Forbidden

"I didn't mean to hurt you." the pathetic voice rang in Amelia's head, twisting itself and triggering a churning feeling in her stomach. She thought about running to the loo, but knew it would do no good. There was simply nothing left for her to throw up, no matter how disgusted she was, she hadn't eaten in days.
I sat with my legs crossed on the unmade bed in my dark bedroom. Had I not been feeling so distraught, so shocked, I might have been inclined to clear a path from the door to the bed, or at least put the blinds up. Truthfully, the thought of moving alone was enough to exhaust me, and no matter what my mum said, I didn't want to go and see my friends, nor did I think that going out would be good for me.
As the thought passed through my head my Mum opened the door to my room, carefully making her way through the obstacle course of clothes, wrappers and random pieces of paper before catching sight of me and pulling a face.
"Amelia, love, you really need to get out of bed." she told me and I simply sighed, shaking my head at the suggestion. "Well at least eat something then." she asked me, but I managed to croak out a decisive "No."

"Amelia, it's been three days, he's really not worth it. You'll have to leave your room at some point. Do you want to talk about it?" she asked me and I turned away, facing the wall in the hope that she would leave me in peace.
Instead she continued talking to my back as I silently cursed her for simply being there. "Well, Liam is coming home soon. At least you have that to look forward to - he'll cheer you up." she said, beginning the treacherous task of walking back out of my room as my stomach leapt.
There was no way I could see Liam, not when he was right. He'd said all along that James wasn't right for me. He thought there was something sneaky, something strange about him and he'd been right.

Groaning to myself in defeat, I lifted the duvet that had served as a somewhat comforting cocoon off of me and wiggled my legs in an attempt to force some feeling back into them.

How could he? The thought almost reduced me to tears. He was the reason I was lying in bed, swallowed by the darkness as everybody else carried on living their lives, completely oblivious to how he'd broken me.
Broken. There was no other word to describe the quivering, tearful mess that I had become. The fact was that I didn't usually act like this, I'd been a normal, cheerful teenage girl before he'd come along. Now I was the kind of girl who spent her summer reflecting on what she'd become.

I managed to swing my stiff legs out of the bed and set them down on the floor tentatively. I'd been slightly worried that during the three days I'd spent bed ridden I would have lost the ability to walk, but it came surprisingly naturally as I tiptoed my way through the mess.

I made my way down into the kitchen where my Mum was sitting with her friend Alison, talking in hushed tones. "I just don't know what to do with her. She refuses to eat, she won't even leave her room." my Mum was saying to the blonde woman.
"It's something every teenager goes through at some point, it's her first serious break up. And she still won't tell you what he did?" she asked as my mum shook her head worriedly.
"I think that the best thing to do is get her to spend some time with some nice boys, she'll see that all men aren't idiots." Alison added whilst my Mum gave a huge sigh, opening her mouth to speak just as I cleared my throat to let them know I was there.

"Amelia!" my mother cried, a smile gracing her face as she stood up happily. "You're up" she said and I nodded slowly. I was already regretting my decision to leave the bed.
"I just came to ask when Liam is coming" I told her and her face dropped. "Tomorrow, and I will make sure that you are downstairs to welcome him" she warned as I made my way back upstairs, not even bothering to answer back.

The next day I heard the front door open and close as several voices all began to speak at once. Straining my ears, I heard the one I'd been looking for.
"Where is she?" my brother asked, sounding disappointed that I hadn't come down to greet him. I wanted to, more than anything, but seeing him would be admitting that he was right, and I'd been wrong. He'd always said James would only break my heart. Perhaps I should have trusted him, being in the same year and several classes as him Liam had probably known him better than I did. But somehow I had convinced myself that it was a good idea to start dating the town's 'bad boy'.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs and eventually along the landing, when they stopped just outside my room. There was a quick knock at the door and I wondered whether I should ignore it in the hope that he would go away, before throwing away the thought. Liam wouldn't leave until he thought I was happy so I might as well answer him.
"What?" I asked grumpily, talking into my pillow.

"Mum told me you were up here. She says you're upset." he said from outside the door and I decided not to answer. A moment later the door opened slowly and he stepped in, glancing around at the surroundings in shock.
"I'm not coming down Liam." I told him bluntly, turning over so that I could see him properly.
"Oh Millie, what happened?" he asked sadly but I simply ignored him.
"I'm not talking about it either." I told him and he sighed, holding up his hands in defeat.
"Fine, I won't talk about it. But I haven't seen you in months, neither have the boys. Can you please just come and spend a bit of time with us?" he asked. "You don't have to pretend to be happy or anything, and I won't make you talk about it." he added quickly before I could open my mouth to object.
"Fine" I muttered, annoyed that he was trying to make me feel guilty.
"But I swear to God, if any of you mention him I will blow up." I warned him, ushering him out of the room so that I could get changed.

Once he was gone I shut the door, walking into the bathroom and stepping into the shower. Once satisfied that I was clean, I walked into my bedroom, pulling on a pair of plain black leggings and a tank top. I didn't dare to look in the mirror, instead throwing my hair up in what I knew was a messy bun before reluctantly walking downstairs.
I heard noise coming from the living room and walked in to find the five boys I'd missed so much sprawled out across the sofas.
"Millie!" they shouted happily, running over and wrapping me in a hug. All except two of them. Both Liam and Louis stayed seated, watching as the boys greeted me.
After a moment I was released from their grasps and Louis began making his way over.

I could tell from his face he was worried about me, he approached me cautiously, concern etched onto his face as he eventually reached me. His hug was warm and comforting, but I felt uncomfortable with the way he was treating me. He was afraid of breaking me, I could tell.
Little did he know that I was already broken.

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