Four Corners and Two Sides

Emotionally, I was a wreck. Physically, the lawn chair I had sat down on was as hard as a rock underneath my butt. I couldn't help but be uncomfortable all over. You know things were really bad if you couldn't find a comfy chair to pout in.
It was my mistake, sitting here, wasting time, thinking Kellin would come over and confess his deceit. My boys were out being friendly with other bands, while I waited around for some guy to turn his skin inside out. He had no idea I knew, but I was hoping for coincidence. A far cry to nobody. He wasn't going to say anything. Why would he? He liked what we had going, whatever it was.
I laughed to myself, thinking of how easily I could hurt Eric if I lead him on, when in all reality, it was Kellin leading me on. If I told Eric, he would just rub it in my face, then where would that lead us? When I said I was expecting a journey from Warped Tour '11, I didn't mean all of this shit. I meant something involving music, or a positive reinforcement in my life. I wanted an eye opener, not a headache.
"Hi," I looked up, startled, to see Alan from Of Mice & Men, gawking over me, sweaty and joyful. He was grinning, looking like a ginger version of the Cheshire Cat. I immediately sat up straight, remembering that I was on tour with a few of my favorite bands, including OMAM. And here was the rhythm guitarist, standing in front of me.
"Wow, you're Alan!" I said.
"Yeah," he chuckled. "And you're from that newbie band, right? The Story Of Now?"
"The Story Of How, actually," I laughed at his mistake. "And we're considered a newbie band? That kind of really sucks."
"No, I didn't mean it like that." He pulled the nearest lawn chair over and sat down next to me. "Just newbie as in touring."
"Oh, right. Gotcha."
"And it's going well?"
I bit my lip and looked over at Alan, not wanting to talk about myself anymore. I was done. I felt crowded everywhere I went, outside of myself, and inside of my head.
So I turned it. "Is touring going well for Of Mice & Men?"
Alan studied my face and then finally answered. "Always. I'm diggin' these crowds this year. Well, I'm diggin' the crowds every day, everywhere."
"Even if there were five people watching us play one set, we would still be happy."
"Exactly. The fans make it worth playing music for a living."
"They sure do." I gave Alan a smile and he returned it with yet another grin.
"So, what's your name anyways?"
"Eliza Lennell."
"You know, I've always wanted to try singing, but if being a lead singer makes my face look like yours, I'd rather not."
Well, Jesus Christ.
"Oh." My cheeks burned.
"Whoa, I meant, you look distressed. You're not ugly or anything."
Add embarrassment to a wounded ego... I waved him off.
"Don't worry about it."
"So, are you distressed?"
"I guess so," I sighed and stretched my legs. He didn't say anything for a bit, so we sat in silence and watched groups and groups of teenagers moving slowly through the dirt path. Drinking water, checking their papers for set times. Zipping open their friend's backpacks to pull out their phones. Buying tshirts to reserve a spot for signings. It was like Warped had a plan for everyone, including fans. By being in a band, we automatically had our duties, but by being a spectator, I never realized that there were duties involved with that, too. Just thousands of ants, scrambling around in one, big group.
"So what's bothering you?" Alan asked me, right near my ear, which caused me to flinch out of my frozen state.
"Oh uh, a boy."
"Of course a guy," he leaned back and crossed his arms behind his head. "What happened?"
I thought it was rather rude of Alan to just butt in and ask away, like it was anyone else's business except for mine and the people I decided to share it with. I knew I had to explain myself sometime, for my mood. The way I was acting wasn't exactly normal, and it was a relief to explain it to someone who wasn't in my band. That way he would forget about it five minutes after I told him.
"I got lead on, and I did a naughty thing with a married man, to be short."
"What's the problem?"
"What?" I looked over, bewildered. "He's married."
"It's Warped. These things happen every second in these places."
I had to defend myself. This wasn't right. "Yeah, but I'm not like that."
"I'm guessing you didn't know the dude was married."
"Right."
"Then you shouldn't let it affect you this hard. The look in your eyes is really scary. I'm surprised I even came over myself."
I stared at him, completely annoyed. He would tell me, in his own way, that I was being over dramatic. Of course I was, because being a woman to be the mistress is part of a "duty" on Warped, along with everything else. But I was no snake to begin with. I tried imagining myself in Katelynne's shoes, but I felt like upchucking each time.
"How do I not let it affect me like this? Imagine his wife knowing."
"Did you go all the way?"
I shook my head.
"Well, fuck. You're getting worked up over nothing. The dude's a prick. That won't change, but the way it makes you feel can change. It's like, who cares, Eliza? Are you a friend to revenge?"
I did not think about revenge since I had found out, but I couldn't decide whether it was the right thing to do or not.
"I don't want to get even. I don't want to do anything involving it," I closed my eyes and saw my bedroom, my rack of cd's, my dog sleeping on my bed. "I just wanna go home."
He stood up, pushing the chair back to it's original spot. "Going home is the last thing you should do. He wins."
"Then what can I do, Alan?"
He folded his arms across his chest and took a deep breath. His brown eyes locked onto the sky for what seemed like minutes, but were only seconds.
"Nothing. Don't do anything, and see what happens." He made a fist and slowly moved it toward me, waiting for the classic fist bump. "Tell me how it goes, kiddo. See ya around."
I watched him walk away, and as I sat there, alone once again, rotting in my own self pity, I thought about how ridiculous it was that I was sulking while Kellin was out, pretending like the world was his. The world was his oyster. His wife didn't know. He thought I didn't know. It was a perfect tour. And by the time our final date would come around, he would drop me on my ass and head home to his girl. Unfair, a lot of people would call it. So I wasn't going to do nothing. But I was planning on doing something.