Suicidal Confessions

“Growing up is hard no matter what you look like, act like, or want to be when your older. There are always going to be people out there that will tell you you can’t do something, I was told that my entire life but look where I am now? If someone ever tells you you aren’t good enough I want you to spit in their face and prove them wrong. Everyone was put on this earth for a reason and it wasn’t to be pushed around, it was to live every day like it’s your last. I love you all and without you I would be dead. And this song is dedicated to someone who told me I wasn’t good enough. Love you too dad”

“Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect”
Moving the microphone away from my mouth I looked over the crowd who had been swaying throughout the entire song and that meant a lot to me. It was one of our slower songs which we didn’t normally play but the crowd seemed to enjoy it along with the rest of the band.
“Thank you for having us Sydney, you should of seen us when we were offered to come and play Soundwave because if you didn’t know we are from here in Sydney-“
“Penrith represent!” I was cut off by Jay screaming into the mike which caused the crowd to scream in joy.
“As I was saying, we are from here and it’s always good to come home. This is our last song but don’t worry we are coming back next year” This got more screams than Jay’s previous statement. I smiled and started to nod my head as the music started.

______

Soundwave was officially over and that meant we actually get to go home and relax for a while, the only problem? Between five people we only had one house and an apartment and unfortunately neither belonged to me personally. Beau brought a house nearly five years ago and has been living with his wife and daughter Phoebe ever since and I have been living on their couch since they moved in. I thought he would have kicked me out by now but no, he never comments on it, but I could tell that Ebony didn’t like me that much. She never has and me being at her house every day we aren’t touring has started to get to her I think.

Ebony hasn’t liked me since the beginning. It started ten years ago I was only eleven and already I found out the world was a cruel place. Beau had been living across the road at the time and his parents were friends with mine that meant Beau had to babysit me a lot (which he still makes fun of me for). After a couple months of him watching over me he started to realise things like my bruises and cuts all over my body and he instantly knew what was going on but not until a couple months before my tenth birthday did he comment on it to his parents. That just made it worse. He would climb into my window at night and hold me as I cried myself to sleep and he would help me get out of bed when I was in too much pain to move. He became my saviour.

He had been dating Ebony for two months before I met her and we could have met on better circumstances.

Beau held me to his chest his shoulder was wet with my tears and I trembled in his arms, terrified of when he would have to leave and the monster we continue his assault on my small fragile body.
“Shh, ill never leave you” he whispered in my ear trying to calm me down, we both knew it was a lie but at the time it comforted me.
“Beau, your mother called she wants you home” the soft voice of my mother said and she opened the door looking down on me with pity in her eyes before quickly looking away just to the right of my head so she didn’t have to look at me.
“Ok, thanks” was his response and he gently lifted me off his lap and onto my hard bed before grabbing my face in his hands and whispering.
“I love you my little Draken” kissing my forehead and gently squeezing past my mother and leaving the house. Once he left my mother turned off my light leaving me in darkness.
--Couple Hours Later—
A loud annoying ringing woke me from my uncomfortable sleep and I couldn’t really say I was complaining the dream I was having was turning into a nightmare. Looking around the room I saw a flashing light from next to my bed looking over it was a phone –Beau’s phone.
Ebony <3
Was what contact name was. Who’s Ebony? Should I answer it? I got my answer when it stopping but instantly started ringing again... what if the monster heard? My hands shook as I grabbed it and flipped it open.
“H-h-h-ell-o” my voice quivered and I didn’t know if it was because of nerves or from crying for hours.
“WHO ARE YOU?” a high pitch screech came from the other end of the phone making me hold it away from my ear.
“Valen-“
“WHY DO YOU HAVE BEAU”S PHONE? ARE YOU FUCKING HIM?” I didn’t know how to respond so I just hung up and threw the phone to the end of the bed but not even five seconds later it rang again... and again... and again until I heard a crash from down the hall. The monster was awake.