No Matter What

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^*Brian’s POV*^
Most of everything from this morning had blown by, and it scared all of us to migrating to the guest bedroom. The basement wasn’t safe, and there wasn’t a window in this room. Johnny had been working on trying to board up the two small windows in the basement, but hadn’t gotten one of them boarded up yet, so we had settled on camping out in the guest room, and Johnny had went ahead and headed for bed. All of us had been talking about our time in prison. Matt had some interesting fight stories, Jimmy had talked about how he and Zacky once tried to dig their way out through a grate one time, and since I had only been there for a short time before we escaped, I just listened.

“You know,” Zacky started, pulling my attention from my thoughts and making me look up from the bedspread and at him, lying on the air mattress that he and Matt were going to have to sleep on while Jimmy and I took the bed. “None of have really talked about how we got into prison.” He said, looking up from a loose string on his shirt.

“You’re right…we haven’t, had we?” Jimmy said, and I shook my head.

“Not yet.” I said and Matt looked over at Jimmy as he sat up on the bed.

“I’ve always been pretty curious about what you did, you don’t seem like the type of dangerous, murderous, anger-problem type.” Matt said, and Jimmy took a deep breath.

“I uh…” Jimmy seemed to daze off slightly, which almost worried me. I wasn’t exactly sure if going into why we all were sentenced to jail time was a good idea, but it was something we all had on our minds, I think. I could already tell that moods were going to get dark.

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^*Jimmy’s POV*^
“I uh…” I hated thinking back to that day… I hated it so much. “I accidentally killed my fiancé.” I whispered, my voice getting low as my mind started trailing back.

“How?” Zacky’s voice was barely a whisper, if it was even that.

“We got in an argument, and she tried to lock herself in the bathroom, and I jerked the door open…and I pushed her, and she fell into the counter, and she hit her head really hard.” I was determined as fuck to not cry in front of them. “I didn’t think I had pushed her that hard but…I don’t know, I didn’t mean to do it. I’d never hurt her…I loved her so much.” I whispered as I took another deep breath. “I had to call nine one one to try to get some kind of help for her, and when the police arrived…Shannon was already dead. And I was already on my way to jail before they even got her out of the apartment.” What fucked me up the most about it all was that I knew that I didn’t mean to do it, but Shannon doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know that I didn’t mean it, and probably never will, because when I die I’m not going to the same place she’s in. For what I did to her there’s no way I can escape the hell that’s waiting for me. “What about you, Zack?” I asked, changing the subject as I looked over to him, clearing my throat.

“Bank robbery.” He said, and sighed. “Armed bank robbery, actually, along with murder.”

“You’ve only told me about the bank robbery.” I said, looking over at him as Matt and Brian listened.

“Yea, well, the murder’s not exactly something I like to talk about.” He crossed his legs Indian-style as he leaned forward. “It happened at the same time as the robbery. His name was Arin, and Johnny was there when it happened, too, along with another one of our friends that got away, and I’ll just call him Greg for now. Johnny was in on it with us, but why with his dad a judge, hell, Arin, Greg and I had no clue. We had it all planned out, though, and everything was going as planned until the cops showed up, and Arin threatened to ditch us, act like a hostage and fuck everything up… It was rather shoot him, and possibly get out okay, or let him fuck shit up even more than it already was. I couldn’t bring myself to shoot him, I’d rather let shit get fucked up, but Greg shot him. Greg shot Arin, then he and Johnny darted for the fire escape on the roof, and they got out, but then police had heard the shot fired to kill Arin, and they stormed in before I could follow Johnny and Greg, and I was on my way to a jail cell before anything else could register in my head. I didn’t kill Arin, but since Johnny and Greg were gone, the police had no one else to blame.” He said, leaning back against the wall, still looking down and picking at his fingernails. “I feel terrible about Arin getting shot, though. He was just a kid, like twenty one, I think, but if I ever find Greg again I’ll fucking kill the bastard.” He looked up. “I was sentenced for something I didn’t do.” Zacky looked at Matt then, not letting anyone ask questions, though I don’t think anyone was after all he said. “Matt?”

“Uh…” Matt shook his head slightly, seeming to bring himself from a daze. “Brian?” He looked over to Brian but I shook my head.

“No, no, no, we already the backstory to his time, it’s been passed around the prison.” I said and Brian looked at me skeptically. “You thought your step-father was going to slit your mother’s throat, but he didn’t have a knife, and since you didn’t know that you shot him, so you pleaded that you didn’t mean to because you thought he was going to hurt your mother and so you were charged with involuntary manslaughter.” I explained quickly. “We got it.”

“That much of it has already gotten around the prison?” Brian asked and Zacky nodded.

“Spread around like fuckin’ wildfire after you knocked the judge unconscious. No one’s done that in years on end, and so everyone wanted to know more about you to figure out what they’d be up against. If they actually knew how you really were they wouldn’t give a shit, but you had everyone terrified for a couple days.” Zacky answered and I looked back at Matt, who was looking like he wanted to sink into the shadows.

“Matt, you’ve never told anyone why you were in prison.” I said and he nodded.

“Because I don’t want anyone to know.” He said softly.

“We’ve been friends with you for a good few years, and we’re not in there anymore, so…why not?” Zacky asked and Matt rubbed his eyes.

“It’s just not a good side of me.” Matt said, looking up. “Not a side I like.”

“There isn’t a good side of you, we’ve seen you at your worst.” I said and Zacky nodded.

“Exactly.” Zacky agreed. “You don’t have to explain, just tell us the reason alone.” Matt stayed quiet, Brian, Zack and I still watching him. It felt like if I took my eyes off of him he’d run out the door or something.

“Rape, murder, and arson.” Matt said, and then got up.

“Matt wait-”

“You said nothing but a reason, I didn’t have to go into detail.” Matt growled at Zacky and Zacky flinched back as Matt continued his path out the door, closing it behind him. We sat in silence for a moment before Brian spoke up.

“He’ll be fine. It’s late, we should get to sleep so uh… Actually, you guys take the bed, I’m gonna go check on Madi.” Brian got up from the bed and walked out the door.

“I’m not sleeping in a bed under covers with you.” I said to Zacky, attempting to lighten the dark mood that had fallen over us so quickly. “You take the bed, I’ll be good down here.” I said and he laughed slightly.

“Alright, if you say so.” He got up from the air mattress, and crawled into bed, and I grabbed the folded up comforter that Johnny had brought in and covered up with it, lying down. For once I was worried about Matt. He didn’t seem okay. “We could’ve kept each other warm.” Zacky said in a childish voice, his attempt at creeping me out working.

“Oh shut the fuck up.” I said, and rolled over with my back to him, closing my eyes.

“I wouldn’t lie like that if I were you. I could sneak up behind you and r-”

“Oh my god, shut up.” I said, and laid on my back, and closed my eyes, and just as soon as I drifted off, the nightmare of that night started all over again. The screaming in my head started all over again, the sound of crying, the crack of a skull hitting granite, and the need to try to fix shit that was far beyond repair… The needy feeling to tell someone that’s long gone you love them one last time… The last words of ‘Fuck you’ before the anger took over, the realization sunk in… It all swarmed back, and it was the biggest reason of wanting to stay awake forever.

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^*Brian’s POV*^
I didn’t go straight to Madison’s room; I was too worried about Matt to just leave him alone. I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Matt was just opening a beer as he sat on the counter.

“Hey,” I said, and he looked over at me. “You okay?” I asked and he looked like he was about to put on an act and nod, but I stopped that before it could happen. “Don’t fucking lie to me, either.” I said as I sat on the counter opposite of him and he sighed, taking a sip of the beer as he looked down at the floor.

“My father has pretty much hated me since the day I was born, done things and pinned them on me, even as a kid, and he went the length that time.” He whispered, but I could still hear him perfectly. “I never did anything to hurt anybody.” He looked up at me. “I was asleep when it all happened, and I woke up to him, wrapping my hand around a pistol.” He chuckled slightly. “I was so fucking pissed off… He threatened to kill my mom, and a friend of mine that was staying over while she was in town, and then he pulled a gun and aimed it at me, and I didn’t have a choice. I thought they were both still alive and that he hadn’t killed them yet, and I wasn’t going to let him, so I shot him, right in the forehead. Then when I ran out of my room…that’s when I saw the flames, and by the time I ran to my parents room, my mom had already been shot, and I got down to the living room, pistol still in hand, and Tessa was already dead as well. When I got outside, the cops had just pulled up, because apparently my fucking father called the police, sounding panicked and told them that I had gone on a rampage and killed my mom and Tess.” He looked back down. “I’ve never told anyone the truth because look at me. I mean, I look like the exact person to go on a fucking murderous rampage and kill not only his mother and father, but one of his best friends as well. No one would have believed that I was asleep. They would’ve called it the most pathetic excuse ever. So I let myself get framed for a crime I didn’t commit, and I dealt with it.” He shook his head slowly and I couldn’t say a word. I was just…I didn’t know. “I got charged with arson, murder, and rape. Which means apparently my father raped Tess. And…and the sick part of it was that she was pregnant, with my kid. Just two weeks in.” He looked up again. “We had dated throughout high school, and when she came back for that month we got back into our relationship, and I loved her to death…” He sounded almost like he was going to cry. “We were going to have a nice life together, and my fucking father fucked everything up, like always. It wasn’t me, because I’d never hurt Tessa. It was all his fucking fault.”

“I believe you didn’t do it.” I said and he took a deep breath.

“It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t. That was years ago, and it’s not like one person believing I didn’t kill them is going to bring back the girl I’d take a bullet to the head for, or give me back all of those years I lost in prison. One person believing isn’t going to give me back the family I lost. I don’t have anyone except you, Madison, Johnny, Zacky and Jimmy, and once all of this blows over, everyone’s set on going their separate ways, so I’ll be on my own, and I’ll probably wind up getting myself thrown back in jail or something just to get out of life for a while. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get killed this time before I get back there.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair and taking another drink from the bottle before he leaned his head back against the cabinet.

“Matt, none of us really want to go our separate ways.” I said, and he looked over at me.

“I know.” He said and I looked at him skeptically. “But if we don’t I’m afraid the police will have a better chance of finding us.”

“But we don’t want to break up. We’ve become best friends through this all, really.” I said, and he jumped down from the counter.

“Well.” He looked over at me, dead serious. “It’s rather scatter once we get out of this, or get hunted down as a pack and shot.” He turned and started walking out, and then Jimmy appeared.

“I’d rather get shot beside my best friend than die off somewhere separated from the people I’ve come to be friends with.” Jimmy said, and Matt looked at him confused.

“How the fuck…”

“You guys were talking loud, and Zacky fell asleep and started snoring.” Jimmy answered simply.

“So you heard everything?” Matt asked and Jimmy nodded and Matt sighed, and got back up on the counter. “Great, so you want to stick in a group, and you know Brian wants to stick in the group.”

“And I know Zacky would be the same about that. None of us really have any place to go.” Jimmy said and I nodded.

“Exactly, if we stuck together we could flee the country together and make it through this together.” I said and Jimmy agreed, and Matt just fell silent, staring into the brown beer bottle.

“Alright.” He said and I couldn’t help but smile slightly as he looked up. “But our chances of successfully getting out of the country- or even the state are lowered.” Jimmy smiled at Matt’s words, but then Matt continued and the smiles disappeared off of the both of our faces just as fast as they had appeared. “Actually…I was…I was going to leave tonight.”