Something Beautiful.

I wake up when light filters in my window, a small sliver cutting across my pillow and landing on my eyelids. The eyelids that flutter open as my hand reaches up to block out the light that was penetrating the thin skin. I roll over with a groan, wondering what time it is. I didn't do anything last night, which is weird for me on a Friday, but Noah, Jules, Madison and I are going on a double date this evening so there wasn't much to do last night.

One glance at my clock has me sitting bolt-upright in my bed. I had planned on letting my body get as much sleep as it wanted, but I did not plan on waking up at 1:30 in the afternoon. Holy shit I must have been tired. I slide out of bed looking for some clothes to put on my naked body, and oddly enough the house is deathly quiet.

"Mom? Dad?" I call after I throw on some sweat bottoms and a Tshirt. I look up and down the hallway, but they're nowhere in sight. Down the hall to their bedroom where the bed is made and empty, back towards my own room after passing the also-empty guitar room, an empty bathroom, living room, dining room, kitchen, garage. I'm all alone, and not even Tiger is around.

Thinking of Tiger my heart gives a little flutter. Sure, my parents go out early Saturday afternoons to run errands and stuff. It being so close to Thanksgiving I wouldn't be surprised if they were out buying turkey and everything that would be needed when my grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins visit next week. The thing is, there's no reason Tiger should be gone. Maybe she's just hiding.

"Tiger?" I look everywhere for her, even checking to see if my parents put her outside and forgot before they went shopping, but that too fails. The ball of irrational worry tightens in my stomach and as I look around I can't help but wonder what has me so on edge. When I see Tiger's food and water bowls I stop dead in my tracks. Both of them, filled to the brim by me before I left for school yesterday, have been left untouched.

Okay, this is definitely not good. I run back upstairs and scoop my phone off my bed, dialing my dad's number. One ring. Two. Three. Four. Voicemail. Of course he didn't answer his phone; it's my dad, when has he ever? When I call my mom's cell however, she answers after two rings.

"Shane honey are you finally awake?" There's no hint of worry in her voice and I wonder if I didn't just overreact about the whole thing. "You were dead asleep so we just left you there. We're at the vet's office."

"Mom, what's wrong?" I ask, feeling a little silly about how my voice almost breaks. Tiger may be 'just a dog', but I've had her since I was five. In the absence of any younger siblings, all my free time when I was younger was devoted to Tiger, and I love her. If she's at the vet then I'm going to be worried.

"We're not too sure sweetie. When your father and I got up this morning Tiger was laying in her bed whimpering and she hadn't touched any food or water for over a day, so we packed her up and brought her here. I'm sorry we didn't wake you, but we didn't want to worry you if it wasn't anything."

I understand that. I wouldn't have wanted to be woken up and dragged into a vet's office for nothing, no matter how much I love that dog. The thing is, mom hasn't said that it's not anything, and so I'm kind of wishing I was there with her even if there's nothing I can do. It's been a little harder for Tiger to get around lately, but that's to be expected. The poor old girl has arthritis. We've known that for years and she's on medication for that. I'm just worried for her vet visit this time because it wasn't scheduled, and even when her arthritis is bad she still eats.

I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this time it's more serious than arthritis. The life expectancy of yorkies is usually 12-15 years, and Tiger is 13. But there's no way something can be seriously wrong with her. I love that dog with all my heart, and if it weren't for her I wouldn't be here right now. Chills run down my spine thinking about how barely three years ago, Tiger pretty much saved my life. She's so much more than a house pet to me.

"Hey Shane I've got go. The vet wants to talk to us. I don't think it's anything too bad, alright? I'll talk to you when I get home. Make sure to pick up your room and put your clothes away before you head over to Julius's house, alright?"

I agree and hang up the phone, pausing to reply to Jules's text and shoot off a "Good morning beautiful(:" text to Noah before I realize it's not even morning anymore. Oh well, the good intention still stands, no matter what time of day it is.

My stomach growls and I look around, realizing I haven't eaten since ten last night. When I get to the kitchen and end up in front of the fridge I can't decide if I want breakfast or lunch. Honestly, waking up late and having to choose one over the other is majorly counter productive. Like seriously, if I'm going to sleep in late I still need a full day's meals. It's not fair to have to choose breakfast food over lunch food, or vice versa.

After much consideration I sigh and set out to cook some food, grabbing some chicken strips out of the freezer to throw in the oven along with some tater tots, but at the same time making some biscuits and scrambling some eggs with bacon bits. The smells all mold together creating a delicious aroma and pretty soon I have to make a mental effort not to drool.

The eggs are scrambled, chicken, tater tots, and biscuits are cooked, and I'm staring at enough food to feed me all day. With a sigh I dial Jules number because Lord knows I won't be able to eat it all by myself. After three rings Jules answers with a mumbled "Shanewhaddyawant?" He's so clearly still asleep that his response elicits a laugh from me. It's past two now, his ass is lazier than mine!

"Dude, come over. I have food." That surely gets his attention. From the other end of the line I can hear Jules sitting up and rummaging for clothes in his room as he grumbles about it being too damn early to be woken up and if it weren't for food and the fact that he loves me he wouldn't be on his way to my house.

"Speaking of food, breakfast or lunch? I don't like being partial to either one when I wake up late, an I'm tempted to bring something of the opposite of whatever you have fixed just for it to be even. I hate missing a meal."

I shake my head even though I know Jules can't see me. It's kind of scary to see so much of myself in my best friend. Or am I seeing a lot of my best friend in me? Either way, it's a little freaky. "I've got both. Just get your lazy ass over here bro."

When Jules and I are eating he asks me about Tiger and when I tell him what's up he looks a little worried, but quickly shakes the expression, assuring me everything will be alright. He's right, there's nothing to worry about. I shake bad thoughts out of my head and we enjoy our breakfast. Err, lunch. Well... whatever it is we're eating.

After we eat Jules insists we chill at my house for a little while before going back to his, complaining that two little sisters are super annoying at times. I take the chance to blow him off his feet with me totally awesome guitar skills. Okay, totally awesome guitar skills and me don't belong in the same place, but I'm actually getting to where I'm not terrible which surprises me.

It surprises Jules too. "Noah's turning you into a mush-hearted romantic!" he coos as he claps his hands after I play Amazing Grace (I didn't let him know it's actually the only song I can play besides happy birthday. It's not something he needs to be aware of). He reaches up and takes a lock of my hair between his fingers. A lock of curly hair that hangs down my forehead along with the rest of my now longish curly hair. "Speaking of romantic, what's this? I wasn't aware you were turning into a sexy, sultry, curly haired hunk of meat." He winks at me at the end and I aim to hit him, but I'm blushing so bad I can't focus on aiming and he darts out of the room before my hand can contact his arm.

"Noah likes my curly hair," I grumble when I find him in my room. I'm growing my hair out. How long? I'm not sure, but apparently it looks good.

Not only has Noah complimented it several times since I decided not to cut it, but my mom and Madison and Mrs. White have all commented on how good it looks. Apparently I'm the only one in the whole world so adverse to my curly hair. But if I'm being honest here, it's starting to grow on me too.

"Looks good," he replies as he gets my Xbox set up for gaming. "You two are really good for each other, you know that right?"

"You and Madison too."

*****

We end up at the bowling alley two towns over with our two beautiful dates. It was Jules that suggested bowling, because he claimed he wanted to be able to show Madison how to do something, which seemed like a good idea to me. Noah and I totally both suck, so at request the rails were put in place, an invention the bowling gods must have bestowed on me, because I swear every roll would be a gutterball for me without them.

We didn't do anything special for dinner, just stopped by this amazing little burger joint for some burgers and handspun shakes. No, it wasn't fancy, but it's hard to beat that kind of food, no matter how expensive your tastes might be. Nice stuff? That can be saved for what I have planned, a date night of just Noah and I on Wednesday, the day we have early release. And fancy stuff? That's a special reserve for a big night, like Noah's seventeenth birthday.

A night of fun with friends, and then dropping Noah off at his house with a goodbye kiss on the front porch. But not too serious of a kiss. No making out for us, at least not yet even though I'm dying for more than just a soft press of lips up against mine. It's not exactly that we just peck each other. I mean, there's been deep kisses, but as far as making out goes, well it doesn't. My hands stay firmly on his waist and his around my neck, and even though my tongue has traced the barrier of his lips once or twice, there's no yielding from his part.

Not that I mind. I'm obviously his first boyfriend, and I'm not going to push him to rush things. I've technically only had one other boyfriend anyways, so it's not like it's a big deal. I understand wanting to take things slowly. I don't want to screw things up by too much too early, and I don't even want too much this early. Making out? Hell yeah, I'd love it. But anything else is too far away to think about, and making out needs to be taken one cautious step at a time.

"You ready for me to kick your ass?" Jules asks me, stretching his arm across his body as Noah and Madison pick out which balls they're going to use. Of course he's going to give me hell about this night. I mean, who wouldn't? I suck at bowling and from what Jules says, he's pretty good. I know his whole family comes twice a month for a family game night, so he's probably had a lot more practice than any of us. The closest I've came to real bowling in the last five years is on wii sports at home, and even then I'm terrible. Bowling is like the easiest thing to become an expert at on that thing, and I barely even have 500pts. Yeah, I'm that bad.

"Casse-toi," I murmur causing Jules to bust out laughing. On the bright side, Noah hasn't been bowling since he was five, so at least I shouldn't get last.

"You guys ready to start then?" Madison asks when the two get back over to us, a pink ball in Madison's hand and a green in Noah's. We agree and set up the board so Madison bowls first, then Jules, Noah, and finally me. While we're waiting I set my ball down and quietly walk over to where Noah's watching the game, sliding my arms around him from behind and planting a kiss on his cheek, causing him to turn bright pink.

"Shane," he whines, pushing me away. "I'm trying to focus on bowling. Distracting me isn't going to make me beat you any less." Ouch, everyone is planning on beating me tonight, huh? Noah lets out a cute little huff of air and I can't help but chuckle, causing him to glare at me. He opens his mouth to retort, but before he can we hear Madison yell from behind us.

"What happened?" I ask, afraid something's wrong. When I turn around, however, the only thing hurt is Jules's pride.

"He only knocked down one pen! We even have the rails up, I mean how do you do that?!" She laughs, making Jules turn as red as his hair. Noah and I join in the laughing and Jules mumbles something that sounds mysteriously like 'fuck off' before plopping down in a plastic chair beside the ball return. Gosh, I hope my first bowl doesn't go as badly as his.

When the pins are reset Noah bowls, knocking down seven of the ten pins. To my surprise, I get a spare, knocking down nine my first time and the last one on my second ball.

After I bowl Jules makes us take a time out so he can explain to Madison exactly how to hold the ball, flick her wrist, and aim. It's actually quite comical and after Jules's last bowl I'm kind of wondering if he even knows anything about bowling or if he's bullshitting all of us.

Madison's next bowl, however proves me wrong. She bowls a perfect strike, and I have to admit, I'm impressed. On his second bowl Jules redeems himself a little by knocking down eight pins, but you can tell he's still not happy. By the time I bowl in the tenth frame Noah has five more points than me, which means I don't have to knock down very many pins to beat him, and man do I want to beat him. In a total non-sexual way that is.

My first ball doesn't go too well and I only knock down the two pins on the farthest left. I can hear Noah and Madison laughing from behind me, hoping I don't knock down more than three balls this time. But I mean come on, how hard can three balls be? There's eight left to choose from, so I'm not that picky as to which three it is. I'm so focused I don't even notice Noah sneaking up from behind until he wraps his arms around me right as I release the ball, causing the ball to fly off my hand and land flat on the lane, slowly rolling towards the pins.

With a little giggle Noah comes around in front of me and stands on his tiptoes, lightly pecking me on the lips as I watch my ball with disbelief when it rolls along a rail, falling into the gutter as soon as the rails end, not touching a single pin.

"I - but. You- I.." I splutter, causing the whole group, even grumpy Jules, to roar with laughter.

"You distracted me earlier," Noah points out. "So it was only fair. And on the bright side, I beat you!" Honestly, I can't stay mad at him, even if he totally just sabotaged the score. I wrap my arms around him happily and ask Madison the final scores. She points to the TV above our lane and I glance up too, but not before catching the dirty look from a man in the lane next to us.

He's here with his wife and his two daughters, but he's looking at Noah and I like we personally murdered a close friend. Homophobic idiot. Part of me wants to tell him to fuck off, but then he'd actually have a reason to be upset. Instead I just roll my eyes and defiantly pull Noah closer to my body, glancing up at the scoreboard.

The final scores were Madison with 143, Noah with 125, me with 122, and then Jules with 108.

"How's it feel to get last at your own game, Putain," I ask as we start to walk to Jules's car. Jules glares at me and flips me off, but that doesn't stop everyone from laughing. In a moment of laughter I glance over to Noah and notice him stop, and grasp his side, a grimace of pain on his face. At first I think his side hurts from laughing, but the way he's holding it tells me I'm wrong.

"Noah, you okay?" I quietly slip an arm around him and let Jules and Madison get up ahead of us as we step out into the cold air of a November night.

"I'm fine," he replies as he leans into my side. "Just a little stitch in my side from laughing, ya know?" He attempts a little chuckle, but it comes out more as a whine of pain than a chuckle. Something's not right.

"You sure?" I ask, but he just says 'Uh-huh' and then goes quiet. I stop us and turn him to face me, noticing one of his arms still stretches across his body and holds his side. "If something's hurting you, you might need to got to a doctor," I say gently. I'm actually a little worried about him, not because he looks like he's hurting, but because it looks like he's hiding something. "Noah, if something's wrong you can tell me, you know that right? I care about you, and it worries me if something's wrong. I want to help however I can."

"I know," he whispers. "But nothing's wrong Shane, I promise." He gets up on his tiptoes again and kisses me softly as if to assure me, but his kiss just makes me worry about him a little more. Something's not exactly right with him, and I want to know why. I don't want to pry, but he is my boyfriend, and I have a right to know.

"Okay, okay, nothing's wrong. Let's just go home, hmm?" Noah complies and we climb into the backseat of Jules's car. I pull him close to me for warmth and comfort, smiling into the darkness as he cuddles closer to my chest so I can rest my chin on the top of his head.

We're almost back to my house where Jules is dropping us off when Madison turns around to face me in the backseat. "Losers owe Noah and I hot coco at the cafe one day after school when it's cold," She smiles. I wait for some kind of agreement from Noah, but looking down he's fast asleep in my arms as if it's the safest place in the world for him, and I want it to be.

When we get back to my house I gently wake him up so we can say our goodbyes to Jules and Madison before I take him home. It's late already, almost midnight, so when I drop him off I don't bother going inside with him, even though I want to talk more. I like the one on one time I get with him and sometimes it's limited. But we only have two and a half days of school next week before we get out for Thanksgiving break and I have the perfect date planned out for him that Wednesday night, just the two of us. His parents are leaving to go to NYC without him and Nick tomorrow, which is going to leave them alone for all of break. I think it's kind of sad they have to miss their family Thanksgiving dinner, but Noah says his parents have to leave tomorrow and don't want the boys missing school, so I guess I kind of understand, but not really. All I do know is the date is going to be perfect.

*****

Wednesday couldn't come fast enough, but somehow I survive until it's time to pick him up for our date. It's just the two of us tonight, something I'm thankful for. I have the whole night planned out perfectly. I'm making the hour long drive to take him to see South Pacific, a musical that a theatre is putting on. I love watching plays, and Noah loves singing, so I thought the musical pretty much wrapped everything into one. Before we go to the musical I'm taking him to eat at Lovera's, an Italian restaurant down the road from the theatre. It's a pretty nice restaurant, and not exactly cheap, but that's okay with me. Noah and I have gone on dates, but they've been like dinner before a football game, carving pumpkins, picking out the Christmas tree for my house at the local tree farm, or bowling. All the dates have been fun, but I want to spoil him a little, which is why I have tonight planned.

As I pull up outside Noah's house and text him I'm outside, I feel anticipation pooling in my stomach. A night out with my boyfriend is the best thing I can think of right now. Food, a musical, and, if I'm lucky, a little making out when we get back to Noah's house. When he comes outside, Noah looks gorgeous. He's wearing dark skinny jeans with a black belt and a baggy red button-up shirt tucked in
to his pants, along with a black beanie and a grey pea coat that almost fits him perfectly. He's going to be the best looking guy in the whole town tonight without a challenge.

The food is by far the best I've had in a while, which I told Noah, making him promise not to mention it to my mom, but I'm not entirely sure he'll uphold his promise. The musical was also went great. The songs were funny and the play was too, even though it did have some sad parts. Noah loved it as much as I hoped he would, and on our way back to his house I even caught him singing one of the showtunes under his breath before he realized I was listening and turned on some music. Honestly, it was exactly how I wanted it to be.

When we get back to Noah's house I find the two-story eerily quiet. I know his parents aren't home, but I figured Nick would be around here somewhere. I mean, no offense to the guy, but Jules and I are pretty much his only friends. I know for a fact Jules is at Madison's house meeting her dad - he almost shit his pants when she asked him to - and if I'm here, I don't know where Nick would be.

"Where's you brother?" I ask Noah as he walks through the dark to turn on a light in the kitchen. He just shrugs, telling me Nick just said he was going 'out'. "He didn't say who with?"

"Nope," Noah replies, popping the 'p'. "He just said he'd probably be home at like eleven thirty." I look at the clock on the oven and realize we have more than an hour and a half of uninterrupted Noah-Shane time, and the thought makes me giddy. Until our date tonight it had been a while since it was just the two of us. I mean don't get me wrong, I love spending time with our friends. I just sometimes miss it being only us.

Noah throws a bag of popcorn into the microwave and searches in the fridge for drinks before he finally locates a coke for him and a bottle of water for me, setting the bottles on the counter. The popcorn starts popping and filling the kitchen with the aroma of warm butter, causing my stomach to growl over the hum of the microwave. Noah looks at me with a dismayed look splayed across his face. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What?" He can't judge me for being hungry. Yeah we had a big dinner earlier, but the play was almost two hours long and my stomach likes food every few hours.

"There's no way you're already hungry. We had a huge dinner!" Noah says, shaking his head as I ignore him and slide past him to grab the bag out of the microwave. "You're such a fatty," he teases.

"And you love it, babe," I shoot back with a wink causing him to turn bright pink. I lean down to kiss him, but he grumbles something and turns away to walk up the stairs still visibly blushing. My flirting is majorly failing tonight. I grab a bowl and pour in the popcorn before sprinting up the stairs behind Noah.

When I get to the top Noah is sitting on the big couch in the game room, searching through Netflix for a movie to watch. I set the popcorn down on a side table and take the seat next to him. Before I'm even fully in a comfortable position on the couch Noah is snuggled up against me. "In a cuddling mood tonight, huh?" I ask. Noah offers a 'mmhm,' but his eyes are intently trained on the TV screen to try and find a movie for us to watch. When he finally finds what he's looking for, it's Pocahontas, and I can't help but chuckle a little. Someone must be feeling sentimental tonight.

After about ten minutes into the movie Noah shifts his position so he's no longer sprawled across the couch, and I take the chance to lightly catch his chin and pull his face to mine to kiss him lightly on the lips. All that does is make him giggle quietly, and I the giggle just makes me want to kiss him more. Pretty soon we're sitting facing each other on the couch with my hands on his waist, his arms around my neck. All I can think of is Noah, how soft his lips are, how comfortably his arms form a loop around my neck. With a sigh I pull his body closer to mine, running my tongue across the ridge of his bottom lip, but to no avail. Tongue or not, this is one of the best kisses I have ever experienced. Our lips are dancing together in such a synchronized way Olympic divers would covet our skill, and besides, it's Noah. You can't get any better.

I go to run my hands up his back, but as soon as my hands start moving Noah's mouth opens in a gasp. It's not the kind of gasp that makes me want to pull him closer and explore the depths of his mouth though. It's the kind of gasp that makes me pull away and look at the boy in front of me who is untangling his arms from around my neck.

"T-to fast," he mumbles, flushing in what must be a mixture of embarrassment and shame. "Not, just not right now, okay?"

"Of course Noah," I answer back quietly, pulling him into a hug and kissing the top of his head. I'm glad he's looking away, because in spite of myself my own cheeks flush read with the bitterness of rejection, a feeling I'm not sure is justified or not. "Whatever you want. I'm sorry babe, we can move slower. I don't want to rush anything."

Noah doesn't say anything, just nods his head against my chest and returns his attention to the movie as I can feel his heartbeat slowing back to a normal pace. His body is still tense though, like the reaction you get when someone is about to hurt you, but I wasn't anywhere close to hurting Noah, which is what I don't understand. I let my thumb slowly trace circles on the back of the hand it's holding, and after about twenty minutes Noah and I are relaxed and comfortable on the couch. An outsider wouldn't even be able to tell anything happened.

"I'm sorry," Noah finally mumbles, still refusing to look at me.

"No," I reply firmly. "It's not your fault, I was trying to move too fast and I'm sorry." He sits up again, pecking me lightly on the lips before smiling and stretching his arms out. "Hey Nohs," I ask, remembering what my mom proposed. "Since your parents are out of town I figured you wouldn't be having a Thanksgiving dinner or anything. Tomorrow at lunch most of my family will be at my house. My grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, everyone. So I was kind of wondering if maybe you wanted to come over?"

He grins up at me, a disbelieving grin splayed across his face. "Really? You want me to come to Thanksgiving with your family? Wait. Would that not be awkward, bringing me... your boyfriend in front of everyone in your family?"

"Of course it wouldn't! It won't be the first time." Noah's face falls a little and I realize what I've just said. Shitdamnfuck. Rule number one of relationships: Don't mention past relationships unless expressively asked about them. Hi, my name's Shane and I just broke rule number one. "I mean, it, uh, it's happened once before." I try pathetically. I've already admitted I brought an ex boyfriend to a Thanksgiving dinner, but I might as well let him know it was only one. It's not like I'm a whore with a new date to Thanksgiving every year. Just once, sophomore year. Just Blake.

"Will you tell me about them?"

"Will I - What?" Noah stares back at me like I'm dense or something, and I realize he was being serious. He wants to hear about my exboyfriends. Or, well, boyfriend, since there's only one of Blake. I clear my throat uncomfortably, but if Noah wants to know I'll truthfully answer whatever he asks. "Well there was only one, Blake. We started dating at the end of my freshman year. I was only a freshman, but he was a junior I had only come out in late October of my freshman year, so he was my first boyfriend. He came over for Thanksgiving dinner my sophomore year and it was a little messy, because that was me coming out to some members of my family that just hadn't heard over the past year, but they finally all accepted me. Blake and I broke up right at the start of my junior year. Then there wasn't anyone else I've felt I should invest my time in until I found you."

I smile down at him, expecting him to be pleased, but he's staring silently at the moving figures on the tv screen, thinking. "So was Blake your first kiss?" I chuckle quietly and Noah's eyes turn back to me.

"No. Man, I almost forgot the other half of my story. You know Jenna Clix, in my grade? She was my first kiss, back in seventh grade. She was a pretty little thing back then too. Finest looking girl in the seventh grade, and I was the one she chose to date until middle school was over. She really had a thing for me. Too bad for her kissing her was like kissing my grandma. Too wet and too awkward for comfort. There's just something about kissing boys I find to be so much better," I say, giving Noah a peck.

"You know, my first kiss was with a girl too. I made out with this chick my freshman year, and that was when I knew I was gay. I just didn't feel anything, you know? There just wasn't anything there. So then my sophomore year I was at a party, and there was this guy there that was openly gay, and I got to talking to him, and we ended up kissing. We didn't make out or anything, but that was all I needed to know I was actually gay. I don't have any experience other than that though," he finishes sheepishly, glancing up at me through his fringe.

"Hey, that's okay. We'll take it nice and slow, remember? You call the shots on it." Noah smiles at me, but his inquiry isn't done.

"You and Blake were together for nearly two years. Did you ever - I mean, are you. Um," Noah's cheeks flush the deepest red I've ever seen on them and I know he can only be asking one thing.

"Yes babe," I say, gently stroking his rosy cheekbone. "I'm a virgin." He stares at me as if he can't believe what I just said, but the fact that I've never had sex either seems to ease his mind quite a bit.

"Still Shane, two years. You can't tell me you two never did anything except making out. I don't mean to pry, I just want to know."

"I -"

"And don't butter it up or lie to me please Shane. I just want to know."

I sigh, not really wanting to get into this, but when I look up from my hands into Noah's face I know this information is something he needs as reassurance. "Okay yeah, almost two years is a long time, and even though it was more like a year and a half that we were together, it was a long time. We... got each other off towards the end of our relationship. Uh, like hand jobs and blow jobs, but never sex. He asked me once, but I was young and unprepared, and he never asked again."

"But that was so long," Noah says. "How could you stay with someone that long and not have strong enough feelings for them to do it?"

"Well I'm not saying my feelings weren't strong enough. I loved him, or at least thought I did. He was my first love, and even that has completely faded. I wouldn't have sex with him because even though I loved him, I couldn't see a future with us together. He was two years older than me, and I knew even if we survived that dreaded first-year-of-college obstacle, it would be harder to master the second year. I didn't want to give my virginity to someone who would ultimately leave me. And it wasn't his fault, at all. He didn't want it to be over any more than I did, but somewhere along the way I got caught up in my school and he got caught up in his, and we broke up a month into his first semester. My greatest joy out of that was the fact that the only thing I lost from that was a first love, not my virginity."

Talking out loud, and admitting everything about Blake, especially with Noah, is weird for me. The two differences between then and now are huge. I mean, back then there was no such thing as legal gay marriage in Maine. Add that up with being young and the fact part of me was still getting over everything that happened my freshman year, and I wasn't looking for any serious relationship. Now that I'm with Noah, I don't know. There's just something different about him, and even though it's early in this relationship, I could see this lasting. I could see me going to a local college and working though his first year, finding a nice school for both of us to attend after that, who knows. I am legally allowed to get married in my home state now, a feeling that is just indescribable. I mean yeah, it's way too early to think about marriage with Noah, but it's nice to know one day with him, or whoever else, it will be an option.

"You're going away to college at the end of the year," Noah points out. "I mean, it didn't work with you and Blake. Is this whole thing just pointless?"

"No. Hey, hey, no," I say, putting a gentle finger under his chin and lifting it so his gaze will meet mine. "I am not Blake, and you are you. Noah, it's you. Not anyone else I want to be with, because there is no one else I want to be with, you got that? When we get there, if you give me a chance, I will prove to you college-high school relationships can work okay?"

From down below I hear the door open which must mean Nick's home, but Noah ignores it and kisses me happily, a kiss so slow and sweet I want to bottle the feeling it's giving me for when I'm having a bad day. My hands find their way around Noah's waist again, and one of his hands slowly plays with a lock of my curly hair on the back of my head.

"Get a room!" Nick groans as he comes up the stairs, throwing a wadded up jacket at us.

"We had a whole house until you got home!" Noah retorts. I break into laughter and kiss him on the tip of the nose. He's just too cute. The smile he gives me makes me want to sigh in content. I'm so happy with how this evening turned out, even with a few bumps and turns.

"So does this mean yes for Thanksgiving tomorrow?"

"Of course it does, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I get to meet my boyfriend's family!"