Four Corners and Two Sides

There was no noise. No response to his name, but I was still wary as I walked even farther inside.
A ton of litter adorned the floor and counter tops. It was a total pigsty, but it reminded me of my bedroom back home. My stomach dropped as I thought of my mother, and Koda. My feet kicked the trash aside and I thought about what she was doing right now. Baking for her daughter who wasn't home? Planting flowers when I wouldn't be able to see them at full bloom?
It occurred to me then that I was more homesick than happy. I loved my brothers, but I didn't have a place to go where I could just be me. The most frustrating part was that I had to get used to not sleeping in my own bed for the next few months.
"Hey!" Kellin ripped open the divider between the bunks and the "living room". He stood there in front of me, with a notebook and a pen in one hand.
My heart skipped a beat, but I didn't feel as nervous as I thought I would.
He leaned his body against the frame. "How come you didn't watch us play?"
I took the longest second trying to come up with a good reason. But the truth was, I didn't have a good reason. I could tell him I was being a brat and didn't feel like it, but that would be counterproductive to what I was trying to gain here.
"Trying to settle into the whole tour aspect," I said instead. "The guys really needed me afterwards."
"They need you a lot," he chuckled and took a seat in the booth. "Dependence on somebody can really hurt the band." Kellin motioned for me to take a seat across from him.
But I narrowed my eyes and stayed where I was. "They don't depend on me. Sometimes, I feel like I depend on them."
At least that was how it seemed to me most of the time I was around them. But I thought about how different it must have looked from another person's point of view.
Kellin tilted his head, giving me a questioning look. He watched me like a hawk as I slowly made my way over to the booth, taking my seat opposite him. His face glowed beneath the dim light, making it harder for me to be upset at him. Physical appearance was such a curse.
He folded his hands underneath his chin, resting his elbows on the wood. "I didn't mean to sound like a dick. It's just, I've been there before. Being the lead singer can put this idea into people's heads that we're the leaders of the band."
"I get it," I nodded and looked out the window, watching the hustle and bustle of fans. I certainly understood that part of the job. And it didn't help being the only female in the group.
As we sat there in silence, with Kellin's eyes on me and my eyes looking elsewhere, my heart beat picked up a bit. I felt my ears flush and it took everything in me to not cover my face with my hands. As I kept them to my sides, I noticed they weighed a ton. I was lead around Kellin Quinn. I couldn't hide myself if I wanted to.
"Eliza," I turned at the sound of my name coming from his mouth. "Was there a specific reason you came over to our bus? It's an exciting place, as you can tell." He smiled, his eyes wrinkling up at the corners.
"Well," I took a deep breath. "The truth is that I want to get to know you."
Silence fell over us once again as his eyes lingered on my expression, which was, for a reason, point blank. I could tell that I already messed up by saying that, but I wasn't sure how it was at fault. It was a statement that was used every day with many people, but it seemed to hit Kellin in a different way. I bit the inside of my cheek as the air became more and more dense. In that moment, I hated being in the same space as him.
He closed his eyes and leaned back, the leather padding molding to his figure. I swallowed hard and tried to focus on more trivial things. Like the loose string on the bottom of my tshirt, which I willingly twisted and pulled until I decided to make things less congested.
"You know, that's how people become friends, right?"
Kellin's blue eyes suddenly popped open, and he started laughing. I was confused, and a little dumbfounded. Maybe he thought I was stupid for saying that.
"Yeah," he quieted down. "Let's be friends."
"Why'd you say friends like that?"
"Because," he used his fingers to push his hair to the side. It was so black, that it appeared to be almost purple in the light. A color you could only achieve from a box of dye. "Nevermind. It'll make sense later. We've never properly introduced ourselves to each other. Let's start over and get a little personal."
I smirked and sat up straighter, pushing my open hand out toward him. Kellin grabbed it, we shook, but he kept his hold. He squeezed my hand, almost like a comfort.
He licked his lips and said, "hi, my name is Kellin, Kellin Quinn."
I imitated him, licking my lips as well. "Hi, Kellin. I'm Eliza, Eliza Lennell. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
He grinned in response.
"So," I hesitated. "What's it like being in Sleeping with Sirens?"
And then he started mumbling, and then talking, and then babbling, becoming sidetracked every so often. He spoke of the band with such passion that I struggled with any other thoughts other than him. Love seeped from him like a New England's maple tree, sweet and effortless.
As he rambled on about his affection for his band, it built a pain in my chest. I had never talked about The Story of How the same way he spoke of SWS. Outside of myself, I was interested and focused on everything he was feeding me. Inside, I was just another jealous friend.