Winding

There’s white and light blue everywhere, voices yelling, people rushing to get everything in place and the coos of soon-to-be-released doves. This is a wedding. A very happy wedding for a very happy couple.

The bride is back with the other bridesmaids. I’ve been temporarily released from duty under the excuse of having to use the ladies’ room. The groom is… somewhere, I suppose.

The room seems to be in place; candles on tables with checkered table cloths, an open bar in the corner, seats almost filled up by the steady stream of people entering the doors.

I stand for a few minutes just gazing around the room before heading back out and into the back rooms where the bride is. She tells me it’s the time for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk down the aisle.

Everything is sort of blurry from then on, walking down the aisle with my arm linked in a strangers’, the ceremony, the threat of forever holding your peace. The actual vows passed without incident, and I think they were beautiful (lies) because people were crying, but I wasn’t much paying attention.

The reception is okay. I try to take advantage of the open bar, but they check IDs and I’m only nineteen so unfortunately no alcohol for me. I settle for just sitting on a barstool.

The fact that I’m pretty good at hiding away in shadows is helpful in a situation like this. I don’t think I could properly socialize right now.

A few minutes later, Melissa walks up to me, sits down beside me on the stool.

“You haven’t even been to your assigned table,” she says.

“Sorry. This is more fun.”

Her eyes roll towards the ceiling, but she doesn’t get up to leave. She sighs, and after a silence that would probably be perceived as awkward by most people, says, “I know it’s hard for you, but it’s really sweet of of you to be here. Even if you are bitterly sulking at the bar.”

I shrug. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t very well just refuse to be a bridesmaid. Jasey practically begged me. That’d be suspicious.”

“You would have done it even if it wouldn’t be suspicious. You’re nice, Vivian. Somewhere deep down in your shadowy soul, there is a speck of kindness.”

“You’re really melodramatic.”

“There’s no such thing as melodrama when your best friend had an affair with your other best friend’s husband and is now currently attending—”

I shoot my hand out to cover her mouth. “Shut up, Mel! Jesus,” I hiss, looking to both sides to make sure no one heard her. Thankfully, no one was paying us any attention.

“No one’s even listening. I’m not that stupid—have a little faith.” She hops up from her barstool. “And for that I’m leaving you to wallow in your misery and drown your sorrows with alcohol. I’ll keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t drunkenly start serenading Pete or something.” I don’t bother correcting her, telling her that actually, I’m ‘too young’ to drink.

I wave her away with my hand instead.

Later, Pete himself decides to talk to me. I’m still sitting in the exact same spot when he plops down next to me.

“Hey,” he says, casual like always.

“Uh,” I answer awkwardly. “Hi?”

“I just wanted to say thanks for coming,” he continues. “It’s cool of you. To be here.”

I narrow my eyes. “Have you been talking to Melissa?”

“Yeah,” he admits after a pause. “She said you’re upset.” I groan and push my stool backwards but he keeps talking. “Wait, Viv—I don’t want you to be upset. I thought you were over me. What’s going on?”

I hook my feet around the bar on the bottom of the stool. “I am over you.”

It’s not a lie. I’m not in love with Pete or anything, I’m just guilty. Jasey’s a good person, a sweet person, and to be here—to be her bridesmaid—knowing I’d slept with her now-husband was a really shitty feeling. I mean, yeah, Pete’s nice and cute and I might have some feelings there, I guess, but over-all he’s not that great.

“Well then what’s the problem?”

I gape at him for a minute because sometimes Pete can be really stupid. “Oh, I dunno, maybe the fact that you’ve just gotten married to a girl who doesn’t even know you cheated on her.”

“Vivian, I’m going to tell her—”

“Yeah, now that she’s stuck with you.”

“I wanted to make sure we were married first so she’d be more hesitant about breaking up.”

“Like I said, now that she’s stuck with you.”

He glares at me for a minute, and then his expression changes from annoyance to determination. “Alright, fine. I’ll tell her now. That way if she decides to, she can just annul the marriage.”

My eyes widen and I grab his arm as he stands to leave. “No! Pete, it’ll cause a scene! It will ruin the reception. Jasey will be humiliated. We’ll be humiliated. Literally I can think of a million reasons not to do that! Let her be happy for now,” I exclaim, panicky.

“It was your idea, Vivian.” He shakes my hand off and starts towards Jasey, who is dancing with a group of friends.

I see him pull her aside and her eyes light up, likely expecting some romantic gesture, but he says something quietly and her face starts slowly falling. Soon her eyes get round, and she throws a glance at me, then back at Pete.

Then she laughs and says something with an eye roll, but Pete shakes his head and then I see that she’s finally got it. Her expression is a mix of shock, anger, and pain all in one.

She steps back from him and starts storming towards me. I sit still, waiting.

When she gets here she says, “Is he joking?”

I shake my head slowly. “No,” I answer quietly.

She stares at me for a minute, and tears are welling in her eyes—fucking tears, she’s crying, shit.

“Why would you do that, Viv?” she asks, voice cracking.

“I don’t know.”

She shakes her head. “You’re my friend. Friends don’t do that.”

She’s right. She’s totally, completely right and there’s no excuse so I just say, “I’m sorry.”

Then she slaps me. It was completely out of the blue, more shocking than painful. She seemed far more sad than angry and didn’t seem to want to hurt me. It takes a lot of self control to not retaliate, to punch her or something, but I know that would be pointless and cruel.

She swivels around to check if anyone saw, but we’re in a darker area and no one is looking except Pete, who’s wincing.

“Sorry,” she sighs. “I thought that’d make me feel better. It didn’t.”

“Maybe try Pete?” I suggest, and then I want to hit myself because oh my god out of all the stupid things I’ve said that has to be the worst.

She laughs, though. It sounds bitter and uncomfortable but at least it’s not tears. “I will, trust me.” She pauses. “Look, Viv, I’m really—I’m not even mad at you. This is something I’d expect from you, really.” Ouch. “But still, I don’t think—I don’t wanna keep being friends with you. You backstabbed me. I’m not friends with people who betray me.”

I nod numbly. “I get it. I’ll leave now.”

“Good idea.”

Then she calls out to the rest of the guests, “Party’s over, and so is this marriage! Go home, everyone!” and the room erupts into whispers and confusion.

I start for the door, and out of the crowd of gossiping people, Melissa runs up to me.

“What happened?” she asked. “Oh god, does Jasey know?”

“Yeah,” I said. “She knows. You should probably go comfort her or something.”

She hesitates, but then shakes her head. “I’ll come with you. Jasey will have enough people on her side of this mess.”

“I’m just going to drive,” I reply. “Like, far away. It’ll be boring and depressing and we’d probably end up staying in a hotel.”

“Well it will be less boring and depressing with me there.”

I shrug. “Fine, let’s go.”

The car ride is full of Melissa making sarcastic comments on whatever the radio is playing. I’m silent, focusing on the road, which is sort of hard considering Melissa’s pretty funny.

We’re going around a swerve in the road, right on a cliff, when the headlights appear, heading straight towards us. Swerving would mean driving right over the edge of the cliff, and besides, I’m paralyzed with fear anyways.

The collision happens head on, and my neck snaps with the impact. I see blackness and then I see light. Bright, white light, through the roof of the car. I start to reach for the door, to figure out if maybe I’m having a seizure or something, to call 911. But then I start floating, up towards the light, and I go right through the roof with no trouble at all. Slowly I’m getting higher and higher and I’m really scared and should be hyperventilating but I’m not—

I’m not even breathing.

That’s when I realize I’m dead.