Forbidden

"Liam, I'm going food shopping." I called, opening the front door as I heard him grunt in response. "And I'm just borrowing your car." I said, whispering quietly this time in the hope that he wouldn't hear and would just let me go without questioning. I knew he probably wouldn't want his seventeen year old sister who had recently crashed her own car out and about in his expensive Audi R8.

Thankfully, Liam didn't seem to hear and so I was able to slip into the car, allowing myself to sit back and relish the opportunity to be back behind the wheel again. After a quick sigh and a moment spent stroking the wheel fondly, I strapped myself in, slowly reversing out of the parking space.

I drove slowly along the roads, making sure not to scrape the car on any other vehicles coming my way, as I had done so often with my last car. I escaped into the car park of the large supermarket without scratches, although I'd been subject to more than a few rude hand gestures from disgruntled drivers. I wasn't the greatest driver in the world...

I swung the car door open, stepping out onto the pavement as a group of men shot appreciative glances my way, although they were nothing compared to the lust filled looks they were sending the car. Walking forward as I carelessly pressed the lock button on the keys, I made my way into the busy supermarket, trying to work out what I needed before giving in and buying everything that I - plus Niall - could ever want.

Forty five minutes later I pulled up outside my house, eyeing the neatly parked car next to me with distaste.
Louis was back.

I tried not to focus on that as I struggled through the door, my arms heaving with bags full of junk food. However, it didn't take long for Niall to sniff out the food and come running. Apparently exasperated with the slow pace I was moving at, he grabbed the bags from my hands, whisking them away and into the kitchen, leaving me face to face with the boy I'd been dreading seeing.

"Hi." he said simply, raising his hand slightly in an awkward greeting.
"Hello." I told him, nodding curtly before walking into the kitchen where the rest of the boys lounging around, oblivious to the tension between Louis and I.
Liam was sat on the counter, yapping into the phone to who I assumed was his girlfriend. He always had that little grin when he was talking to or about her. Thankfully, it meant that he hadn't noticed me stealing his car for the afternoon.

Meanwhile, Zayn and Harry were stood, joking together in the middle of the room. Niall had unpacked the shopping, if unpacking meant emptying things onto the nearest available surface, and was currently wolfing down a packet of crisps.
I sat next to Niall at the counter and watched as Louis sent a cautious glance my brother's way before sitting next to me. Evidently, Liam had missed our awkward exchange and was still on the phone as Louis leant over to whisper to me.

"We need to talk." He told me quietly, ruffling his hair guiltily as Harry caught sight of us and shot me a grin.
"We spoke last night." I told him, hoping that he'd get the message and leave me alone.

Either he was oblivious to this, or simply didn't care, as he pouted, widening his eyes in an attempt to show me that it was an emergency. "Please." he pleaded with me, keeping an icy blue eye on Liam as he spoke.

"Fine." I muttered, resentfully sliding off of my chair and walking into the living room in front of him.
"Maybe we should go to you room, it might be more private." he suggested from the doorway but I shook my head defiantly.
"This isn't going to take long." I told him and watched me for a second before sighing in defeat, walking into the room and shutting the door behind him.

"About last night," he began, before I held my hand up, interrupting him.
"Look, I told you I loved you, like I did two years ago, and you turned me down, like you did two years ago. That's all there is to it." I told him, crossing my arms as I spoke.
"You know, you always cross your arms when you're feeling vulnerable." he said quietly. I tried to stop the blush that was slowly creeping up my cheeks as I spoke angrily to him.

"How do you expect me to feel Louis? You point things out like that, you make me think that you really care. You let me get drunk, you let me flirt with you and you make me think that you actually feel the same way about me. But then you turn around and tell me I got it all wrong - it's like a fucking slap in the face!" I stated angrily, standing up as I spoke.
Instead of giving up, or at least reacting to my outburst, he sat there calmly, watching as I breathed heavily, my chest heaving up and down.

"I know I'm not perfect, and I'm not as pretty as Eleanor. I'm probably not as nice as her either. I'm not a model, my tits are too small and my hips are too wide, but you know what? I don't deserve this Louis. You stood there in my bedroom, you pretended that you were going to tell me you love me too, just like in your dressing room two years ago, and then you ripped the fucking carpet out from underneath me." I said, trying not to be too loud in case Liam heard. He didn't know what had happened between Louis and I two years ago, nor did he know about last night.

"You're wrong." he said slowly, never once looking up at me and into my eyes.
"What?" I asked stupidly, wondering if I'd heard right. If he was about to stand there and tell me that he'd done nothing wrong then he had another thing coming.
"Your hips aren't too wide, and your tits aren't too small. You could be a model, and you are just as nice, if not a lot nicer than Eleanor." he told me. "And I'm sorry, okay? I mess up every relationship I've ever had, I don't want that for us." he said.

"You haven't messed up your relationship with Eleanor." I told him, crossing my arms once again as I waited for him to tell me that's because he loved her. Because she was so much better than other girls, because she was perfect for him. That was the kind of bullshit that had been fed to me over the years.

"Yes I have. I messed it up before it even began. I messed it up when I fell in love with you." he told me and I groaned, trying to resist the urge to cry.
"Why don't you understand Louis? You can't just say things like that, you can't just say words and mess things up. You can't just let other people pick up the pieces." I told him angrily.

"But I'm not just saying it, I'm saying it because that's how I feel. I'm in love with you, I broke up with Eleanor this morning." He told me and I stood there for a second, waiting to recover from the shock.
"If that's how you've felt then why didn't you break up with her before now?" I asked him slowly, sitting back down on the sofa and waiting for him to speak.

"You are Liam's little sister, you're seventeen. You're seventeen, I'm twenty, turning twenty one this year and I knew that people would try their best to piss on our relationship and stop it working. I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than risk things not working, so I let myself think that it was working. But it's not, and last night I realized that I need to stop being so afraid. I've been living in fear - of failing, of disappointing people, and pissing off Liam, but I don't care any more. I just want to be with you." he told me, finally stopping and looking at me expectantly.

"I don't know what to say." I told Louis. A flash of disappointment flashed across his face before he composed himself.
"I understand." he told me, standing up as he got ready to leave when I snapped.
"No Louis, you don't! I'm fucking sick of you acting like you've lost sleep over this. I told you two years ago how I felt, and you turned me down. I know you had a girlfriend, but when you broke up a few weeks later you didn't even fucking call me. I had to hear it from my brother!" I told him, trying to calm myself down when he opened his mouth to speak again.

"Don't!" I told him. "There wasn't a text, anything. And then you started dating Eleanor, so I tried to get over it. I really did. I started seeing James, I threw myself into that fucking relationship and I got shit all in return." I told him before he interrupted me.
"You're blaming me for your boyfriend cheating on you?" he asked, frowning in confusion.

"No Louis. I'm saying that I don't want a relationship. All that they've brought me is hurt, they're not worth it." I told him and he sighed.
"Not all men are like that Mills." he said softly.

"I don't know what they're like, I just know that they keep hurting me, you included." I told him, biting my lip as I saw the look on his face.
"Fine. I won't bother you any more." he told me, standing up and walking out of the room without a backward glance.
It was the second time in twenty four hours that he'd walked away from me.