Give Me Something to Believe

Sitting with her back against the wall Cherry sighed. She hated funerals. There was nothing to like and she saw no reason to celebrate. They’re dead and they aren’t coming back.

This funeral in particular made her uncomfortable. She only really knew the kid from one class she had with him. There was definitely no reason to celebrate his death. He had been depressed and no one saw the signs.

Twirling her cigarette between her fingers she looked up to the sky. It was a nice day with only a few clouds in sight. She could hear the people inside sharing memories, saying what a wonderful boy he had been, and she just wanted to go in there and yell at them that to shut up.

Finally bringing the cancer stick to her lips she pulled her lighter out of her pocket and lit it. Inhaling deeply she let the smoke fill her lungs.

Cory James Miller, age sixteen, homosexual, and dead. Life had been cruel to him. Well people had been cruel to him. No one could accept his sexuality. Not even his father who for the past two years ignored his existence. Cory James Miller, another statistic, another sad story, another end.

People would talk about it for weeks. The gay boy who killed himself. She hated those people with a passion. They didn’t understand. Or they did, she didn’t know. What she did know was that they were part of the reason he ended it. Without their ridicule, maybe with some form of acknowledgment from his father, or maybe if he had had someone to talk to he would still be alive.

Snuffing out her cigarette she got up and walked over to the fountain that was in the middle of the parking lot. Fancy church, she thought.

“It over?” A voice broke her chain of thought. Looking over she saw a boy about her age though she didn’t think he went to her school.

“I don’t think so,” she answered sitting down and pulling some change out of her pocket. “Why, you know him?”

The boy nodded and sat down too. “We used to be neighbors.”

Cherry nodded in acknowledgment and threw the few coins into the fountain. Smiling at the sound they made when they hit the water she turned back to the boy. He looked as if he hadn’t showered in days. Biting back a remark about him jumping into the fountain to clean off she pulled out another cigarette.

“Hey can I bum one?” The boy asked motioning towards the carton.

Throwing her pack to the boy she smiled. His face lit up like a little kid in a candy store. “What’s your name?” She asked.

“Blue,” he whispered and rolled his eyes. “Mom had a fascination with the color. Yours?”

“Cherry,” she told him accepting her cigarettes back. “So were you good friends with him?” She asked nodding over towards the church.

“You mean did I know him well enough to know if he was depressed or not?” Blue asked and nodded. “He confided in me when he could, I wasn’t around much,” he paused and took a long drag off his cigarette. “If I was around more he probably could have held it together.”

Biting her lip she nodded. “Sorry for your loss,” she whispered and tossed the rest of her cigarette in the fountain.

He gave her a small smile, “Thanks.”

Spotting her friend she waved goodbye to Blue. Ashley still had tears strolling down her face and she tried desperately to wipe them away. She had known Cory really well. They had been close.

Opening her arms up for her friend Cherry sighed once more. “You okay?” She asked and walked them towards Ashley’s car.

“I will be,” she whispered weakly. Taking her keys out of her purse she tossed them at Cherry. “I’m too upset right now.”

Staring down at the keys Cherry shrugged. She had driven her fathers car a couple times. Climbing into the drivers seat Cherry looked out and caught Blue’s gaze. Turning to her friend she nodded. “Hey Ash?”

“Yeah?” She replied turning to look at Cherry.

“I met this boy a bit ago and he knew Cory too. If he’s up for it do you mind if he tags along?” Cherry asked and Ashley just shrugged. Pulling the car up next to the tall boy Cherry put her window down. “What are you up to?”

Furrowing his eyebrows Blue shrugged, “I was going to go and say goodbye and whatnot. Why?”

“Oh well,” Cherry paused and wondered if she should just let him go. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come along.”

“Is it alright with your friend?” Blue asked nodding his head towards the saddened girl. Cherry nodded. “Alright. Better than going in there anyways.”

Driving towards McDonald’s Cherry told them it’d be her treat. Once seated with their food Ashley decided to speak up. “So how did you know Cory?”

“He used to be my neighbor,” Blue told her. He didn’t really want to talk about his old friend but he was too nice to tell her to shut up. She was hurting too.

“Did you know then?” Ashley asked as she picked at her fries not all that hungry.

“That he was depressed?” Blue questioned and Ashley nodded. He sighed wondering what to tell her. He knew she wanted to blame him, he wasn’t there for Cory. He kind of blamed himself anyway. “I knew that he wasn’t happy but there wasn’t anything I could have done. I don’t live next door anymore.”

Ashley nodded and went back to being quiet.

“Okay,” Cherry spoke. “So Blue, tell us about yourself. How old are you, where do you go to school, that kind of thing.”

Smiling Blue popped a chicken nugget into his mouth. “Why you like me?” He laughed and shook his head. “Sorry. No um. Well I’m seventeen, I don’t go to school, my favorite color is turquoise. Anything else?”

“Did you know he was gay?” Ashley asked going back to talking about Cory.

Swallowing the lump in his throat Blue nodded.

“Is that why you stopped talking to him?” She fired off. “Did you not accept it? Did you call him a faggot?”

Putting a hand on her friend’s shoulder Cherry shot an apologetic look towards Blue. “Calm down Ash. Blue did nothing wrong.”

Getting up from the table Blue looked down at the distressed girl and snapped. “I didn’t stop talking to him on purpose. I was kicked out of my goddamn house. And I did accept him so no I did not call him a faggot. He was one of my best friends and if I was around more yeah maybe I could have stopped him from killing himself. And you know what you can just push all the blame on me, I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

Storming out of the restaurant Blue screamed. No words came out only anger and pain. Taking his cell phone out of his pocket he texted his friend to come pick him up.

Cherry sighed and Ashley sat there stunned. “I had no idea,” she said putting her head in her hands. “I had no idea!”

“No you didn’t,” Cherry told her and grabbed the rest of the food off the table. “You aren’t the only one hurting Ash, you aren’t the only one that lost a friend.”

Walking out of the restaurant without her friend Cherry spotted Blue on a bench across the street. Making her way towards him she took out her pack of cigarettes and tossed it to him.

“I’m sorry about her, she can be a little hard to handle,” Cherry spoke sitting down next to him. “If it helps I told her off.”

Shaking his head Blue inhaled the smoke deep into his lungs. The burn comforting him. “It’s not your fault.”

Sitting in silence the pair smoked their cigarettes. After a few minutes Ashley had come out and got in her car, taking off.

“And there goes my ride,” Cherry laughed. “Whatever, she’ll get over it.”

“Oh,” Blue said looking at her. “I’m sorry. I totally just cost you your ride.”

“No you didn’t, me putting her in her place lost me my ride,” Cherry assured.

“Well if you want my friend is coming and picking me up, I can be your ride,” he offered. Cherry nodded and took the last drag of her cigarette. Looking at Blue she knew that they’d be good friends and she knew that there was more to him than he let on.