Say Nothing

“Frankie,” Juliana's soft whisper emerged from my chest.

Currently, we're in my house, getting all smuggled up and shit. She asked if she could come over today, and of course, I couldn't tell her no nor did I want to. As soon as we got into my bedroom, she immediately pushed me onto the bed (which nearly gave me a heart attack) and cuddled up to me. We've been laying like this for hours now.

I have probably fell in and out of sleep several times now, but Juliana didn't seem to mind. I'd wake up and kiss her on top of her head, she'd giggle and I'd ask her how she was feeling. It's been almost a week since she's been out of the hospital and almost five days since she asked about sex. I haven't bothered the issue because it's something that isn't a priority to me; she is.

“Yeah, Jay?” I asked. Juliana moved her head out of my chest and we met eye to eye. Her gorgeous neon green eyes sparkled at me as she smiled. I couldn't help but smile back and felt the urge to kiss her. I held it.

“Meet me at the beach again tonight?” Juliana asked. I released the urge to kiss her and quickly pecked her lips.

“Always.”

~*~

Quarter 'til midnight and Juliana was on her way to the beach with her blanket. I helped her set it up and we laid on it together, like we did today. I held her close to me as we listened to the waves crash down on the Jersey Shore. I kissed the top of her head, not wanting this moment to end anytime soon.

I can't think of a time when I needed this more.

~*~

Five more days passed by and they all seemed to become the same, but I'm perfectly okay with that. Juliana would come to my house at an ungodly hour and stay with me all day. We'd kiss here and there, but mostly, we held each other. I loved that, being able to hold onto her. Sometimes, we'd turn on a movie or just talk during our 'cuddle sessions.'

Before dinner, she'd leave and go home to have dinner with her Granny. I'd meet her at our spot on the beach fifteen minutes before midnight. It was the best spot, really. It was more secluded, no one came over that way and we had the beach to ourselves. Even then, we'd do what we did during the day; hold each other and kiss here and there.

“Frankie,” Juliana said.

I looked away from the darken beach and down at Juliana. She's been looking even more deathly sick. I noticed that she had some odd looking lumps on her neck. They were small and barely noticeable, but I noticed them. I didn't say anything about them because I figured it had something to do with this sickness she wasn't telling me about.

“Yeah, Jay?” She broke off from my hold and sat on her butt. I mimicked her and sat a crossed from her. Juliana gave me a weak smile.

“Sorry, my elbows were hurt-” she stopped talking due to a small coughing fit. When she regained her composure, she smiled warmly at me. “I wanna give you something.”

I cocked my head to the side and said, “Jay, no. I don't want you to buy me something.”

“No!” Juliana waved her hand in the air towards me. “It's something that I made and I want you to have it.”

I watched her inattentively as she reached into the pocket of her sweatpants and pulled out a piece of jewelry. Juliana grabbed my wrist and quickly placed on the bracelet. Before I could look at it, she kept a strong hold on my hand so I wouldn't pull away.

“Now Frank, I know we haven't really known each other that long-” she took a deep breath of air “-but I really want you to know this.”

Juliana released my hand and I looked at the beaded bracelet that was strongly placed against my wrist. I twisted it around to read the words 'I love you' on it with several colored beads. I was speechless. I spun the bracelet around again, trying to make sense of it all. Juliana just told me that she's in love with me.

“Jay-”

Juliana quickly said, “I know. I'm stupid and I'm-”

I broke her off like she did me and kissed her. We fell backwards on the blanket and I hoovered on top of her. I kissed her innocently for a few minutes and in doing this, I realized that yes, indeed, I'm in love with her too. You can go on and say, 'you're young and dumb!' but I don't care because I am young and I am in love with this gorgeous girl in front of me.

I broke our kiss and Juliana smiled as I said, “I love you too.”

Juliana wrapped her arms around my head and pulled me in before saying, “I love you, Frank.” She giggled. “I love you.”

We kissed again and I felt a small smile creep up on my lips. I'm so happy and there's no words to describe this overwhelming feeling. Juliana broke our kiss and we stared into each others eyes. Her neon green eyes are so gorgeous; she's fucking gorgeous. I placed my forehead against her and chuckled lightly to myself.

“I love you,” I told her truthfully.

Juliana grinned and replied, “I love you too.” Before I could say anything else, I realized she was shaking. I sat up and she followed. I held her hand in mine and looked at her. We smiled at each other like it was going out of style.

“You're shaking.” My smiled dropped into a fine line.

Juliana tensed up and sighed. “I know. I don't want to go home yet!”

“Please? I don't want you to either, but I don't want you in the hospital again,” I told her and frowned.

Juliana released a dragged out sigh before saying, “Fine.”

We walked home, hand in hand, as I carried the neatly folded blanket. She stuck close to my side, trying to cuddle up the warmth I offered. I felt bad, having her out this late at night. I don't think she realized it, but I took a detour to my house.

When we stopped in front of it, I leaned over and said, “I'll be right back. Wait on the porch.”

She nodded her head and I dropped the blanket on one of the empty chairs. I took off inside for what I wanted. I scrambled quickly in my bedroom, pulling a Misfits hoodie from the floor into my arms and shuffled in my top drawer. I pulled out what I wanted and quickly ran downstairs to Juliana. She was sitting on my moms favorite rocking chair.

“Firstly,” I started and got her attention, “here.” I handed off the hoodie and she smiled. I waited until she got it on and zipped it up before continuing. “Gimme your wrist.”

I quickly slapped on the bracelet my grandmother gave me a couple of years ago. It's a silver bracelet with the Italian inscription 'ti amo' across it in really pretty cursive font. I smiled at the bracelet, realizing that we have something to represent each other with. I looked at it and made sure the placement was good before letting go of it so Juliana could look at it.

“Frank...” she started.

“No, I wanted to give you something like that. It was my grandmothers. 'Ti amo' means 'I love you' in Italian. I want you to have it because really-” I awkwardly scratched the back of my head “-I do love you.”

Juliana jumped up and hugged me. I held her close, smelling my Irish Springs body wash from my jacket. I kissed her lightly on her shoulder and we broke our hug. We walked hand in hand back to her house. I kissed her quickly before she frowned.

“Frank, can we kiss a little bit longer?” She asked, nervously biting her lip.

I didn't deny her and planted my lips against hers. We kissed for a long time, and she shivered the whole time. I didn't want to break apart the kiss at all, but she really needed to go inside. I hugged her when I broke the kiss.

“I love you, Frank,” Juliana said.

“I love you too.”

“Please... don't ever forget that I love you, okay? I love you so much.” I broke our hug and gave her a warm smile.

“Don't ever forget that I love you too.” I kissed her on the lips.

Juliana placed cute pecks on my lips and kept telling me 'I love you' between each kiss. I replied and kissed her back between each kiss, too. It was true, I do love her. Eventually, she walked up to her porch, shivering. Juliana blew me a kiss and told me she loved me. I pretended to catch the kiss and told her that I loved her too.

~*~

I woke up the next day and looked over at my alarm clock. It was almost two in the afternoon. I jumped out of bed, grabbing the first pair of clothing on the floor I could find. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and took off out of the door. Mom gave me a quizzical stare as I ran passed her with a mortified look on my face.

Juliana didn't show up today.

Everyday, she'd show up at an ungodly hour and we'd lay together. Every night we'd go to the beach late at night. Today, she didn't show up at that ungodly hour and I have a strong feeling that Juliana wouldn't show up at the beach tonight, either.

I knocked on the door to Granny Slade's house and waited patiently. No one answered. I knocked and knocked, but no one answered. I must've waited for an hour, but no one answered. I slammed my back against the door, realizing the worst and that she's in the hospital again.

~*~

It's been almost four hours since I first attempted to get information on the whereabouts of Juliana and I'm currently running down the street to do my second attempt. It's about seven-thirty and Juliana or Granny Slade should be home; at least I'm hoping so.

I knocked on the door and waited patiently. I let out a huge sigh of relief when I heard shuffled around the house. I held my breath when I heard obvious sniffling. I closed my eyes and bounced in the spot I stood. I was freaking the fuck out.

“Oh hey, Frankie dear,” Granny Slade said as she opened the door.

I quickly opened my eyes and asked, “Juliana!? Where is she!? Is she okay!?”

Granny Slade looked down at the ground and said, “Well, sweetie, take a seat for me real quick. I'll be right back.”

I sat down on one of the chairs on her porch and she came back out with a mug. She took a sip of it and I looked into her eyes; obvious marks of her crying. Granny Slade took a seat next to me, placing her mug on the coffee table she had.

“Juliana left early this morning with her parents,” Granny Slade explained, plainly.

My whole world shattered right there. Juliana is gone? Jay left me? She's gone? The girl I just told for the first time that I was in love with her is gone? Juliana isn't here? Where is she? Why'd she leave? Where's my Jay? Where's Juliana?

“W-what?” I stammered out, trying to hold back the tears.

“I can't tell you why, though. Jules didn't want you to know why.” Granny Slade gave me a sympathetic smile. I cupped my head in my hands and tried to not cry.

“Where is she?” I asked through my hands.

“She's in Florida with her parents, Frank. They came for her today-- well, her mom did –but she's probably almost home now.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I can't tell you sweetheart, but I know she'll be back soon.” I didn't wait for an explanation or to ask anymore questions. I jumped out of the chair and took off. I ran for a while, trying to meet my destination.

I made it to the spot we shared on the beach and stood there. Juliana wasn't here. I walked a little bit away (maybe five feet) from it and sat down on the overly sized rock poking out of the sand. I cupped my hands in my face and finally, I cried. I cried for the longest time.

Juliana is gone.

~*~

The new school year started up and I was a junior this year. My best friend, Shaun, was a senior. I never fully explained Juliana to him, but he knows I'm still hurting. I missed her a lot. She's been gone for almost two months now. I still wear the bracelet she gave me. I hope she wears the one I gave her.

~*~

Halloween rolled by, I turned seventeen years old. No sign of Juliana for almost three months. I still miss her a lot. I wished she could've spent my birthday with me and gone trick-or-treating with me, too. We would've had a lot of fun.

~*~

Thanksgiving break came by and I finally got the courage to go to Granny Slade's house. I knocked on the door and she greeted me with a warm hug. She asked how I was doing and I lied, telling her I was okay. Granny Slade told me Juliana was doing okay, too.

~*~

Christmas came by and it began to get a bit colder than expected. I visited Granny Slade everyday after school and hanged around with her for about an hour each day. I'd clean and help her decorate or do some sort of yard work. Oh, and I still wear the bracelet. I never take it off. I look at it all the time and think of her.

Somewhere in that, I think I lost complete logic I had before and started going back to the beach after Christmas. I'd go every night, fifteen minutes before midnight and wait for an hour, expecting her to show up. She never did.

~*~

A week or so later, it was New Years Eve and my mom came in my room. She gave me an envelope and kissed my forehead. She didn't know what's happened to me, but she knows I'm still hurting for some reason. Even though Juliana was in my life for two short months, she impacted it greatly. Once mom left my room, I opened the letter that was addressed to me with no return address.

Frankie,

I'll never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions, but you should know that I think about you everyday. I love you so much and I'm sorry I left like that. I'm sorry, but I still wont tell you why. It's for the best, although we don't know it.

I'm sorry I haven't written you letters as often as I'd like, it's just that paper words could only cheapen the moments we shared. I love you so much. I still wear the bracelet you gave me. Do you still wear yours? I'm sure you do.

Take care, Frankie. I know you go over to Granny's house everyday and help her out, so don't strain yourself :) she could work you to the bone! You're such a great guy for helping her out.

Until next time,
I love you always and forever,
Juliana xo

I read the letter over and over again. I cried and folded the letter up neatly and tucked it in my pocket. I couldn't respond to her because of the no return address. She didn't tell me that she was doing okay. I felt a pain of worry develop over me.

~*~

Easter rolled by and really, who gives two shits about Easter? My mom made me dress up and go to Sunday mass for it. I didn't get any candy and I whined about it. After mass, I went over to Granny Slade's house in my Sundays best, giving her a pie that my mom made for her. I caved in not too long ago and told mom about Juliana.

I knocked on the door and she opened it up with a warm smile. She was in her Sundays best, too. I gave her the pie and she gave me a basket full of candy. I grinned and told her thank you. I guess I did end up getting candy after all.

~*~

Somewhere in the middle of April, I got hospitalized for a week because I got bronchitis really bad and I couldn't breath on my own. I was in there for a whole week, sleeping off everyday. I mostly dreamed of Juliana. It was the best week of my new year without Juliana. Just being able to dream about her made me feel better.

~*~

A week after getting home and settled back in from the hospital, I got another letter to me with no return address. I quickly opened it up and smiled at the familiar handwriting.

Frankie,

I said take care! Not get into the hospital with bronchitis! I hope you're feeling better. Granny said you were doing much better now, though. She visited you in the hospital, but she said you were sleeping the whole time while she was there. She said you looked like a sleeping fish haha.

Granny also said that you were asking more about me, but Frankie, it's better I say nothing at all. I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to make me worry. Take care of yourself (and I fucking mean it)! Or I'll have to come up there to personally kick your ass. And no, don't take that as a challenge and go get yourself attacked by sharks :)

Until next time,
I love you always and forever,
Juliana xo

I folded the letter up with the other one I have. I, once again, broke down and began to cry. I cry almost every night and sometimes, when I wake up. I miss her so much. I almost did take the challenge she offered just so I could see her again.

~*~

The school year ended and the day that I met Juliana came by. I woke up, crying. I ate lunch, crying. I fed my dog, crying. I watched Oprah, crying. I tied my shoes, crying. I brushed my hair, crying. I felt like a crying idiot, but fucking Christ, I missed her a lot. I missed her so much.

I visited Granny Slade and helped her with her gardening after I got done crying for the millionth time today. I trimmed the hedges and she planted some purple flowers. I told her they looked nice and asked to use the restroom. Yes, I did cry.

I did my every night routine, going to the spot we shared fifteen minutes before midnight. I sat down on the rock and watched the shore. The waves crashed against the sand and I smiled. It was a really gorgeous night out tonight, almost like Juliana. Nothing compared to her, though.

Once again, Juliana didn't show up.