Green Water

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself before stepping out of the car. Lake Peera Peera Poolanna where my fear of water began. Stepping out of the car I was not 17 anymore I was 7.
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My hand was in Vincent’s hot and sweating one, the sun beat down on us. I walked down the ramp from the car park dragging Vincent behind me. Suddenly I broke into a run not letting go of his hand. He laughed, light and silvery not that of his age. I turned and smiled back at him. I looked back across the massive lake and spotted it, our tree. I looked back at him again.

“Race ya!” I yelled dropping his hand and taking off at a sprint. I darted around scrubs and people not letting my eyes off the prize.

“You’re on!” Vincent ran to keep up.

I didn't hear the yelling or the motorbike as i laughed until they were feet from me. I fall back flat against the rails of the old foot bridge, making myself as small as possible. [1]Not small enough[1/]. I pushed myself further into the rail. Vincent put his arm in front of me pushing me back even further. I felt in give before I heard the snap.

We fall.

I fall.

I fall for what seemed like forever before I hit the water. Ow. The sound of me hitting the water echoed through my memory. The pain-
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“Juliet!” My head snapped up. “Julie, are you alright?” Mum asked biting her lip.

“Huh. Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. I can do this mum,” I lied smoothly.[1]How could I do this?[1/] I hadn't been here in ten years but it still felt like it did...that day.
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“Julie!” Vincent? I looked around. All I could see was water. So much water. I struggled to stay above the water. I struggled to breath. So much water. Breathing water, I coughed. Too much water.

“Hel-Help!” I choked. There was so much water, to much water. I was going die. I’m alone. I couldn't see anything but green. Green.
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“Julie baby, what did you just say?” Mum asked looking confused and frighten.

“I didn't say anything.”

“I could have sworn you just said green.” I cringed at the word.
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Cringing as I’m blinded by claws. Sharp. Sharp, blinding claws of a man. A dead man? Can’t be dead? Clawed. How was I clawed?

Green. It’s back the green. I can see. I wish I couldn't.
Dead.
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“Julie. Look at me baby.” I look at my mum. “I know this is hard. He was you’re best friend, but you have to baby. You can’t be afraid of water forever.
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Water forever his tomb. No save him. I have to save him. But there’s too much water. So green.
I can’t breath. I can’t swim. I’m drowning. Kick. Break the surface. Breath, coughing. I can’t breath. Something grabs me.

“Kick. Swim!” Vincent?

“I - I can - can’t sw - swim” I cough.

“Try!”

I kick my legs like my dad had shown me. Water splashes. I kick. Something grabs my leg, I'm trapped.

“Stop. Relax. Hold on to that.” Vincent pushes me towards the wooden beam holding up what was left of the bridge.

I hold on and turn around. Vincent? I can’t see him. I scan my eyes across the lake. Not there. Where is he? Bubbles, small little bubbles appear on the water. No! I put just my head underwater. I can’t see. It’s all green. He’s down there he has to be.

I dive.

Kick, Kick, Kick.

I see him. He looks at me mouths my name bubbles blind me momentarily. I reach for him.

Pain.
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‘Oh, once in life we find someone
Who will turn you're world around
Pick you up when you're feeling down
Now nothing can change what you mean to me
There's a lot that I can say
But just hold me now
And our love will light the away

'cause baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I've found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven’

Music? I open my eyes and stared at the white unfamiliar roof. I looked around the plain white room. I was on a bed. I was on a bed in hospital. I sat up and winced. I looked down at my bandaged arm. How? I spot my mum in the chair next to my bed she looks up.

“Julie?”
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“Mum?”

“Yes Baby?” I look at my mum leaning against the tree staring at me as if I was crazy.

“I’m not going near the water. I can’t.”

“Julie, we have talked about this. You can and you won’t be scared anymore.”

“I’m not doing this! I’ll be in the car,” I shout before storming off, back up the gravel track lending back to the car park. Why can’t I just place a hand in the water?

The car door opens and mum slid in silently and starts the car with out a word. She drives, I have no idea where she’s taking me but I don’t ask. I sink back into my seat and close my eyes. I’m not there.
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“Oh thank god you’re awake baby,” Mum cried hugging me. I look down at her confused.

“Why am I in hospital mummy?” I ask looking at my arm.

“You don’t remember?” She asked me gently. I shake my head. “Well baby you nearly drowned.” I frowned trying to remember. I couldn't. Mum lefts the jug and holds it over the plastic green cup and water trickles down into it.

Water!
So much water.
Green.
Drowning.

I slapped the cup away and watch as the water pours all over the bed. I jump to my feet and scream. I scream and ear piercing scream. My mum looks confused and worried. She should be.

Water.
Green water.
I can’t breath.
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“Julie are you awake? You were snoring.” If I was snoring I was obviously asleep!

“No. I’m awake now.” I sit up, yawn and look around. We are parked outside a cemetery. Don’t just any cemetery the one where He is buried.

“Go visit him. I think it’ll help.” Mum says just like my shrink dose.

“No.”

“Julie, please let me help.” Mum begs.

“No.”

“Juliet! You promised me you’d try to get better. This will help you.” Mum was frustrated with me.

“I am not sick! I am not that kid you can boss around anymore,” I shout at her as my hand reaches for the door-handle. “I will deal with my fears like normal people and confront them when I am ready.” I slid out of the door and slam it closed behind me and storm off into the cemetery.
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I hold Daddy’s hand tightly as we walked through the gate of the cemetery. It looks like it’s about to rain. I look up at the dark, stormy clouds and sigh, perfect day for a funeral?

“Daddy why is it so quite?” I ask hating the silence.

He stops and turns me to the nearest gravestone, “Can you read the letters up the top for me baby.”
“R, I,P,” I read “What does it mean daddy?”

“Well baby it’s the reason it’s so quite. The letters stand for Rest, In, Peace. It’s quite so everyone that is buried here can rest.”

“Oh.” I nod.

We continue in silence up a small grassy hill. From on top of the hill I can see the circle garden, the kid’s cemetery, where He is buried.
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I run down the hill, tripping slightly but catching myself before I fall.

“Vincent!” I shout as I fall to my knees in front of his grave. I stare at the old faded toys, the mold covered teddy and I cry.

I killed him.