Monster

Hayley stood in front of the mirror, staring at the newly broken image of a girl standing in front of her. The bubbly attitude, the smiles, the jokes, bottomless giggle fits for no reason — all of it was gone for good. She knew there was no hope for her being happy again. She wanted nothing more than to rid herself of… well, herself. She feels like breaking the glass, and destroying the image everyone supposedly loves with the remaining broken shards.

Josh and Zac were gone. What was the use? She couldn't hide it, but there was no way she could relish in it. It wasn't so great. It didn't give off this euphoric sense. It killed her inside, and she wanted nothing more than to destroy everything she ever loved, Josh did that to her plenty of times when they were on the brink of breaking up.

"Come on, Hales, they're gonna get worried pretty soon," the voice of one Brendon Urie floated through the hotel room, trying to calm his friend.

Whenever Hayley did this, it killed him more than it killed her. She was so close to killing herself, and it hurt. He knew she was getting too close, and that made the pain increase. She never used to be like this. It was Josh and Zac's fault — they left Paramore and caused Hayley to be this way. They were the reason she was such a broken soul.

"Brendon, please, I can't take it anymore! I just want this pain to be over, Brendon make it stop!" she screamed, her hands gripping at her hair, tugging. She felt it again. She had this… monster, almost, inside of her, and whenever she felt too angry or upset to even truly comprehend, it showed itself.

Brendon's eyes widened. He knew how Hayley got when she got too angry or sad. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Hayley!" Brendon screamed, fruitlessly attempting to open the door. "Fuck. Hayley Nicole Williams, let me in right now or I'll bust this door down," he threatened, still trying to open the door.

Hayley was too far deep into her hallucinations to hear him. It only sounded of white noise. Complete euphoria. She felt nothing. She didn't know if she was even alive, all she knew was that it felt better than whatever hell she just arrived from.

"Hayley, please. I know you aren't deaf, not even now. Please, Hayley, I need you to pull through for me!" he shouted. He knew it wasn't to any avail. He walked backward until he hit the wall. He ran forward and jumped right into the door. Pain surged through his body. He grabbed his arm, groaning. He wouldn't stop.

He tried consistently and repeatedly, until the door burst open, revealing Hayley. She had broken the mirror, her eyes were dilated, and the rings around her eyes seemed almost permanent. It pained Brendon inside.

"Hayley, please, I know you can knock yourself out of this… trance that you seem so wrapped up in. Hayley, please!" he begged, grabbing her shoulders, trying to shake her of her crazy state.

Hayley shook, her eyes rolled up and Brendon thought he lost her. He thought Hayley was dead and gone, he thought that there would be no more Paramore, and it destroyed him. This was his best friend, it wasn't like he enjoyed seeing her in this predicament. Luckily, Hayley swallowed thickly, her eyes returned back to normal, and she let out a deep breath.

"Hayley, I'm not always gonna be around to help you when this happens," he told her, brushing her bangs out of her eyes, smiling at her and kissing her cheek.

"I know, Bren."

They truly were best friends, and this would eventually destroy her. Brendon knew that, and he hated it. He hated that he couldn't tell her, and even if he could, she wouldn't believe him.



Jeremy Davis and Taylor York wouldn't stop the constant jokes, and for once, Hayley was actually smiling, laughing, and enjoying herself. This was all because Brendon advised the two consistently about Hayley's 'situation', and begged and pleaded for as much help as possible. They made sure she was having a good time.

Suddenly, for no reason at all, the feelings reoccurred once again. Silently, Hayley cursed. She truly knew what she would do would be letting Brendon down. "I'll be right back," she said, standing up and walking to the tour bus bathroom. Nothing could stop her in here, so Hayley was home free, by a technicality.

She looked in the mirror, staring at the reflection. She looked at the broken girl, sighing. This was wrong. She would hurt Brendon doing this.

She looked to the side, glaring at the corner of the counter. "God," she muttered.

This wouldn't end well, and she didn't care at that point. She grabbed the razor on the side, and began the life-ruining cycle all over again.



Brendon sat at the end of the edge of the bed. "Hayley, what did you do?" he asked himself, staring at the text messages from Jeremy and Taylor that still wouldn't stop coming. He had been crying for the last half hour, and it worried Spencer. "God, Hayley, why?" he asked, letting out a sob.

"Bren," Spencer walked out of the bathroom, sitting down next to Brendon on the bed, "what happened?" he asked. He looked down at the new text message he just recieved from Taylor York yet again, and wrapped his arms around his best friend, trying to comfort him.

Brendon hopped up. "I have to go to the hospital. See if she's even alive still," he told Spencer, walking out of the house and to the hospital. He sat outside Hayley's room for hours and hours, and just when he gave up, the doctor came out. He stood onto his feet, walking over to him. "Sir, is Hayley okay?" he asked hopefully.

The doctor looked at Brendon. "I'm sorry, son, Hayley held on as long as she could... but she wasn't strong enough," Brendon already had tears gleaming in his eyes.

Brendon felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt like death. He wanted nothing more than to collapse on the floor then and there. He lost his best friend. He lost the girl he loved. He lost the person who meant more to him than the world itself. Why couldn't it have been him? Why couldn't he just die there? Because nothing good ever happens to him, Brendon would have to live with this for the rest of his life. He just wished that he could have been there for Hayley, maybe then she wouldn't have done this. Maybe then she'd be alive.

Well, he'll never know. Hayley Williams is gone for good.