Something Beautiful.

Waking up the next morning with a cramp in my neck isn't exactly promising a wonderful day. If you know what I mean. However as soon as I am aware of my own consciousness, I remember yesterday, and can't help but smile to myself.

Saying the date we perfect would be an understatement. It was so wonderful, although I feel as if everyone says that about their first date. I am being for real, though! I guarantee no one else has carved pumpkins on their first date with a boy who looked so drop-dead gorgeous it isn't funny. He was so beautiful last night, no joke. His jeans fit perfectly and his jacket let a little bit to the imagination; plus his curls were every where and I had to refrain myself from reaching over to run my fingers through them.

I will admit I sort of regret not letting him hold my hand. It's just I was taken by surprise, and we were out in public, and I'm not really out to everyone yet so it frightened me. Plus those terrible thoughts of he could hurt you were showing up right around then and it's difficult to make them go away. I wish they would; I wish I could be normal for once, so that Shane and I could have a normal relationship, not this fucked-up one where he has to watch every move he makes because I could explode if he did the wrong thing.

Although we aren't in a relationship or anything...

I'm hoping that since I laid my head on his shoulder on the porch swing, it made up for it. He didn't say anything, although I was nervous making the move because I wasn't sure if he even wanted me to snuggle up to him. Why would he? I'm not attractive and I probably smelled like rotten pumpkin. He didn't complain though, he just sat there with his hands in his lap, ocassionally moving to rest the side of his head against the top of my own.

It was a sweet moment, before my brother came and ruined it all. This over-protectiveness from him is seriously beginning to get on my nerves. If he keeps it up, I'm bound to bust-a-cap, I swear. At least Jules was cool. We came upstairs into the game room, played some ping-pong, then just threw the balls at each other and wacked them around like idiots, before settling down to play some video-games.

I was so tired I didn't make it very far into the games, and Shane fell asleep before I did. So it wasn't really a surprise to me when I was the first to wake up.

Like I said earlier, there was a cramp in my neck. A painful one, right on the left side. It felt as if something was digging into my neck; my body was on its side as I faced the open expanse of the room. Blinking back drowsiness, I moan quietly and try to stretch my neck, one of my fists coming to rub harshly at my eye.

When I've finally cleared all the sleep away, I realize I'm laying on the ground, which is probably why my lower back hurts a little too. The biggest thing, however, is that I realize I didn't have actual pillow. No. Shane's forearm was acting as my pillow.

I sit up fast; a little too fast, considering my head spins for a few seconds. After calming myself down I realize Shane's left arm is extended straight out, his palm pressed flat against the floor. He's on his back, still sound asleep. He had the pillow I put under his head last night, and the blanket around his hips, still in his t-shirt- which was now rumbled -and jeans, his big toe hanging out of a hole in his sock. I blush deeply because obviously we were sleeping close together. If I was close enough to use his arm as a pillow, then I bet his side was touching my back all night long. How had I not noticed? Maybe I was just that tired.

My hand reaches out to grab my cellphone, which was laying on the ground near my hips, and looking at the time I note it's eleven-thirty. I bet Dad's already left for work and Mom is in her study, not wanting to come check up on us in fear we were sleeping naked or something. I never sleep naked, but apparently Nick has before. The thought makes me giggle as my eyes seek out my brother.

Suddenly, a hand presses to my mouth as I try to surpress giggles. Nick lays between Shane and Jules, a controller laying by his torso. What's funny, however, is that my big brother is laying on his left side, facing us, and Jules is spooned up behind him!

Spooned, as in, Jules's arms were wrapped around Nick's waist, his head against the back of his neck, and their bodies flush against each other. Honestly, Nick didn't seem to mind it. He was sleeping rather peacefully with Jules's gangly limbs surrounding him.

I decide this is to great to not share, so I reach over and poke Shane in the stomach. I see his eyes flutter but he doesn't wake up, so I bite my lip and shake his shoulder a little harder. His eyes flutter again, but this time they open as his hazy gaze looks up at the ceiling. I wait for him to wake up fully, wait for him to say something as he blinks a few times and then groans lowly in his throat. I feel my cheeks flush as his hazel eyes finally look over at me and he smiles weakly, cheeks a soft pink.

"You okay?" He asks, voice raspy and I'll be damned if it wasn't the sexiest voice I've ever heard. I force the thoughts out of my head, I mean, hello, we only just went on a date yesterday and I doubt he wants to go on another anyway! I nod but don't say anything as he finally moves his left arm, a look of pain crossing his face as his hand cups around his elbow. He whines in a playful manner and says, "Ow, my forearm is cramping up!"

Blushing bright red and adverting my gaze, I shrug my shoulders. No way am I telling him I fell asleep on his arm, that's why it's sore! How embarrassing would that be? He's already seen me at my ten most embarrassing moments ever, he doesn't need to see more. I swear he has like a sixth sense for that or something. It's like, oh, you're teetering on the edge right now, aren't you? Let me watch you fall. Or something like that. Not in a cruel way or anything I just mean that's where he always manages to be.

"Why'd you wake me?" Shane chuckles, rubbing at his cheeks as his voice starts the come back. It's good because I wasn't sure how much more of the sexy-voice I could take.

"Oh," I smile, moving my hands from my cheeks as I giggle. Shane quirks a brow at me and I motion over towards my brother. "Look."

Shane widdens his eyes and looks over, before sitting up and gasping in silent laughter as he sees exactly how his best friends are sleeping. His shoulders shake as his chest rumbles in his quiet laughter, a hand over his mouth in hopes to keep himself silent. I start laughing too as he reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out his iPhone, snapping a picture of the two. I blush and grin evilly as he wiggles his brow.

"That's hilarious," he says, talking about the two who are still snuggled close together. I giggle and nod, agreeing that they are pretty funny. Shane tilts his head as he looks at them before saying, "They are sort of cute together."

I snort, causing Shane to look at me with wide eyes. I just shake my head and clarify, "Like Nick would ever be gay."

Shane chuckles, nodding his head. He looks thoughtful for a few moments before, "It'd be weird having two gay brothers in the same family."

I blush and my smile falters some. Shane must notice because he frowns lightly, cocking his head to the side in question. I just shrug lightly, looking at the floor and picking at some lose thread in the carpet. I say quietly, softly, "I guess so."

I don't look at Shane, but I can imagine him smiling sadly at me. I have no doubt he's reading my mood; he's amazing at that and not just with me. He is good with people in general, can read them like an open book. He's an expert and when he gets older, he should definitely be a therapist or something of the sort. I like that about him, if I'm being honest. I like Shane being able to read me, even though it makes me feel vulnerable and scared.

"Have you come out, officially?" He asks me gently, voice oozing comfort. He glances at my brother and his best friend, checking that they're asleep. When he for sure knows they are, he looks back at me, leaning back on his arms and staring straight into my eyes.

I hesitate before shaking my head, still staring at the ground. "No. I mean, Nick knows. And Madison. And I guess... You and Jules."

Shane nods, reaching over and resting his hand on my bicep. I blush, my gaze moving from the floor to his fingers, his nails cut short and clean. His finger are long and kind of bony, but graceful nonetheless. I feel like such an idiot thinking about his fingers in this way but it helps distract me some from the serious conversation. There's another thing Shane and I always seem to be doing.

"I know it's hard to come out," Shane says softly, his thumb slowly stroaking my bicep through the jacket I still wore. "Nick will always be here for you, y'know."

"Yeah, I know," I say, a smile playing on my lips. I muster up about as much courage as I possibly can and lift my left hand. It shakes some but I focus on stopping it as I speak. "I guess I've never really had a reason to come out." I set my hand over the top of Shane's. His hand is larger than mine, much larger if we're being honest here. I can feel Shane's surprised glance but I don't look at him as I move his hand from my bicep and hold it, surrounding his palm with both my own. I hold it just over my knee and bite my lip to the point of pain. "Maybe now I do."

"I take it you enjoyed the date," Shane muses, and I peak up at him through my fringe. He's nearly beaming, showing off his white teeth and his gorgeous hazel eyes. He squeezes my hand gently and I nod my head, looking down at our hands. It's weird, I mean, I'm holding his hand. Sort of, I mean. Not really but really, I am. "Would you like to go on another sometime soon?"

I blush brightly, taking a few seconds to take a couple breaths before nodding my head. I half expect him to start telling me all his plans and asking when I'm available, but instead he just widdens his smile and grips my hand tighter. After a few moments of silence, in which I try to rain in my embarrassment and grow some balls so I can look at him, I finally look up.

I get the first real glance of Shane I've had all morning. His eyes are still a bit sleepy, letting me know he is still tired because we had such a late night. His shirt is wrinkled and worn, and one of his eyebrows is going crazy, the hairs pointing straight up. I must say, however, that Shane in the morning is adorable. His curly hair is even more curly; tight ringlets around his temple and flipped-up curls at the nape of his neck. There's several on the top of his head standing up and he looks almost like he has an afro, and I wonder why he hasn't cut it all off if he hates it so much, but then again, I can't fathom why he hates his hair. It's the cutest thing about him. Those dark curls drive me insane.

I smile lightly as Shane looks at me curiously. "I like your hair," I say soflty.

Shane groans, reaching up to run a hand over the top of his head. He says with his eyes closed, "Oh gosh. What's it look like? An afro?"

I giggle loudly, feeling my nose scrunch up in the process and wishing I didn't have such a baby face. "Something like that." Shane just chuckles and shakes his head, saying under his breath that he doesn't know how I think his hair is cute like this, but I ignore him. He wouldn't understand even if I explained it to him.

"Whathafuuu."

Shane and I both pull apart our hands at the noise, my cheeks pinking as I watch my brother come to slowly. His eyelashes are sticking together and his cheeks are flushed, his mouth in a painful frown. Nick's words are slurred together as he reaches up to scrub at his eyes, groaning as he hasn't woken up completely yet.

Shane and I are both on edge, waiting for him to realize the position him and Jules are in. Knowing my brother, it's going to be hilarious.

"Muh neck is killin' meh," Nick mumbles, reaching around to rub at the back of his neck, but in the process he manages to poke Jules right in the face. I snicker and Shane puts a hand over his mouth as realization dawns on my brother's face. He looks down, seeing Jules's arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and then looks horrified before he flips shit. "Holy fuck Fries!" He practically screams, higher pitched than I would have gauged. He struggles in the ginger's arms, who groans as he obviously doesn't want to be woken up. I notice Nick woke up pretty fast when he realized the compromising situtation he was in with his new best friend. "GET OFF ME!"

He finally manages to free himself from the French man's arms, who looks lonely and sad as he lays still, one eye opened and the other half-mast. I don't think Jules's is a morning person in all honesty.

I finally splutter out my laughs, watching as Shane completely doubles over in his fit of hysteria, practically cackling. Just watching him laugh so hard makes me laugh harder. Nick glares at us, cheeks so bright red I swear he is going to die from so much blood being in one place. Wow, that could be taken perverted. That thought also makes me laugh harder.

"What's going on?" Jules mumbles, his French accent so prounced in his tired state that I can barely understand him. "Why am I suddenly so cold?"

That only makes us laugh harder. Let's just say, my brother's face and Jules's confusion could have been the best part of my morning; aside from everything Shane related of course.
~

"So do you know when the second date will be?" Madison asks me over the phone later that evening. I'm laying on my bed, hours after Jules and Shane left. Shane with a hug, a lingering hug that Nick broke apart with an awkward cough. Shane simply said he'd text me and he did, like, five minutes later. It made butterflies errupt in my stomach. I was in such disbelief. There was no way Shane could geniunely like me. He's virtually perfect and I'm so not. It's insane. But I know Shane would never play with someone's feelings, so this has to be real. Besides, I'm not going to complain about a cute boy texting me.

"No," I sigh, staring up at the ceiling as I play with a strand of my hair. It's getting sort of long, but I like it. Even if it is straw-textured. I feel like such a girl, but I reason with myself that I am a stereotypical gay boy, so it's okay.

I called Madison up because I couldn't talk to Nick about the date. He would listen for my sake, I'm sure, but I knew he wouldn't enjoy it. He'd probably feel awkward. I know he supports me and all, but I doubt he'd feel comfortable hearing me gush about another guy. I'm positive that's why gay guys are such good friends with girls, more so than boys. You can't gush about a guy with another straight guy, who would rather talk about pussy and sex and penis in pussy. (Excuse my vulgarity, ladies. Just using the correct lingo.) However, girls love gushing about guys, and love, and how romantic the date was, and how nice he had been, and all the emotional aspects of a relationship rather than the physical. Madison was a perfect best friend.

"I'm so happy for you Noah," she says and I can hear the smile in her voice.

I smile to myself, beaming as I giggle softly, biting my lip. "Thanks. I just can't believe he asked me on a date in the first place."

"Noah," she scolds, but I can hear the playfull tone in her voice. "We've already been over this. You're great, plus you're super cute. Shane would be stupid not to ask you on one!"

"Yeah yeah," I sigh, not believing her for a minute. As I sit there, one of my hands reach towards the hem of my shirt before slowly pushing it up. With a gentle sigh, my fingers find the self-inflicted scars. I pick at them gently, scratching, as if I want to re-open them. I don't want to, not really. I'm better than I was before, it's just that more times often than not, the temptation is there. Slowly my fingers skim over my belly-button and happy trail before they meet with the nasty scars, the uncleanly ones that are a mass of ripped flesh. My eyes slip closed as I let out a short breath, knowing Madison is waiting for me to talk.

"Did I tell you about Shane's pumpkin?" I ask, though I already know the answer. She tells me no so I take a deep breath and prepare to explain.

Shane's pumpkin was hideous. In all honesty, he couldn't have picked an uglier pumpkin. On one side it was scarred and had warts and it's appearence was so terrible that I could see a few children sneer at it. I'd reached out to touch it, wondering what on earth possessed him to pick something so ugly, but he told me who cares if it has some scars or warts or is uneven?

Who cares?

I care.

How can he take something like me out on a date? All my physical flaws. Isn't physical beauty what attracts you to a person in the first place? Think about it. You don't just see a person's personality; you have to get to know them before you see that. Yet something attracts you to them in the first place, something makes you want to get to know them, and you know what that is? It's physical beauty. Something in their physical features draws you in and that's how relationships start. No matter how many times people tell you it's not about looks and all about personality, they're lying. You have to be attracted before anything else can happen, regardless if that person is a sinner or saint. How could he be attracted to me when I'm every meaning of the word hideous?

Shane called me beautiful and I looked at him like he was crazy. Crazy and blind. I'm not beauitful, or pretty, or nice looking, or anything of the sort.

I'm a sick, scarred human being, that's what I am.

And after we start cutting it up what does it matter how it looked before? I tried it once. Evening out my ugly with self-inflicted wounds. Trying to match my left side to my right side, because a dog sunk its teeth into my flesh and ripped me apart so that I was uneven. I cut because I convinced myself that if I made both sides of my body ugly, that together they'd somehow be beauty. It didn't exactly work anyway, Nick stopped me before any progress could be made.

Progress, or damage?

Who am I kididng. I was damaged already.

"That's so sweet," Madison sighs dreamily. I left out all the bits about me personally; obviously no one in this town knows about my scars and I plan on keeping it that way. Even from my best friend; and especially from Shane. "It's sweet and kind of romantic. Ugh, Shane is like, the perfect boyfriend. Why are all the good ones gay?"

I chuckle lightly, shaking my head. "He's not my boyfriend," I say, and I guess it's funny, because Madison laughs pretty hard at that. I blush, my finger twitching. My nail catches one of my scars and tugs painfully and I can feel the raised skin rip. A hiss leaves my lips and I flinch at the sting, Madison instantly asking if I'm okay. I mumble, "I'm fine, just accidently scratched myself. I need to clip my nails."

"Whatever," she chuckles and I smile to myself. I sit up, looking down and noticing a few beads of blood are pooling to the surface of my scratched skin.

I can feel my cheeks whiten as I say softly, "I've gotta go, I made myself bleed." Madison says bye and that she'll see me Monday and then hangs up.

I stare down as a bead of blood finally oozes out of the surface of the scar, falling down and sticking to a scar below him, staining my skin a deep red. I blink lightly; I forgot what it looks like to see my scars bleed. It's been so long. So very long...

"Noah," comes Nick's voice from the other side of the door. I jump, yanking my shirt down and feeling some of the blood stick to the inside of it. Nick doesn't come in but instead yells, "Dinner's ready, come downstairs." He walks away after that and I'm grateful he probably thinks I was still talking to Madison and didn't want to bother me.

I stand up, lifting my shirt again to see that the bleeding stopped at two small beads; it's not like I hacked at it with a knife. It was just my finger nail and a small nick, thankfully, or else Nick would accuse me of something I haven't done in months and don't plan on doing ever again.

Taking a deep breath, I head downstairs. Dad is on one side of the table by Mom; they're being their usual, lovey-dovey selves. I think it's adorable that after all these years they still love each other so much they show it practically every second of every day. Don't get me wrong, they fight, and sometimes it's seirous. But they always cool down and hug it out, sometimes hugging it out with Nick and I. If there's such thing as soul mates, it's my parents. I have no doubt in my mind they were made for each other; that, or they really are in love that much. I want it one day, I do, but at the same time I'm scared of it. Scared of it and I sure as hell don't trust it.

I sit beside Nick, smiling as I see we're eating some chicken-cassarole. I get myself a spoonful and hold hands with my dad and brother as we say grace before we dig in. Dad eats like a fucking animal, I swear, inhaling his food as if he hasn't tasted chicken in his whole life. That's my dad though, and I love him to death.

I love all of my family to death, in all honesty. Where would I be without them? After everything that happened in December, not only did they pay for home-school, but they moved because I could no longer stay in the city. Dad left his job, Mom left her friends, and my brother left his vasity-basketball team. Granted, he was going to make the team here and would probably be a starter, he was that good, but still. It was his senior year and he left behind all of his friends because of me.

Because they love me, and when you love someone, you make sacrifices for them.

You tell them the truth.

I'm half-way through my second helping, my mom still on her first, Nick finishing up his second, and Dad starting on his third, when I take a deep breath. We don't usually speak during dinner time, but someone is typically talking about their day or whatever else they want to. Mom says this is essisental to having a good childhood; eating with your parents and creating a close-knit family. I know what she means because I don't know where I'd be without them here.

"I need to say something."

Everyone stops eating. Dad looks curious, Mom concerned, and I can't read Nick's expression. They all seem surprised though, which is understandable. While I'm not a mute at the dinner table, I usually don't engage in conversation because I'm shy. A year ago, I was a chatty-kathy and now I'm this. It's sad to think about so I remove the past from my thoughts and focus on the present. I swallow loudly, and everyone can hear me because it's so damn quiet. Nick reaches over and sets his hand on my forearm, shooting me a cautious glance. Maybe he knows what I'm about to do.

"Is everything okay, son?" Dad asks, reaching across the table to put his hand over mine. I smile at him through my fringe, reaching a hand up to cover my left cheek as I blush lightly. We're an affectionate family, that's for sure. Affectionate and caring.

"Everything's great," I say, smiling reassuringly. I resist the urge to cover my face and tell myself this is my family. I shouldn't try to hide from them. "I'm so happy we moved out here," I say for good meassure, glancing at my mom who has tears in her eyes. She's always emotional; maybe it's because there's so much testosterone and less estrogen in this family, obviously. "It's so much better than the city."

"I'm glad you're happy, Noah," Dad beams, showing off his teeth. Smiling like that he looks so much like Nick. I smile back timidly before looking down. Dad chuckles lightly. "That's not all you have to say, is it?" He muses.

I shake my head, taking another deep breath before cringing slightly. I clear my throat as everyone patiently waits. "I need to tell you guys something actually. I've been... holding off for awhile I guess, and I think you should know now. I mean, I've always just been scared. Still am, really, and I don't really want you guys to hate me or-"

"Baby," Mom interupts me, smiling gently. I bite the inside of my cheek as she giggles, reaching over to lace her hand with Dad's and smile at him. "Stop rambling and just tell us. We could never hate you under any circumstance sweetheart."

I nod, looking to Nick who smiles encouragingly. He definitely knows what I'm going to say now. I take a few deep breaths, staring at my plate of food.

"I'll just come right out and say it." Internally I laugh at my choice of words. Get it? Come out? I think I'm trying to stall... "I'm gay."

At first, no one says anything. I can feel my parents staring at me, but I don't look up. Nick's hand covers mine and he squeezes tightly, causing me to bite my lip in the silence. I start fidgetting some as no one says anything before Dad lets out a big puff of air. I look up through my fringe in fear, to find him smiling fondly.

"Noah," he says, looking at me until I fully make eye-contact. Once he has my gaze he smiles. "The only thing I care about is your happiness. You're still young, but you're mature. If another boy is what's going to make you happy, then I am happy you're happy."

"Really?" I breathe, and suddenly the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders. I can see Mom smile and my eyes look over to her, my eyes suddenly stinging though I can't let myself cry in front of them.

"Baby," Mom says, reaching over to take one of my hands in both of hers. "We'll always love and support you no matter what you chose in life. I'm just glad you had the strength to tell us." She smiles as I sniff, chuckling and shaking my head because I'm a little emotional right now. Dad smiles but it's a little uncomfortable; for the most part my dad is kind of feminine so I'm sure it's just because he knows I'm uncomfortable. Mom takes a glance at Nick, a slow smirk falling on her lips as she pulls away from me. "You already knew, didn't you?"

Nick chuckles but nods, reaching over to shove at my shoulder lightly. I smile at him as my cheeks redden. "Not for to long. I didn't expect him to come out tonight though."

"I'm glad you two are close," Dad says, nodding as he picks his fork back up and takes a bite. "In the end your family is all you have. I wish my brother were still here constantly."

Everyone frowns thoughtfully, and Mom reaches out to wrap an arm around Dad's shoulder and kiss his temple. Dad and his brother were always super close growing up. Nick and I weren't that close growing up, though he'd beat anyone up who made fun of me, and we were each others first best friends. Ever since the accident though we've been inseperable; I love my big brother, he's my hero. My dad's little brother died three years ago. He was in Iraq and died serving his country, which my father is proud and honored to tell people, but I know he misses him immensely. He's also close to his older sister, who comes around all the time with her kids, my two cousins. Jason who graduated two years ago, and Linzy who is a year younger than me. I've definitely grown up on the thought that a family is stronger together.

Which makes me happy; it's probably the main reason my parents so easily have accepted my sexuality.

After dinner, after Mom and Dad hug me tightly and reassure me that they love me, and Nick tells me how proud he is, I escape to my room. It's only eight-thirty, and I bite my lip as I grab my phone off the bedside table. There's a text from Madison, asking how my scratch is, which I imagine is her teasing, and a missed text from Shane, who simply asked me what was up.

I bite my lip as I look at his message for a few moments, remembering our earlier conversation. Although it's completely out of character, which seems to be happening a lot lately, I did hold Shane's hand this morning, I click the send button and press the phone to my ear. As the dial tone rings, I close my eyes and stand by the edge of the bed, my heart-rate picking up to an unhealthy speed. I think I'm going to throw up, too.

"Noah?" Shane questions as soon as he answers, and there's a surprised tone to his voice.

I bite my lip, regretting calling for a moment. He probably didn't want to actually talk on the phone, I'm sure he'd rather text. "H-Hey," I say, my voice a whisper as I lay back on my bed, resting my head against the pillows. I can feel my face warm.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He jokes and I can't help but giggle nervously. He's a charmer, isn't he?

"Nothing," I whisper, biting my lip. I called him for a reason; because telling him this over the phone was much easier than texting it, but I was to scared that I was annoying him. I'm always afraid I'm annoying him with my shy and awkward mannerism.

"Oh come on," Shane chuckles, and I can hear some rustling on the other end of the call before it goes quiet. "Don't go shy on me. What's up?"

I hesitate, wondering how to word this, before deciding it'd be best to just flat-out say it. "I came out to my parents."

Silence. Then, "How'd it go? Are you okay?"

"I'm great," I chuckle, rubbing at my eyes as I feel like crying again. Not out of sadness, but happiness. There's no way this is my life. My luck isn't this good. Something is going to get fucked up somewhere pretty soon, I just know it is. "It went great. Dad told me he only wanted me to be happy and I got hugs and I love yous. It went perfect."

"Noah, I'm so happy for you," Shane says. I can hear the smile in his voice and don't doubt his sencerity. "I'm proud too. It's tough coming out. I knew they'd be okay; you're parents are to cool not to be okay with it."

"They are not cool," I say sternly, and Shane chuckles at me. "It was pretty tough," I admit. "I think Nick being there helped."

"You're lucky," Shane says softly. "I'm an only child and was in it all alone."

I bite my lip. "We should swap coming-out stories sometime." I joke.

Shane doesn't say anything. I pull the phone away from my ear to check he is still there, and he is. As soon as I bring it back to my face, however, he speaks. "Maybe."

There's something off about Shane's voice. I've never heard him talk like this before. It's off, like he doesn't like the subject we're on. As if he was reluctant to tell me his story, which he doesn't have to tell me. I've heard terribly sad stories about coming out, maybe his was one of them. Tell me I'm reading into this to far, but it sounds like Shane has a secret. I know what it's like to have one myself, so I know what it's like when other people have them too.

What could it possibly be though?

I'll never ask because I don't want him asking me mine. I understand privacy. So instead of commenting on his tone, I think of a different subject and mention something about it.

There's no telling how long we talk. All I do know is that I'm falling for Shane hard. And you know what? I don't really mind. Which is surprising and scary all at the same time.