. In that silence my heart was breaking because I was envisioning me losing everything I've already begun to hope for. Even though everything's going good again right now I'm still scared, because I'm still walking on hot coals with Noah. I only just found this boy but he already means so much to me. I don't let myself fall for people very often, so when I do, I fall hard, and honestly, every second of being happy and enjoying this comes with a fraction of that second afraid of everything slipping away before I can even really have it.

I shake my head to rid myself of these thoughts and jog back through my house to the garage with the bowl Noah asked for. When I open the door quietly he doesn't hear me, and I get a chance to see him unguarded. He's singing under his breath as he looks through the booklet but he's doing it so quietly I can't even make out the words. Even without the words I can tell its just as beautiful as that day when he sang in the shower, and my heart melts again.

"Here's your bowl," I say, making him jump. He must know I heard him sing because he glares at me lightly before taking the bowl and looking back at the booklet, humming now. I laugh at him and pull out my phone to put some music on before starting on my own pumpkin.

"No!" Noah cries disappointedly, and when I look up at him he's holding a few seeds in the palm of a hand that look especially slimy. They make me want to throw up, and I don't see how anyone could stand to actually eat them. "Look," he urges, holding them out to me. "They're all spoiled! I can't make pumpkin seeds anymore." I want to shy away from them and the thought of eating them, but Noah looks so heart broken that I reach into the bucket holding the part of my pumpkin I've already taken out of the shell and grab a few seeds. The ones from my pumpkin aren't near as slimy as his and the color looks a lot healthier.

"Would these do?" I ask him. Noah takes the seeds from my hand, carefully examining them before admitting that yes, they'd be perfect. He drops them into the bowl I brought him. He returns to pulling the goo out of his pumpkin and I start sifting through mine to save the seeds, even if I am disgusted by it. "See?" I ask him. "There's a reason I picked this pumpkin. Even if it isn't perfect on the outside its exactly what we need on the inside."

"Whatever," Noah scoffs. "Quit trying to make yourself look good and just admit it was the first one you laid your hands on." I feel myself blush a little and Noah laughs as he continues to clean out his pumpkin.

In the end Noah carves out an elaborate spooky mansion in the same amount of time it takes me to carve two eyes, a nose, and a mouth in my pumpkin. Looking at the two jack-o-lanterns you can totally tell who's the artist. His looks professional but I'm pretty sure my six-year-old neighbor could carve one better than mine. Noah points that out, but I just stick my tongue out at him, causing him to roll his eyes and say I'm about as mature as my neighbor too.

"That's what makes me so much fun to be around!" I say, causing him to laugh again. "Come on though, we've got less than an hour until you have to be home, and you've yet to prove me wrong about the pumpkin seeds.

The pumpkin seeds take about 20 min to make and by the time they're done it's 11:35, so we let them cool and throw them in a bag. After we load up his jack-o-lantern I take him home, driving slowly the whole way so I don't have to say goodbye just yet.

When we pull into his house I see Jules's car in the driveway and Noah groans. "They're probably still up and are going to tease me like crazy."

"I'm sorry Noah," I say with a chuckle. He's so right, and knowing Jules, he'll ask a million questions too. I turn my truck off and wipe my hands on my jeans. I hadn't noticed until just now that they were sweating, but I'm nervous. I don't know how to say goodbye to Noah. It's obvious this night isn't going to end in a good-bye kiss, but I don't know how to end it.

"Could you... stay a while?" He looks down at his hands and bites his lip nervously, unsure of my response. The fact that he's worried if I want to spend more time with him seems totally weird to me, but then again I know how insecure he is.

"Of course I will," I tell him and his face instantly lights up. Noah texts his mom to tell her he's home but sitting on the porch, and I carry his jack-o-lantern to the steps while he carries the pumpkin seeds. When we get to his porch Noah takes a seat on the swing hanging from the ceiling of the covered porch and I follow him even if it's pretty cold outside. When I sit down he pulls his feet up under him and hesitantly snuggles up to my side. The seeds are still warm when he opens the bag, and surprisingly they're pretty good. I gently rock us back and forth and we sit there eating the pumpkin seeds and talking, the only light coming from the full moon and stars that are in the sky.

How long we sit there I'm not sure, but the door suddenly flies open and Nick storms outside, Jules right behind him. When Nick sees us he stops in his tracks, surprise all over his face. Jules 'Awwww's and Nick is planted to his spot, still not comprehending the scene in front of him.

"See," Jules says. "I told you Noah was okay and that he probably told your mom where he was if he wasn't already home. Come on bro, Shane's your best friend. He's not gonna hurt your brother." Jules smiles and comes over to the swing, plopping down beside me and taking some seeds from the nearly-empty baggie in my lap.

"But... you... I mean..." Nick splutters, looking from Noah to me and back again. "It's after one! How long have you been sitting here?"

"Damn, its one?" I ask, to which Jules and Nick both nod. "We've been here since about 11:50 or so." Nick sighs and sits on the porch, leaning against at column that holds up the roof before apologizing for overreacting when he woke up, looked at the clock, and realized Noah wasn't home yet.

"You always overreact, Nick," Noah tells him, causing all of us to laugh.

"It's cold out here," Jules whines after a few minutes of silence that is only pierced by the gently rocking of the swing. "Can't we go play video games?" We all look at each other and shrug before getting up and quietly heading upstairs so we don't wake Nick and Noah's parents.

I'm thinking again about how worried I was less than two hours ago about how to end this date. Now that we're heading to play video games, I'm not sure where the date ends and guy time begins, but I know video games at one in the morning are sure to end in all of us passing out in their game room sometime later this morning.

The thing is, I don't want to think about where that line is drawn, because I'm too busy thinking about the past few hours I've been with Noah. Today was the best date I've ever been on.