Love's Decisions

School had started, and Blaise was no longer talking to me. Not out of anger, but because he was still hurt. I wanted to make it better, but Draco was right. I couldn’t string him along. I’d been strung along before, and it hurt me. I didn’t want Blaise going through that.

My first lesson was potions. I walked into class to see everyone lined up against the wall, staring at Snape as if he was about to shoot them all.
“Bullstrode next to Granger. Potter next to Malfoy. Crabbe next to Parkinson. Patil next to Weasley” he called, as the students went to sit next to each other begrudgingly. “Wild next to Zabini” Snape’s sentence stopped everything moving for a minute. Me, next to Blaise? I groaned inwardly as I went to sit next to him timidly. I offered Blaise a small smile, and he nodded at me before returning to his book. It was more awkward than ever now. I sighed as I pulled out my books and scribbled down what was on the board. “The potion is a pair project. You’ll have half an hour to collect the ingredients using any resources you have. You’re restricted to Hogwarts and the surrounding area. Then you’ll have 15 minutes to get back here and complete your potion” Snape ordered, before floating out of the classroom. I picked up the piece of paper on our table to see what our potion would be, and what we would need. I opened my mouth and turned my head slightly in order to tell Blaise what we’d be doing, before closing my mouth and sliding the piece of paper over to him. He picked it up gingerly and read it, before placing it back on the table. We both sat there awkwardly for a while, wondering what to say. I eventually turned to him to say something only to realize that he was about to do the same. We both closed our mouths and looked away, not sure what to do now.
“I… think that we can get most of this stuff from my herb supply” Blaise told me quietly. I nodded.
“But the… the thestral hairs are only obtainable in the forbidden forest” I told him slowly. Blaise looked slightly startled, before gulping.
“I guess we’re going there then” he replied, before packing up his bags.

Quite a few people from our class came into the forbidden forest for different items. The funniest duo was most likely Draco and Harry. They couldn’t agree on one decision and so they were constantly going around in circles. Pansy and Crabbe weren’t so great either. Neither of them possessed the intellect of an actual human being. Everyone sort of branched out as we walked further into the woods. Blaise stuck close by me as we went into the darker parts of the wood, holding my hand and helping me over the big tree trunks spewed across the floor. Draco and Harry were also close by – Draco looking on the floor for a bezoar whilst Harry looked up in the tree branches, constantly fighting and arguing with each other as they tried to ebb past each other. I smiled as I saw the pair stumble and almost trip as they tried to fight to be in front of each other, before Blaise suddenly clasped his hand around my mouth and pulled me close to him so that my back was against his front. Draco stopped what we he was doing in order to look at what was going on. I gave Blaise a panicked look, before following his gaze to see a thestral grazing nearby. I gulped dryly as Blaise and I edged closer and closer. He put his finger on his lip as a motion to tell me to shut the hell up, whilst he crept closer to the thestral. Harry had stopped what he was doing now also, and everyone was looking at Blaise. In a flurry of moment, Blaise jumped onto the thestral and yanked out a few hairs. Frightened, the thestral kicked up and pushed Blaise onto the ground, before charging the opposite way. Charging towards me. I couldn’t move as I saw it advancing, and faintly heard shouting in the background
“Kara move out of the way!” I heard Draco scream, but my legs wouldn’t function. I shut my eyes, waiting for the thestral to barge right into me, when I felt something barge into me from the side. My eyes flew open and I saw the thestral charge past me as I flew onto the ground. I groaned as I took a while to collect myself, looking around me, before looking up to see Draco on top of me. He had leapt in front of the thestral and pushed me out of the way, ultimately toppling on top of me. I groaned as I felt a bruised rib, and Draco continued to look at me, still uncoordinated, trying to shake off the shock as he lay on top of me. I turned to the side as I was about to get up, and saw Blaise looking from Draco to me. He walked slowly past us without another word. Draco got off of me after pulling himself together, and helped me up. I looked up at him, still entranced by the whole situation.
“A life for a life huh?” he asked, smirking. “I guess I don’t owe you for saving my life anymore” Draco drawled, before smirking as he walked away.

Harry followed after him, and I was left on my own in the woods. I took a deep breath as I waited for my hands to stop shaking, before walking back towards Hogwarts.

Blaise was already sitting at our table when I got back, halfway through our potion. I walked over tenderly and placed my bag on the chair, before sitting down next to it, politely waiting for Blaise to finish. I didn’t think he’d want to talk to me after that. I could understand why he was upset. Even though Draco was only a friend; he was holding me in a way that Blaise yearned to. I felt even worse as I waited for Blaise to finish the potion. My breathing was ragged, and my lip was trembling as I tried to talk to him to say something, anything, to make him feel better. I wanted to be back in his arms and make it ok but I knew that it wouldn’t be. I just didn’t think that we’d be in this deep after a few dates. I didn’t think that kind of love was possible.

The class ended and everyone left except Blaise and I. He hadn’t finished the potion yet, and I felt bad about leaving him alone, even though I wasn’t exactly doing anything. Blaise eventually managed to bottle our potion and we both walked out of the classroom. Just as I did, Blaise grabbed my hand and twisted me around. He pulled me into a kiss like never before, his hands caressing my face. It was sweet and loving. It was a kiss that he’d been dyeing to deliver. He pulled back eventually and looked at me.
“I’m not going to give up on us, Kara. I want to be with you, and I know that you want me too. We may not have had immediate sparks when we started dating, but there’s something there. We have feelings for each other. It might take us a while to really become a couple but I’m not about to let us go” he told me softly, my face in his hands. I pulled away slowly, shaking my head. The tears were threatening to fall.
“I… I can’t Blaise. I like you but… I don’t think we’ll ever be a couple. Our relationship was sweet and simple and easy and… and it was probably everything I’ll want in ten years’ time. But it’s not what I want or need right now. I’ll always care about you Blaise, just not in the way you want me to” I replied, feeling my heart being crushed.
“No, Kara. We have something that’s more than just friendship. Don’t you dare friend zone me. Do you remember our first date? The first time we connected so quickly? The first time you felt accepted by other Slytherins? The first time we kissed… you felt like I was your other half. The only one in Slytherin that was perfect for you. You can’t just throw that away” Blaise argued
“What am I supposed to do, Blaise? I broke up with you because I didn’t want to string you along! I know how that feels and I didn’t want you to feel that because-”
“Because you care about me! You wouldn’t want me to get hurt if you didn’t care about me!”
“I’m not denying that I care about you!... I just… I can’t lie like this. I can’t pretend you mean more to me than you actually do. It’s not fair to you”
“I don’t care about fair. I’ve lived through a lot of situations that aren’t fair. Life isn’t fair. But I know that if we don’t take this chance we’ll regret it”
“No Blaise, I’ll regret it if I hurt you”
“I don’t care if I get hurt. I’d rather try than just protect myself. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, remember?” he asked, touching the necklace that dangled above my chest. The tears fell freely now as I looked up at him, and he hugged me into his chest.
“Please. Just give me another chance. I’ll prove how much I care about you” he whispered into my ear as he rocked me from side to side, holding me tightly. I let myself be held as I let the tears wash over me. How could I break his heart again? How could I reject him again? But I knew that if I didn’t break his heart now, I’d have to do it when our relationship ultimately didn’t work out. We just weren’t right for each other. We were too similar. I’d always attracted opposite people. I just worked better with opposite people. I sighed as Blaise continued to hold me, wondering what I would do.