Not Worth Your Tears

With fuzzy slippers covering my feet, I walked out onto the deck with a cup of coffee. I looked out into the sunrise, watching the traffic already wind its way through the city. I sat down and watched the peaceful image before me, relaxing.

"Good morning, Kaybree!" Kyle slid open his glass doors and sat down at a little table and chairs.

"Morning." I said, continuing to sip at my coffee. I glance at him as he pats his shirt and pockets, finally producing a pack of cigarettes. I stare at him as he pulled one out and stuck it in his mouth. I shook my head, and kept my mouth shut.

Kyle catches my gesture and nods, sliding the cancer stick back inside. “Thanks, forgot.” I shrug, and gulp down another half of my coffee. “Hey, you can be my daily reminder!”

I looked at him, and shrugged, nodding. “Sure.” I rubbed my hands against my arms, trying to warm them from the morning cold. “Hey, um, Kyle? What time is it?” I ask, looking down at the floor. The more I talked to Kyle, the more I wanted to talk to him again, which wasn’t very good. The last time I wanted to talk to a guy, the last time I let a boy keep into my thoughts, I was hurt, and left to die. Literally.

“’Bout five thirty, A.M.” Kyle stretched his arms up into the air, and yawned, his eyes squeezing shut.

“Really?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, I can’t believe I got up this early!” Kyle laughed, shaking his hair.

“Oh....” I nodded, and tried to avoid anymore conversation. I'm getting too excited over talking to one person. I stood up, and fixed my slippers, and shuffled towards the door. But you need to ask. There's no other place you can go. “Hey Kyle?”

His eyes snapped towards me, and he smiled slightly. “Hm?” Kyle stood up and walked casually towards me.

I looked down at the cracks in the concrete covering the deck and huffed inwardly. One thing you should know about me is that I hate asking for favors. Yet, I needed this, so I swallowed my pride and avoided eye contact. “Do you have a printer, and a computer I could borrow to, you know, print stuff?”

Kyle laughed and nodded, setting his hand on his slide doors. “Sure, just go over to my door, I’ll be right there.”

I did likewise and nodded. “I’ll be right there, I just have to get dressed, and I’ll be right over.” Kyle smiled and walked inside his house, without a second glance back. I walked inside my house and yanked out a fresh pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt, brushed my hair and brushed my teeth.

I walked out of my apartment, walked over to his door and knocked softly, waiting for him to come to the door. After about a minute, I knocked harder, then harder, until finally the door flashed open and a boy with stringy blond hair and deep brown eyes opened the door, his face sagging from fatigue. “What.” He barked at me, and looked me up and down. “I ain’t interested in yer damn girl guide cookies.” He started to shut the door as I stood still staring at him in disbelief, when suddenly the door stopped closing and I realized a foot was wedged between the door and the frame.

“Keith, she’s for me.” Kyle pried the doorknob from Keith’s hands, and smiled at me as he pushed Keith inside. “Sorry about that, Kaybree.”

Keith raised his eyebrows and nods, looking me over again. He nods to himself and hits Kyle's arm, nodding at me, and winking.

I shot him a death look and Kyle shook his head, putting his hand on my shoulder and guiding me down the hall. "The computer's this way." Kyle said, flashing a look at Keith when he thought I wasn't looking.

I followed Kyle down a hallway similar to mine, except his apartment had two bedrooms. He stopped at a door and pulled it open, revealing a double bed, a computer on a desk and crib across the room. I raised my eyebrows and opened my mouth when, "-DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DAAAADDY!" I turned around to see a small, delicate girl running in the room, her red hair flowing out behind her as she shuffled up to Kyle. She stood up on her tippy toes and looked up at him innocently. "Daddy, can I hab somb gumb?"

"Daddy doesn't have any gum sweetie." Kyle said, picking her up.

She turned and looked at me, batting her eyelashes. "Do you hab any?" My heart melted and I knew I was hooked.

"Trixy! You can't just go asking people that, it's not polite." Kyle said, frowning as he picked her up in his arms.

"But daaddy!" She whined, shoving her thumb in her mouth.

"I have some, if you want." I said, my smile shy. Kyle shook his head and looked at her.

"Her Mommy doesn't like her having sugar. She get's hyper." He touched his nose to her's but she swiveled away from him reaching for me.

"Pweeeaassseee, can I hab some? Pwease, pwease, pwease?" Trixy whined, shoving her bottom lip out.

"It's sugar free. It also helps whiten your teeth. Is it okay?" I asked, as he set her on the floor. She ran over to me and hugged my leg and smiled up at me. How easily children can be bought.

"Yeah daddy. Is it okay?" She asked, as we both smiled at him.

Kyle looked at the two of us, both smiling widely at him and he shook his head with a snicker. "Sure, whatever Trixy, just don't you tell your mama." He laughed, ruffling her hair.

I dug in my pocket and popped a white mint piece of gum out of the package and dropped it into her tiny cupped hands. "There you go kiddo."

Trixy chomped on the hard gum until it was soft and giggled as she popped a bubble and it made a loud snapping noise. "Thanks Kaybwee!" She giggled and waddled down the hallway, and disappeared into the kitchen.

I raised my eyebrow at him and he blushed looking down at the ground. "That's Trixy, she's three. I don't live with her mom," Kyle said, looking up at me with red playing on his cheeks. "but we're still together."

I brought the side of my lip up slightly to form a semi-smile. "She's sweet. It's none of my business that you have a kid, so you don't need explain, or be embarrassed. She's cute Kyle, but I was wondering how she knew my name."

Kyle blushed a deeper red, not just on his cheeks, but on his neck and ears. "I told her we had a new neighbor when I was tucking her in last night." Trixy peeked her head from the side of the door frame and giggled.

"He said you were welly, welly pwetty!" Trixy giggled when Kyle shot her an embarrassed look that said 'You better run!'. She shot off, her arms out in the air like an airplane.

I felt my ears get warm and I looked down at the floor, clearing my throat. "Sorry about that..." He said, and I waved it off and looked around the room, trying to remember where the computer was. "Oh, right. Um here." He walked over to the desk and moved the mouse, making the screen light up. After pressing the on button on the printer he gestured for me to sit. "Take your time, I'll be in the living room."

I nodded and looked at the computer screen, searching for the internet on his desktop. I opened my e-mail and printed off ten pages of my resume. I logged out and walked out into the living room to see Trixy on the floor stacking blocks on top of each other while Kyle stabilized them for her. He was all smiles when he looked at her, and Trixy was the same with him. A stab of jealousy went through me, but I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. It's better not to think of her.

"Thanks Kyle, for letting me use your computer." I say quietly, as not to wake the sleeping Keith that law sprawled out on the couch.

Kyle looked up at me and smiled, nodding. "Anytime, Kaybree."