Something Beautiful.

The moment Shane gets back form his trip, he comes over and we kiss for a solid five minutes. Our lips never break contact and we were standing in the front hallway, but it didn't matter. My parents were in the kitchen and although Nick was there at first, he quickly shot off and away when our lips made contact. I would have laughed at him had I not been preoccupied. When we separated Shane said he wasn't sure if he could stay away from me that long again and I giggled like a woman, but I was the happiest I'd been in awhile.

We spent most of the break together, hanging out at our houses or around the diner Jules's worked at, leaving with him at the end of his shift. We were all pretty broke considering Christmas was nearly here and we hadn't gotten our gifts or money yet, but we spent our time in my game room or at the park or down by my frozen lake. Jules loved going down there to skii, saying something about a pond he could remember from France, and to see Jules happy made Madison happy. Shane however always complained about the cold, but if you want my honest opinion, I think he only said that so I'd skate close and keep my body against his. Not that I was complaining about it.

Harris hung out with us a few times, showing off her quirky and very awkward personality. She threw something new into our mix, though, and it was fun. Nick adored her, that much was obvious, and to see my brother so smitten made me happy.

Nick had been weird for awhile, leaving the house at odd times and coming back several hours later, sweaty and tired. I knew he had basketball practice, he even had one game during the break, but he wasn't going to that when he came back that way. He didn't talk much at dinner and when my dad asked what he was thinking for college, he got all quiet and tongue-tied before leaving awkwardly. We were all worried about him but didn't want to push him. It was hard for me not to go into his room at night and lay close to him on the bed and coax what was wrong with him out, but I restrained myself. I knew something was up and I wanted him to come to me, you know?

Madison left town Christmas Eve and Day. She told me she had to see her mom, even though she didn't want to, and the only reason she was even going was for the presents. Apparently her mom made quite a bit of money. Her and her dad were going to stay in a hotel together and Madison wasn't happy about it, but had no choice in the matter. I just gave her a hug and told her to bring me something back, which made her laugh.

On Christmas day, none of us got together. It was spent with famiy, as it should be. My parents had a tradition of letting us open one present on Christmas Eve night, so my mom picked one out and gave it to both Nick and I.

There was a lot more presents underneath the tree that year, but mom said it was something to celebrate because she was finally being published. I figured that meant we would spend less money for Christmas, but apparently not. Her and my dad just grinned at us from the couch, like we were five and seven again.

Nick opened a new fragrence from Usher or some singer like that, and his face lit up because apparently it was the expensive bottle and that made him more excited. I opened up a Liam Payne doll, which we all laughed at for about five minutes. Liam Payne was in the band One Direction and while I liked a few of their songs, I wasn't the biggest fan or anything like that. We'd been in Target looking for one of my little cousins a doll when I saw the entire One Direction collection and I jokingly told my dad I thought Liam was the hottest one. So I guess he took it into account and they bought it for me as a knock-off present, but I loved it anyway. Nick said something about Shane being jelaous of the doll and that made my dad laugh even harder. It was a great night.

The next morning, at seven-thirty, Nick comes barreling into my room and jumps on my bed. He accidently kicked me in the balls, which I yelled at him for, but he just smiled sheepishly and yanked me from the room.

Mom and Dad were already down stairs sipping coffee, having made hot chocolate for Nick and I. I think they enjoyed making us seem younger, but I let them indulge. Their eldest son was about to go off to college and I only had one more year, so I'm sure they were trying to keep us their little babies for as long as possible.

We got a lot of little things, like new shirts and pajama bottoms, and Nick recieved a hundred-dollar gift card to Academy while I got one to Amazon. My dad got my mom beautiful diamond earrings, which made her cry and kiss him cheesily. Nick gagged but I always thought my parents were adorable. Mom got Dad a new suit and a few new tools for when he felt like being a man and fixing things around the house. (It was a rare occurence). Nick and I put money together to buy them both giftcards to a really nice restaurant a few cities over, where they could eat fancy steak and wine, and they both thanked us, happily stating they'd have to go on a date night soon.

The big gift, however, was the same thing for Nick and I. It came in one, shared package and when we ripped the paper off, we found out it was two, brand-new iPhone 5s. Nick instantly claimed the black one, but I didn't care as long as I got one of them. We were both pretty excited and jumped up to hug our parents, and then they gave us two Otter Boxes to put them in. I'd asked for a new iTouch, but the new iPhone was just as good if not better. As soon as I got it in my lime-green case and transfered all my contacts, I text Shane telling him to guess what I was texting him from.

The sneaky bastard guessed an iPhone 5. I don't know how he did it; he must just be a good guesser.

The rest of the day, we sat around and watched all these new Marvel movies my dad got and played with our phones. My mom cooked a delicious pot-roast for dinner, with mashed potatoes and corn and green beans.

At the end of the night, when I was laying in bed, I FaceTimed Shane. He had an iPhone 4 from when they first came out, but it'd never been cracked or had problems so he never asked for a new one. We grinned at each other and showed off our presents before saying good night with the promise that we'd see each other the next day.
~

The next afternoon, I convinced my parents to go see a movie, eat out, and shop with some of the money and giftcards they recieved from family members. Nick had already left to do something with Harris and I thought it'd be an excellent idea for Shane and I to have the house to ourselves. I just had to promise to save some of the food I was cooking because my dad loved my food, and rightly so. I know I'm young but I'm actually pretty good, if I do say so myself. I don't know exactly what I want to be when I grow up, but if all else fails I'll just go to culinary school.

I made a homemade pizza, rolled out the dough and everything myself. I also made some smoothies and homemade rasberry lemonade and for dessert red-velvet cupcakes. I knew Shane would love it all, but he always loved what I made us. I think it was a part of the, 'let's be the perfect boyfriend' act.

It is six in the afternoon when there's a knock at the front door. I know it's Shane because I'm not expecting anyone else, so I turn on the Christmas tree, make sure his present is on the coffee table, and sprint to open the door.

Shane grins at me, flashing his blindingly white teeth. He looks so unbelievably handsome, wearing a red t-shirt underneath his new leather jacket and a pair of form-fitting dark wash jeans. The new red Vans on his feet brought it all together, and honestly, with those lush curls on the top of his head, I thought I was going to swoon. He holds a bag at his side and a plate of cookies, his cheeks red from the cold.

"Come inside," I breathe, embarrassing myself with how flustard I sound. I take the cookies and present from him, waiting for him to slip off his shoes and coat before he follows me into the living room.

I blush bright red when we get in there, because I might have gone a little overboard with the whole thing. I couldn't help myself, my parents were gone and it's our first Christmas together and it's like a date. It's the first one I've organized, so sue me for wanting it to be perfect.

I laid a blanket out on the floor and a bunch of pillows, so we had somewhere comfortable to sit. There was a collection of movies by the t.v. and all of the food was laid out on the coffee table. My pizza, the cupcakes, and then I had us both glasses of the lemonade. I left the smoothies in the fridge because I knew we'd get those later, after a handful of movies. I set my present beside Shane's and turned to him awkwardly, wondering whether or not he liked what he saw.

Before I knew it, Shane's arms were wrapped around my waist and yanking me to him. He presses his lips to mine firmly, kissing me breathless. When he pulls away, he rests our foreheads together and grins so widely, I can't help but smile back at him.

"This is so perfect," Shane says, keeping our faces close together as he leans back.

I giggle nervously, picking at the collar of my boyfriend's shirt. "I was afraid it'd be too much," I admit.

"No," he says, shaking his head and pecking a kiss to my forehead. "I love it. It's perfect."

"Good," I grin, taking his hand in mine and leading him toward the palate I made on the floor. We sit down beside each other, Shane's arm resting comfortably over my waist as we lean back against the pillows. He stares at me unashamedly, a little smile on the corner of his lips as his hazel eyes gleam with mischief. I run a hand through my hair and blush like a maniac. After a few moments, I look away and mumble, "Um, do you want to eat or swap presents? Or, uh-"

"Actually," Shane says, catching my chin in his hand and tilting my head back in his direction. He smirks at me as he leans forward and knocks our foreheads together. "I want to kiss you."

I blush but he kisses me before I can say anything, his lips fierce as he presses into me. One of my arms wrap around his neck, locking into his curls as his fingers splay across my back. He presses me further against the pillows, his chest flush against mine. Our tongues meet sloppily and I'm surprised by the vigor we're kissing with; we've never kissed this passionately before. I might even describe it as lustful, but I don't mind the dominate attitude Shane quickly comes up with, his hand finding its way beneath the fabric of my t-shirt and stroking the scars on my left side. The self-inflicted ones.

Much to my embarrassment, as he sucks my tongue into his mouth harshly and causes my muscle to stretch to the max, I moan lowly into his mouth. Shane's hand grips my side more tightly as he sucks my tongue more harshly, causing me to come undone in his arms. I flop against his chest, draping my arms lazily over his shoulders.

I'm disappointed when he finally pulls away, both of us breathing heavier than usual. He smiles at me, pulling his hands from my bare skin and wrapping them around my waist to pull me between his legs. I smile back at him, settling against his chest and resting my head on his shoulder, attempting to calm my heartbeat back down.

Shane's hands run over my back and arms, making me relax further in his hold. My eyes slip closed because honestly, I could spend the rest of my life right here. Wrapped up in Shane's arms. I love it, and I think I could maybe, possibly love him.

Who knows. He sure as hell works for it.

"I like what you're wearing," Shane says, looking down at me tenderly.

I blush but shrug anyway. I'm wearing a pair of tight jeans and t-shirt. No jacket, no long sleeves. Just a t-shirt. Plain and black and a teeny bit form fitting. The least amount of clothing I have ever worn around Shane, and I hope he sees it for what it means. I trust him. Trust him enough to only wear a t-shirt around him and trust him enough to give him his Christmas present, which I'm really hoping he loves and doesn't laugh at.

"I mean it," he whispers, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You should walk out of the house like this."

"It's snowing," I laugh, lifting my head to look at him.

Shane smirks and shrugs. "Maybe in Spring then."

I narrow my eyes, realizing what he means when he says this. I eventually shake my head and stretch my lips to kiss him, murmuring, "Maybe."

Shane's grin spreads from one ear to the other. I like that I put it there, but I don't want to talk about what I meant when I said that. It's not time for us to get mushy and cute and shit, at least not until after we exchange presents. So I peck his cheek and then scramble out of his lap. I grab our presents, surprised by how light mine from him is, before setting them on the ground. Mine to him is thin and square, and by the eyebrow raise he gives I think he might know what it is. I bite my lip anyway and ask who opens first.

"You," he grins, pushing the bag with red and green tissue towards me. I smile brightly, always excited for presents. Especially when they're from my sweet boyfriend.

"I was hoping you'd say that," I laugh, ripping the paper from the bag and giggling as I pull out what's inside. "Awe," I say loudly, smiling like an idiot at what I hold in my hands.

It's a teddy bear, stuffed thick with dark brown fur. His face is a lighter brown and he wears a cute little beanie, his ears poking out of holes. He wears a little pair of shoes that look like Vans, blue to match his blue button-down, and a pair of light jeans. In his little paw is a mircophone, clearly meant to imply this little bear is a singer, which makes my smile widen.

"There's a paper," Shane says, reaching into the bag and pulling out the birth certificate of the bear he made me at Build-A-Bear.

I laugh as I take it, holding the bear close to my chest and reading it over. "Noah, who belongs to Noah." I recite, looking up at him with a raised brow.

Shane shrugs sheepishly, reaching over to mess with the bears ear. "He reminded me of you. I thought it was fitting."

"I love it," I say, leaning over to kiss him. Shane smiles at me, asking really? to which I laugh and shake my head. "Of course. It's pretty damn adorable."

"Exactly," Shane smirks, "just like you."

I tilt my head and give him a pensive look. Setting Mini Noah in my lap, I push Shane's present towards him, butterflies going insane in my stomach. As he rips the paper much slower and calmer than I did, I'm nervous he's going to hate it. It didn't really cost me much money. His must have, and he took the time to pick out all the clothes and stuff it and make it a bear version of me. And honestly, it's the sweetest, cutest thing on the face of the planet. Mine isn't as good as his present; not only that, I'm afraid it'll come off a little vain. I didn't mean to be cocky when I made the CD, I just wanted him to have something that reminded him of myself. So he could always have a piece of me, and Nick assured it was a good idea.

God, thinking about it this hard isn't helping anything.

It's making it worse.

"Is this a CD?" Shane asks once he finally gets to the case, his brow furrowing. He opens it up to find a naked, silver CD, no writing stating what it is. He looks up at me, waiting for me to explain, but I suddenly find myself unable.

I blush brightly, looking down at the bear in my lap. I play with his ears, another of my fingers reaching down to finger the little nub of a tail hanging out of his pants. I press my lips to his head and avoid eye contact, wondering if I'll ever get the courage to tell him what's on it. I mean, I know I have to and he's waiting patiently, but I'm suddenly so nervous I think I'll throw up.

"Um," I say, hiding my face behind the head of bear Noah. One of Shane's hands rests on my knee and squeezes, and I know he's probably more confused than fuck, so I take a few deep breaths. "It's like, a uh, um. A CD of, urm. Songs... Songs that I- uh. Songs I recorded myself. Singing."

"Really?" Shane says, his voice awestruck. I peak over Noah's round ears to see his wide eyes as he looks down at the CD in his hands. "You recorded yourself singing songs for me?"

"I know it's not much," I start, biting my lip.

"No it's perfect Nohs," Shane says, shaking his head adamently. "I love it. Really. It's-" He lets out a deep breath of air, shaking his head. He looks up at me and grins cheesily, nodding. "It's great."

"I have some equipment with my laptop," I say, scratching the back of my head as I finally remove my face from bear Noah. "It's nothing fancy, so the recordings aren't that good, and-"

"I'm sure it's amazing," Shane says, setting the CD aside and leaning up on his knees. He shuffles closer to me and presses our lips together, hand cupping the side of my neck. "Even if the sound quality is terrible, your voice will be great. I mean, you're so talented there's no way you could ever sound bad."

"Shut up," I giggle, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him closer to kiss again. When he doesn't lean away, my arms wrap over the back of his neck, tongues tangling together and a happy sigh leaving my lips.

The pizza is probably getting cold and the ice is probably melting in our lemonade's, but as Shane pushes me onto my back, squishing Mini Noah between our torsos, I could really care less.
~

On New Year's Eve, my parents go to visit some friends in the city. They trust us enough to leave us behind, but I think that's mainly because they know I won't leave the house and Nick is a responsible kid. Which makes me feel like a bad kid for going to a party that night, but it's a bit exhilarating. It makes me feel like a bad-ass. You know, I'm sneaking out to go to a high school party.

I am a fucking animal.

Smirking to myself, I do a once over in the full-length mirror, making sure I look presentable. I don't really know what people wear to parties, at least not in Comfort, Maine. Little bitty towns are a lot different than the city, and so are their parties. In the city you dressed pretty casual and it depended on what type of parties you were going to as to how exactly you dressed. Here though there's no telling.

I wear a pretty tight pair of light wash skinny jeans, baggy around my knees but skin-tight at my ankles. My button-down was blue-and-green plaid, pinched around my waist and loose over my chest. I wear a big cardigen over top that, however, to hide myself. Like one of my jackets, only this left me a tiny bit more exposed. Which was how I perferred it. Of course to pull my entire outfit together, I wore blue High-Tops and frazzled my hair. Hopefully this is how people dress to go to parties in this town.

There's a knock on my door, and as I'm running my gelled fingers through my hair I yell out, "Come in!" I know it's only Nick as he's the only person in the house, unless Shane or someone got in unexpectedly. Which I doubt, they weren't supposed to be here until nine.

Like I said, Nick walks in with a big smirk. His hair is spiked in the front, reminding me of a faux hawk, and looks a lot darker than usual. Probably because of the season; just like blondes, our hair gets lighter and darker depending on the time of the year. He nods approvingly at my outfit before moving to my full-length mirror, taking in his whole appearance.

"You look hot," I say, sitting on the end of my bed and drumming my fingers on my thighs nervously. So yeah, I'm kind of nervous about this party. Sue me. I haven't been to something like this in a long time; I'd venture as far as to say I haven't been in public really in a long time. Not a place with a crowd like this will have at least.

"I don't know if that's flattering or creepy," Nick says, smirking at me through his reflection. I roll my eyes and watch as he fixes himself up to look nice. He wears a pair straight-leg jeans and a long-sleeve Affliction shirt which is so tight across his shoulders I'm pretty sure Harris is going to swoon. He turns around and winks at me, tilting his head a few ways. "Although I must admit you're right. I'm fucking sexy."

"More like cocky," I say, laughing as Nick shoves at my shoulder. He flops down beside me, kicking his Sperry-clad feet up onto my lap and laying back against my pillow. I roll my eyes at his antics and watch as he pulls his iPhone out of his pocket, checking the messages he probably has from Harris. I swear they text each other twenty-four-seven. More than Shane and I which is saying a lot, considering neither of us have lives. Nick at least has basketball and Harris was the lead in One-Act Play. Yet you'd think their worlds revolved around each other, I swear.

It was admittedly sort of adorable.

Nick moves his feet and accidently knicks me in the ballsack, which causes me to glare at him as he smiles sheepishly. I cup myself and grumble about how that's the second time this break, and he better watch himself because I will get him back, and bad. He sits up beside me, sighing loudly and tossing his arm over my shoulder.

"Did I tell you I was proud of you for doing this?" Nick says nonchalantly, giving me a side-ways glance.

I roll my eyes and shove him off, standing up. I dig my hands deep into my pockets and look at my shoes, biting the inside of my cheek. "It's no big deal."

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not," I stress, cutting him a stern look. "Don't make a big deal out of nothing, Nick. We're always stuck in the house, Shane and I, and I-I wanted to do something different, y'know. For him. So he doesn't get bored."

"No worries there, man," Nick says, standing up and throwing his arm around my shoulder again. "I'm pretty sure Shane's in love with you."

I blush bright red, nudging him in the ribs and avoiding eye contact, "Don't say that," I mumble, embarrassed. Why? Because I desparately want it to be true, and I'm sure as hell aren't going to say it first. Does that seem like something I would do? Hell no.

"You gonna drink?" Nick asks, the question innocent though I know he's legitmately interested. We all knew there'd be alcohol at this party, it was common sense.

We'd even made Jules our designated driver. Not that he wanted to drink, since Madison was going to be at this party he swore he wouldn't. Which makes me respect him ten-times more. Madison told me what happened to her before Nick and I ever came here, and my heart wept for her. Of course, after she shared her past, I did not share mine, but it did put the thought in my head. I just couldn't believe something so awful happened to her, but I was so happy Jules supported her and everything. I was pretty sure he wouldn't leave her side this entire party, which I was thankful for. God knows what would happen if she did, if anyone was more nervous for this than me it would be Madison. This was sort of her I'm back and fuck what you think about me thing. Or maybe it was just her I'm better than that thing. Who knew, but I was definitely proud of her.

"Probably," I tell Nick, because honestly, it's the only way I'm going to get out of this party alive. Otherwise I'll have a stick in my ass all night and that's not fun for Shane. "You?"

"You know me," Nick grins wolfishly, flopping on my bed again. "Won't get shitfaced or anything but I'll get a nice buzz. Besides, I'm thinking maybe once we get back I'll get lucky," he adds a wink with that causing me to scoff.

After the party, which we'll probably leave between midnight and one, everyon was coming back to our house. And I mean everyone. As far as I know, Harris told her parents she was staying at Madison's, and Madison told her dad she was staying at mine, and Jules and Shane can do what they want since they're both eighteen. So we were all going to stay here with no parents, sleep in until about two the next afternoon, and wake up to my mom's cooking. Her and my dad wouldn't mind them coming over, they'd probably approve of it more than the party. They'd say it was safer. However, I'm pretty sure we all plan on dividing into couples, which I'm not a hundred-percent sure they'll be okay with, but I could care less. Shane and I are going to spoon all night long. I don't even care if Jules and Madison have sex in the game room as long as I get that cuddle time with my boyfriend.

Listen to me. I'm a love-struck school girl.

I know Harris and Nick won't because they haven't been together long and Nick wanted to wait until marriage. To each their own if that's what he wants, but I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend if he works for it. Why am I even thinking about sex? That's insane, I mean, sure Shane's sexy but- okay who am I kidding? Shane's a gay guy's wet fantasy. And I'm fucking horny tonight, sue me.

Not that we're going to do anything. I'm way to shy to start anything and Shane probably thinks I'll freak out like our first make out. So that's a no for us, at least right now.

A knock at the door causes both Nick and I to jump up, anxious smiles between us. We knew Jules was picking Shane up and then Madison and Harris, so the knock at the door was our entire party, not just one or two. Which caused Nick and I to shove at each other on our way down the stairs and towards the door.

Unfortunately, Nick is faster and stronger and taller- which does in fact have an impact considering his stride was longer than my own and everything. It really sucks I got my mom's genes on the body factor.

So Nick opens the door, and at the front of the group is Shane, who's grinning like an idiot. His smile falters when he sees my brother instead of me, but he's back to grinning once he pushes Nick away and presses a hello kiss to my lips, which Nick protests loudly at of course.

"You look hot," Shane says as soon as our lips break apart, and I can't stop the tomato red my cheeks turn.

I refuse to meet his gaze and instead look him over. He's calling me hot? Because he needs to take a look at himself. He wears a pair of actual skinny jeans, though they're bigger than my own. They're a brown color to match his leather jacket, almost. His shirt is a dark purple and theres a pair of checkered Vans on his feet. I didn't know it was possible, but his hair is curlier than I have ever seen it before. Bangs hanging over his eyebrows as he smiles cheekily at me.

"How cute," Harris says from the doorway, smirking at us from around Nick. Since the awkward conversation about who tops in the cafe, Harris finds it hilarious to taunt Shane and I anytime she can. Which believe me, isn't funny at all.

Harris wears her long red hair in a low ponytail, dark shadow around her blue eyes and a bright pink lipstick. She has on black tights, black combat boots, a ridiculously tight black skirt, and a bright pink shirt that shows just the top of her cleavage. Sexy but not really slutty. Nick knew how to pick them.

"So do we know how many people are going to the party?" Madison asks, voice soft from her place against Jules. She wears a big fitting jacket probably attempting to hide herself since she's going to a party and doesn't have a good history with those. But I can already tell by the way Jules's arm is wrapped around her waist that nothing will happen to her. Nothing bad at least.

"I hear probably around a hundred kids," Harris says, pulling out her iPhone and looking through it. She shrugs, grabbing Nick's hand and tugging him toward the car outside. "We better get going, though."

Jules managed to snag his Dad's truck, which apparently he had to trade for a bunch of chores. It was the only car that could fit all of us, though. Three in the front and three in the back, which unfortunately meant one couple needed to be separated.

On our way there can you guess who it was?

Yep, Shane and I. I got front seat beside Madison and Jules, while Shane got stuck with my brother and his girlfriend. The entire ride there Jules and Harris are talking, which surprises me. I didn't know they had so much in common, but I knocked it down to them being gingers.

On the ride there, I start getting nervous. Butterflies pool in my stomach as I wonder if I look okay. Does my hair look like straw? Am I ready for this? There's probably going to be over a hundred students there, which means crowds and strangers touching me. Am I really ready for this?

As if sensing my train of thoughts, Madison reaches over and takes my hand in hers. I smile weakly as she intwines our fingers and ask myself if I'm going to make it out of this alive. But I'm sure Madison is asking herself the same thing and that makes me feel a little better. Plus I have Shane and I doubt he'll leave me alone for a minute. At least I hope he doesn't.

Madison leans towards me and whispers in my ear, although she probably wouldn't have to. Everyone's involved in a different conversation plus the radio is on.

"I gave Jules's a blow job."

My eyes widen dramatically as I turn toward her. I squeeze her fingers tightly, asking myself why the fuck would she tell me that? It's almost as bad as her changing bras right in front of me. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to know about her sex life.

Although it is interesting.

Unable to help myself, I tilt my head to her and ask quietly, "Seriously?"

Madison bites her lip and nods. "We were just really into a make out, and I noticed he got excited, so I- y'know. He kept telling me I didn't have to but I wanted to."

"Whoa," is all I say, my face flushing. I check over my shoulder to make sure no one's paying attention to our quiet conversation before I shuffle toward her and lean in close. "So-?"

"So," Madison shrugs, at a loss for words. "It happened and it got me thinking. I mean, I liked it. He didn't force me and was super sweet afterwards, telling me I didn't have to and how much he appreciated the thought. I didn't think boys did stuff like that, y'know? He never made a move to touch me either which makes me feel so comfortable around him."

"He's never made a move to touch you?" I ask, furrowing my brow. It seemed strange to me, because I alway thought teenage boys were big horn balls. Then again, Shane's never made a move to further our physical relationship. Maybe there was something wrong with the water in Comfort.

"Well, my boobs," she giggles, leaning her head against my shoulder and letting my hand go. I pull it back to my own lap and look down at her. "But anyway it got me to thinking, and that's when I decided I wanted to go to a party. Because I don't want to be so scared anymore, y'know? Or hated... And, like, I'm proud of you for doing this. You've always been so shy and I know you have secrets you aren't telling me." This makes me blush. "But, like, I thought we could get better together. If I can do that with Jules and go to this party, I think you'll be able to heal, too. From whatever it is that traumatized you."

I don't say anything because I'm not sure what to say. I mean, she's right. I do have secrets I haven't shared with anyone but Shane. Maybe going to this party is going to help me heal. Maybe it's what I need, a bit of public interaction with people my own age. Something I used to do before the dog attack.

Maybe tonight was going to be the best night of my life.

By the time we arrive, the party's in full swing. There's tons of cars in the gravel driveway; the house was a little bit out of town, considering this may get rowdy. There weren't a lot of people on the lawn, a few stragglers. And obviously someone had opened the alcohol.

When we head inside, Shane quickly takes my hand, giving me a reassuring squeeze. Madison is glued to Jules's side, her cheeks a bit pale while Nick and Harris waltz in as if they own the place. Which reminds me they have been to parties together, it's where they met. I doubt I'll see much of Nick considering his basketball buddies are probably somewhere. Which means I'll be stuck with Shane all night; not a problem at all.

Inside, there's a 'Happy New Year' banner strewn across the staircase. People are everywhere, practically everyone drinking. Some have been doing it since two in the afternoon I'd guess by the way they laughed obnoxiously and hung off each other. The ceilings were ridiculously high and the living room set had been moved to make way for a dance floor. I didn't think people actually danced at parties but apparently they did at this one. The t.v. was set on the New York ball drop, although that wouldn't take place for another couple hours. You couldn't hear the reporters over the bass of the music, which was a generic, stereotypical song on the radio, probably about sex and drugs and other stuff. Teenagers these days had terrible tastes in music.

Jules and Madison managed to disappear the moment we stepped into the house, and I look around wildly for anyone I know. There's no one because I'm a social-outcast and talk to three people in my school. There's so many unfamiliar, tipsy faces I get jumpy.

Shane is beside me, though, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into his side. He leans down to kiss my lips as we pass a small group of drunk girls. They all coo at us obnoxiously before we pass.

"You okay?" Shane yells in my ear. I nod, gulping loudly though no one could hear it. The floor was literally vibrating beneath my feet the bass was so loud. How I ever managed to do this before the incident is beyond me. "Lets find the kitchen," Shane says, leading me around like I'm a lost puppy. I follow obediently.

When we do find the kitchen, it's through a swinging door and the music isn't so loud, but you'd still have to speak above normal volume. I fix my sweater and pull the sleeves down past my hands, nervously twittering as Shane runs a hand through his hair.

He smiles nervously at me. "It's been a long time since I've been to a party."

"Me too," I admit although I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge. A few people pass through the kitchen and bump fists with Shane, stating how surprised they were he showed up. Shane grinned and shrugged, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close. I snuggle into his side and hide my smile in his shoulder.

I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for Shane. I don't even know if I'd be alive. I didn't think it was bad back then, but looking back on it I realize how miserable I was, and how happy I am Shane found me.

Man, I am such a cheese ball.

"Noah!" Someone squeaks as they enter the kitchen. I look up to see Harris running towards me, her arms wrapping around my neck as she stumbles into me. I hug her back awkwardly until she pulls away, beaming. Nick stands behind her and smirks at me, causing me to flush. "We have to stay together," Harris says, tweaking my nose. I frown at her odd behavior before it dawns on me. "We're like sisters-in-laws!"

"Already broken into the alcohol?" I say, raising a brow at my brother.

Nick snickers, throwing an arm around Harris to pull her closer. "She's a lightweight."

"Nicky poo don't say that!" Harris says, hitting his chest. Shane snorts loudly at the nickname as I smirk widely. It looks like we have a wild drunk on our hands. "They were doing shots out there and it was super funny! Noah, you should come do some!"

"I dunno," I say, unsure. Harris grabs my hand anyway and yanks me away from my boyfriend. He frowns but follows us as the redhead leads me to a little station near the dance floor. Some guy stands behind it smirking when Harris shows up, asking if she wants another. Which makes me wonder how many she's had exactly.

"I'm gonna get some beers," Nick says before he disappears.

I frown because parties sure had changed since the last one I went to. Or they must just be different in the country, because I don't remember any drink-ordering places. There was always a keg and beer around, nothing more and nothing less. The kids who owns this place but be high class or something. Or maybe it's just a New Year's Eve thing.

"Two please!" Harris says, giggling as the guy pours a clear liquid into the bottom of two red cups. He hands them over and I look down, swirling the drink a bit, frowning.

"Noah," Shane says, frowning too as he steps closer to me.

"C'mon!" Harris yells, shoving at my boyfriend's chest. Shane glares lightly at the tipsy redhead. "It'll help you loosen up, Noah!"

I nod once before deciding to hell with it. I throw my head back and down what the kid gave me, a burn exploding in my throat. I splutter a bit as Harris does the same as me, giggling really loudly. I blink a few times, leaning against Shane who's still frowning a bit.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask, still blinking past the slight haze the drink gave me.

"No," Shane says quickly. "You can drink all you want, I just wish you wouldn't take something from a stranger."

"Willy isn't a stranger Shaney!" Harris says loudly, stumbling toward us a little. I stare at her with wide eyes as she turns back to the guy. "Aye, Willah! Give 'im another!" She giggles.

He laughs and hands me another shot, this one an amber color. I stare at it and down it too, spitting a bit out of my mouth before shaking my head and taking it like a man. The lights in the house are suddenly a bit brighter and I can feel the beat of the bass deep in my bones. I blink a few times before a slow smile takes over my lips.

"I feel great!" I say loudly, Harris nodding her agreement. "You should try some, babe!" I scream to Shane, because is it just me or did they turn the music up? It also feels a bit hotter.

Nick comes back with four beers. Budlight because who can afford that expensive shit? I take it eagerly and drink down a bit, getting rid of the burn in my throat and curing my bleary eyes. Shane takes one too and to my excitement actually drinks half of it down. Harris sips daintily before wiping her mouth, grabbing my hand, and announcing it's time to dance.

We finish off our first beers and all join in the mass of bodies moving together. No one is dancing appropriately but then again I'm sure everyone's been drinking. Harris is smashed because she ran off for another shot before Nick cut her off from those. She danced around him teasingly, arms draping over his shoulders and hips barely rotating against his before she'd giggle and move away again.

Shane loosened up some after his beer, arm around my waist and pulling me to his body. He dances a little but I'm not quite drunk enough to join in. He kisses my ear and tells me he's getting some more beer before disappearing.

Harris has her ass against Nick's side, staring at me with wide eyes. She yanks me closer and practically screams in my ear, "Where's Jules and Madison?"

"They disappeared when we got here," I scream back. Someone knocks into me from behind and causes me to press flush against Harris, who's an inch taller than me so it's awkward when I accidentally touch her boobs. Can you say gross?

Harris giggles loudly, wrapping an arm over Nick's neck. "Noah is trying to feel me up!"

Nick glares playfully at me, his glare turning real as arms snake around my waist from behind. Shane pulls my body flush against his, handing me a beer as he takes the last swig of his own. He just tosses the can somewhere behind him before moving his hips against my ass, which makes me freeze for a second as Nick's glare turns pretty heated and Harris absolutely beams.

I shake my head to relax myself in his hold and gulp half my beer down before Harris takes it from me and downs the rest, turning around and planting her lips on Nick's.

Shane's arms tighten around me, coaxing me to move my hips just a little. He kisses at my neck and smirks against my skin, moving his hips more flush against my own. I blush like crazy but suddenly rut back against him, wanting a reaction. When Shane groans lowly, I'm proud of myself.

"You look so hot tonight," Shane whispers in my ear.

It has some sort of effect on me, apparently, because the next I know I'm turned around in his embrace and pressing a harsh kiss to his alcohol-tasting lips. For some reason I think of Harris and Nick making out and how unashamed or shy they are to do it and how Madison said she gave Jules a blow job. They've been dating for less than Shane and I have and Madison was molested. Why haven't we done anything sexual?

Now, if I was in my right mind, I wouldn't do what I did next. But I was a bit drunk (lightweight, sue me) and I was really fucking jealous that Madison had already gone so far when I could barely make out with my boyfriend.

So, without a second thought, I allowed my hand to skip over Shane's hip and roughly grab him, you know, there.

Shane makes a surprised noise before pulling away, staring down at my with wide eyes. Realizing what I did, I pull my hand back and go to apologize, but Shane hurriedly says he needs to use the restroom and leaves, taking my heart with him.

I turn around, mouth open. Nick is staring at me worriedly as Harris quickly moves to press her ass against my crotch. I shake my head and push her away, claiming, "I need to find Shane," and apologize.

Nick calls out for me but I push through the crowd, not very scared. Right now I'm only afraid I pushed my boyfriend away which is not okay in my book. He isn't at the downstairs restroom so I run up the stairs and find him at the front of the line for the bathroom.

Biting my lip, I step towards him. He's staring at me with an open mouth as I stop in front of him. I don't know what to say but a thousand thoughts are running through my mind. I want to apologize if he found what I did inappropriate and too soon, but I also want to sort of offer my help if he'd like me to finish what I started. It's probably just the alcohol talking, but fuck am I horny right now. And jealous. And tired. And kind of drunk. And really horny, okay?

Before I say anything, the bathroom door opens and Shane takes my arm, pulling me into it. He shuts the door behind him and locks it, turning around slowly to face me, and only in this lighting do I really make out what he looks like.

His pupils are blown wide, not from the alcohol but I think from lust. His curly hair is tossled and sticking up in the sexiest way, and his lips are bright red from our earlier kiss. Him standing there, tall and broad with a tight shirt on, and that gorgeous hair and the fact that I touched his jean-clad penis a few moments ago do it for me.

We gravitate toward each other before our lips are meshing together, tongues sloppy and teeth biting harshly. His hands are all over my body as mine comb through his hair, tugging harshly causing him to groan into my mouth. We've never kissed like this before. We've had our fair share of make outs, but it's as if alcohol brought out an entirely new side to us. I'm apparently really horny when intoxicated and Shane is apparently dominating. He squeezes my butt, causing me to arch against him. I desparately try to get closer as our tongues fight for domiance, and Shane grips my thights before picking me up and setting me down on the sink.

With the new position, I'm able to bring him closer. Our chest press against each other as my legs wrap around his hips, ankles locking behind his knees. Shane's arms wrap tightly around my torso and hold me close, his lips moving from mine to ghost down my neck. It gets really hot when he pushes past the collar of my button-down and sucks at the juncture of my neck and shoulder, causing me to moan out embarrassingly.

One of my hands stay in his hair while the other trails down his chest, past the hemline of his shirt, and begins rubbing his dick through his pants. Shane makes a noise and laps at my neck hungrily, suddering as my fingers begin to unzip his pants and undo the button. My stomach is a nervous wreck but the alcohol calms me because I really want to touch and feel Shane's cock right now. I've never touched someone else but Shane's been so patient and good to me, he deserves a little something in return.

"Noah," Shane groans, leaning back to look me in the eye. His pupils are still blown and lips still red, cheeks flushed as he clears his throat and shudders as my fingers rub over his boxers now. I can feel him twitching beneath me. "You don't have to-"

"I want to," I say, my voice hoarse as I push forward and kiss him feverishly once more. Shane lets me, hands pressing against my back as my hand slips past the elastic hem of his boxers, through the thick pubic hair, and my bony fingers finally touch his heated, tight skin.

Shane groans deeply, pulling away from the kiss and resting his head against my shoulder. I kiss his head and peak between our bodies as I pull him out of his boxers and pants. He's nearly fully erect, head filled out and beet red. I blush but don't divert my eyes as I poke my fingers against his slit. This causes him to groan again, hips stuttering as if he wants to thrust. Biting my lip, I wrap a firm fist around his shaft and pump once. He's almost too warm, his skin taunt over his muscle as he stands at full attention, pulsing with blood. I take another glance and note he has an average size. I flush deeply when I realize he's smaller than I am but push those thoughts aside as I begin jerking my hand.

I only assume Shane enjoys what I'm doing as he leans up and presses our lips together again. He pushes his tongue in my mouth, but I'm not gifted enough to kiss back and jerk him off. So I focus on my hand movements and let him have his way with my mouth. My eyes stay squeezed shut as, suddenly, I hear counting outside the bathroom. It's almost midnight, a new year.

When they finish counting and start screaming about it being twenty-thirteen, Shane doesn't cum. But we're kissing and I guess it's like the midnight kiss. A few minutes later Shane lets out a low groan and whispers, "I'm cumming." I look down just in time to see his white seed streak out on my fingers and on his shirt, staining the purple even darker. We should have taken his shirt off, which would have been perfectly okay with me.

Shane pulls away after a few moments, reaching for toilet paper to wipe his head off with and then my fingers. He helps me off the sink before putting himself back into his boxers, wetting a towel to wipe at his shirt. I stand there the entire time, watching as he refuses to meet my eyes, and suddenly I'm terrified he didn't want that. Terrified I pressured him into it. Terrified I just ruined everything.

Madison said Jules was thanking her for helping him out, for doing what she did, but Shane wouldn't even look at me. What did that mean? Was I over-analyzing this? Oh god.

"Let's go," Shane says, looking up to smile briefly at me. He holds out his hand and I take it heistantly, my heart beating rapidly. "We should find our friends."

"Yeah," I choke as he pulls me out of the bathroom and down the stairs. He doesn't directly speak to me as we find a stoney-faced Nick and completely trashed Harris. They help us find Jules and Madison, who are both sober and smiling brightly at us.

When we leave, Shane and I get to sit in the backseat together, Nick and Harris separating this time. Harris absolutely insists on sitting in the middle, causing Jules and Madison to sit separate. They decide not to fight with her as she can barely walk a crooked line, and she sits in the middle laughing hysterically about something or other, wide-eyed and more doll like than ever. At one point on the ride, Madison yelled at her, "You're being too loud!"

To which Harris hilariously replied, "I'm not being too loud, you're being too quiet!" and then pressed a finger to Madison's lips before slumping over on her shoulder and promptly passing out.

Shane doesn't hold my hand or anything on the way home, which makes me want to cry. It's over, i know it is. I made the biggest mistake of my life doing that. Obviously Shane didn't want it. It was only the alcohol speaking, either way, Shane hated me now.

I lean toward him, asking quietly, "Are you mad at me?"

When he looks at me, I flinch, afraid of the answer. Shane's gaze softens before he shakes his head firmly. "No, I just-" He stops, unsure what to say. He shakes his head and presses a firm, reassuring kiss to my lips. When he pulls away I look down, sure he's lying so as not to hurt my feelings. "I promise I'm not. It was great, what happened," he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and forcing me to make eye contact. "Honest. I'm just, I dunno. A little drunk. We'll talk in the morning."

I nod, resting my head against his shoulder and closing my eyes. He holds me close and I try not to drift to sleep, but lose the battle anyway. All I can think about is what Shane wants to talk about tomorrow.

I hope to God I remember everything in the morning.