Something Beautiful.

"What time are we meeting at your house again?" Jules asks Nick.

We got out for Christmas Break at 12:30 on Wednesday, but since Jules and I still owed hot coco to Madison and Noah after losing the bowling game forever ago we decided today would be the perfect time to repay the debt and so here we are, Nick and Harris tagging along. Noah looks back and forth between the two, a slightly confused look on his face.

"You're coming over tonight?" He asks, looking up at me. I return the confused look for a moment, trying to figure out how he couldn't know. When we started planning our guys night a week ago we decided that no significant others would be invited, so I had figured Noah had already made plans to stay with Madison or something. I open my mouth to answer, but Nick cuts me off.

"Since when are you coming to my house, Fries? I thought we were staying at yours?" Nick shoots across the table, removing his arm from around Harris's shoulder and placing his elbows on the smooth wooden surface between us. "You can't come over tonight, everything's a mess and my mom would probably try and throw a fit."

The two boys turn and look at me expectantly, and before either can say a word I realize what they want. "Nooo," I say, and when I shake my head I can feel the curls on the side of my hair tickle my ears. "We don't want to stay at my house, there's nothing to do and nowhere to sleep!"

"Not mine," Jules protests. "I have two little sisters, which trumps both of your problems. And when it comes down to it, I'd rather snuggle with you two in Shane's bed than risk making Mrs. White upset," he finishes.

Nick agrees and before I know it I'm texting my mom to tell her the two of them are staying the night, even though I know there will be no snuggling. Jules always plans to snuggle, but unless he falls asleep totally wiped out or in a cramped space he stretches out and snores as loud as a train during the night, leaving whoever he's sleeping with on the floor with ear plugs in.

"I still don't understand why all of you can't just come to our house!" Noah exclaims, a pouty look on his face. "I wanna spend time with you tonight. My mom won't care, you can just come over." I shrug at him, not wanting to point out that we agreed on not having Harris, Madison, or Noah around after Nick suggested a guys' night. I'd love to spend a night with Noah, but in all honesty, it's been a really long time since we've had a good guys' night without having any couples around. Noah turns to Nick, crossing his arms. "Why can't they come over?"

Nick sighs from his seat, looking at me incredulously, as though he can't believe I didn't explain the whole ordeal to Noah. Personally, I figured Nick would be the one that told Noah he needed to stay at Madison's, but apparently I had no idea what was going on tonight, because I didn't even know we weren't planning on staying at Nick's house.

"Because," Nick answers, giving Noah a pointed look. "You're at the house, and this is a guys' night. You're not invited."

"I am a guy!" Noah argues as he throws his hands in the air, causing a one or two people in the cafe to look over at us. "I am a male. A boy. A guy. Why am I always grouped with the girls? Shane's gay too, and you're including him in guys' night, but you're grouping me with the girlfriends!" Noah sinks back against me, crossing his arms tight over his chest and glaring at his brother across the table, where Nick sits with wide eyes and his mouth slightly agape.

"It's because you'd definitely bottom, so you are kind of the girl," Harris says nonchalantly, stirring her hot coco.

Nick spits out the mouthful of coffee he just drank, and everyone at our table falls quiet, the only sound is Harris's spoon scraping the ceramic of her mug as she stirs the coco. My jaw is practically laying on the floor and I can feel my cheeks catch fire as my mind registers what she just said. Nick's expression is slightly horrified as if he can't believe his girlfriend just made a comment about his best friend having sex with his little brother, but Harris remains oblivious.

"What?" she asks when Nick's coffee covers the table, looking up to meet her boyfriend's horrified look. "I was just saying, he's obviously smaller and more frail. Shane would obviously take charge in that situation.." Everyone remains silent and Harris slowly trails off, covering her face with her hands as she turns as red as her hair. "Oh my god," she groans through her hands. "I am such a socially awkward person! Why don't I have a filter on my mouth?!"

Madison begins to giggle quietly, and before too long everyone is laughing while Noah buries his face into my chest and Harris peers at us through her fingertips, absolutely mortified by what slipped out of her mouth. Noah refuses to look at anyone, but I press my lips to his hair, trying to control my laughter.

In all honesty, Noah is a lot more feminine than I am. But when it comes to that, I hadn't really given it much of a thought. We only started making out a few weeks ago, so I know sex won't come up for another few months. I want to wait until I know I love him. The thought has crossed my arms numerous times, usually when I'm holding him close or when my thoughts just drift to him in the middle of government, but I can't tell him yet. I'm not 100% sure of myself, and I'm not sure how Noah would react if I told him. I want to love him but at the same time I'm afraid to let myself.

When I know I love him and I know he loves me maybe it will be time. It's not that I haven't thought about being with Noah, and it's not that I haven't wanted to, but I know Noah isn't ready for that. I have experience because of Blake while Noah, on the other hand, has the experience as far as our makeouts have reached. When it is time I figure I'll be the one in charge. I don't want to just assume that, but I figure Noah's mind has to be on the same track.

"So meet at your house in a couple of hours?" Jules asks me through his laughs, reaching over and hitting my shoulder. The couple-y feeling of our group has broken up now, and I want to spend a few hours with Noah before tonight because tomorrow afternoon I'm leaving for family Christmas and I won't be back for over a week. It's gonna suck being away from him, like majorly suck, but we have skype and when I get home we're all going to a NYE party together. Crazy, I know, us going to a party, but we've got to be 'normal' every once in a while.

Everyone starts getting up and putting jackets on, but Noah refuses to remove his face from my side, so I stay put as the other two couples file out into the snow outside, pulling their scarves closer around themselves in an attempt to stay warmer.

"I'm gonna go start my truck so it's a littler warmer when we get out there," I whisper in Noah's ear before I slipping out of the booth and leaving the warmth to start my truck. I swear the thing takes hours to warm up, and if I didn't start it now we'd probably both have frostbite before we got to Noah's house.

I expect to sit back down for a few minutes when I go back inside the cafe, but when I enter the doorway Noah is standing to the side with my gloves in his hands, ready to go. "Let's go ahead and go back," he says as he walks towards me. I take my gloves from him, pulling them on before going back outside where the snow has started to fall again.

The ride is short and cold, Noah unusually quiet as he huddles down in the passenger seat. I notice nobody's at his house when we get there, and I'm glad. The past few weeks have been great, but some more alone time with Noah before I left would be great. I pull my truck into his driveway but don't kill the engine just yet. Its just getting warm in my truck, and I don't want to waste that.

"Did Harris embarrass you back there?" I ask Noah, unbuckling my seat belt and sliding across the bench seat to be closer to him.

"More like horrified," he says with a small laugh. "Nick's face... Oh my gosh, I was mortified!" I laugh with him, glad he's not upset about the whole ordeal. I still have another two and a half hours until I need to be home, but I don't know what Noah wants to do just yet. I'm all up for snuggling on the couch and watching a movie with some popcorn, but video games or tv doesn't sound too bad either.

"What do you want to do for the next two and a half hours?" I ask him, hoping he goes for the movie because I could really use some popcorn. "We could watch a movie, or play video games, or watch a movie..?"

"How about ice skating?" Noah asks, leaving me looking at him dumbfoundedly. Ice skating. In the middle of December. In Maine. Is he crazy? Noah grins when he sees my face, quickly morphing his expression into a puppy dog face, preparing to pout his way into getting what he wants. "You promised we could ice skate on my pond this winter! You told me that any time after the first week of December it would be frozen through enough that we could play hockey and everything! Please? Just for a little bit?"

"Noah, it's less than twenty degrees outside," I begin, but I look at his face again and fold. Screw it, I can't say no to this kid. "Okay, okay, okay. We can go, but we have to bundle up first and not for very long." Noah squeals like a little girl, opening his door and skipping to the house, saying something about how he's always wanted to go skating on a natural frozen pond.

We bundle up even more inside the house, me taking things out of Nick's closet I know he won't miss, and then start on our way down to the pond at the back of the White's property while I hold Noah close to me. Even through his excitement I can tell he's a little upset about something, but I don't know what. I decide to let it slide and enjoy the few hours I have with him until I leave and when we get to the ice I pull him on after me, letting him feel how slick the surface is against his shoes.

The pond is nice and frozen solid, as I knew it would be. When it snowed on Thanksgiving the snow melted two days later, but after that the temperature has only risen above freezing once when it was 33 degrees for a few hours the week following Thanksgiving. I'm not afraid of any potential cracks as we mess around, and Noah's delight of being on a pond instead of a rink brings a smile to my face. After Noah had his fill of falls and time in the cold he slid over to me, putting his arms around my neck and resting his head on my chest.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask gently, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him close to me. "What's been on your mind all afternoon?" Noah is quiet at first, refusing to do anything but snuggle closer to me, but after a moment he looks up at me and shrugs.

"You're leaving tomorrow and you're gonna be gone for over a week. I'm gonna miss you, you know?"

"I know, and I'm gong to miss you too," I tell him. "But we can skype and text and talk on the phone, and the week and a half will pass before you know it. I'm all yours when I get back," I promise, pressing my lips lightly to his. Noah pulls back and smiles at me, returning a kiss and tightening his arms around me. I relish his warmth in the cold environment, making me want to pull him closer and closer as the snow falls around us.

"HEY!" Nick yells from about a hundred yards away. "Are we going to your house or not? Sorry to break up your going away party, but its freezing tits out here!" Noah sighs in exasperation and rolls his eyes before looking back up at me and placing another quick kiss on my lips.

"You better be all mine when you get home," he says before grabbing my hand and making the way back up to his house where we both knew Nick would be waiting for me to go to my house after Noah and I said goodbye.

*****

When we all get to my house that night it's decided we're eating pizza and playing video games, as per usual for us hanging out. My parents went out with a couple they're friends with, so we don't have to worry about them until at least ten or so, which works perfectly for us because that means we get to spread our shit out everywhere and leave empty pizza boxes or used plates on every surface for a few hours while we play video games in my living room.

As it turns out, we all had busy afternoons after the cafe, so by the time my parents get home a little after eleven, we're all but worn out, resorting to cleaning our mess and retreating up to my room for some tv and hanging out.

"This is nice," Jules says at about midnight when we pause the game to get a snack. "You know, just the three of us hanging out. You two really are my meilleurs amis, you know? God, I'm gonna miss this next year."

I look at Jules for a second and suddenly it dawns on me how little time we have left. In five months we'll all be going our separate ways, leaving town to go to college, and getting on with our lives. Where will that road take us?

Jules has been my best friend since freshman year, and I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for him. I tell him everything, and the bond I feel with him has long ago surpassed friendship. Jules is like my brother, another piece of my soul that I'm so afraid to part with. The thought of not seeing him very much after we graduate crushes everything inside me and I can almost feel all the air leaving my lungs, leaving me unable to breathe.

Then there's Nick, who although I've only known for a few months, has also become a huge part of my life. I know he's originally from The City, but I have no clue where he'll end up for college, or if it will be anywhere close to me, and Nick is another friend that I can't stand to lose. Thinking of him in turn makes me think of Noah.

Noah, my boyfriend. Noah, who I'm pretty sure I'm starting to love. How can I leave him? Five months from now everything I feel will just be intensified, and I don't want to lose what I have with Noah. I can picture myself with him months ahead of now, but I don't have a very good track record with making long distance relationships work. That's enough to make me wish I could pause time and live in these moments right now.

Growing up is fucking scary.

"That's actually what I want to talk to you two about," Nick says as he nervously wrings his hands in his lap. "I know it's early to make a final decision, but I - I think I know where I want to go to college, but if I'm going to be 100% honest I'm scared as hell to do it." Jules and I remain silent as Nick peers at us so he takes a deep breath before explaining himself.

"I've had a few colleges talk to me about playing for them. There've been some scouts coming around and talking to me, you've seen that. I had a few last year and even more this year and its really exciting and everything because I'd love to play college ball, but everywhere that's offering me much sucks. Actually, the majority of schools that want me are D3 and can't offer athletic scholarships so I'm kind of stuck there.

"The thing is, I have a school that would allow me to play basketball for them and at the same time we wouldn't have to pay for my college. There's only one catch though, because its the Air Force Academy."

My room falls completely quiet as Jules and I take in what we were just told. Nick obviously wants to go, but that would mean him going all the way to Colorado Springs, leaving behind everything he's always known in the northeast. More than that, though, is the fact that if he stayed more than the first two years Nick would serve the Air Force.

"And you'd join?" Jules asks Nick quietly, all joking manner from earlier fully dissipated now. If growing up is fucking scary, I have no clue how to describe the prospect of enlisting in the armed forces and serving.

"Yeah," Nick whispers. "I would stay all four years, be in active duty, all of it. I've never considered the prospect of it, but I actually want to do it. I feel like I need to serve our country now that I've looked into it. I just... Don't know how to tell my family."

Nick looks at us with a look of desperation on his face, and it absolutely breaks my heart. How do you sit down with your parents and tell them you want to enter willingly into something that could potentially take your life years before you grow old?

"Would they not understand?" I ask, moving to sit beside him on my bed as Jules sits at his feet. "I mean, they're really supportive parents, I've seen that myself. Would they not like the idea of you serving or is it the fact that you would be so far away?"

"Definitely the serving part," Nick replies. "My dad's brother was killed in the service and it still hurts him. I don't think he would approve of his son joining, especially after that."

"It's scary.." Jules admits, staring of into space as if contemplating his own future. "It's all so scary."

"I know it is, but I feel like I need to do it. I want to play, but more than anything I want to serve. I'm not scared, and more than anything I feel like I would be honoring my Uncle's memory."

"I think they might understand that, you know? That makes sense, and it's a hell of an honorable thing to do. If its what you want to do then go for it. Just talk to your parents, see what happens," I tell him as Jules moves from his place on the ground.

"We're gonna support you no matter what, Nick. I hate the thought of growing up and I hate the thought of the three of us going different places, but you two are my best friends and nothing is going to change that." Jules's face contorts for a second before he smooths it out and clears his throat like he was covering up an almost-cry as he pulls us into a hug. "Je t'aime"

*****

Let me just say that as much as I love visiting my family, I absolutely hate leaving Maine in December to go to Oklahoma. I have nothing against the south except for its weather. Like seriously, who the hell things 55 degrees in December is normal?

Leaving Maine and the snow to come to a place where one week of overnight lows in the teens is an all time low record doesn't set well with me, but every year we make the journey to join our family Christmas and every year I have a blast as soon as I get passed the temperature difference between here and home.

I come from a decent sized family even though I myself am an only child. I don't have one if those huge families where there's hundreds of us together whenever we all meet up, but my dad had six siblings and all of them have several kids and most of their kids even have kids, so family Christmas is always fun.

Being eighteen puts me in an odd position with my cousins. My dad is the next to youngest, but his little sister is five years younger than him, and the oldest of her kids is just starting middle school. On the other hand, the closest cousin I have to my age that is older than me is twenty four and getting married this summer. All my other cousins are grown and married with kids, so I just kind of float in the middle. I don't mind, honestly. It allows me to spend a lot of time with my grandma and play with the babies in the family, something I absolutely adore.

Today is the day everyone is here. Some of my aunts and uncles have been here a couple days and are leaving soon and others only arrived this morning, but today is the official day we celebrated Christmas.

My grandparents live in a two story farm house and even with everyone inside we're not too cramped for comfort. With so many of us we always end up a little closer than we would probably be given more space, but the closeness is a kind of comforting closeness that you can only get from being in such proximity with your family.

I've been having a good day so far, helping my granny with the food and everything, but I've also been checking my phone every five minutes or so to see if Noah has texted me yet. I don't have the best service here so our conversations have been spotty since I left, but we're supposed to have a skype date later, something I can't wait for. Text conversations are one thing, but seeing Noah's beautiful face and hearing his voice is something totally different.

"If I don't see you at Easter don't forget to send a graduation announcement my way, alright Shane?" My Uncle John says, pulling me into a quick hug as his family prepares to leave. "It's been a while since anyone has graduated, and we need another excuse to all get together. Only this time it'll be on your turf! See you later son, take care."

I assure him I'll send them an invitation and smile as he rounds up his kids to leave. Everyone is laughing and hugging each other as Uncle John and Aunt Rhonda leave with their three daughters. It takes the family nearly five minutes before they're out the door, and the simple fact it's taken him so long makes me realize just how much I love my family. This is how we are, laughing and loving each other no matter what, and I'm just so thankful I have a family this great surrounding me.

By the time Noah and I finally get around to Skype it's midnight my time, one AM his. We had planned for the skype date to take place a lot earlier, but a few of my cousins and I started a game of dominoes later than we expected and by the time we got down to the double zero it was already 11:45, leaving me fifteen minutes to get ready for the time we had finally settled on somewhere in the middle of my dominoes game.

"Hey babe," I say with a yawn as my screen displays an image of my boyfriend, appearing ten times more alert than me.

"Shane!" Noah exclaims loudly, making me jump as his loud voice fills my ears through the earbuds I have in place. He turns red as bites his lip, barely containing an embarrassed giggle. "Uh... I mean hey."

"I'm excited to see you too babe," I say with a chuckle. There's no way to describe how it feels to have someone so excited to see you, even if it kills my eardrums at midnight. "How have you been?"

Noah giggles and ducks his head, running a hand through his locks. "Um, okay. But forget about me. What about you? Are you having fun with your family? Win that domino game?" He smirks at that, with a coy knowing look on his face, challenging me to answer him. I feel my own cheeks heating up, but I can't help but grin as I admit my defeat.

"No, actually I got dead last." Noah laughs at me like I knew he would, and without being able to help myself, I break out into a fit of laughter that has the potential to wake up family sleeping near by, but I don't really care. When I'm talking to Noah I don't really care what everyone else is doing. I shrug as our laughter subdues and begin to explain myself. "But you know, I suck at dominoes. Things down here are going well, it's nice to see everyone. The only problem is I miss you like crazy babe."

Noah emits a small laugh again, his cheeks blushing brightly. "That's hilarious! Told you you'd lose when you texted me," he says happily. "But I'm glad you're having fun." He pauses and looks down, some of his happy demeanor slipping from his expression. He laughs once more, almost sadly this time. "I-I really miss you Shane. So much..." His voice trails off and his eyes fall dejectedly to look at a spot in the lower right corner of his screen, staring at nothing in particular.

In my yearning to touch him, I reach out, only finding the smooth surface of my computer screen with the image of Noah's cheek behind it. I leave my fingers resting there, wishing I could place them under his chin and pull it up to look me in the eyes. "I know baby, I miss you so much too. But it's all gonna be okay, right? I'll be home soon and we can celebrate Christmas together and see everyone and go out on New Years' Eve. Its gonna be okay."

Noah just bites his lip and shakes his head, a small sigh escaping his lips. He looks back up at me, smiling shakily as he reaches his hand up and places his fingers to his screen so our hands meet each other. "Yeah I know. Sorry." He shrugs and drops his hand, glancing down again. "I just.. I dunno. Everything's been weird here, especially today. I don't know."

Silence envelops us after Noah talks, and I stare intently at him as I wait for him to look back up at me, but as the silence stretches on it becomes apparent he has no desire to pull his gaze up. I shift in my seat and bite my own lip, trying to decide what to say. Cocking my head to one side I pull the computer closer and lower my voice, making it as soft and comforting as possible. Something is bothering my boyfriend, and I want to know what's wrong so I can help fix whatever's bothering him. "What's wrong Nohs?" I whisper.

He still doesn't look at me, but just picks at the sleeve of his shirt. The laptop slides a little off his lap, but Noah either doesn't notice or doesn't care, and the computer stays, the image of Noah on my screen now a little lopsided. "You can tell me anything babe, you know that," I say softly, trying to coax whatever's bothering him out. Noah takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes up to look at the ceiling, refusing to look at me directly.

"It's just uh.." He whispers at a volume so quite he's barely audible. "It's been a, um, year since I was attacked. Today."

All the air leaves my lungs and I'm overcome with an overwhelming need to reach over the almost 2000 miles between us and take Noah in my arms. "Noah," I breathe. "I'm so... God, I'm sorry baby.. I wish I could be there right now to hold you. Are you okay with it? I mean, how could you be? Oh my gosh, it's been a wild year."

Noah runs his hand through his hair again, and laughs cynically into his palm. He shakes his head and lets his hand fall, swallowing hard and clenching his jaw. "Yeah. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Be mad? It happened and there's nothing I can do to change it. I mean, it's been a whole fucking year! A whole fucking year of being this.." His voice breaks, the anger slowly ebbing as he loses his ability to speak.

"Of being strong," I say firmly. "Of not giving up. Of becoming this amazing boy that's sitting in front of me. Of being beautiful. That's what you are, baby. You're all of that and so much more. I know you feel like you've lost so much after it happened and I know you feel like you're not whole anymore, but you are more wholesome than anyone I know. You are so beautiful."

Noah tries to choke down a sob as tears flow down his cheeks, and he pulls the computer to his chest and wraps his arms around the top of the laptop so all I can see is the chest of his shirt as I hear him cry softly and try to get his emotions under control. I let him get it all out, thinking only of how lucky I am he's here, and that everything has worked out how it has.

When he finally gets his emotions in check the laptop returns to his lap, the webcam once more on his face where Noah wipes away the last of his tears and offers me a watery smile and a light laugh. "I'm sorry," He says, taking another breath. "My parents have been driving me crazy with my favorite foods and they've been smothering me with hugs and letting me pick what we watch on TV. Nick's been trying to cuddle and comfort me and stop me from cutting again - Not that the thought crossed my mind. I swear, it never crossed my mind. I'm done with that, like I promised I was when we moved. The thing is, no one has actually tried to talk to me about it, or ask how I feel about it, or what I'm thinking, or anything. You're the only one..."

"And I'm always here to talk to you, no matter what. You can't blame them babe, they just don't know how to react. How are you feeling about the whole thing?"

"I-I don't know," Noah admits. "I mean, there's a lot going on in my head right now... I almost don't know left from right. I mean, so much has happened since that day. I used to cut and hate myself, but now I... I don't hate myself as much, actually." Noah has a faint smile on his face, and although his gaze is on my face, he doesn't appear to be looking at me, but right through me as though he's seeing something that isn't really here.

"I'm proud of you, Noah," I say seriously, and this time he meets my gaze and smiles back, a look of accomplishment splayed across his features.

"Thanks babe," he replies. "I can't wait until you're home. I have your Christmas present waiting for you!"

"I can't wait to exchange presents Noah. This is definitely going to be the best Christmas ever," I say. Unplugging my laptop from its charger I pick up the computer and retreat to my bed, turning the overhead light in my room off but leaving a lamp on the desk on so there's enough light Noah can still see my face.

"Your present isn't that great," he mumbles as I make myself comfortable on my bed.

"But I'm spending it with you," I point out. "And that makes it better than any other Christmas I've had."

"Oh shut up," Noah protests as his cheeks flame. He may try to deny it, but the jubilant grin he tries to conceal gives him away. It's cheesy and he'll never admit it, but Noah loves when I say stuff like that. A comfortable silence falls over us, and suddenly a thought pops into my mind.

"Hey Nohs, there's something I want you to do for me," I say cautiously.

Noah gives me a skeptical look, picking up on the hesitation in my voice. He cocks his head to one side, trying to figure me out. "And what is it you want me to do?"

"Don't freak out," I start, trying to figure out a way to put my idea out there without Noah freaking out and cutting me off before he can hear me out. It's a risk, but I there's just something in me that makes me want to ask him, just to see what kind of response I get. Noah's expression is slightly worried and slightly amused as he watches me struggle for my words, and with my eyes in deadlock with his I start talking. "I know you'll probably say no, and I know you have every right to, but I just want you to try, for me. She's old and sick and no harm to anyone," I pause and watch Noah's eyes grow as big as saucers as he realizes what I'm asking him. "Look Nohs, I'll be there with you the whole time, and we can start with her in a pet carrier or whatever, but I really want you to meet Tiger."

Noah shakes his head violently, a scared laugh making its way out of his mouth that hangs open in dismay. "N-no, Shane. I-I can't do that, and you know it."

"Baby," I say softly. "You saw her when you came over the first time. She's about as big as two of your feet." Noah shakes his head again, and I can tell I'm losing the battle. "Noah, the teeth she still has left aren't even strong enough to eat hard food any more and she's on straight soft food. She has arthritis and can barely get around, and on top of that, she's sick with something they haven't found out yet and I promise you she wouldn't be able to hurt a fly if it was annoying her. I just want you to meet her babe."

"Shane," Noah pleads. "I really don't want to do this. I-I'm so scared... Why does it mean so much to you anyways?"

"Because," I tell him, "She means so much to me, and I can't explain what she means to me. She's not just a dog, but I don't say that in the way creepy dog parents do. I mean it for real, she's one of the most important things in my life, and it would mean the world to me if you could start to get over your fear of dogs with Tiger."

Noah broods for a moment, and his expression displays the internal battle going on inside of his head. I let him have his silence, quietly crossing my fingers and holding my breath. "She'll be in a cage?" Noah whispers after what feels like eternity.

"She'll be in a cage," I agree. "And I'll be beside you holding your hand and she won't do anything to hurt you. I promise you that."

"Okay.." Noah says with hesitation. "But not right away. I-I have to get myself ready for it, okay?"

"Okay!" I answer excitedly, beaming at him. "Whenever you're ready, let me know. She's going to be so happy to meet you! I can't wait!"

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," Noah mutters, but smiles at me nonetheless. "Oh, by the way, I told Madison, Julius, Harris, and my Brother that we'd go out with them on New Year's Eve."

"Out?" I ask. We don't go out, like ever. Out means being around other people and socializing and all that jazz. While none of us are exactly anti-social, Noah is the epitome of shy and Madison, well, Madison doesn't do the party scene, and for good reason.

"Out," Noah smiles. "As in, to a party." He lets it sink in for a few moments, laughing at my shocked expression. "You underestimate me, Shane! It's gonna be fun, I promise. Plus, I've never gotten a midnight kiss."

I smile back as he blushes at what he just admitted, and I swear to myself I'll change that for him this New Year's Eve. "I'll change that for you," I offer, making Noah blush deeper. I roll over to my side and set the laptop on my bed, yawning and rubbing my eyes.

From the screen in front of me I see Noah yawn too, and I realize it's after two his time. "Do you have anything to do tomorrow?" I ask, speaking through another yawn. Noah nods his head, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. "You better go to sleep babe."

"But.. But iwannatalkto youuuuu," he protests, yawning again. With a soft chuckle Noah looks at me, realizing his body has defeated his will. "Do we have to?" I nod and he pouts, almost changing my mind, but I'm tired as hell and there's no way I'll be able to stay up much longer.

"Goodnight baby," I say, smiling as Noah's pout becomes more pronounced.

"I wish I could kiss you goodnight," he whines. "But goodnight to you too babe. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Of course," I agree. "Goodnight babe. Sweet dreams, I know you'll be in mine." Noah smiles back, and with that we sign off. I turn the lamp off and set my laptop on the desk, feeling the pitch black of early morning wash over me.

A year ago Noah lost everything, but on that day in a way, I gained so much. He's alive, and he's here, and he's mine. It really is a great Christmas.