Status: Done!
But Now I'm All Smiles
But Now I'm All Smiles
Anthony.
My son had been sitting down for barely five minutes as I brushed his hair to prepare it for the straightening. Yet, he was already getting restless; squirming in the chair and whining faintly now and then.
Leaving the brush on the table, I grabbed the hair iron and waited patiently. When he didn't acknowledge my silent hint, I spoke, "Frankie...if you want me to do this you're going to have to stay quiet. Else I'm gonna end up burning your ear, or my own hand."
Frankie let out an annoyed sigh and appeared to be having an inner battle before be finally stopped moving. Like it required some serious effort and concentration instead of being a mere decision. "K-kay but...but you g-gotta hurry up. I h-have a date, d-dad. It..it's impor-tant!"
"I know, but I can't hurry up. You'll need to be patient 'cause I'm not as good as Gerard with this," I said, holding a lock of Frank's hair with a hand while I inexpertly maneuvered the iron with the other.
"Wh-what? Y-you think it's th-that? Oh...m-maybe! Y-yeah, he is..."
"You aren't talking to me, are you?" I questioned. I didn't like asking because it usually made Frank feel embarrassed, but sometimes I needed to make sure whether he was addressing his imaginary friends or just having an off moment. Even if not that often, on some occasions he'd get spacey while talking to us and stop making sense.
Frank looked up at me, his cheeks turning red as he shook his head. He acted as if he had been caught doing something bad and it broke my heart. I wished I hadn't asked. Him talking to his hallucinations had never been a problem to us, but as Frank grew up he got more self conscious about it. He would momentarily forget we were there, then feel ashamed when he took conscience.
I smiled reassuringly, striving to help my son relax. Showing him it had only been a casual question. "It's okay. What were you talking about?"
I breathed in relief when I saw him smile naughtily. The last thing I'd want is to make my child, the most important person in my life uncomfortable.
"Uh...th-that you're not as g-good as G-gerard at hair...s-stuff 'cause you're o-old!" he giggled to himself. His tendency to make fun of people's age was one thing that hadn't changed through the years; the difference being that now my son was not a kid anymore himself.
"Well, you're gonna be 30 next year, remember? You're an old man too, now." I threw in. Knowing he'd turn around to give me one of his classic killer glares, I held the straightener at a safe distance for a moment. My intuition didn't fail and neither did my usual reaction. Frankie was just too funny when offended by the same kind of jokes he made.
"D-don't laugh, not f-funny. B-besides, I l-look like 20, ev-every-body says."
"Well, that's true," I admitted. He seriously hadn't changed much in 10 years. "What is your secret?"
"G-gnome magic!" Frank wiggled his fingers around comically, making me laugh again and drop my glasses. "Y-you should let d-doctors fix your eyes w-with the super l-laser like they d-did with mine!"
He'd had lasik surgery about a year ago and didn't have to wear his glasses anymore. It had been weird to see Frankie without them after all those years. He felt strange at first too, but mostly just happy to not have to be worrying about them breaking. He had however refused to go through any more complicated procedure to fix his strabismus. We were told that without surgery -or even with at Frank's age- the chances of correcting the problem significantly were low. There were a few methods that could be tried, but Frank hadn't been too cooperative so far. We could never blame him for being tired of dealing with health issues.
I wasn't going to say it in front of Frank, but the idea of having a laser aimed to my eyes had always freaked me out. Greg found it funny that I was so scared of certain kinds of modern technology when one of my jobs depended on computers. And really, if Frankie had put up with the surgery having only taken a mild sedative, there was no reason for me to fear it. "You know? You're right, I really should."
"I'll h-hold your hand wh-while they d-do it if you're s-scared," he promised.
Were my eyes ever going to stop getting wet every time Frankie said something like that? His kindness was a constant cause of emotional overflow to me. "I'd really appreciate it, kiddo."
"K-kay, then."
******
Frank went from hyperactive to calm but still talkative as I continued to work on his always-long hair. I noticed that I'd eventually gotten the handle of it, going a little faster with each lock. By the time I was done, Frank had become rather lethargic. It was normal a couple of hours after taking his new meds.
That last year of school had been pretty stressful. It wasn't that they demanded too much of him, but more like Frankie was too hard on himself. The nervous episodes were happening too often and the setbacks made him miss a lot of classes. The change of medication had been a setback in itself, but it had at least made him a little more stable in the end.
"Dad?" Frank called. He hadn't moved from his chair while I walked around putting the house somewhat in order and cleaning.
"What is it, kiddo?"
"C-can you help me s-sit on the t-table?"
I thought it was a weird request, but still carried him to where he wanted me to. I'd given up on questioning all of his random ideas and didn't want to put him in a bad mood by being too curious.
Gerard.
I was confused to enter the house and not find Frankie waiting for me in the middle of the living room, or in the couch. He was rarely anywhere else and I thought he would be more impatient than ever on a day like this. Counting the seconds for me to be back home.
When I got to the kitchen and saw him, I understood that he had only wanted to save the surprise for a little longer. He was wearing his best black jeans, his favorite stripped t-shirt and the leather jacket I'd presented him with the day before. His hair was clean, neatly brushed and straightened -which caused me to mentally laugh imagining Tony's struggle with the iron.
I was going to compliment him; but the way he was beckoning me with his arms stretched out, and the tender look in his big crossed eyes as they shined upon seeing me, changed my priorities. I hurried my steps and met his lips, welcoming the pair of arms that trapped me instantly. Frankie responded to the kiss in slow motion, not quite able to keep up with my regular enthusiasm after hours away from him. That was okay, I could follow his rhythm instead and make the kiss last longer, enjoying his little pleased noises.
All along I had been aware that his waiting over the formica table was a clear invitation for me to pick him up, so he didn't need to ask. Two legs were added to the trap Frank had gotten me in, and I never wanted to be set free.
It was only when Frankie seemed to run out of batteries and rested his head on my shoulder that I saw Tony leaning on the counter, waving at me awkwardly. "Hello, Gerard! I didn't want to interrupt, saw my kid was keeping you busy."
"Well...I'm not complaining!" I blushed. "Hi, Tony. How come there's no one to keep you busy?"
The man shrugged smugly. "I loosen his leash sometimes, you know? Don't want him to feel suffocated."
"You loosened Greg's leash and he ran away?" I snickered.
"D-dad would n-never run away," Frank mumbled against my neck.
"Nah, supermarket," Anthony clarified. "Must be about to be back."
I brought my attention back to Frankie then, intending to ask about his medication. It was just a habit, like asking about his day. I knew his dads or Ray never forgot, but there had been a few times when Frank refused to take them. I knew that hadn't been the case when he looked up and I saw how groggy he looked.
"Awww, my poor baby's all knocked out," I cooed. "You sure you're up for going out?"
"Cut off the drama, Gerard! You still have to get ready, and Frankie will be fine in a while and you know it," came Tony's voice from the living room.
"Stop eavesdropping, Iero! I can worry if I want to!" I screamed back holding the laughter. Frank was still staring at me with half-open eyes. "Really, Frankie...we can leave it for tomorrow, it's no big deal."
Suddenly, his eyes opened up and he shook his head. "N-NO! I'll...b-be fine. W-we have to g-go today, Gee! I'm a...ga...g-grad...uh...h-how's it?
"Graduate?"
"Y-yeah!" he nodded, then frowned. "C-can you call it th-that when it's j-just prim-a-ry school you f-finished?"
There came the tears, I felt them pushing to come out. "Of course! And I'm so, so proud of you."
He seemed surprised, as if the pride I felt was news to him. As if he hadn't heard it hundreds of times through the years and probably a thousand times just the day before when he got his diploma. "E-even if can n-never do high s-school?"
Oh, so that was still an issue to him. Goldberg had told us that attempting high school -even in a special school- would be far too stressful for him; especially having in mind how he overexerted himself. It would also take him too long and bring him more frustration than fulfillment. We didn't want to completely close the door to the possibility, but for the moment we all agreed with the psychiatrist. Primary school had been hard enough, and even more after Frank's friend James graduated about three years ago. It hadn't been an easy task to convince Frank that he wasn't a failure for falling behind so much. That he had just missed too many weeks because of health reasons.
"I'm telling you I'm already proud, silly! And we'll find some other things for you to learn, high school is not the only option," I assured him, kissing his cheek afterwards.
"K-kay," he agreed with a little smile.
"Now...sorry sweetheart, but I gotta put you back on the table, you're too heavy to carry you for too long..."
As predicted, Frank's indignant reply came as soon as his butt touched the surface. "F-for your inform-mation, I lost s-some weight! Th-the doctor said."
"I know, Frankie. But...when are you going to believe me that I never mean to call you fat?"
"M-maybe never," he sulked.
I surrounded him with my arms, ignoring the way he fought me. "All I mean is that you're a grown up, not a little kid to be up in arms for so long."
"M-meanie, you sh-should have super-s-strength for your h-husband".
That had me grinning widely. When I distanced myself to look at Frankie, I saw he was mirroring my grin. "I never thought the word 'husband' was cute, but you make it adorable," I confessed.
Frank's happy countenance turned into a pout, and I knew I had used the wrong words again. "Y-you...don't l-like being a h-husband? W-well...we're n-not for real-real l-like my dads..."
"Baby, I love being your husband! I don't give a fuck that our wedding wasn't real-real, it was very important to me. I've just never liked the word 'husband'' much, I don't know why," I shrugged.
Frankie adopted that pensive gesture that I had always loved to admire. Head slightly tilted, eyebrows furrowed and puckered lips. He played with his hair for some seconds until he reached a conclusion. "I d-don't like that w-word much either. B-boyfriend's prettier. Y-yes."
"Yeah..."
"Or...'m-my looooove'!" he pronounced sweetly before showering my nose and cheeks with kisses.
"'My looooove' sounds pretty good to me..." I nodded, then kissed his awaiting pouty lips.
At that moment Tony re-entered the kitchen, standing in front of us and shaking his head. "You're disgustingly cute."
"Y-you and d-daddy too!" Frankie singsonged.
I suddenly caught myself simply contemplating Frankie as he talked to his father and both joked around. It was moments like this when so many memories would come back to me that it became overwhelming. We had been through so much, good and bad; although thankfully the good times outnumbered the bad ones by far. Or maybe they had been much more important and overshadowed them. I couldn't believe that ten years had gone by, and no words would suffice to explain how happy I was to have Frankie in my life. And Tony, Greg, Grace and everybody else I met thanks to my lovely boy. My extended family.
"Wh-what?" Frank's voice brought me back. "Wh-what you l-looking?"
"You didn't give me time to tell you how pretty you look before. Your dad did your hair?"
"Y-yes! T-took much longer th-than you, b-but looks g-good, right?" he asked.
"Beautiful, just like the whole you," I approved." So...I'm gonna take a quick shower. Try not to fall asleep in the meantime, okay?"
"I'll keep him awake, don't worry," Anthony chimed in.
Frank pointed a menacing finger at the two of us. "If...if a-any of you as-assholes let me sleep and d-don't wake me up for m-my gra-da-tion date, I'm g-getting your asses k-kicked, kay?"
"I fucking love you, brutal doll." I gave Frankie a last quick kiss before running out of the kitchen.
As I headed for our room to pick out some clothes, I could hear Anthony saying, "Just another day at the Way and Iero household!"
My son had been sitting down for barely five minutes as I brushed his hair to prepare it for the straightening. Yet, he was already getting restless; squirming in the chair and whining faintly now and then.
Leaving the brush on the table, I grabbed the hair iron and waited patiently. When he didn't acknowledge my silent hint, I spoke, "Frankie...if you want me to do this you're going to have to stay quiet. Else I'm gonna end up burning your ear, or my own hand."
Frankie let out an annoyed sigh and appeared to be having an inner battle before be finally stopped moving. Like it required some serious effort and concentration instead of being a mere decision. "K-kay but...but you g-gotta hurry up. I h-have a date, d-dad. It..it's impor-tant!"
"I know, but I can't hurry up. You'll need to be patient 'cause I'm not as good as Gerard with this," I said, holding a lock of Frank's hair with a hand while I inexpertly maneuvered the iron with the other.
"Wh-what? Y-you think it's th-that? Oh...m-maybe! Y-yeah, he is..."
"You aren't talking to me, are you?" I questioned. I didn't like asking because it usually made Frank feel embarrassed, but sometimes I needed to make sure whether he was addressing his imaginary friends or just having an off moment. Even if not that often, on some occasions he'd get spacey while talking to us and stop making sense.
Frank looked up at me, his cheeks turning red as he shook his head. He acted as if he had been caught doing something bad and it broke my heart. I wished I hadn't asked. Him talking to his hallucinations had never been a problem to us, but as Frank grew up he got more self conscious about it. He would momentarily forget we were there, then feel ashamed when he took conscience.
I smiled reassuringly, striving to help my son relax. Showing him it had only been a casual question. "It's okay. What were you talking about?"
I breathed in relief when I saw him smile naughtily. The last thing I'd want is to make my child, the most important person in my life uncomfortable.
"Uh...th-that you're not as g-good as G-gerard at hair...s-stuff 'cause you're o-old!" he giggled to himself. His tendency to make fun of people's age was one thing that hadn't changed through the years; the difference being that now my son was not a kid anymore himself.
"Well, you're gonna be 30 next year, remember? You're an old man too, now." I threw in. Knowing he'd turn around to give me one of his classic killer glares, I held the straightener at a safe distance for a moment. My intuition didn't fail and neither did my usual reaction. Frankie was just too funny when offended by the same kind of jokes he made.
"D-don't laugh, not f-funny. B-besides, I l-look like 20, ev-every-body says."
"Well, that's true," I admitted. He seriously hadn't changed much in 10 years. "What is your secret?"
"G-gnome magic!" Frank wiggled his fingers around comically, making me laugh again and drop my glasses. "Y-you should let d-doctors fix your eyes w-with the super l-laser like they d-did with mine!"
He'd had lasik surgery about a year ago and didn't have to wear his glasses anymore. It had been weird to see Frankie without them after all those years. He felt strange at first too, but mostly just happy to not have to be worrying about them breaking. He had however refused to go through any more complicated procedure to fix his strabismus. We were told that without surgery -or even with at Frank's age- the chances of correcting the problem significantly were low. There were a few methods that could be tried, but Frank hadn't been too cooperative so far. We could never blame him for being tired of dealing with health issues.
I wasn't going to say it in front of Frank, but the idea of having a laser aimed to my eyes had always freaked me out. Greg found it funny that I was so scared of certain kinds of modern technology when one of my jobs depended on computers. And really, if Frankie had put up with the surgery having only taken a mild sedative, there was no reason for me to fear it. "You know? You're right, I really should."
"I'll h-hold your hand wh-while they d-do it if you're s-scared," he promised.
Were my eyes ever going to stop getting wet every time Frankie said something like that? His kindness was a constant cause of emotional overflow to me. "I'd really appreciate it, kiddo."
"K-kay, then."
******
Frank went from hyperactive to calm but still talkative as I continued to work on his always-long hair. I noticed that I'd eventually gotten the handle of it, going a little faster with each lock. By the time I was done, Frank had become rather lethargic. It was normal a couple of hours after taking his new meds.
That last year of school had been pretty stressful. It wasn't that they demanded too much of him, but more like Frankie was too hard on himself. The nervous episodes were happening too often and the setbacks made him miss a lot of classes. The change of medication had been a setback in itself, but it had at least made him a little more stable in the end.
"Dad?" Frank called. He hadn't moved from his chair while I walked around putting the house somewhat in order and cleaning.
"What is it, kiddo?"
"C-can you help me s-sit on the t-table?"
I thought it was a weird request, but still carried him to where he wanted me to. I'd given up on questioning all of his random ideas and didn't want to put him in a bad mood by being too curious.
Gerard.
I was confused to enter the house and not find Frankie waiting for me in the middle of the living room, or in the couch. He was rarely anywhere else and I thought he would be more impatient than ever on a day like this. Counting the seconds for me to be back home.
When I got to the kitchen and saw him, I understood that he had only wanted to save the surprise for a little longer. He was wearing his best black jeans, his favorite stripped t-shirt and the leather jacket I'd presented him with the day before. His hair was clean, neatly brushed and straightened -which caused me to mentally laugh imagining Tony's struggle with the iron.
I was going to compliment him; but the way he was beckoning me with his arms stretched out, and the tender look in his big crossed eyes as they shined upon seeing me, changed my priorities. I hurried my steps and met his lips, welcoming the pair of arms that trapped me instantly. Frankie responded to the kiss in slow motion, not quite able to keep up with my regular enthusiasm after hours away from him. That was okay, I could follow his rhythm instead and make the kiss last longer, enjoying his little pleased noises.
All along I had been aware that his waiting over the formica table was a clear invitation for me to pick him up, so he didn't need to ask. Two legs were added to the trap Frank had gotten me in, and I never wanted to be set free.
It was only when Frankie seemed to run out of batteries and rested his head on my shoulder that I saw Tony leaning on the counter, waving at me awkwardly. "Hello, Gerard! I didn't want to interrupt, saw my kid was keeping you busy."
"Well...I'm not complaining!" I blushed. "Hi, Tony. How come there's no one to keep you busy?"
The man shrugged smugly. "I loosen his leash sometimes, you know? Don't want him to feel suffocated."
"You loosened Greg's leash and he ran away?" I snickered.
"D-dad would n-never run away," Frank mumbled against my neck.
"Nah, supermarket," Anthony clarified. "Must be about to be back."
I brought my attention back to Frankie then, intending to ask about his medication. It was just a habit, like asking about his day. I knew his dads or Ray never forgot, but there had been a few times when Frank refused to take them. I knew that hadn't been the case when he looked up and I saw how groggy he looked.
"Awww, my poor baby's all knocked out," I cooed. "You sure you're up for going out?"
"Cut off the drama, Gerard! You still have to get ready, and Frankie will be fine in a while and you know it," came Tony's voice from the living room.
"Stop eavesdropping, Iero! I can worry if I want to!" I screamed back holding the laughter. Frank was still staring at me with half-open eyes. "Really, Frankie...we can leave it for tomorrow, it's no big deal."
Suddenly, his eyes opened up and he shook his head. "N-NO! I'll...b-be fine. W-we have to g-go today, Gee! I'm a...ga...g-grad...uh...h-how's it?
"Graduate?"
"Y-yeah!" he nodded, then frowned. "C-can you call it th-that when it's j-just prim-a-ry school you f-finished?"
There came the tears, I felt them pushing to come out. "Of course! And I'm so, so proud of you."
He seemed surprised, as if the pride I felt was news to him. As if he hadn't heard it hundreds of times through the years and probably a thousand times just the day before when he got his diploma. "E-even if can n-never do high s-school?"
Oh, so that was still an issue to him. Goldberg had told us that attempting high school -even in a special school- would be far too stressful for him; especially having in mind how he overexerted himself. It would also take him too long and bring him more frustration than fulfillment. We didn't want to completely close the door to the possibility, but for the moment we all agreed with the psychiatrist. Primary school had been hard enough, and even more after Frank's friend James graduated about three years ago. It hadn't been an easy task to convince Frank that he wasn't a failure for falling behind so much. That he had just missed too many weeks because of health reasons.
"I'm telling you I'm already proud, silly! And we'll find some other things for you to learn, high school is not the only option," I assured him, kissing his cheek afterwards.
"K-kay," he agreed with a little smile.
"Now...sorry sweetheart, but I gotta put you back on the table, you're too heavy to carry you for too long..."
As predicted, Frank's indignant reply came as soon as his butt touched the surface. "F-for your inform-mation, I lost s-some weight! Th-the doctor said."
"I know, Frankie. But...when are you going to believe me that I never mean to call you fat?"
"M-maybe never," he sulked.
I surrounded him with my arms, ignoring the way he fought me. "All I mean is that you're a grown up, not a little kid to be up in arms for so long."
"M-meanie, you sh-should have super-s-strength for your h-husband".
That had me grinning widely. When I distanced myself to look at Frankie, I saw he was mirroring my grin. "I never thought the word 'husband' was cute, but you make it adorable," I confessed.
Frank's happy countenance turned into a pout, and I knew I had used the wrong words again. "Y-you...don't l-like being a h-husband? W-well...we're n-not for real-real l-like my dads..."
"Baby, I love being your husband! I don't give a fuck that our wedding wasn't real-real, it was very important to me. I've just never liked the word 'husband'' much, I don't know why," I shrugged.
Frankie adopted that pensive gesture that I had always loved to admire. Head slightly tilted, eyebrows furrowed and puckered lips. He played with his hair for some seconds until he reached a conclusion. "I d-don't like that w-word much either. B-boyfriend's prettier. Y-yes."
"Yeah..."
"Or...'m-my looooove'!" he pronounced sweetly before showering my nose and cheeks with kisses.
"'My looooove' sounds pretty good to me..." I nodded, then kissed his awaiting pouty lips.
At that moment Tony re-entered the kitchen, standing in front of us and shaking his head. "You're disgustingly cute."
"Y-you and d-daddy too!" Frankie singsonged.
I suddenly caught myself simply contemplating Frankie as he talked to his father and both joked around. It was moments like this when so many memories would come back to me that it became overwhelming. We had been through so much, good and bad; although thankfully the good times outnumbered the bad ones by far. Or maybe they had been much more important and overshadowed them. I couldn't believe that ten years had gone by, and no words would suffice to explain how happy I was to have Frankie in my life. And Tony, Greg, Grace and everybody else I met thanks to my lovely boy. My extended family.
"Wh-what?" Frank's voice brought me back. "Wh-what you l-looking?"
"You didn't give me time to tell you how pretty you look before. Your dad did your hair?"
"Y-yes! T-took much longer th-than you, b-but looks g-good, right?" he asked.
"Beautiful, just like the whole you," I approved." So...I'm gonna take a quick shower. Try not to fall asleep in the meantime, okay?"
"I'll keep him awake, don't worry," Anthony chimed in.
Frank pointed a menacing finger at the two of us. "If...if a-any of you as-assholes let me sleep and d-don't wake me up for m-my gra-da-tion date, I'm g-getting your asses k-kicked, kay?"
"I fucking love you, brutal doll." I gave Frankie a last quick kiss before running out of the kitchen.
As I headed for our room to pick out some clothes, I could hear Anthony saying, "Just another day at the Way and Iero household!"