What If?

I am a friend. Whose friend? Sometimes I don’t really know. I get these people who claim too be my best friends, and maybe they were like years ago, but I know I will most likely never see these people again after I graduate because now we just casually talk. I hear all the time from these people, one in particular. “We need to hang out more” or “You shouldn’t hang out with those people, they don’t treat you right.” Well do we hangout ever after that is said? No, maybe once but that’s it. We used to be really close but I learned the hard way that things change. Some people become popular and find cooler people to be with and others such as me could only ever dream of that happening. My “friend” is one of them. Athletic, smart, musically gifted, pretty, nice, and it seems like everyone likes her. Sounds great, doesn’t she? The one everyone should be jealous of. Well I am if that’s for sure. I spend every second comparing myself to each person that says their my friend. One of my closest friends is amazing at track. She has so many medals on her varsity jacket that I think, “Why can’t I be that great at softball or volleyball?” If that ever happened maybe I’d make an all state team or actually get acknowledged by my coach for doing a great job. My coach though is too caught up with everyone else so when I do something amazing in the outfield she says good job and then goes and praises another player who made one good play and a bunch of errors. My other closest friend is three grades below me and is really tight with my track friend even though every other day they are mad at each other about something, but still they call each other sister around me. What am I? Just a go to when needed friend. Truthfully, sometimes I wish they had never met. But they did and that’s life. Now to my other friend, I always love to talk about her. My friend plays softball and is really good, but she doesn’t think it. I actually use to hate her and she knows it. She used to abuse me pretty badly, not thinking that her hits and her words had hurt me. She used to do bad things but not anymore. Now I consider her a really great person, she’s everything a good friend could be. Athletic, musically gifted, smart when she puts her mind to things, artistic, pretty, and now I finally can say that she is nice. All these things I am not jealous of but one thing I am. I have a huge crush on the person she likes. That person likes her back. Leaving me to be just another friend. Am I really their friend though? That is what I wish people would tell me.