Screaming in Silence

I knew it was only a matter of time until I’d have to face Ethan again. His revelation during the whole truth thing was still playing on my mind. I had a lot of free time on my hands seeing as I spent most of my days laid up in a hospital bed and soon enough the school was going to break up for the summer and I’d start my big more to Huntington Beach, but I knew I couldn’t leave without squaring things with Ethan. I’d asked Zacky to call him ad ask him to come and see me. I thought it would be better if Zacky did it because neither Zacky or Ethan seemed to like each other very much but I knew it was because they both cared about me so much. Zacky saw Ethan as another creepy pervert trying to get into his baby sister’s pants and Ethan saw Zacky as the guy who abandoned me all those years ago and thinks he’ll do it again.

Even though I’d asked Ethan to come and see me, I had no idea what I was going to say to him. On one hand, I loved the fact that someone loves me. I know he’s the sweetest guy in the world and would rather die than hurt me. He’s always been there for me on the few occasions that I’ve given in to a helping hand and kept the my secret until it was time to spill. On the other hand, I just didn’t feel that way about him. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to ruin a perfect friendship with love, it just gets in the way and I know that I’d end up losing him and I just couldn’t handle that. But, would he still want to be around me when I told him I didn’t love him the way he loved me? I was still pondering that question when he crept into my room.

“Hi,” he smiled lightly.

“Hi,” I replied. I didn’t know if anyone had told him that I was actually talking again, but from the look on his face I got my answer.

“You’re talking again?” he gasped, a look of both amazement and adoration on his puppy-like face.

“Yeah, I still have a long way to go, but I’m beginning to get over most of my problems… It helps that I have amazing people like you around me though,” I smiled and held out my hand for him to take. He hesitated, but he grabbed it.

“So… I take it you want to talk about what I said the other day?” he smiled a lopsided smile and looked away, his red cheeks giving away his embarrassment.

“Yeah, kind of,” I took a couple of steps closer.

“I’m sorry that I blurted it out in front of everyone, especially your brother, but I needed you to know how I felt about you. It’s taken so long for me just to gain enough courage to tell you,” I could see in his eyes that he was trying not to get too excited before I said my piece, but his grin was so wide that it wasn’t working well.

“Ethan…” I paused, I still didn’t know what I was going to say so I just went with my gut. “I love you too, but not in the same way. You’re my best friend and you’ve been there for me whenever I needed you, at the snap of my fingers. You’re the sweetest, kindest, most lovely guy in the world, but… you’re not meant for me,” his smile slowly faded and he dropped my hand, Ethan gently nodded his head, accepting what I was telling him. “But I don’t want to lose you, I need you Ethan and I know that’s selfish of me to let you down and keep you close, but I need my best friend so much right now. Can you still be there for me?”

“I, um, yeah, of course,” he mumbled. “I need to get going,” he turned and stumbled towards the door.

“Ethan I’m leaving-“ I started, but he’d already run out of the door, letting it fall shut behind him. “I’m leaving soon,” I whispered to the empty place he just stood. I knew I’d made a mistake, I’d let him down in a big way and I knew I probably wouldn’t see him again before I left, I just hoped that he could forgive me soon.

-

“You all packed and ready?” Zacky grinned, sticking his head around my bedroom door.

“Almost, I just need some big strong guys to help me put all this stuff in the van, oh wait! I have five hunky men to help,” I giggled, throwing a bag of clothes at my brother. I still couldn’t quite get to grips with how fast everything was moving. Within weeks Zacky had filed for guardianship of me and Serena had dropped her parental claim on me meaning I was pretty much free to move back with my real family. Sure there was still some legal stuff to sort, but Zacky’s lawyer could sort it all out with barely any participation from me which suited me absolutely fine. The last few weeks I’d spent getting everything into order, packing my things, letting the school know I was leaving and throwing out old rubbish that I didn’t need now that Zacky had promised me anything I’d set my heart on. I still don’t think he realised that he gave me that the moment he turn up.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s get going, Serena wants to come back,” I picked up everything I could carry and followed my big protector out of the house. Zacky and the guys had arranged with Serena a time that she’d be out of the house so that I could come and collect all my things in peace. “Guys there are some boxes and stuff upstairs, wanna grab them?”

“On it,” Brian offered, bounding up the stairs.

“So, you relieved to leave everything behind?” Matt smiled at me, shielding his eyes from the sun as I’d stolen his shades.

“Kind of. I mean, I’m super happy to be with Zacky again and away from this hell hole, I’m just gonna miss my friends,” I shrugged, placing my bag in the back of the van.

“You’ll see them all the time,” he waved his hand as if it were nothing, “They’re always welcome to come out and visit, between the lot of us we have more than enough space to house them all,” he smiled out of the corner of his mouth and gently punched my shoulder.

“Yeah, I suppose, it’s still not the same though,” I tried to smile but it was getting harder to. It seemed that no matter what option I chose it would mean leaving someone behind.

“BETHANY FUCKING BAKER!” I heard someone scream. I turned around and saw Alice and the rest of the group making their way towards me. My smile found my face again. Ethan was there.

“Don’t you dare tell me you were going to leave without saying goodbye!” Noah said, faking anger and engulfing me in a hug.

“I didn’t know if you guys wanted to see me,” I admitted, but both me and Ethan knew that was mainly directed at him.

“Bullshit!” shouted Dan, taking his turn in wrapping me in a bone crushing hug. “We’re gonna miss you kid.” Alice and India, both teary eyed, took their turn at hugging me.

“I’m gonna miss you Bethy,” sniffed India.

“I’m not,” Alice scoffed, “Because I’m going to call you every day, text you every second that you’re gone and the moment you’re settled I’m coming out there for a fucking visit whether you like it or not,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Great,” I replied, tears forming in my own eyes, “Just, great,”

“We got you some going away presents to remember us by,” India mumbled, pulling a heart-shaped, silver locket from her pocket. It was a simple design with what looked like a crystal or a diamond in the top right hand corner. I opened it up and saw two pictures in it, one with the three boys grinning like goons and the other with the two girls, looking gorgeous as ever.

“It’s gorgeous, you didn’t have to do that,” I gasped and struggled with the clasp. India took it from me and put around my neck as Dan produce his present.

“I know it’s not much, but I thought you’d like it,” he handed me a CD, “I made a mini movie- thing of us with loads of homemade videos. Now you can never forget how cool we are with all your new Huntington buddies,”

“I could never forget you guys, I love it Daniel,” I smiled and gave him a hug, slipping the CD into my back pocket. Noah took a step towards me, holding out a small camera.

“Take lots of pictures, lots of videos and send them to us. We want to see your new life too,” he put the camera in my hand and quickly look away, but not quickly enough to stop me seeing the tears glistening in his eyes.

“Noah, I can’t accept a camera from you, that’s too expensive. All of these gifts are really not necessary, I’m going to see you all the time. I’m never, ever, going to forget the best friends I’ve ever had,”

“Too bad, you’re having them. Mine next,” Alice grinned and placed a gorgeous, leather-bound journal in my hands. “I want you to write down every little detail that happens to you and when we come and visit you, we’re going to read it all so you can’t skimp out on anything,” Alice was lovely, so determined to keep our little group together and not accepting the fact that things will change, she was keeping us together at that moment. Though I was full aware that Ethan hadn’t said a word since he’d arrived. I think the rest of the group noticed too.

“Hey, let’s go say bye to Zacky,” Dan suggested. Whether he actually picked up on the feeling that I needed some alone time with Ethan or whether he genuinely wanted to go see the band before we left, I wasn’t sure, but I sure was grateful.

“So,” I started, once everyone had left but Ethan. He was still stood with his hands in his pocket, kicking at imaginary rubble on the ground. “I know you’re mad at me for what I said and I’m really sorry but-“ his hands came out of his pocket and grabbed onto my waist as his lips connected with mine. He kissed for a second or two, it was sweet but simple and then he pulled away.

“I know what you said and I’ve had time to think, I’m not giving up on you Bethany Baker, you’ll be mine one day, you’ll see,” he smiled and kissed me again on the lips before pulling away just as the rest wandered out to meet us.

“We about ready to leave then?” Zacky asked me, slinging his arm around my shoulder. I took one last look at everyone and all the presents in my hands.

“Yeah, I am. Besides, I’ll be back to visit everyone soon,” I smiled happily at my wonderful friends.

“Hey mate,” Zacky stopped Ethan and I held my breath, “Thanks for looking after my baby sister, our door is always open to you,” he smiled and held out his hand for a shake, Ethan took it. With a few more hugs, tears and goodbyes, we set off for Huntington Beach and my life has never been better.