You End, I Begin

2007

Over the next few months, I worked harder on my school work than I even thought possible. I barely did anything except go to school, as most my other time was spent in my room studying. I didn’t go to the music or book stores anymore, in my mind, I didn’t have time for that, I just needed to get the grade to be able to get away from here.

At first, when Carlie stopped speaking to me, my parents would ask what had happened. I couldn’t even explain it, mostly because I didn’t understand it myself. I couldn’t understand how my best friend of so many years could just cut all contact with me over a guy she had known just a couple of months. At school, she wouldn’t even make eye contact with me, it was literally as if I didn’t exist to her anymore and I hated that more than her giving me dirty looks and gossiping about me. It was just as bad with Joel. He was so desperate to get Carlie back that he didn’t want to spend any time with me until we all worked it out. Except we didn’t all work it out. Joel and Carlie tried working through things and went on a few dates again, however, I never found out the truth but I heard that she just couldn’t trust him when she wasn’t around him. To me, this was ridiculous, Joel was one of the most genuine and honest guy I ever knew, there was no reason anyone shouldn’t trust him with their life. But for some reason, Carlie couldn’t and they were officially over for good. Despite this though, Joel continued to ignore me. We did have one proper conversation in the spring, but this ended with him blaming me for ruining his and Carlie’s relationship and after that he just wasn’t the same guy to me anymore and he became just another person I wanted to get away from.

Now, graduation was upon us and everyone was getting excited about their plans for ‘best summer ever’, myself included. The only difference was, my plan didn’t include road trips, holidays with friends and adventures. My plan included moving miles away into my new apartment where I knew no one and no one knew me.

“I can’t believe you’re graduating, it feels like that was me not so long ago!” my mom gushed. “Now it’s my daughter’s turn!”

“Yeah, only difference is, I’m not pregnant on my graduation day,” I shrugged.

“Yes, well, that was never planned but life has a funny way of bringing you the greatest surprises,” mom smiled as she smoothed out my gown. Alex stood behind her smiling with his new fiancee, Ella. No matter what the occasion, my mom found away to say or show how proud of Alex she was. Even today, a day that in my family, should have been about me, my mom turned it around to mention Alex in someway. I wasn’t jealous of him, just pissed.

“Abby, you look beautiful,” my dad smiled, kissing my cheek.

“Thank you,” I said, quietly.

“I’m so proud of you, UCLA is going to be lucky to have you,” he told me.

That day, as I took to the stage, I glanced out at the audience and looked at my family. My dad, my mom, Alex and Ella and James sat on the end. These days, my family was rarely all in the same place and now I was leaving the state as well, it would happen even less. I wanted to believe they were all proud of me graduating high school but I wasn’t sure if that was true.

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As soon as school was done and summer had officially started, I packed up my things and moved to Los Angeles. I had decided that once I got there, I wasn’t going to be the same girl I had been throughout high school. No one knew me here, I could be anyone I wasn’t now. This was my chance to reinvent myself. I moved into a small apartment on my own and got a summer job at a bar not too far away. I was working long hours and late nights but I was doing everything I could to afford my new life of living on my own, becoming a new person and my new social life.

Starting my new job, I decided my attitude had to become a lot more open and friendly and I immediately started talking to my co-worker Shelley. Soon enough, she was inviting me out with her friends, thanks to my new fake ID, also courtesy of Shelley. The next step towards the new me was my image. Within a couple of days of being here, I’d booked myself into a salon and after a couple of hours, my dry, mousy brown hair was conditioned, highlighted and styled and I was now a blonde for the first time in my life. Next, I completely overhauled my wardrobe, clearing out a lot of my old clothes and replacing with dresses, skirts and tops more favored for LA life.

“You’re going to LOVE the LA nightlife,” Shelley told me one night, as we cleared up the bar after closing. “It’s nothing like this place once you get out there. I’ve been here two years now and love it!”

“Really?” I asked, not really knowing what to expect anyway. Plus I didn’t think this place was that bad. It had an indie sort of feel to it and it was the type of place I imagined the bands I listened to hanging out pre or post show.

“Yeah, where we got is much more upbeat than this,” she told me. I smiled and nodded, not wanting the old me to say something stupid. “Besides, someone like you can pick up someone much better than the kind of guys that hang out in here.”

I didn’t know what she meant by this. ‘Someone like me’? Guys didn’t care about me. In Phoenix, I’d never had a boyfriend and the closest thing to a kiss I’d had was my time with Joel. I just wasn’t the kind of girl guys when for. But then, that wasn’t the girl I was anymore.

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Sure enough, two nights later, Shelley and three of her friends took me out to experience the clubs I started the night feeling uncomfortable as I wasn’t yet used to my new clothes, nor was I used to wearing heels. Another change was that I was wearing a lot more make up than I did before. All of this felt very odd to me, but as Shelley and her friends didn’t know any different, I played it as cool and normal as I could, it was as if this was how I’d always been and from here on, this is how I would be.

Once we got to the clubs, I felt like I was in a very different world. I’d drank alcohol before, but not like this. And the music that was played was not the kind of thing I was used to.

“I love your dress! The guys here aren’t gonna know what’s hit them with you here!” Courtney told me.

It was strange. A different state and a new look and people treated me completely differently. And sure enough, that night six guys came up to me while we were out and either offered to buy me a drink, asked me to dance or asked me out. Not really knowing what to do, I politely declined all of them, except one. The way he came over was different to the others. I noticed him looking at me a few times during the night, then he came over, gave me a half smile and said something so simple.

“Hi, my name’s Adam,” were his words.

“I’m Abby,” I smiled back.

“What’s a girl like you doing in a club like this?” he asked. And unlike the other guys who had come over and said something along the lines of this, I got the impression from Adam that he actually meant this.

“I’m new here, it’s my first time out and some friends brought me here,” I explained.

“It’s your first time out in LA and they brought you here? I could think of so many other places that would suit you better than here,” he grinned.

“Oh really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “And what makes you an expert?”

“I’m not an expert, but even I know a girl like you doesn’t belong here,” he shrugged. I smiled at him again. His voice was gravelly, his eyes were piercing blue and his hair was dark brown and styled into a quiff. When he spoke, he looked into my eyes, not at my chest. When he smiled his eyes sparkled, which made me smile too. We talked for a while longer and this was when I knew I had to take the new me to the next level.

“Hey Adam, how about we get out of here?” I asked him.

“Sure.”

“Let me just go tell my friends I’m leaving,” I told him, before walking over to the dancefloor and telling Shelley I was going home.

“Check you out, Abs! First time out in LA and leaving with a boy already!” she laughed. I smiled back before walking back over Adam and leaving the club with him and heading back to my apartment. I knew what I was doing that night, even if I had never done it before. It came so naturally to me, it was like this was a normality for me, and Adam never had to know.