Not Worth Your Tears

I squinted into the morning sun rays that poked shyly through my red satin curtains, making me wrinkle my nose and shield my eyes. It's morning already? I thought, running my hands lightly over my face. It felt as if it was only moments ago that I had been crying; my nose wet and running, my mascara smudging, my hands trembling, my crimson blood running down my legs, dripping down onto my white sheets, staining them, ruining them. My alarm clock beeped cheerfully, suggesting I get started with my day. A soft knock tapped on my door. I groaned and pushed the thick lilac comforter away from my legs and picked up a bland t-shirt, pulling it over the rat's nest I called my hair. Sleepily, I covered my waist with the blanket and called the knocker in.

My dad, Jordan, opened the door and peeked inside, his face hard and emotionless. He looked at me until he cleared his throat and slowly slunk into the room, shutting the door. "Hey." His voice was scratchy and dry, and this made me realize how much my childish rant had affected him.

He shook his head and smiled a small, half-hearted smile at me and cleared his throat. "Kaybree, do you mind if I sit down and have a talk with you?"

"Sure?" I said, easing myself up.

Dad sighed, sat down on the bed and stared at my sheets... "Kaybree...about last night..."

I held up a hand and stopped him. "Dad, look, I'm sorry for freaking out at everyone last night. And then leaving you to clean up my mess. It was...really childish...." I looked down at my toes sticking out from under the blankets. "Sorry." I mumbled.

Dad placed his hand on mine and squeezed, drawing my eyes up to his. "Kaybree, it's okay. We're just...we're worried about you. Ever since Dr-"

I squeezed his hand and stiffened, mentally begging him not to continue. His words fell short and he sighed. "Kaybree, you have no friends. You don't even try to connect with anybody, and you just lock yourself up in your room all day, as if waiting for some knight to save you. But from what? Reading too much?" Dad stopped and sighed, letting his hands fall into his lap. "Kaybree? Are you really moving out? Like, on your own?"

I looked up into his brown puppy dog eyes and sighed. "Yeah dad...I am."

He sat still, quietly for a few moments, his emotions playing on his face. First disappointment, then slightly happy, then anxious. He sighed and clasped his hands in front of him. "Well, maybe this is a good thing. You'll have to get out for things, like groceries." He cracked a goofy grin and winked. "Your mother and sister will be so excited to help you decorate!"

I felt a lump rise in my throat and my chest squeeze as I stared at him. "Dad?" I said, looking at the table. "I'm moving to New York."