Screaming in Silence

I hadn't moved much from my bed all day. I tossed and turned the whole day, trying to get comfortable but the pain and the feeling of being tainted stopped that from happening. I was still caked in mud and blood and I knew that I needed a shower but I was worried that Tony was going to come home soon. So I didn't move. I wrapped the duvet around my trembling figure and strangely felt somewhat safe in my impenetrable cocoon, but when I closed my eyes I could still feel the stranger's hands wandering around my previously untouched body and I could still hear his disgusting chuckles and groans. If I hadn't already cried an ocean of tears, I knew that my bedsheets would be soaked in salty tears once again. The thoughts just wouldn't leave my mind, whether it was the rapist's gropes and grabs or Tony's smacks and strikes, the memories just wouldn't let up. They were hounding me, taunting and terrifying me and no matter what I did I couldn't escape them. The recurring sounds of my own screams and the pervert's grunts or Tony's barks echoed loudly inside my head. I curled up into the foetal position and covered my ears with my hands to try and block it out, but it didn't work. I could feel myself trembling and shaking as if I was buried in a mountain of snow.

I heard the door bang shut downstairs, momentarily breaking me from my trembling fear however it soon replaced the previous terror with a new one. Tony was home. I could hear his footsteps as he trudged up the stairs, slowly. He walked up the corridor, past his and my mother's room and continuing on to mine. I kept my fingers crossed that my loose locks would hold and keep him out, at least until I had the strength to fix them. He paused outside my room and for a moment I heard nothing, until a knock came at my door. It was lighter than normal, confusing me, but I still didn't move to answer it. He knocked again, a little louder than usual.

"Bethany? It's mum, can you open the door?"

I breathed a sigh of relief, not just because it wasn't Tony, but also because mum was sober. I hadn't seen her sober in a while. I slowly opened my cocoon and made my way over to the door, opening it slightly to peer out at my mum. She looked better, she was clean and neat and the bags under her eyes were finally gone. Her clothes were clean and ironed with no trace of any stains and she was smiling. At me. I hadn't seen this mother since... well, I couldn't remember. I didn't make any attempt to open the door any wider. Even though she was my mother, I didn't trust her.

"Bethany, I just came to tell you that Tony is out of the picture now, he won't be coming back this time," my heart stopped. That was the first good thing that had happened in months, maybe years even. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to react. My mother continued talking, "I realised that I needed to get myself straight and sober and that he was bad for me, not to mention bad for you," I still couldn't quite believe it, there had to be a catch. Nothing good ever happened to me. "Anyway, why aren't you at school? Are you sick?" my door was only open wide enough for my eye to be visible, so she couldn't see my blood and mud stained clothes and skin. I just nodded slightly and closed the door again.

I was finally safe in my own home. I didn't have to worry about Tony stealing, punching or yelling at me anymore, I didn't have to jump out of my bedroom window every morning to go to school, and I didn't have to lie to my friends almost everyday.

"Bethany, I'm going shopping, I'll be back later!" my mother called up the stairs as she walked out the front door. I was finally free to wash the filth and insecurity away.

I stripped away my clothes and picked up a towel, but I paused in front of the mirror. I stared at my ruined body with cuts, bruises and scars adorning every inch of my once beautifully pale skin. There was blood everywhere. Blood was stuck underneath my fingernails, along with chunks of mud and the pervert's skin. Blood was covering my abdomen and my thighs, fresh blood still leaking from places I dare not think about. I was so sore that even thinking about the hot bath I was about to run made me wince. I couldn't look at myself anymore, I looked horrific. I missed the days when I was just a cute little girl, earning adored coos from every adult I'd meet. I was far from cute. I wrapped the oversized towel around my horrific body and limped into the bathroom, locking the dodgy door, not that the lock would do much as one simple push would open the worn out door. I turned on the hot tap and perched on the toilet seat to wait for the bath to fill.

The water gushed out of the tap loudly, so loud that I didn't hear the door open and close and a pair of heavy, steel-toed Doc Martins come clunking up the stairs. As the hot water began filling up the tub, I was about to reach over to turn on the cold tap when the door burst open, revealing an extremely angry Tony in the door way. I froze. Eyes wide and heart racing, I pulled my arm back to protect my naked body wrapped loosely in a towel.

"Bethy," he growled, "Bethy, Bethy... Bethy," I didn't move, I couldn't. "Well, I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here, huh? Seeing as you got your whore of a mother to kick me out!" he shouted, storming over to me and grabbing a fistful of the towel and yanking me to my feet, my face mere millimetres from his. I wanted to scream, I wanted to say that it had nothing to do with me, but I couldn't. I tried to struggled out of his grip but he just brought his hand up and slapped the side of my face, hard.

"Look, I'm not going anywhere you little bitch," he spat. "This is my house and your mother is my whore, as are you. Now you're going to do exactly as I say, you're going to convince Serena to take me back, aren't you?" he told me, I paused slightly before shaking my head. I knew it was a mistake, but I was not getting my mum to let him come back. "Yes, you are," he demanded through gritted teeth, "because if you don't, I will come back and I will make your life a living hell."

At that, he let go of my towel and let it drop to the floor. I quickly picked it back up and attempted to cover myself from his peering eyes.

"Look at you," he mocked. "You're filthy. You're just a dirty, worthless little whore," he sneered, his face right in front of mine. Then he pushed me. He pushed me backwards into the searing hot water and walked out of the room. The water was burning hot and if I could have, I would have screamed out in complete agony. With the hot tap turned on full blast, the water was as hot as if it had been boiled in a kettle. I immediately struggled to get myself out of the boiling water and peeled off the towel from my body, a layer of my skin going with it. More tears of agony formed in my eyes and I knew that this time, I had to go to the hospital. I weakly limped out of the bathroom and struggled to reach my bedroom again to find my phone. I hated to do it, but I had to text Ethan again.

"I'm so sorry, but I really need you to take me to the hospital," I texted him and waited for a reply. I sat precariously on the end of my bed, naked and burning. I could barely move without wanting to scream in agony so I had to just sit and wait for a reply from Ethan. I never did get a reply, but I soon realised why when I heard someone come bounding up the stairs 20 minutes later. Ethan burst into my room at a fast pace but soon halted in his tracks when he saw me.

"Oh my... oh my God!" he gasped as he took in the sight of me, naked, bloody and my skin peeling from my body. I looked up to him, my tear stained face showing my pain and I mouthed 'help me'. Ethan wasted no time in searching my wardrobe for a big towel and wrapping me in it. He picked me up and ran downstairs without a second to spare. There was a taxi waiting outside the house with the door already wide open, waiting for me to be placed gently on the stained seats and rushed off to hospital. Ethan seemed to have the same disability as I did at the moment, because he kept opening and closing his mouth, no sounding slipping out. I closed my eyes and blacked out.

I woke up again in a hospital bed. My burns were wrapped up tightly in bandages and there was an IV drip in my hand.

"Hey, Beth," smiled Ethan, placing his hand on mine, lovingly. "How are you feeling?" I shrugged slightly. "The doctor said that your burns aren't that bad and they shouldn't scar permanently, but they will be saw for a while," I nodded slightly. It was just as well that I couldn't talk because I didn't want to answer the question that I knew was bound to come next. "What happened?" he already had a pen and paper ready for me to write on. I inwardly groaned and picked up the pen.

"I was running a bath and I slipped in it before I could put the cold water in," I wrote. He read it, but I wasn't sure whether he believed it or not. I'll admit the 'I slipped and fell' excuse was the oldest in the book, but it was still a useful one because being pushed in a bath full of boiling water wasn't exactly something that happened often enough to need an excuse for.

"Beth, babe, you need to be more careful than that," he chuckled slightly and almost let out a sigh of relief. He believed it. "Hey, um, Beth? I'm really, um, sorry about getting angry and stuff earlier... you know, about the, um, thing," he stammered, awkwardly looking around the room in order to avoid making eye contact with me. For such a sweet boy, he was rubbish at apologies and rarely ever gave them. But that could have been because he rarely ever needed to, he always had a good lid on his anger which is why you can always tell when it's important or personal if he flips his lid. I just shrugged in response. "Have you, er, changed your mind? About reporting it, I mean," he scratched his head and played with the hem of his shirt awkwardly. I shook my head. "Seriously-" he began, but bit his lip to stop anymore of the rant from spewing from his lips. "Sorry, but you know thoughts on the topic. Just, know that I'm here for you Bethany and I'm not going anywhere, you can always talk to me you know, about anything," he told me, grabbing hold of my hand and staring into my eyes. I let a small smile grace my lips in a thank you. Part of me wanted to believe the sincerity in his words, but the other part of me, the devil if you like, was telling me that it was all lies and that he didn't really care. I was torn between the angel and the devil, happiness and anger, love and betrayal.