Four Corners and Two Sides

I felt a surge of energy as I entered Sleeping With Sirens' bus. I couldn't count how many times I had waltzed through here, feeling like a bimbo, but it was all about to change. I was empowered, and thank god Alan was there to knock sense into me. It wasn't my fault, not completely anyway, and I deserved what I demanded from Kellin. And he deserved whatever he was going to get. You don't go around, touching other woman, while your wife sits at home, trying to build trust among other things, in your relationship. Especially if you're married. It becomes a hell of a lot more serious once rings are placed upon both partners. Curious how I never saw Kellin's.
"Hey Jack." I broke his focus on the XBOX so suddenly, he dropped the controller and looked up at me, wide eyed.
"You are angry." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, a fact. I was glad he noticed.
"Yeah, so where's Kellin?"
He nodded to the bunks. "He's in the middle of a phone call, though."
"A phone call that can wait."
I shoved open the separator, and met the backside of Kellin. He whipped around, and held his hand over the receiver. I heard a voice on the other end.
"Eliza? You all right?"
"We should talk," I said.
"Erm, okay. Can you give me five minutes?"
I shook my head. "This will only take five minutes, I promise."
He nodded, slowly, then turned back around, giving his regards to whomever he had to end the conversation with, so abruptly. It took him a second to face me again, and I was sure he was preparing. But when he did face me, he wasn't worried or confused, just giddy. Kellin ran his fingers through his dark waves, giving me a glimpse of the smile I had grown to appreciate so much over the few weeks I had known him. But it was then, as I tried my hardest to look through him, that I noticed something different. He looked a bit worn down. I faltered, but I told myself I came here for a reason.
I took a deep breath while Kellin kept his eyes locked with mine, phone still lit up in his hand. My own palms began to perspire as I decided what I should say to begin. He spoke first instead.
"Haven't heard from you all day. How'd the set go?"
"You weren't there? Why not?"
He laughed at my urgency and I reminded myself to slow down. I didn't want this whole thing to turn into some tense argument, back and forth with nonsense. But I wasn't exactly here to talk about how well we played today. It struck me that it was possible he knew what I was here for, so he was beating around the bush. Then again, he didn't appear to be suspicious.
"Sorry," I said, turning red. "It's just, you're usually there, watching, rocking out, doing what you do best."
"Singing isn't my best?" Kellin winked and sat down on his bunk. Serious talks always ended up in the bunk area. I was putting them to rest, no pun intended. Sorta.
I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder. "You knew what I meant."
He gave me an award winning smile, and I bit my lip. He was using his talents against me, and it was working out great. Just then, as I sat down next to him, I realized how hard I was breathing. How my palms were damp by now. How lightheaded I felt when he kept his eyes on me. Those ocean eyes. I was just setting myself up for disaster.
"I know what you meant," he leaned into me. "But really though, how was it today?"
I shrugged. "It was good. Like usual."
"You see, this isn't like you."
"What?"
"You're just so..." he gestured at me with his hands. "Saltine cracker."
I cocked my head in question, then burst out laughing. "I'm a type of food?"
Kellin joined me, tilting his head back, and I admired for a quick second. The slide of his nose down to the point. The soft stubble he rarely let grow out. What lazy bones.
"Just the features. The texture and color is so bland, kinda like the way you've been acting today. But the salt. Now that's for the sass."
Huh, so he did pick up on my slight 'tude.
"Oops." I treated myself to a heavy sigh. We were going to get to the bottom of it, finally. "Well, I do have something to ask."
"That doesn't sound good."
"It's not good, not really. But it's important."
"Hasn't it been five minutes?" This time, he playfully shoved my shoulder with his.
"Probably, but Kellin--"
"No, let's save it for tonight," he cut me off and quickly stood. I stared at him, mouth open. "It's too stuffy in here."
"I have to ask you--"
"Let's go socialize, Liz." He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him.
"Kellin, not right now." I tried to push myself away from his body, but he was hugging me so tightly, I struggled to move at all.
"This can wait, I bet." He walked us both to the separator.
"Why are you acting like this?" He ignored me and tried to drag me along with him, hand curled around my arm. I held back as best I could. I wasn't leaving until I knew.
"Kellin!" I yelled so loudly, I was sure everyone else on the bus heard me. Tired of being cut off every time I tried to get a word in, I took back my arm and looked at him dead on. He met my face and then back toward the separator, whipping it open with much force.
I shook my head, unwilling to let him just walk away like this. "Are you married?"
He stopped dead in his tracks. His knuckles turned white from gripping the wall. I watched the back of his head move, dropping, like he was suddenly interested in the floor. I waited, and waited for the words I didn't want to hear, wondering if I was ever going to get them at all.