Something Beautiful.

I lay in bed, still fully clothed. I even have my shoes on, but I could care less. I stare at the wall beside my bed, curled up in a ball almost. I can't keep the smile off my face as I think about Shane. It's all I've been thinking about since he asked me to be his boyfriend, if you want me to be honest. I certainly don't mind him being in my thoughts, that's for sure.

It was only eight-thirty at night, but I was kind of tired. I'd seen watching movies with Shane all afternoon, holding his hand or leaning into his side. I've never had a boyfriend before, but it definitely felt natural. Being with Shane felt natural to me. It felt real and I liked it, a lot. I liked him a lot.

I especially liked kissing him. He wasn't the first boy I've ever kissed, I've kissed one other, but he was a lot better than that boy was. Plus I had more feelings for him so that counted as something.

It blew my mind that he wanted to be with me. It makes zero sense, you know? He is virtually perfect and I am virtually flawed. If that makes any sense. I know that right now, he's blinded by the utopia of every new relationship, but I know that as soon as he sees the scars I've got hidden beneath my shirt, he'll run for the woods. Now don't think I'm going to show them to him, because I won't. I'll ride this out for as long as I possibly can, but when the inevitable happens, he'll leave and I'll be left as a heart broken boy wondering if it's ever going to get better.

How depressing can I get, I mean, honestly? Geesh, I'm even starting to annoy myself.

I rub my eyes and make the thoughts of the future go away. Forget that he will run one day, all that matters is today, he didn't. My low self-esteem isn't going to get in the way of my happy thoughts. Not right now, anyway. My depressed thoughts can go on vaca for a bit.

I roll onto my back when my phone goes off; it's sitting on my bedside table. Stretching my arm as far as it will go, I grab and it bring it back to me, curling up on my side once more. On my lock screen it says I have one new message from Shane, and my heart does a little stutter as butterflies attack my gut when I see it. Unlocking the screen, I pull my messages up and instantly blush.

Can I walk you to class tomorrow by any chance? (: it says, and I almost giggle like a woman at how corny and cheesey and generally amazing Shane is.

Biting my lip, I quickly send my reply. Maybe, it depends...

It only takes him a minute to text back and the fact that he has his phone in his hand right now, awaiting for my reply, makes me a bit giddy. He says, On what exactly? ;)

I think of what to say. Should I be really corny? Or should I be flirty? What does he want me to reply with? I mean, he put that winky face so I'm wondering what he's thinking. What did I even mean? Because I don't have any clue. Texting boys is a hassel, but it's a hassal I can't get enough of. Especially if it's my boy.

Oh, god, that was a super corny thought. Look what Shane's doing to me.

In the end, I stick with the more serious and demanding response. The one I am actually interested in his opinion to. I'm not offically out.

This time, it takes him a little longer to reply, and I shake my leg in nervous anticipation. I watch my screen, the three dots indictating he is typing, but he's been typing for awhile now. I'm a really impatient person, Shane should learn this and live by it while we're in a relationship.

I don't want to be a secret. He says. I bite down harshly on my lip. I hadn't meant it like that. I just meant I hadn't actually told anyone I was gay. I only just came out to my parents! What was I supposed to do? Facebook it? I don't even have a Facebook; at least not one I get on anymore.

I get another text before I have a chance to reply that says, I can't be a secret, Nos.

I let out a big sigh and quickly type, Okay. Then what do we do?

Don't take this offensively, but I think people already know about your orientation.

My eyes widden and all I can send him is a '...' because I don't know what to say. His repsonse comes in less than fifteen seconds, I swear.

Don't be mad! It's not a bad thing. It's just about the only thing people know about you.

I furrow my brow at this. What does that mean? The only thing people know about me? First off, no one really does know my sexual orientation, they just assume. Second off, what do people even need to know about me? Nothing. They don't need to know anything about me unless I want them to know.

I shake my head. Shane didn't want me to get mad or offended so I'm being stupid, he's just trying to make this easier on me. It's not really that hard, I guess. People already judge me plenty, what's a little bit more critisism? I'd like to see what they throw at me now. Or what they don't throw at me, I guess. I'm already pretty much ignored, just like Madison.

I like it that way.

I ask him what that means, and he tells me You're just dark and mysterious babe ;o. Babe? Since when did we call me babe? Oh dear, god, I feel as if I'll throw up.

Before I have the chance to reply, my bedroom door is opening. I quickly lock my phone and set it under my pillow, looking over my shoulder. I know it's Nick because he's the only person who doesn't knock. I've said before that he stopped knocking when he found me cutting.

He is only wearing some basketball shorts, no shirt, and his hair is wet so I know he just got out of the shower. I try smiling at him, but he looks like he's here for business. His face is serious, his strong, handsome features set into a thoughtful frown as he slowly makes his way into the room.

"May I help you?" I laugh lightly, staying on my side and looking over my shoulder.

"I'm just curious," he says, laying on my bed. I face my wall as he lays behind me. He isn't touching me, but I can almost feel him. My bed is relatively small so you know. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds so I patiently wait, and in the meantime, I get another text from Shane. I don't check it just yet.

"You and Shane seemed pretty dang close this weekend," he starts, hesitantly. I instantly tense, waiting for his next move. "What's up with that?"

I take a deep breath and prepare for the worst, yet hope for the best. "He asked me to be his boyfriend," I say slowly, fisting the covers underneath my head as I stare intently at the wall.

"What?!" He yelps loudly, jumping slightly. He sits up and looks down at me, but I don't look at him. I just roll my eyes. I knew he'd be a dramatic bitch about this. "I mean, you guys barely know each other! You've only gone on, like, two dates! That is way to soon!"

"Shut up," I huff, rolling my eyes again and glaring at him.

He glares right back and says, "I'm not comfortable with it."

I laugh and shake my head, turning back to the wall. "No one asked for your premission."

"It's too soon," he tries to say, shoving at my shoulder lightly. "I mean, it's one thing for you guys to go on dates, but another one entirely to be official."

"I thought you said you were happy I was happy?" I grumble, looking at my hands that lay in front of my face. Him asking me about this is starting to make me think of my low self-esteem, and how I know this won't last long and how I'm not good enough for Shane.

He deserves someone beautiful.

"Oh don't make me the bag guy," he groans, shoving at my shoulder again. "I just mean I don't understand why-"

"He'd want to be with someone like me?" I grumble, biting the inside of my cheek as soon as it's out there. I can feel Nick staring at me but I don't want to look at him. He'll just be disappointed in me, and honestly I'm a bit disappointed in myself. I like Shane so much and I just don't get why he likes me, too.

There's really nothing to like.

"Noah," he says softly, laying a hand gently on my shoulder.

"Don't," I say, shrugging him off. "I get it. I don't understand either. Didn't I just say to you he would never ask me to be his boyfriend? And then that night he does. I don't know what he's smoking but it's something strong."

"Stop being stupid," he says sternly, but gently at the same time. He lays down behind me, this time a lot closer. I can't actually feel the length of his body behind mine, but I can feel his knees in the bend of my own, and his arm slings across his hips. He fists the covers in front of me so tightly, his knuckles turn white, and I find myself staring at them. "And dramatic. You're right. I dunno, you're my little brother, Noah. I just don't want to see you hurt."

I don't say anything for a few moments. I divert my eyes back to the wall in front of me and focus on the fact that I can nearly feel Nick's chest moving with his breaths. This would be weird for a lot of brothers, but it wasn't weird for Nick and I. He was like my protecter, my hero, he was my big brother and I loved him to death. Our relationship wasn't normal but I liked it this way. Especially after everything that happened.

Finally, I say quietly, "He'll dump me when he finds out about my scars and what happened in December."

"You don't know that," Nick says sincerly, resting his forehead against the back of my shoulder. I can see his dark hair in my peripheral vision. "It's Shane we're talking about, singlehandedly the nicest, nonjudgemental person on the face of the planet. I don't think he'd mind if he knew."

"I know he would," I mumble lowly, closing my eyes. The thing is, I feel bad thinking that. This is Shane we're talking about. Nick's right, I haven't known him long, but he is the nicest, sweetest, kindest teenager I've ever met with a heart of a hundred-percent pure gold. Him and Jules both, really. They're rare breeds and Nick and I managed to find them. But there's evil in everyone. I mean, who would have thought the boys I turned in would sic their dog on me? Who's to say Shane isn't capable of that, either?

Everyone is capable of bad. It comes second nature to us.

"Bud," Nick says softly, his voice a whisper, "you know I love you, right?"

I blush lightly because Nick is being so honest and straight-forward. "Yeah. I love you too."

"Okay then," he says, "trust me. Shane is a good guy." At this, he sighs loudly, leaning his head away from my shoulder and resting it against my pillow. "And I approve. I'm happy you're happy and that's all that matters. Sorry for freaking out earlier."

I smile widely, momentarily forgetting the hole I'd dug myself there with the thoughts of Shane leaving me. I just need to think about right now and not that probable future.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I tease, turning onto my side lightly so I can look in my brother's face.

Nick rolls his eyes and shakes his head, shoving at my waist and pulling his arm away from me. "Screw you." He says. I'm about to retort with something when he makes a face and says, "Oh wait, that's Shane's job."

"Fuck you Nick!" I shout, hitting him in to stomach. He doubles up a little bit and chokes, glaring at the smug smile I send his way as he shakes his head. He rolls over like he's about to leave, but I quickly shoot my arms out, preventing him from leaving. He gives me a weird look but I pull him close to me and rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. "Don't leave," I say, smiling cheesily, "I wanna cuddle."

"Have you not been cuddling with Shane all day?" He asks me, rolling his eyes. Nonetheless, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and grabs my t.v. remote from my bedside table with the other, flipping it on.

"But you're my bubby," I say, giving him another cheesey grin and crinkling my eyes up.

Nick looks at me for a moment before promptly laughing at me, shaking his head. "You're so gay," he teases and I give him a bewildered look. He laughs again and squeezes me close in an awkward, side, laying down hug. He kisses my forehead and I blush again because it isn't often he freely shows those physical forms of affection. He goes back to watching the t.v. and I rest my head back on his shoulder, only then remembering I have a text.

I reach behind me and bend my arm at an awkward angel in order to reach my phone, but when I do I rest it against Nick's chest to read it. Shane said we could walk around holding hands and that'd be all the conformation the school would need, so I don't bother texting back as I don't feel like it.

I wonder if he'd think Nick and I were weird for snuggling before bed.

Then Nick says, "Oh, I want my freaking candy back," and I laugh loudly.
~

The next morning, I stare at myself in the full-length mirror in my room. I know most teenage boys don't have full-length mirrors, but I am gay as well as super self-conscious so I'm allowed to have one.

I don't actually have a shirt on, as I'm staring at the scars that take up my torso. I pick at the self-inflicted ones and study the pink, healing ones that are nasty. They look so odd to me right now, which has never happened before. I'm not disgusted, really, but at the same time I want to hurl up my dinner from last night. I don't know what it is, but I'm seeing my scars differently.

I don't like it, one bit. Shane's already changed me, got me out of my shell around him, Jules, and Madison, and I don't need him changing me anymore. I need to stay disgusted with my scars and want to throw up at the mere sight of them, because that is what's right. We've been dating for, like, two days and already he is messing with my mind. I can't have that, not in this category anyway.

I need to remember that I am ugly.

My eyes take in the other parts of my torso, too. I remember what Shane looked like in that Power Ranger outfit. His body was so lean and fit and sexy, and I have pudge hanging over the beltline of my pants. I mean, can you say embarrassing? I'm glad I always wear huge hoodies, underwise he'd be able to tell I'm fat.

Isn't that awesome. Fat and scarred.

I shake my head because I really don't need to think this way. I've never cared about my weight before, or my baby face, or the fact that I'm shorter than most guys and my ass is way bigger. What's the point in picking out all those flaws now?

I slip a shirt on and then a hoodie that reaches just below my crotch. It's definitely shorter than most hoodies I wear, but half my butt shows and I'm a little uncomfortable with that. I figure screw it, maybe Shane likes guys with busty hips and bubbly butts. It's the epitome of gay, anyway.

Hey, that totally rhymed.

I shake my head of idiotic thoughts and force myself to leave my room. If I stand in front of the mirror any longer, I'll find something else about my apperance to pick at. I mean, can I be any more of a girl? I should just wear a dress to school, maybe Shane would find that attractive!

Oh god, worrying about how I look in the mornings is not something I'm going to look forward to in this relationship. I already know I'm butt ugly, and even if Shane thinks I'm beautiful, I won't believe him. He is lying, anyway. It's plain as day when I look in the mirror. He must just see beyond physical beauty so I'm good. No need to even look at myself in the mirror, then. Not like it'd help anyway.

"Well don't you look sexy," Nick says as I come down the stairs. I glare at him and punch him as hard as I can in the chest, which by the way he laughs, must not have been that hard at all.

"I hate you," I pout, crossing my arms, and Nick starts howling.

"No you don't! Forreal though, you're showing off your woman butt a bit today!" He says, turning me around and slapping my butt.

I yelp, grabbing at myself before shoving at Nick harshly so he stumbles back and into the wall. He gives me a wild look before a giggle breaks it and he smiles brightly.

"You're a freak," I tell him, looking him straight in the eye as I say it with a completely serious face. He smirks as I turn on my heel and head into the entryway. I grab my backpack and open the door, turning around to face him expectantly. "Are you coming, incest supporter?"

He gives me a look before getting real close to my face, so close I actually back up at few steps. He only comes closer and looks down at my lips, and for a split second I think he's actually going to kiss me, but then he cracks a smile and moves past me. He stops in the driveway and faces me, a mocking look on his features.

"Are you coming?" He says in a high pitched voice that sounds nothing like me and I narrow my eyes, stalking toward him.

"You are a sick, sick bastard." I say simply as I pass him. He raises a brow at me and I give him a look. "Mom and Dad should put you in a looney bin."

"Yeah and they should probably throw you out in the dog house," he says, moving to the driver's seat. I glare at him as I get in, watching as he turns the car on all smugly like.

Suddenly, a really evil thought occurs to me. I try to make myself look sad as I look out the window, wringing my hands together. I bite my lip and call on Saint Genesius with every ounce of my being. I sniff.

"I can't believe you just made a dog joke," I say lowly, my throat feeling scratchy because I want to laugh.

I can feel Nick look at me with wide eyes, like he just made the biggest mistake in his entire life. I look over at him sadly, blinking a couple times to make it seem like I have tears in my eyes. His face crumbles and he pulls up to a stop sigh, reaching his hand over to touch my shoulder but I jerk away and look back out the window, mostly to hide my bubbling smile.

"Shit bud," he says, voice regretfully. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- I wasn't thinkin- I'm just really sorry." He says, defeated.

I can't keep the smile away now as I face him. He seems taken aback by the face that I am smiling, but when I say, "I can't believe you just fell for that!" His face looks horrified.

I smile smugly as he pulls into the school parking lot, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. I sit and bask in the glow of winning as he tries to form a response, when finally he decides on a chuckle. He looks at me with a half-smile and I smirk back at him, wiggling my eyebrows.

"That's the first time you've ever made a joke about it."

And there he goes, ruining the perfectly good moment. I roll my eyes and open the door, grumbling, "Don't think to much on it, god."

I grab my backpack and walk away from the car, hearing Nick yell my name but I ignore it. The first time I've made a joke about it? It isn't a joking matter, at all, I should not have made that joke. It just seemed hilarious, and thinking back on it, it was. I hate Nick right now. I can't stand people who take something funny and turn it into something serious when that doesn't need to happen. They're ridiculous and get on my last nerve. My mom's like that, so that's probably where Nick got it, but he ruined the whole moment, that's all I know.

I hear him calling my name as I enter the school, but I don't pay attention to him, because I'm met with the sight of my boyfriend.

How does he look so goddamn cute all the time? I swear he doesn't try! His hair is curly, which is odd because he usually straightens it, and he wears a pair of form-fitting jeans and tight v-neck that leaves nothing to the imagination. His hazel eyes are awake and shinning and welcoming, and his smile is perfect and makes me weak at the knees.

See?! What could he possibly want to do with me?!

I don't have any time to say something before his arms are around me. I blush but don't hesitate to wrap my own arms around his waist, pressing my face into his shoulder. I can feel him smiling and that makes these insane butterflies go off in my stomach.

"Noah-" I hear Nick say as he opens the door to the school, but he stops short. "Oh. Just got here and you're already going at it."

"Nice one, way to ruin the moment," Shane laughs, pulling away from me. He grins at me and I blush heavily, reaching up to cover my face. He doesn't stop smiling and I don't take my hands away, because I am pretty sure I'm putting a tomato to shame right now and he doesn't need to witness that. "You look cute today," he says nonchalantly. My blush only intensifies.

"Thanks," I squeak out. Shane chuckles and throws an arm over my shoulder, pulling me towards my locker. Nick follows us but he seems disinterested, causing me to bite my lip as my hands finally fall back to my sides. No one really looks at us and that confuses me, but I'm not about to bring attention to myself.

Maybe they're used to seeing two guys together.

"Shane," Nick says as soon as we get to my locker. I turn quickly and do the combination. The last thing I want to do is look over my shoulder at the two boys and see their faces. Nick's probably scowling and Shane probably finds it amusing and or annoying.

Me? Oh I'm just embarrassed, as per usual.

"Yes Nickbear?" Shane says, his voice mocking sweetness, causing me to smile to myself. I can picture Nick's face in my head at the nickname.

"If you hurt Noah I swear-"

"Nick," I hiss, turning around and shutting my locker quickly. Nick looks at me innocently while Shane tries not to smile. He has that gaze again, the one that's becoming more frequent. I don't mind him staring at me as long as his gaze is like that. It makes my stomach twist to the point I think I'm going to puke and my neck gets real hot, but I keep my gaze on my brother. "Shut up."

"He needs to hear it," Nick says simply, looking at Shane. He gives him a noticable up-down and my boyfriend- Jesus do you see how nice and natural that sounds?! -tries to hide his smile, but fails. "If you hurt-"

"Nick I said stop," I say sternly, hitting him as hard as I can on the arm. He barely pays attention to me.

"I don't need to hear this," Shane tries to say calmly, smiling at Nick who glares harshly. "Your dad gave me this conversation our second date, and you also told me it after the first. I get it. I won't hurt Noah, ever. Not intentionally."

Nick seems hesitant, but I can't see his face as I'm hiding behind my hands, cheeks bright red and wishing I could disappear into the lockers. I can hear other people around us talking, and distinctly there is my name thrown into the mix and my stomach churns some more. Someone is talking about us. Did I expect something different? Come on, Noah, stop being so stupid.

I guess I'll never know what Nick or Shane was going to do next, because someone popped up obnoxiously and made their presence known. Oh, can you guess who?

"Rainman!" Jules says, wrapping his arms around me. I look up at him, wondering what the hell he is doing hugging me, but as quickly as he was there, he lets me go. I drop my hands from my hair and watch him toss an arm around Shane's waist. I swear Jules could be gay if he wanted to be. "Oh," he says, smirking at the defeated look Nick sports. I watch everything, like I always do. When I lose yourself, the easiest thing to do is observe. I've learned quite well. "Is Nick giving you a lecture?" He smirks.

"Shut up, Fries," Nick says, glaring at him, but it has no effect because it's forced. Jules just smiles widely at him. "It's my little brother we're talking about," he grumbles lowly, causing me to blush again. I swear he's trying to kill me. I don't need to be protected.

Then again, isn't that what I've been saying this whole time? That I needed Nick because he's my protector?

"Hey guys," Madison says, coming up on my right side, between Jules and I. One look at my best friend, and I know instantly something is up. Her hair, though still frizzy, is limply hanging over her face, and her shirt is black with dark jeans. She almost looks normal so I wonder if she's okay, but what's worse is the tired, dead look in her irises. She doesn't linger as she looks at but lets her gaze flicker downward.

"Madison," Jules says cheerily, looking at her with such fondness that I'm reminded I have to talk to her about him. Maybe Shane was right; I trust him, so I hope he wouldn't lie to me about Jules's attentions. I don't think he is by the look on the guy's face.

"Well I'll leave you to it," Nick says lowly, looking at the four of us strangely. I wonder why but he doesn't say before he starts walking off.

Without thinking, I shot off and grab his wrist, pulling him back. Nick looks at me bewildered but I lower my gaze, feeling people look at us. I itch in my skin but try not to cover my face as I glare at my brother lightly.

"Nick you gotta let this whole act drop," I say, and Nick's gaze softens some. I look down at my feet. "You're going to scare him off."

"No I won't," Nick sighs, waiting until he catches my eye to keep speaking. "You're my little brother, Noah, and I was just making sure after our conversation last night."

My cheeks instantly flare up but before I have a chance to cover them from the people in the halls, Nick is hugging me around the neck. I bury my head in his shoulder and then wrap my arms around his waist, sighing lightly. I love him, I really do, and I know his intention are good. I just have to remind myself he almost lost me a year ago and he is just looking out for me now.

He walks off and I turn back around, feeling exposed. I hadn't realized before how far away I walked from Jules, Madison, and Shane, but there's several feet between us filled in with people. This is the first time I've had to walk through a group of people without someone beside me, someone that I can disappear into their back, but I call up all the courage I can and push through.

People are brushing against me and someone's elbow grazes my side, but I don't think about it. I don't like people touching me, especially strangers. I want to flinch and go run back to my brother, but the sight of Shane meeting me halfway allows me to breathe again.

He smiles at me with his perfect teeth and I can't look away. His hazel eyes bore into my brown as he reaches a hand out, grasping my own and intwining our fingers. The bell rings and there's even more people crowding the halls, especially by the lockers, but I'm not as scared. I lean into Shane's side and hide half my face behind his bicep, but he doesn't seem to mind. He squeezes my fingers and motions for Jules and Madison to follow us.

Madison grins at me and I remember the conversation we had in my room late Halloween night. She'd woken up when I went in there and we talked for about thirty minutes about my new boyfriend, making me feel like such a girl. She said she couldn't wait until she saw us at school, she said, and I figured this is why. Because our fingers are intwined and he's almost strutting. I'm not something to strut, though I try not to linger on that thought.

I only just noticed that Jules is walking with us. He had first period with Nick, so it would have been made more sense for him to leave us, yet there he was, on the other side of Madison who was beside me. He was smiling as if this was the most natural thing, nearly skipping in his step. Madison gives him a weird look before glancing at me. I shrug, lifting my arm up so I can cover the lower half of my face with my sleeve.

"Why are you walking with us?" Madison asks, not rude, just curious. Which surprises me a lot. Shane too because I catch the look he sports.

Jules smiles widely and shrugs his shoulders, stuffing his free hand not holding his books in his pocket. "I just wanted to walk a certain gorgeous girl to class, is that such a crime?" Wow, he is smooth.

But then Madison just looks down, trying to contain her red cheeks and her little smile, and I think everyone is completely and utterly shocked. Jules looks over at us from the other side of Madison, in awe, and Shane grins widely and nods his head. He nudges me with his elbow but I just shake my head and re-hide my face in his bicep, wondering what's going on.

If I was already planning on talking to her, I definitely had to now.
~

It's during our Physics class I finally talk to her. We have it together, as she got her classes rearranged to be our French one aide. We sit beside each other, and right after our test, which is super hard by the way, all we do is sit around, listen to music, and talk. It's a Monday so everyone is content with this, and I think the teacher did it purposefully because she's at her desk reading a book.

One earphone is in Madison's ear and the other in mine as we listen to Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop. I bite my lip, hesitantly, but decide to just go for it. When she found out I liked Shane she refused to let it drop.

"Madison," I say, causing her to glance at me. She puts the earphone in her other ear so she can hear me and gives me her full attention. I take a deep breath. "I want to talk to you about Jules."

Her brow pulls together and she frowns. She lets out an exasperated sigh, slouching her shoulders. "What exactly do you want to talk about?"

I wonder what to say. Shane said to put in a good word, but what can I say about him? I'm not particularily fond of the guy, he's really annoying, but I don't hate him. I know he's a good person, otherwise he wouldn't be Shane's best friend, but I think Madison already knows that.

"He asked Shane to help him," I decide to say. The truth is always the best way to go. I know Jules would probably be embarrassed if he knew what I said, but if he wants this done I'm doing it my own way. "Shane, of course, asked me to help. So I'm supposed to put in a good word or something."

She doesn't say anything, and I frown lightly. I knew something was up with her, she seems so sad, but she won't say. She twiddles her thumbs in her lap and and frowns, her shoulders slouching more, if that's possible.

I don't understand my need to comfort her, but it is to strong to be ignored. I reaching out and take one of her hands in my own, intwining our fingers and squeezing. She squeezes back, much tighter, and then leans over to rest her head on my shoulder. I look around to see no one notices. They're all on their phones or sleeping, and we're in the back corner while the teacher continues reading her book, so no one says anything. I turn and rest my cheek on her forehead, asking in a low, gentle voice,

"Are you okay? You seem...down."

"I'm fine," she sighs, leaning off me. She rests her cheek against the table instead and gazes up at me, still as sad as ever. She shrugs. "I just...don't think this will be a good week."

I frown but don't say anything, chosing to instead take my hand out of hers. Again, I don't know where all these urges are coming from, but my arms wraps around the back of her chair and then her torso, pulling her closer to me. Our sides press together but she stays leaning against the desk, so I reach my other hand over and mess with her frizzy-ass hair. I can only hope I'm doing good as she shifts and closes her eyes.

I stop my hand movements and lay my head beside hers, so we're looking right at each other, our noses only about six inches apart.

"I think you should give him a chance," I say, moving my hand again from her waist and grabbing her own hand instead. She smiles lightly. "I think he means well."

"I'm beginning to think so, too," she says quietly, shaking her head. "I don't know. I just don't want to get hurt."

"I don't want you to get hurt either," I say, biting my lip as I sit up straight. "I think he's geniuine. I don't think Shane would try to help him out if he was only going to play you. I mean, I may sound hypocritical because I was so skeptical of Shane but I think Jules really likes you."

"Maybe," she whispers, letting out a giant sigh. She sits up, our hands still together, and smiles for the first tiem today. I smile at her but she doesn't look at me as she chuckles quietly. "His advances are pretty cute."

I laugh, shaking his head. "And his pick-up lines?"

She lets out a laugh too, making her look much better than she has all day. I definitely don't like her sad, and I want to know why but I don't want to ask. She's never asked me something like that so I'll do her a favor too. That doesn't mean I'm not curious though. I'm beginning to think that, maybe, Shane isn't the only good thing that's hapened to me since moving to Comfort. I think Madison might have been an amazing thing to happen. It's weird, having a best friend again. A great weird though.

"Those are pretty great too," she laughs, tucking some hair behind her ear. "They honestly give me butterflies."

"And I think that is the main reason you should give him a chance," I say, and Madison's smile fades a little bit. She nods a little bit, smiling at me as she releases my hand. I'd forgotten she was holding it in the first place.

"Noah," someone other than Madison says. I'm taken off guard and look in front of me, where one of the girls in the class leans against the table in front of me. She's got blonde hair, extensions, blue eyes, and wears a shirt as tight as it can possibly get. She gives Madison a sideways glance and then rolls her eyes, giving me this big smile that makes me want to cover my cheeks, so that's exactly what I want to do. "Are you and Shane dating?"

I want to disappear but I nod anyway, moving my hands up so they cover my eyes as well. She's a completel stranger and I honestly can't tell you her name, but she's asking me who I'm dating. Can you say awkward? Madison shifts beside me.

"Hmm," she says, crossing her arms over her chest. "Kinda weird. I mean, it's alright and stuff, but two guys-"

"Kristine shut up," Madison says, and I wonder where she got that courage from.

"Whatever Madison," Kristine scoffs, moving slightly. I peak over the tops of my fingers and really wish she would leave. I may be 'normal' and good and cool around Jules, Shane, Madison, and Nick, but strangers still scare the crap out of me. This girl definitely scares the crap out of me. "Y'know Mark's annual party is Friday. Guess you won't be invited again."

I really want her to shut up. I don't know who she is and I don't know what she's talking about, but I know people don't really like Madison and it's obvious this girl doesn't. She can't talk to my best friend this way, it doesn't roll with me. I'm not exactly brave enough to tell her to back off, though, so I stay behind my hands like a coward.

"Leave us alone," Madison says and stands up just as the bell rings. I watch Kristine roll her eyes and walk away before I finally let my hand fall from my face, looking over at my best friend.

Madison smiles sheepishly and then gets that real sad look in her eyes again, and I want to wrap my arms around her or tickle her or something, just so she's happy again. I really need to figure out what's wrong with her, it's beginning to worry me.

Outside of our Physics class waits Shane, no Jules. I actually can see the disappointment in Madison's eyes as she whispers to me, "I'll meet you at lunch later." I can tell by looking at her that she's about to cry, but she's gone before I have a chance to say anything, and a lump forms in my throat.

"Is she okay?" Shane asks me quietly, pressing his hand into the small of my back. I look down, feeling my cheeks flush and gut wrench. I feel bad though beacuse my best friend is hurting and I'm having butterflies.

"Some girl said something about an annual party she wasn't invited to," I say quietly, looking up through my lashes.

Shane thinks for a few moments before shaking his head. "I don't know what it is," he says quietly, wrapping his other arm around me so he's hugging me.

I bury my face in his upper chest and can feel people's gazes on us. I always knew I was the weird kid in school, along with Madison, but now I was the gay weird kid. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it kind of does, for the first time since last December I almost care what people think about me, and for the first time, I almost sympathize with Madison not wanting to be an outcast.

I tell myself I'm being stupid. I hate people. I shouldn't want their attention. I'm better off alone with only my two friends anyway.